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2023-02-04 21:17:17

    My Weight Gain: A Journal

    Keeping this pinned to the top - the true story of my weight gain journey spanning over a decade and 60+ lbs of fat and muscle gains (on a 5’4” frame).

    Part 4: Gluttony Takes Hold (Rounding Out)

    Part 3: Losing Control (Giving In)

    Part 2: First Gains (Hitting the Gym)

    Part 1: The Beginning (Life as a Scrawny Kid)

    —————————————————————

    Gluttony Takes Hold: Rounding Out (Journal Part 4/4)

    By the time the pandemic hit, I was teetering on the edge of truly letting go. In the months before, I had moved out on my own and was already experimenting with GOMAD. I wasn’t sure what to expect over the next 12 months, but I certainly wasn’t prepared for lockdown.

    Like everyone, I braced myself for the coming uncertainty by stocking up on food and supplies. As I realized I wouldn’t be going anywhere for a long while, I equally came to understand that this was my chance: if I put on even more weight, would really anyone be surprised?

    I bought doughnuts almost every week. I added even more heavy cream to my diet. I loved sharing this progress and it fueled me to eventually pump up 16 more pounds (I’m only 5 foot 4, remember)…176 and officially “obese” if going by BMI.

    Admittedly, I lost a little focus in 2021 and 2022, but I most certainly didn’t lose much weight. I unconsciously lost 12 pounds, which was nice.

    Even nicer? Having now gained most of it back.

    Which brings us to the present. I’m very ready to consciously gain again - first to 180, then 190, and to 200.

    Then even more?

    Upwards and outwards 😋

    Losing Control: Giving In (Journal Part 3/4)

    3 years of maintaining my weight (at 140) while pushing myself at the gym had me wanting more. Certainly, I wanted strength gains, but I couldn’t help but look at all the budding bellies and fattening boys and girls across the web. They (and I suspect most of you) had found ways to soften their bodies and found happiness doing so.

    So I experimented. I started drinking ice cream and increased my sweets intake. I kept exercising but tried my hardest to eat more. I would be off and on Grommr (a repeating pattern) but my insatiable desire to grow never let up.

    I LOVED this new sensation. I was mostly bloating but I was starting to notice new sensations, like my belly creasing when I sat and even a little extra pudge to pinch. I didn’t end up sticking with it, but those first few gains were a delicious taste of what was (and is) to come.

    After 3 more years of maintaining my weight while pushing myself hard in the gym, I experienced inevitable burnout. Working retail and hospitality during that time period didn’t help, and I was constantly on my feet or in the gym.

    In March 2018, I stepped out of the gym and haven’t  stepped into one since. At 140 and incredibly exhausted, it was time to rest and join the ranks of the many thousands developing their bodies not through muscle gains, but by fattening themselves up. 

    It was time for me to become a gainer. 

    I immediately and excitedly purchased cases of Boost and mass gainer. I went all-in on heavy cream. Fast food that I had avoided now became more commonplace. To top it off, I accepted a desk job (and secretly drank my calories in the office, all the while becoming wider and heavier).

    For the first time, my weight ballooned by 20lbs in under 2 months. It was addicting and even more enthralling than I expected. My size 28 jeans became unbearably tight and I finally graduated from size S to size M shirts. 

    I hovered at around 160 and, I admit, I was caught off guard by just how fast I was fattening up and putting on weight. I decided this would be enough for now and that I would maintain for a bit.

    Then…the pandemic, lockdown, and the inevitable push into greater and greater amounts of secret gluttony. 

    First Gains: Hitting the Gym (Journal Part 2/4)

    I guess I started experimenting with over-indulgence as early as elementary and middle school.

    Actually, it was cartoons like Templeton the rat on Charlotte’s Web and Ed Edd n’ Eddy where animated characters gorged themselves and were left looking embarrassingly large.

    And I wanted that fantasy to be a reality for myself. Even if I didn’t understand that yet.

    I started lifting weights in 2012, right after I graduated college at 125lbs. My “abs” had started to soften but in no way could I be considered “out of shape.”

    The muscle gains came on fairly quickly as I got used to the exercises, the proper form, and, most importantly, the nutrition.

    I secretly harbored a desire to get fat (by this time a loyal on-and-off’er at the internet’s favorite gainer site Grommr). But determined to be the “fit” one among my friend group, I loyally made dishes of lean meats, greens, and healthy carbs like brown rice and sweet potatoes. My weight went from 125-140 within months, mostly due to slight muscle gains. I would stay there (fluctuating up to 145) for the next 3 years.

    The Beginning: Life as a Scrawny Kid (Journal Part 1/4)

    As a kid and teenager, I was always incredibly scrawny. Fellow students use to tease me about how skinny I was and my parents even tried to force me to eat more to gain weight.

    At the time I graduated high school, I weighed no more than 115lbs (at 5 foot 4 inches).

    What nobody knew (at the time) was that I harbored a secret weight gain fetish, both in myself and in witnessing others put on the pounds.

    I vividly remember discovering Belly Builders and later Beefyfrat in those early days. I never would have believed that within a few years, I too would join the ranks of being a “gainer.”