@akingalways
k¡dDYNAMITE
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2020-06-28 11:00:42

    A note to myself

    You know what your problem is? You get attached, fast. And once you're attached to someone, you do everything you can do to please them and make them happy. It's never been about what you want, it's always everyone's needs before your own. You give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of you, and you become a pushover. But you're okay with that, because they're in your life and that's all you ever wanted. And even if they screw you over, you'll still be there for them. Because that's you, that's who you are. Once you get attached to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a place there. And that's why it's so hard for you to let them go.

    So me right now

    I hope one day I'll be happy. Smiling and happy not just from outside but inside too. But this is what i am thinking right now to just despair. Sleep and never wake up. Just go on ride to a different world where no one knows my name and no body cares who i am. No emotions, no strings attached to any one, no more looking for someone to come and hold me and nothing inside me for anyone, no love no hate no feelings . Just a body of flesh and bones.

    The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship.

    Alive

    Life sometimes makes you hard as stone and sometimes it makes you numb and cold. Every feeling has its own say but it should be taken as individually. There will come a day when you have every things around you sorted and crisp. Every thing make sense, every moment counts accountable and steps taken moves forward. You have your father's blessings, your mother's care, friends like never ending bonds and a love like with whom you make your life through. You are happy and you mean it. And then there's comes another, Everything seems falling, no family, no friends and feeling less to love and to be loved, every second feels like knife running through your veins and the best part is you won't die and thats the only  thing you want desperately. But you live for the days you want to live. For the days when you'll have your family feeling proud of you, your friends taking shots with your and your love by your side living those moments of peace and happiness together.

    "Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe

    for you there's a tomorrow. Maybe for

    you there's one thousand tomorrows,

    or three thousand, or ten, so much

    time you can bathe in it, roll around it,

    let it slide like coins through you

    fingers. So much time you can waste

    But for some of us there's only today.

    And the truth is, you never really

    know.'

    Moments

    For a moment things were better,

    For a moment days were good.

    For a moment nothing was upon later,

    But things are meant to move like it should.

    For a moment there was a hope

    For a moment night were warm.

    For a moment wings had no rope,

    But things are unawre of healings and harm

    Sometimes “For a moment” , always remains in a moment.

    I guess that’s the problem when you really get to know someone. We learn all their triggers and emotional buttons, and unfortunately, in times of war, we press them. And when it happens it will bring chaos to you, unnoticed, unfortunate and unforgettable.

    You cried for them, yet no one had a drop for you.

    You lied for them, yet no one had a word for you.

    You died for them, yet no one had a hope for you.

    You let yourself fall, yet no one had a rope for you.

    So here your are crying, lieing, dieing and still falling.

    Do you think there is the possibility of you and I? In

    this lifetime, is that too much to hope for? There is

    something so delicate about this time, so fragile. And if

    nothing ever comes of it, at least I have known this

    feeling, this wonderful sense of optimism. It is something

    I can always keep close to me to draw from in my

    darkest hour like a ray of unspent sunshine. No matter

    what happens next, I will always be glad to know there is

    someone like you in the world.

    I have never met anyone else like you. And I don't just say that because it's cliche. I say it because it's the truth. I've never met anyone that can make me laugh as much, I've never met anyone who makes me as happy, I've never met anyone that I can talk so freely to. And really, I've never met anyone who's mere presence can actually change my mood the way yours can. You're my favorite. My favorite pair of eyes to look into. My favorite name to see appear on my phone. My favorite way to spend my life. You're my favorite everything and when I'm with you, I act different in a good way. I smile more and laugh more. I dont have to pretend everything is okay when it's really not, With you, I can drop the fake smile and put on a real one. I don't feel hurt and alone when I m with you, instead, I feel blessed and loved. You are easy to talk to, and you listen to me. I don't have to worry about holding back with you. I don't feel self conscious. I don t ever feel anything other than you, You show me that you really do care, and you're not just pretending. I really appreciate your company and I want it till my last breathe and even after that, because with you I m different. I m happy.

    I didn't just want a moment with you, I want a whole lifetime. I want to see you smile and that what's makes me smile. I never wanted to be without you. I needed you too much. I needed you so badly that I forgot how to need myself. I miss you in the most innocent ways, the second you leave. That is why I have so much places to tell you about, just to live and roam around with you. Questions and questions around my head like, Can we watch old movies during long rainstorms? Can we have large cokes and fries while driving through hills. Can we have slow conversation, doesn't worrying for the topics, down the snowing showers , leaned against the rocks. I am in love with simplicity, the happiest and prettiest passing of hours with you. And I don't want this to end at any point of time.

    I don't think I will ever meet someone

    that could really compare to you. I could

    see all sorts of people, and no matter

    who they are or what they say, they

    can't capture my attention quite the way

    you can. I could talk to all sorts of other

    people, yet I always find myself thinking

    about how they're not quite as charming

    as you, or they don't make me laugh

    quite as genuinely. I know people always

    say your first love is the person you

    compare everyone to, but maybe they've

    got it wrong. Maybe the person you

    compare everyone to isn't your first love,

    but your true love. Your soulmate.