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Last update
2019-11-05 18:41:23
    homunculus-argument

    the universe: okay, you’re a human. I gave you free will and a conscious mind, so you’re free to do whatever you want. So what do you wanna do?

    human: GO FAST

    the universe: well, you’re a perfect pursuit predator but if that’s the way you want to evolve, go ahead.

    human, climbing on a horse: GO FAST

    the universe: wait what

    human, inventing the carriage, the car and the bullet train: GO FASTER

    the universe: I IMPLORE YOU TO STOP

    human, trying to figure out lightspeed travel: FAS T ER

    abstractandedgyname

    human: 

    THEORETICALLY MAXIMUM FAST

    the universe:

    im-just-a-reaction

    How will the people in the ship not get gibbed?

    armedandgayngerous

    Because the warp drive doesn’t actually accelerate the ship, it just makes the space in front of it smaller and the space behind it larger. Or something.

    unlimited-shitpost-works

    it works like this

    image

    Objects cannot accelerate to the speed of light within normal spacetime; instead, the Alcubierre drive shifts space around an object so that the object would arrive at its destination faster than light would in normal space without breaking any physical laws.

    triss19

    A WRINKLE IN TIME IS COMING TRUE 

    fedkaczynski

    We gonna be surfing gravity waves!!

    COWABUNGA SPACE DUDES!

    beans345

    I love how mankind’s solution to ftl is just to bend to rules of reality a little.

    Universe: ok human, with the physical laws as they are you can’t go faster than the speed of light.

    Humanity: ok, let me just figure out how to manipulate space time so I can go FASTER!

    ciswhitethin

    That’s literally how the ship in Futurama works lol the professor says the ship doesn’t move at all, it moves all of space around it. Can’t believe Futurama was right

    starfleetrambo

    fun fact: there’s a real life math theorem (futurama theorem) created by one of the writers for the sole purpose of solving a plot in an episode

    alien: hello i come in peace

    me: bro wtf an alien

    alien: yeah totally

    me: dude that is awesome how can i totally be of assistance

    alien: take me to your lizards

    me:

    me: bro did u mean leader

    alien: *hands me a satellite image of a t rex* nah bro take me to your lizards

    me: bro...... you just.... im sorry bro....you just missed um man........ u just barely missed them

    The signs in the middle of the night aesthetic

    Aries: Walking down a dim street with the few people clearing out of work, you can hear far away chatter and music from bars, the feeling of being alive and human is so prominent you feel like dancing in the street, in the silence and far away background noise.

    Taurus: Laying on a picnic blanket with a pet of some sort, watching the stars twinkle above, hearing the crickets all around you the way the trees are softly blowing, there is not a care in the world in your body at that moment.

    Gemini: Eating ice cream at a 24 hour burger joint, watching the few people trickle in and out, the heaviness of night upon you, a flickering light across from you and the sweet giggles of a couple next to you, you've never felt happier sitting outside eating ice cream.

    Cancer: At the beach, your feet dip in the sand and the stars lighting the world up, you can hear the ocean so clearly as though it got louder for you, every now and then it brushes against your toes and leaving you warm and content in this world.

    Leo: Out with friends, standing outside of a club or a party, with the streets bright with lamps and the folk around outside drinking and talking loudly, the music indoors trickles out and the fresh cool air feels soft and sweet, and you feel entirely at ease.

    Virgo: Perched on a rooftop with the wind blowing your hair everywhere and the coolness of night taking your whole body over, you can hear a wolf howling in the distance, but otherwise the world is silent and for once you feel so quiet and peaceful.

    Libra: On a boat with a lover and the water is still and the moon is bright and heavy over you, you feel dewy and new and the air is moist and yet cold, you can smell the last rain and the world feels so clear and beautiful.

    Scorpio: Laying in the middle of an empty road, music buzzing around somewhere far off and your eyes glued to the deep blue sky, feeling the hard ground below and the chill in your body from the delight of being out in the night, immersed in the sky.

    Sagittarius: Sitting on a patio with a friend, wrapped in a giant blanket swapping crazy stories back and forth and feeling the warmth in the pit of your stomach from friendship, the moon lighting your faces and giving you the feel of eerie peace.

    Capricorn: Sitting in a soft chair letting the moon light your face, feeling the relaxation of not doing anything, the sweet crisp air coming in from your open window and the absolute peace that flows through your body.

    Aquarius: Drawing with glow in the dark chalk, on the middle of an empty road, creating a masterpiece for the world to see, humming along with crickets in the bushes and feel ease and comfort and loving to have a little time alone, and not caring a bit about what the rest of the world is doing.

    Pisces: Snuggled in bed with a giant pillow and unable to sleep because the moon is so wide and bright and your eyes are glued to it, the beautiful stars winking at you and the happy feeling of being included in the night, of almost being a part of the skies show. The dancing stars and the glowing moon, and there you are included in it all.

    Me: did you know that Thomas Jefferson brought macaroni and cheese to America from France and that he was obsessed with making it and nobody liked it but they never said anything about it because Thomas Jefferson, Official Pretentious Hipster Freak was so obsessed with it and no one wanted to ruin his good time

    Somebody: who was the seventh president of the United States?

    Me: look buddy boy I literally have no idea do I look like a historian to you??

    what she says: I'm fine

    what she means: What the fuck kind of custody arrangement does The Parent Trap family have? Whose idea was it to take one kid each and never speak to each other again? Never even tell the daughter they're raising that they're a twin? Nobody hates their ex-spouse that much, and if you do you definitely don't want that person raising one of your kids. Why are the extended family and friends going along with this? Were they sworn to secrecy? Why? How did they choose who would take which twin? Did they both just have a clear favorite? How do you not eat yourself alive with guilt over a decision like that? Why did they make it in the first place? Did a judge make the decision? Who the fuck was THAT guy? Either the family in The Parent Trap have some incredibly dark secrets that weren't explored in the movies (original or remake) or they're the worst "good" parents in fictional family history.

    Mobile Updates: Tumblr vs. Others

    Facebook: Every update of our Facebook app includes improvements for speed and reliability

    Instagram: We're making it easier to see when someone you follow has liked a post

    Snapchat: Watch stories one at a time, or in the sequence you prefer

    Tumblr: HOLY FUCK NEW UPDATE YOU MEME LOVING FUCKS!!!! WE'VE UPGRADED OUR SHITTY APP BY MAKING IT EVEN MORE SHITTY!!! WANNA INTERACT WITH YOUR FRIENDS?? WELL TOO FUCKING BAD BECAUSE WE TERMINATED THEM

    what she says: I'm fine

    what she means: What the fuck kind of custody arrangement does The Parent Trap family have? Whose idea was it to take one kid each and never speak to each other again? Never even tell the daughter they're raising that they're a twin? Nobody hates their ex-spouse that much, and if you do you definitely don't want that person raising one of your kids. Why are the extended family and friends going along with this? Were they sworn to secrecy? Why? How did they choose who would take which twin? Did they both just have a clear favorite? How do you not eat yourself alive with guilt over a decision like that? Why did they make it in the first place? Did a judge make the decision? Who the fuck was THAT guy? Either the family in The Parent Trap have some incredibly dark secrets that weren't explored in the movies (original or remake) or they're the worst "good" parents in fictional family history.

    Me 10 years ago: I never use online abbreviations! standard english all the time!

    Me a couple of years ago: u kno wat fuck it

    Me now: it is impossible to communicate effectively online without using internet slang due to the mixed mode format and lack of paralinguistic features. Things like lack of punctuation, abbreviations, acronyms and such all have their own connotations and communicate far more than their commonly accepted meaning. Linguistics has evolved. n u kno what i love it