@26y
james

hello and welcome 2 my diary

Posts
45
Last update
2018-05-17 18:54:38

    i cant look at myself anymore without being close to tears. i am so disgustingly looking there are no words. i can feel my double chin at all times. i keep looking at myself in all mirrors, window reflections, photobooth and i am so disgusted. i'm so incredibly disgusted. i feel like a walking lump. i feel it when i chew and when i walk and when i drink and when i sit and when i lie down. im so so so so disgusting i dont want to be in this skin anymore. please take me out of my skin. im disgusted and my body is disgusting and o want to be somewhere else.

    bought clothes today!!! school starts tomorrow, you can never be more prepared !! went into town with my mom today, and it was really nice. felt really selfconscious about my appearance all the time and i couldn't stop looking at my unflattering parts!! got really sad wen i was trying on clothes and i just felt like a big lump in them. i dont even feel that pretty in the clothes i bought.. i just bought them because they were so nice and because they looked.. alright.. on me. i'm really happy with what i bought, and i'm probably going to cut my hair shorter again this weekend. the road to better selfconfidence has got to start somewhere huh! cute clothes and new hair is a good start, i'd say :-)

    everything is such a drag! ive finished my last day of work on schedule (still available as a temp, but i'll be in school) and school starts on tuesday. i feel mentally drained and so physically ugly and disgusting. i miss my girlfriend and i miss being with friends (no, not the ones that live here). i miss feeling anything other than low., and self destructive

    this is in less than a year!!! look how much i've changed???? my outfits, my face is glowing, my hair is short (is gonna get shorter), im wearing a skirt(?????), and i look like theres life in me !!! i change so drastically like every year but i never even notice before i look back on old pictures :+)