anonymous

    Not a question but I just wanted to say it means a lot to me to see someone, especially a Daddy, who’s inclusive of trans men without the fetishisation or implying that trans men aren’t “real men”. I struggle to find any ‘representation’ that treats trans men as normal men, so thank you! You seem like a wonderful Daddy, it gives me a fraction of hope.

    It feels awkward to say you’re welcome to a statement like this, but I am thankful you feel this way and even grateful that you found that in my words here. Pleased, even, that a glimmer of hope was found in them but only if that glimmer restores determination to seek out more of it.

    As I have said many times over the years: If there is one of me, then there are even more like me, and that means that (statistically speaking) that there are better than me, so do not lose that hope. Instead let it buoy you when you feel your heart fall, let it remind you that ‘tomorrow’ is where everything you seek waits to be.

    Don’t give up hope because on the other end of your search is someone looking for you, for all that means, and it would be a dreadful sad thing for not one, but two hearts to lose hope and in letting that light dim.. pass one another in the darkness. 

    Shine bright, let hope lift you enough above the rolling waves that you can make i through the storms, and know that my best wishes always go with you.

    -Daddy Cade

    anonymous

    I love to know your thoughts when people give themselves away to those whom didn't deserve the vulnerable, core parts of you in the first place. I recently came out from a toxic situation. I continue seeking insight and help with a mental health professional on this and other issues. I respect your insight on matters that have helped me throughout the years here. Thank you.

    Firstly, Thank you. It’s honestly good to hear that my ‘work’ here has helped people over the years. I may not get to respond to everyone who writes me, and I do feel badly about that, but i still try to read them if possible. I’ve been dedicating my time, since all this began, to support local community support programs and organizing such initiatives in areas that are lacking.

    Me, being me, at the worst of times leads to many exhausting days but I remind myself that so long as one life is changed for the better then the work validates itself which is how I’ve always felt about my tumblr blog. Well not always. I DID start off with the idea of refining my erotic writing but I just can’t help but lend a hand when it costs me nothing but a few minutes of time I’d have otherwise spent just rolling the scroll wheel looking at porn. So it truly does make me happy to know that those pornus interruptus moments when i’d use both hands to help someone instead of one hand to ‘help myself’ out of a boredom moment actually DO help someone.

    Now, to your question there’s a few things I want to say here.

    Firstly... or is it secondly? Is this a new list? Does the first firstly count as first or is it just a writing habit that doesn’t really matter.. -brain goes into paradoxical shutdown mode where it simultaneously stops and runs a light year a second- -reboot complete-

    Alright. Now that that THAT is over, let’s move on and pretend it didn’t happen ok?

    I want you to understand that while I may divert into a moment of humor it’s because I want you to mentally ‘step away’ for a second from the pain that comes behind a question like this before I dive back into them.

    “Did I do something wrong” or “Did I make a mistake” in choosing someone who wound up being unworthy of me being vulnerable with them?

    Well. Did they wear a giant caution sign, come with labels that said ‘not safe for consumption’ or ‘side effects may include:” and list off how you’re feeling now? If the answer to that is yes then there’s a whole other issue to talk about but I am confident that the answer is actually no which means:

    You didn’t do anything wrong by choosing to trust, to be vulnerable or to care for someone who ultimately was ‘unworthy’ of it.

    Really let that sink in.

    You. Didn’t. Make. A. Mistake.

    Someday I might go into why the idea of ‘worthy’ isn’t relevant because of growth and learning but not today, or at least not yet. For right now what matters most is that you really ‘grok’ those words and take them to heart. It’s taken me a long time to come to that understanding, because I’m a stubborn ASS and because almost no one in such situations can actually hear those words at that time. It’s only later, much further in the future after those events are over, that we are capable of really forgiving our past self for being human and reaching out even though it’s something we continue to do long after those things are over.

    Yesterday me, the one almost twenty years ago now, made that ‘mistake’ and I did indeed let the wrong one in to fairly devastating effect. I met someone who made me glow, that happy feeling where you radiate a little, and I went for it with great success. We were together for several, very, happy years, but that changed. Even though it was one of my most recent posts, I’ll share a link to my discussion of this here: https://dirtydaddythings.tumblr.com/post/139289634802/its-not-your-fault

    The result of letting him into my life was not the ‘end’, we tend to rush to judge a story by the last lines of it, but there was a long time I was quite happy and i learned a lot about what my happiness comes from both during the good times and then especially during the bad times thanks to hindsight and self-analysis. I spent quite a while undoing the damage and reinforcing the things I felt were of greatest importance like... -unsurprising drumroll please-

    The ability to be vulnerable and to offer room in that secret, sacred, place where there are no labels or rules; that place where Love resides. You can’t come to Love (with the uppercase) when there are endless walls and glass panels between you and the other half of the equation that results in Love. You wind up getting angry and frustrated because you cant feel it but.. how could you through screens? You have to be able to be vulnerable to feel love, that’s part of the rewarding feeling it gives.

    Now, before I get a headache from all the ‘but but but’ comments in my own head let me say that: I’m not talking about giving up control, having an imbalanced power relationship, or doing whatever someone says to get that rewarding feeling. That’s addiction and self deprecation which are like blood in the water to the predatory shark senses an abuser possesses. Speaking of which:

    If you find yourself in such a relationship, they didn’t pick you because you were ‘weak’ or ‘easily manipulated’. Thinking that about yourself is like thinking that about me and I hope you think better of me because the truth is they have an almost 6th sense when selecting someone to be with. I use that term because some are fully unaware they do it and then wonder why their relationships all go badly. They are, in my experience, often a case of someone making the same mistake but with different results because they are on the other side. It doesn’t mean you forgive their actions, or what you endured, it means you understand they are equally as flawed (and often as frightened) as you feel. You do not ‘forgive’ them so they can do it again or so you can forget:

    The reason to ‘forgive’ yourself and understand the situation is so you can move on, to grow beyond where you were and hopefully to a better place where such things don’t happen again. It surely doesn’t mean it won’t but unless you’re actively seeking it, you shouldn’t blame yourself for the pattern until you’ve sat down and REALLY dissected the needs that make you accept their actions and even choose them to begin with.

    Every action has risk and even the absence of action doesn’t guarantee safety.

    There’s literally zero incidents of what could be considered a ‘promise’ or guaranteed result in life. No one has a perfect track record in relationships because even if they found their one true love the day they started thinking about relationships, those will be tested over the years and will transform and grown and will not remotely resemble what they first had in the coming years. It’s just the nature of it. It grows and evolves or it stagnates and dies.

    It’s a co-op game, but the fault in failure isn’t in deciding to play together. There’s no ‘do this and you get a gold star’ rule that can prevent things from going badly or ensure they succeed. I really want to drive that point home:

    You are not wrong for seeking love. You did not make a mistake by choosing to trust someone you love. The end does not invalidate what came before. Period.

    If how a story ends determines it’s value then every love story in history has been ‘failed’ because no matter how well they go, they will ultimately end the same way. “Ever After” is the point of the fairy tale romance where real life begins and it’s the ‘fade to black’ narrative trick so you don’t bore the audience with what life becomes once that pesky (reinforced) drive to mate is taken out of the equation.

    The sadness of the ending should never be allowed to take away the beauty of the story. -Incoming bad example- Titanic. Jack and Rose. Just because there’s a Jacksickle bobbing along side the other wrecks doesn’t mean that for a few brief hours Jack and Rose weren’t wrapped up in a tight cocoon of infatuation and maybe even Love. It was certainly powerful for them both, but because they didn’t make it off the ship together.. does that invalidate their feelings or make them a mistake?

    I mean.. besides being on the titanic and deciding that was the opportune moment to slide above your station or to dally across the ‘county line’ with a rough boy...not bright but it’s a story and the lesson here is that the end doesn’t erase the value of the story and neither should your own love stories even IF they resemble the ending of the titanic.

    You may get lucky and share your most vulnerable self with a ‘worthy’ person on the first go. -bravo! good job! you did the thing!- The other 99.99% of the time people make ‘mistakes’. You wind up in short relationships, ones that never really get off the ground or ones that end either coldly or badly, but calling them mistakes lays the blame at your own feet and that’s not OK in my book.

    Yes, you do bear some responsibility, but on average no more or less than the other partner involved.

    I know many would disagree with that but I have a good reason for it, so hear me out: If there is ANYTHING left in the ‘ledger’ by which you judge the relationship, it cannot end and you cannot be free of the damage.

    You can’t be ‘over someone’ if they still make you angry. You can’t be free of their influence if you still judge yourself by the harsh words they used. So long as they have any influence at all, you aren’t out of the woods yet.

    The balance point to this is: They did not give you Love. They did not dispense it because you were well behaved. Love is not the creation or possession of the other person in a relationship. Their actions cannot take away from the fact that you shared something, that you had Love in your life. Period.

    Thinking that way would seek to invalidate all those ‘first baby steps’ your heart takes in adolescence. The ‘world shattering heartbreak’ of unrequited love that teens feel, the angst of no one understanding them.

    Well.. no shit. You never told your crush how you felt because you were scared they’d say no and you shut the world out because you felt ‘strange and weird’. Duh. That’s the whole point of that period of time: individualization. That’s when ‘we’ become ‘me’ and where the concept of ‘me’ can split into different aspects of ‘me’. It gets complicated and crazy and you suddenly feel alone and weird because in order to identify ‘me’ you have to disconnect from ‘we’. The thing that’s a pain in my ass is that this ALWAYS seems to come with an authoritarian believe in the supreme wisdom gained over barely more than a decades consciousness.

    All that aside, those baby steps that hurt so badly were stretching new muscles and doing new things. You’d never really ‘stepped outside’ your safe space before. “We” wasn’t a thing you thought about. Hell you still had no idea what it meant you only knew you were missing something and often you had no clue who could actually give it to you. <<<< Note the mistake there<<<< “Give it to you”.

    How it works is this: You feel what you feel. They don’t. They can’t. You can share an experience that makes you feel something but you cannot ‘share the feeling’ with someone. It’s your heart, your brain, interpreting experiences through the lens of your history that creates the palette you use to paint what you call Love. Yes, I do mean “What YOU call Love” because we,  no matter who we are, will always have different ideas of what that should look like and THAT is part of the beauty of a relationship in harmony:

    You both paint with the same ‘idea’ with different colors and shapes and shadows and what you create together should ultimately be pleasing to both because it’s not going to fit any preconceived notions of what it should look like. If it did, then you’re ‘In Love” with the only artist who shares your vision:

    You.

    I’m going to wrap this but because I think I’ve done what I intended to do and hopefully you see what I’m trying to ‘show you’ with all these little vignettes. Love is complicated, things go wrong, but no love is a ‘mistake’ so long as you learn and grow from it and one lesson to learn is that the end never changes the value of the story. You may not have wanted that ending, no one does, but that it will end should never be an excuse to deny it the chance to even begin.

    My best, as always, go with you.

    -Daddy Cade.

    anonymous

    I'm so fed up of using Grinder to find a daddy. Anywhere else you would recommend?

    I get this question a lot and rather than unleashing a flood of ‘thoughts’ on why this is not a good idea to pursue currently, I’ll make this as succinct as possible.

    There is no ‘good place’ to find love, only ‘reasonable’ places to find casual sex. Apps do not sell love, no matter what idiotic shows like ‘love is blind’ (or whatever it’s called) try to sell you on. Yes, you can fall in love with the idea of someone but that’s not at all what those apps provide an opportunity to do.

    Many of us ‘older men’ are kind of ‘over’ the whole scene. I know I was even before I found my ‘boy’. Considering our age demographics we went through some shit you couldn’t have imagined until now and many of us aren’t really in the mood to even contemplate going through it again for the sake of companionship.

    Even before this, there were few sites that let you specify your ‘kink’ (i really don’t think choice of partners qualifies as a kink but whatever) if yours happened to be older partners BUT even those that did allow it... for them to work the other person had to self identify as a Daddy and many don’t. Some who fit the bill don’t like the term (been through that discussion a lot in the past) because of baggage or misconceptions about it. So not only is it a needle in a haystack, it’s also a needle of a different color.

    I’ll spare you my ‘stern daddy’ rant about the other risks involved right now and just leave it with this:

    My advice on where to find someone is:

    2021.

    There’s never been an easy way for ‘us’ to get to find one another and I know first hand how much trouble it is to facilitate it. I ran a personal’s blog for several years and even before CESTA/FOSTA and the Nipple-bots it was  virtual nightmare at times to keep it open. Once the landslide of censorship and repression started, it became a threat to my account in general and not just the blog and so for the greater good it had to go but that’s a whole other rant.

    As it is, there’s all this crap getting in the way of being happy which is why I tell people the first step in finding what you seek is putting away your idea of what it will look like or how you will find it and get about LOOKING for it with open eyes and an awareness that things come in unexpected packages that you will miss if you are either staring at your feet (self-deprecation and doubt) or looking only for the expectation you imagine.

    Your ‘white night’ may come in a black Chevy. Your Daddy might be your age or even -gasp- younger. What your deepest need calls for might be within arms reach if you let go of the wrapping paper you expect it to arrive in.

    Sit down and write out what you think a Daddy is. SERIOUSLY. Detail the list, break the idea down as finely and clearly as possible. Just a list will do. Then take each thing on that list and ask “Do they have to be XXX to fit this?” if the answer is no then you have room to expand your search. If they MUST be something clearly define what that means to you. It’s fine if that’s the case but the more aware you are of the detail and nuance of your desire the greater your chance of actually getting ‘into the ballpark’ with your needs and the first step is separating need from desire.

    You have time now to REALLY work on this and on being ‘ready’ for it when you find it. This is the time to reflect, to discover what it is that you offer someone besides a hole because, to be blunt, some of us have had enough of those and no longer really ‘care’ about that as much as we care about what you, as a person, offer us in interacting with us.

    Think about it: I have a hundred thousand (ok 120k) followers and thousands have said they would do anything for me. Me? I want to know what it is that THEY, the individual, offer me that’s unique to them and that’s a savage question to ask someone who most likely hasn’t reflected on it but that’s the point of my kink no? To make you become ‘realized’ as a person, integrated and whole because then, and in my opinion only then, can you truly ‘submit’ that as an offering to my dominance.

    You want to find a Daddy? Now is the time to become the kind of sub/boy that can attract one as opposed to yet another dick pic on grindr. I have a library of ‘pretty’ submissions from the years on this blog and of all them them: I remember the boys who had something ‘special’ to offer: their uniqueness. I can’t tell you the names of 90% of them because they were ‘pretty’ but the ones who I still remember gave something more, they gave themselves.

    So take this time to get over your idea of yourself, discover what it is that you can truly offer as a boy or sub beyond ‘pretty’ which is transient by nature (magazine cute lasts for 5 whole minutes so.. maybe find something more lasting to offer if you’re after more than a casual fuck).

    People like me wait for the right one, for the little star who just shines because they are happy or who (perhaps shyly) offers their ‘oddity’ and it intrigues us. Someone is out there looking for someone just like you but they have to be able to see you and that means learning to shine.

    I’m sure you, as well as everyone else who asks me this kind of question just wants me to point to a website but none exist and that means that you, dear reader, have to learn to be ok on your own and to respect (if not appreciate) your odd little light because someone out there wants that very thing. Be you, because the alternative is a case of ‘bait and switch’ and that never ends well for anyone. Don’t put a label over yourself that draws views to a lie. It leaves you feeling more and more hollow over time.

    Just be you. It is literally the only choice you have if you want lasting happiness.

    I wish you the best of luck, as always.

    -Daddy Cade

    It's not your fault.

    You wanted love, to be cherished, treasured and cared for. You wanted the happily ever after with the prince you dreamed of. You even though you had found it for a while. It was a few weeks or a few months before something changed, and you weren’t sure at first what it was. He let you know, in no uncertain terms, that it was clearly you that changed, weren’t measuring up, and weren’t what he thought you were.

    When he would get angry at you, he’d apologize and be so sweet to you afterward, that the only answer to the question of what was broken had to be you. He showed you how much he still cared, and how much it angered and frustrated him that you suddenly, or slowly, became unworthy of him. All you wanted was his affection, for him to need you in return and for him to care for you the way you cared for him. You even thought if you loved him enough, the way he told you to, that things would get better. Even the things that hurt most, that you were too fat and ugly to be loved, being accused of sleeping around like a whore, being more like some dog than a man, even those things started to fit you like old clothing.

    You remember, every day, how happy you were, and every day you try your hardest to be the person he wants and needs you to be so that he loves you again.You stop talking to your friends, they wouldn’t understand and since he was right so often, they wouldn’t like the you that you had become. It’s never about when you want to be intimate or want his attention, because your timing is always bad, or you initiate things in the wrong way. You just can’t get out of your own way, everything you do, even little things, just seem to get under his skin. You know that even if he were to hit you, it would be for your own good, to smarten you up or to help you ‘man up’ and be tougher than the weak, soft, and almost useless thing you’d become.

    Love, it seems, turned you into something frail, stupid and constantly smothering, too far removed, or just clumsy to really be worth the time. So you wait for him to call or just to respond, cry when you are alone because he can’t stand the sight and cannot seem to feel anything good at all unless he gives it to you. That person, the one who wanted love, was wrong. The one who thought he could have happily ever after was a fool, a child and was not even worthy of sitting in the corner with someone like him.

    He’s never wrong, especially about you, and you know it. He doesn’t even have to tell you anymore, you are sure he is because he was so right about you. The best thing you could do with your life is to obey him, to be there when he called for you, and to give him whatever he wants. He’s right because those moments when he calls you, when he wants something from you, are the ones that make you the happiest you’ve ever felt because he needs you even if its just for a few moments. They make you so happy you want to cry, and sometimes you do, and it ruins the moment and make him angry. It’s not punishment, when he stops talking to you for a long time, its what you deserve and you know it.

    You wish he weren’t so right about you, but he is. He’s even right about your friends. They stopped talking to you after a while, told you they didn’t like what they saw, but they could never understand because you could never tell them how perfect he was, and just how awful a person you really are. It never changes because you aren’t strong enough, or good enough, to love him enough or be a better person to fix what’s wrong. You know it’s you, it has to be, because you were so happy when it started. He loved you, made you feel so special and precious to him, but you just weren’t who he thought you were. You know he still cares for you, otherwise he wouldn’t get so angry at you.

    ——————————————————————————————-

    This is not love.

    Love is not about who is right or wrong, good or bad, who is prettiest, smartest or best between two people in love. Each of you is clearly the better partner in the other persons eyes. Love is about mutual support, companionship, respect and enjoying being around each other. It IS about needing the other, but not like this.

    People like this use the nature of love against the person that falls in love with them to gain an advantage and uses it to control their partners behavior. How they treat you is so very often exactly how they feel about themselves, what they have been told to believe about being weak enough to love someone, that most of what they say isn’t even about you. It’s about themselves, a person they need to see through someones eyes that aren’t theirs. Their self image is always seen in a fun house mirror, warped and twisted to make themselves feel better about the bad things that really are inside them.

    This is not respect.

    In any relationship, respect is a crucial foundation component. Trust, respect and mutual companionship are critical to any relationship that will last, and these become tools to twist you around, bend you to their will, and take away any positive self esteem that you had before meeting these people. If he respected you, even a little, he would not belittle you the way he does. You may fear he is right when it starts, because very often you haven’t had a great deal of experience in relationships, or what you have has been bad, much like him.

    Your self respect, your friends and family, any way out at all for you, is a threat to him and you’ve seen how he responds to threats like those. He slowly walked you away from your support until you realized you have no one at all to talk to anymore. He’s guided you slowly until you are all alone, which is exactly where you have to be for him to feel safe.

    This is not caring.

    Caring is a whole different experience from this, and usually you get a taste of it like a sample from a drug dealer to get you hooked and needing more. Caring for each other makes you stronger, gives you confidence to make decisions and is there to comfort you when you make mistakes. It is not, repeat NOT, about fulfilling their needs over yours, it is not about sacrificing everything for someone else, especially not when there is nothing given in return.

    A pat on the head, a smile, or even sex are not gratitude for your efforts, nor should they be seen that way. Yes it is important in a relationship to be grateful for each other, but the reciprocity and mutuality must be there or it is a fantasy and not reality, and usually not your fantasy past the honeymoon phase.

    This is NOT what you deserve.

    He was so wonderful up front, the perfect man, charming, smart, kind, sweet.. all the things you believed you wanted and deserved in a partner. He paid attention to you, gave you things, treated you like a prince, made you feel so loved and cared for that your heart felt like it was going to explode in your chest. You deserve those things, but not at this cost. They should be given by both of you, not expected or demanded from you and you alone, as if the only person responsible for maintaining the relationship was you.

    So often victims, yes VICTIMS, of this kind of predator are made to believe that it is entirely what they deserve because every fault in the relationship is the victims responsibility. The smallest flaw becomes a huge problem, and because it is even partially right, the victim believes themselves the cause of everything wrong.

    This is not your fault.

    The hardest thing to hear is that it ISN’T your fault. It doesn’t matter if its been two months or ten years living like this, it can happen to anyone and happens so often without being spoken of that no one believes it. 1 in 4 to 1 in 3 GLBT people experience this, and of those, few will report or try to escape it because they are blackmailed into silence by threats of being outed, embarrassed or worse.

    Society sets up expectations of being treated poorly because as a minority we are already used to this from other people, and that makes us very easy targets for people like this. The absence of legal recognition of the relationship reinforces this and enables the abuse to go on without repercussion.

    ——————————————————————————————-

    Going Forward:

    You need to know that you are not alone, this doesn’t just happen to you, and it is not something you did wrong. You couldn’t have known, and should not blame yourself for it happening this way, there is absolutely nothing you could have done that would have made this any different. It is how these people go about their lives, because of their own history of abuse and their own psychological issues.

    They say it is all your fault, but the reality is, if you look at it, that it really is all about them. How they talk to you, how they treat you, how they make you feel.. all of this belongs to them, not you. Don’t carry their broken self esteem like it’s your cross to bear. It’s not. You DESERVE love. You DESERVE respect and most of all you DESERVE to be happy.

    The first step to changing this, to getting out of it and recovering is recognizing what is happening to you for what it is: abuse. The second step is remembering you are not alone. You are not the first person to suffer like this, and while your heart is breaking, there are still people out there who care about you and will help you recover from this. That is what love is.

    Love is respect, caring, companionship, compassion and most of all:

    Love is what you deserve.

    http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/power-and-control-wheel

    http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/lgbt/news/2011/06/14/9850/domestic-violence-in-the-lgbt-community/

    http://www.thegavoice.com/news/national-news/5774-cdc-lesbian-gay-domestic-violence-rates-same-or-higher-than-heterosexuals

    http://www.safehorizon.org/index/get-help-8/call-our-hotlines-51.html

    A response.

    A comment on my post about why I am a Daddy reads:
    “clearly this whole Daddy thing stems in large part from failed or absent familial connections: from true emotional wounds, not mere petty superficial fetishes. Whether the resurrection of desires for a true father in this sexual father/lover idea does anyone any good, is another question entirely. Interesting to note that both of the two users commenting above, who both extol the virtues of romantic/sexual/dad-son types are both ‘Daddies’ themselves. Meaning, it is in their interest to keep marketing old men fucking and BDSMing with emotionally needy young men and boys as a virtuous action. Hmmm.”

    Quick editorial point before my rebuttal:

    What I am responding to is the IDEAS, not the author of this post. They originate elsewhere, stemming from a frequent flyer on the ‘annoys the hell out of me’ airline. The posted response was made to what has become my most ‘victimized’ article and it has become clear: Porn is acceptable, no matter HOW vile, but you aren’t allowed to express caring, support or positivity without coming under fire. This says a whole world more to me, but that’s for another time. The following is my effort to put it firmly in it’s place, dismantle it’s origin and power and lay it to rest in context of this blog.

    Daddy Responds:

    image

    While the power to remediate some of those concerns (namely ‘daddy issues’) exists, it also exists in any other relationship in your life. There are many Daddy/boy relationships that are not sexual, some not even physically intimate. Mine is because in all respects it’s just a generic relationship on the surface levels and beneath that lies everything you’d expect from two adult males who don’t have any negative experiences with their parents of either sex. While you may be right for some, you’re completely wrong when it comes to my work because it’s penned from the experiences gained with my boy and what I’ve discovered about ‘us’ along the way.

    The antiquated belief, and it’s prevalence, in a malformed masculine role-modeling experience comes from this expectation that being gay means hating your father (see any gay ‘conversion’ gestalt ‘empty chair’ scene in a film). I don’t. My boy doesn’t. In fact, ‘father’ has nothing to do with Daddy unless someone decides to tie the two of them together. I have spoken previously on the topic of ‘daddy issues’ and how the very concept actually serves as a secondary level of inhibition to personal freedoms because they too are just another ‘idea’ keeping you feeling guilty, ashamed, or alone based on your experiences with your bio-father.

    I, on the other hand, had no such experiences that could qualify me the way you describe. My biological father set examples for everything from being the provider, defender, AND caregiver all in one. My earliest years were spent tucked inside his shirt, a habit I continue to this day with ‘small things’ that need to feel safe and warm. When I became ‘older’, twink days left behind me, I met my boy and it was he who taught me that ‘daddy’ is a term of respect, a deference born of valuing my wisdom and experience, and had less to do with ‘age’ than it did with being an honorific like Sir.

    As “Daddies” (leather or otherwise) we often come under fire from this corner of the psyche in people who discover this about us. This strange concept that I need to create a persona, indoctrinate strangers with the ‘idea’ of Daddy, to get laid is a bit more than a little into the divisiveness found in ageism. To pull the passive polish off that steaming pile of innuendo: Old men don’t get laid without manipulating young men in some predatory fashion. Pardon? Or, on the other hand, that young gay men are easily manipulated into having sex with older men.

    I’ve squared off against this a few times already in the lifespan of this blog and it always seems to come back to some core concepts that are wholly ignored in favor of a prejudicial/stereotypical view of being gay in general. Realize it or not, that entire logic comes from propaganda designed to isolate, shame, and marginalize homosexuals in general but especially gay men and was penned by the ‘right’ in their efforts to do so once we got ‘uppity’ and demanded equality. It’s the same story I’ve seen my whole life:

    Gay men are predators. We have no social life but to sit around and talk about our next ‘victim’. We’re not raising families so what is our spare time used for? Sex of course and with as many people as possible, as often as we can, and breaking as many ‘taboos’ as can be accomplished in a single go.

    Gay men aren’t born, they are made by predatory older men and bad parenting experiences from their Fathers. In fact, being “Gay” is just a phase because it’s what we do to get revenge on our parents. Think of it like a temper tantrum from a teenager but instead of running away, we start kissing other boys.

    Older gay men prey on young men (the crankier they get the lower the age they focus on and it’s usually boys) . This one is an absolute favorite of the ‘experts’ who popularized the ‘daddy issues/predation’ complex because it’s basically rehashing the idea that pedophilia is a common homosexual trait. Let that really sink in because it’s a cornerstone of this ‘discussion’ as it centers on language’.  

    image

    I’m not really in the mood to go further with that examination. Hopefully the point was made that the idea of “Daddy issues” stems from a prejudicial misinterpretation of a psychological concept that has been historically used to malign the lgbt community but especially gay men. That the capacity to feed/help/remediate those ‘issues’ created by negative experiences exists in any relationship should be a flag that you shouldn’t boil it down and label a fetish based on that concept.

    Yes, I am a Daddy. No, I am not your ‘father’, though that too has similar connotations and has been used in the past to denote respect to people not biologically related to you. See: “forgive me Father for I have sinned”. If your biological father’s relationship to you bears resemblance to the way mine does to my boy, there’s something else going on that needs addressing for you to see what we do clearly. Words have meaning in context and with definition. I try to very clearly draw those lines as often as possible because your interpretation of my words often stems from ignoring my usage of them and favors your own desires.

    That this statement was made in response to both my re-posting of my own article to cite it as example of something another person decided to belittle AND another “Daddy” who decided to add his voice regarding the topic and then went on to have the temerity to say that both of us are Daddies because it’s the only way we can get laid is astonishing. That He and I do what we do to continue to create impressionable young men to manipulate into sex was insinuated is insulting to far more than the two of us, which is why I felt it needed the response.

    For my long time readers you may have noticed, or not since this IS the internet, that I tend to ignore directed assaults on my character, person, position and the like because they bear no impact. I do, however, respond when someone attempts to further marginalize ‘boys’. I do not brook such attacks on them nor let it go unanswered when prejudice and stereotype rear their ugly heads. So when both appear in the same stroke, I am obliged to redraw that ‘line’ and put things where they belong.

    So here it is: The TL:DR of Daddy/boy BDSM Role-play. Anything outside this is someones addition to it.

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    This is a sub-set fetish within the BDSM community.

    This is a ‘male’ specific fetish because of the language used. I use quotations because ‘identifying as’ is what matters there.

    It is a role-play fetish as is ANY Dom/sub activity. It involves a power exchange as part of that role-play.

    It uses language like Daddy as synonym for Sir because it feels more intimate and less ‘formal’, playful if you will while still being respectful.

    It uses language like ‘boy’ or ‘son’ to denote the submissive in context of the presence of “Daddy” being used. 

    It has an ‘element’ of ‘age-play’ by virtue of using Daddy/son as titles but age is not a relevant factor at the core of it nor a ‘critical’ element for it to function as it does.

    As a BDSM fetish it is often grasped as being ‘sex’ based, but that is true of neither BDSM or Daddy/son relationships. Sex is an addition, not the foundation of it and is not required to achieve everything I write about here when I speak about what this all is and what it has come to mean to me.

    Daddy/son BDSM D/s is too damned long to type out every time just to ensure people ‘get it’ so we short hand it to D/s or just Daddy/boy(son) and as a bonus that also has the D/s of Dom/sub which is equally as true since the terminology is an additional layer that functions because the Dom/sub exists beneath it.

    Daddy does not mean: Older, Top, Sugar, sexually active, interested in replacing your father.

    boy does NOT mean: younger, inexperienced, bottom, needy or requiring a new ‘father’ to feel secure.

    That’s it.

    That’s ten cornerstones that identify the core of D/s relationships in the context of my work.  In light of this, I will be sharing some of my other works as the day goes on because there is little point in venting frustration if education doesn’t go hand in hand with it. Part of being a Dom/Daddy/Sir is training a sub/boy/son to break bad habits and one of the BIG ones for me is tucked into that response to my ‘why am i a daddy’ post:

    That a boy is a sex object and was chosen as ‘prey’ to sate a desire for sex on the part of a Daddy.

    No

    image

    A boy is not an ‘object’, a victim of predation, or manipulated into ANYTHING they aren’t comfortable with at least trying out to see if they like. A boy, as I have stated a few thousand times, is a treasure not a toy. A boy should NEVER feel like those things. In fact, I’m going to take this a step further.

    No one should ever feel like an object, without value or deny themselves the right to receive appreciation.

    While there are objectification fetishes, dehumanization fetishes and other ‘kinks’ out there, none of them are possible without at least some level of value being placed in both participants. That value should never be based on physical capacity or demographic. It should never be rooted in activities. It should never be based on ‘how far’ someone can go to please their partner.

    Seeking to deepen the already prevalent depression and self-esteem issues is counter to what a Dom requires of his submissive. Seeking to isolate that submissive from support, to dehumanize or objectify them WITHOUT express and explicit informed consent is abuse. Abuse is not what we do here. In fact, redressing the resulting damage of an abusive world is one of my chief irritants. No, not with the sub/boy, but with the world itself and how it still treats us as GBT men in particular. The world at large may be cruel to everyone without regard for ‘lettering systems’, but my work focuses on this one small corner of that world but not in an effort to exclude others.

    I truly hope that’s been clear in my work: that the words are only the framework to deliver the message and not the message itself because my message IS for everyone who needs it, regardless of demographics, letters, or any other labels involved. I have many non-’lettered’ folks who found my words inspiring and that brings me joy from knowing they ‘word is getting out’ from our little box in the back of the closet labeled ‘kink’. It may require perception, even contemplation, on the words to find the message but that is what must be done to decipher them.

    So please, when you ‘read’ what I write do so with care because within all of it is a lesson I want you to grow from:

    You, as you are, is what someone out there is seeking and no label, demographic or shame-word can change that fact.

    You have a place within the community because the community was created to give people like YOU a place to feel safe and accepted.

    All of us, each and every one no matter what is worthy of love, happiness, and peace.

    Inside each of us is a person who has been buried by the trials of life, either to protect or to hide them, and that with patience we can learn to free them and at last truly be our ‘selves’.

    But most of all:

    Every. Single. One. Of. You. Is. Precious.

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    A Boy Writes:

    “I been told since I don’t know much irl about sex that I’m no good. Since I don’t know anything about sex irl there’s nothing he can do with me. I think maybe I should just quit the whole thing, I don’t fit in and nobody will want me so I should just be by myself”

    -insert loud slamming of breaks noise-

    I don’t normally hop into conversations on tumblr unless I have something very important to say both to the poster AND to my followers. This came across my dashboard and I had to respond. The original post is gone now, but this needs to be said anyway.

    If your “Daddy” makes you feel like this, that because of inexperience, age, or any other reason, that you are ‘less’ than good.. he’s a fuckwad. How do you respond? You tell him to get fucked and to do that fucking himself. A Daddy SHOULD NOT be making a boy feel like this, especially just after they start getting to know one another. There is no fucking excuse for this shit. None. This is NOT how a Daddy acts. It’s not even how a ‘pretender’ daddy acts. It’s how an abuser acts. “You aren’t good enough. You’re worthless”… … … Fuck you buddy. You’re the reason Daddies like me have to take YEARS to undo the shit you do just so a boy can really receive love again. This kind of bullshit isn’t Dad/son, and it’s barely Dom/sub because there is zero after care, no mutual consent to ‘abusive’ play. This isn’t safe. It’s dangerous. The longer people like that have their claws in you the harder it is to escape and even then it can take a lifetime of support and caring environments to begin to recover from the kind of broken spirit a ‘person’ like that needs so he can feel powerful. I am going to say this once and for all: If your ”daddy” makes you feel like you are worthless: He isn’t a Daddy. If he punishes you because you don’t know how to do something, makes you feel badly for your inexperience, and refuses to help teach you? He is no Daddy. If you play rough and he never stops playing rough, then he isn’t playing. He’s abusing you. Read this list. Daddy Says so. If you find yourself stopping to JUSTIFY their behavior, or trying to make excuses that lay the blame entirely on you.. then you need to get help and get out. Now.

    Does He do these things ‘out of bounds’ based on your relationship guidelines (this is ONLY to allow for rough play couples who STILL have boundaries despite how their play seems to outsiders, The boy doesn’t REALLY feel abused, because they both have mutually consented to that kind of play): -Regularly demeans or disregards your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs. -Uses sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. -Accuses you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks. -Tries to control you and treat you like a child. -Corrects or chastises you for your behavior. -You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere. -Tries to control the finances and how you spend money. -Belittles and trivializes you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams. -Tries to make you feel as though he/she is always right, and you are wrong. -Gives you disapproving or contemptuous looks that cause you to feel shame or embarrassment. -Regularly points out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings. -Accuses you of things you know aren’t true. -Has an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them. -Intolerant of any seeming “lack of respect.” -Makes excuses for their behavior, tries to blame others, and has difficulty apologizing or taking responsibility. -Repeatedly crosses your boundaries and ignores your requests. -Blames you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness. -Calls you names, unpleasant labels, or makes cutting remarks under their breath. -Is emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time. -Resorts to pouting, the silent treatment or withdrawal to get what they want. -Doesn’t show you empathy or compassion. -Plays the victim and tries blame you rather than taking personal responsibility. -Uses neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you. -Doesn’t care about your feelings. -Views you as an extension of themselves and not an individual. -Withholds sex as a way to manipulate, punish and control. -Shares personal and private information about you with other people. -Denies being emotionally abusive when confronted. -Makes subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

    Do you… -Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act? -Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior? -Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself? -Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry? -Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want? -Stay with you partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?

    If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue.
    Read this and learn:http://www.ncadv.org/need-help/what-is-domestic-violence

    Now that my angry rant is out of the way, mostly, you need to know something. It’s not your fault. YOU didn’t fail and you aren’t worthless at all. That is HIM putting his feelings on you. That is HIS broken self esteem, his insecurity and his incapacity to be a REAL FUCKING DADDY not your failing as his boy. Daddy: Protects. Cares for. Guides. Nurtures. Provides structure and a host of things designed to help his boy grow and be more comfortable being who he truly is inside. A Daddy does not ever seek to make his ‘boy’ experience hopelessness, depression, anxiety, fear, dread or any of these things. He seeks to remove those things from his boy, not instill them. No son. He’s not a Daddy if that is how he makes you feel. If you’ve talked to him about how his treatment makes you feel and he refuses to consider your feelings there is only one answer: Tell him to Fuck Off. Daddy says it’s OK to use bad language to tell bad men where they can go because the only thing worthless in this situation is the pretender who uses Daddy as a code word for abuse.

    THIS is how a boy should feel when all the games are done. End of Story.

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    A response.

    “Jesus Christ, no wonder mental health in the gay community sucks with stupid shit like this going on. What you are all talking about is pedophilia, straight the fuck up. So get out of your delusional bubble, if you can, for a second and admit it. Take ownership of what you are: a man with “daddy issues” who wants to get fucked by his dad because you’re too weak to take care of yourself and a guy with power issues who wants to fuck “his son.” Get over yourselves. “

    Normally I don’t respond to messages like this, neither IM nor reblog comments but this required one. It’s not because it ‘accused’ this fetish of being something it’s not nor because it’s so full of entitled, misinformed, ignorance that I just couldn’t let it go without comment in reply but specifically because it levels negative statements at subs/sons/bois and anyone else that feels happiest in that kind of role and I have yet to permit that on my blog or materials.

    Things like this are met with an instant block because I don’t tolerate kink shaming but foremost because this kind of bullying cannot be allowed to go unchallenged. I prefer to use this as a teaching moment because these kinds of thoughts must be corrected. It’s part of the mandate of being a ‘Daddy‘ that you teach, guide and dismantle inappropriate concepts of self/sexuality, so here goes.

    TL;Dr :

    no wonder mental health in the gay community sucks with stupid shit like this going on. “

    Incorrect. Mental health in the LGBT community is the direct result of shame and bullying like this where our very existence is directly compared to sexual deviance like pedophilia, where violence (of every kind) is the bread and butter of being who we are. We are assaulted by social shaming, threats or actual violence, on a near universal level around the world. Do you actually think that having a kink is the source of the state of mental health and welness in the LGBT community? Or does it, perhaps, seem more reasonable that consistent trauma/assault does?

    What you are all talking about is pedophilia, straight the fuck up. So get out of your delusional bubble, if you can, for a second and admit it. “

    This is almost pitiable because it comes from someone who blogs about their ‘kink’ as if it weren’t one, and then they go around making cruel and abusive statements about a power dynamic relationship. The only way this could stand is if you’d never read my blog, but saw the post on ‘being a Daddy’ and your own internalized feelings hemorrhaged all over the keys as you vomited that poorly educated, entitled, garbage. It shows not even a passing understanding of BDSM, power exchange relationships like Dom/sub, or even the essential nature of being a sub that every sub knows almost by instinct. It is, in short, the words of a ‘permanent outsider’ who has to displace their own shame onto others.

    Take ownership of what you are: a man with “daddy issues” who wants to get fucked by his dad because you’re too weak to take care of yourself and a guy with power issues who wants to fuck “his son." 

    Here’s a whole compound complex in and of itself.

    Firstly you toss ‘daddy issues’ out there as if the phrase had meaning beyond the misappropriation of a psychological condition caused by the absence/loss of a paternal influence.The vast majority (including my ‘boy’) have no such issue and his choice for calling me Daddy had nothing to do with “Daddy” issues. If you’d read the blog, you might have seen that.

    Secondly; Hi there. I’m a lifelong homosexual. Never had sex with a woman. Never had kids. Never wanted to fuck one either, mine or not. They are 100% incapable of fulfilling any form of gratification I feel from a sexual/sensual encounter. The only ‘pleasure’ I get is the rather lengthy nap that happens when there’s a tired child nearby. Of course, the same thing is true of any small animal in my presence. They feel safe, they start to nap and the next thing I know I wake up hours later.  All personal asides here, this part has some deeply disturbed implications on your part.

    Thirdly it demonstrates a complete misunderstanding of power dynamics in a D/s relationship, the nature of being a Dom as well as sub, and in general a lack of introspection. While there are always exceptions to everything, my blog isn’t about THEM. It’s about the vast majority of us who enter into this kind of relationship and my word is written addressing the majority.

    In fact, the largest part of my work is what is called ‘positive psychology’. If you’ve never heard of it, I suggest serious research because it’s purpose is not to ‘patch up’ the difficulties people have in their mental/emotional lives but to actually emphasize  healthy self esteem, motivation toward positive change, and to engender the strength/courage to accept themselves as they are so those changes aren’t ‘temporary’ in light of inevitable personal failures on that journey towards ‘best self’.

    I write with complete honesty about myself, my values, my world, and my relationship with my boy. I share the ‘lessons’ taught in private so that other people may benefit from them. I create ‘safe space’ here on my blog for the same reason I do it in real life: so that a boy may blossom into his real self without interference from anyone (myself included) in that growth. I am the gardener, not the engineer, I’m not turning ‘lemons into strawberries’ in this process. My role as dominant is to allow the ‘lemon’ to grow in healthy ways that it may be strong enough to resist the inevitable shaming/violence being LGBT will mean.

    Get over yourselves. “

    I’m a Dom. “Over myself” is one of the things that enables me to do what I do because if I put my needs before those of my boy, he would never be what he could be and it was THAT potential person that made me choose him. He didn’t come to me ‘perfected’, he was perfect as he was but ‘perfect’ is a misinterpretation of as you are is who you are right now, and that will always be perfect. Time, change, growth, these things will not change that you are you and that being you is why I chose you. I do not consider his shyness, anxiety, fear of groups or being in a position of authority to be ‘flaws’ which is why I never (or at least as often as I’m able to) do not write about them as such here.

    They are ‘challenges’, the weed in the garden that threatens the strength of the ‘lemon tree’, which puts it in my purview to help remove over time. Doing so by helping him overcome them by his own will and perseverance have led to him being a man of incredible strength, resilience AND capacity for caring. It has, in short, given him the opportunity to pursue his full potential and he’s actively doing it. THAT is what I am proudest of in all this: what he has become by his own direction. I am little more than a greenhouse, giving him a chance to grow in safety, and that pleases me.

    All of this misunderstanding, comes from concepts that has nothing to do with the ‘fetish’ itself, but everything to do with twisted concepts of the words “Daddy”, ‘son’, and boy. This is not unique to you and I’ve written extensively about that in the past so I don’t feel obligated to remediate this any further. I do however recommend that you open up your browser, navigate to the actual front page of my blog, enter the archives and use the timeline to go BACK all the way to the start and read but since that requires effort I’ll take one last moment here to make it easier for you.

    Click this link then scroll through the posts, reading as you go. It may take a few weeks but once you get to ‘page one’ I’m pretty sure that IF you’ve actually read  my essays, captions and replies to questions, that you won’t have this opinion on the other end of the experience.

    https://dirtydaddythings.tumblr.com/page/1372

    One final note:

    You aren’t the first person to fling this kind of mud at me, you won’t be the last, and you certainly weren’t the best.

    Dear Daddy:  I'm 21, 1,93m and 110kg. Can I still be a daddy's boy?

    Daddy Responds:

    The only part of your question that makes a difference to being a Daddy’s boy is the last, the actual question itself. The first, the ‘stats’ only filter out wrong matches because to the right Daddy, you’re exactly what they are looking for. The only inhibition to those chances is your doubt of your ability to be so.

    You’re young, but I won’t hold that against you in this case because that question knows no demographic. It’s part of the fear of not being good enough that plagues humanity but especially in the LGBT community who have had far too many ‘bad teachers’ in their lives.

    What you need is a little perspective.

    You are, by assumption here, one of the ‘family’, meaning of ten people there is only one of us to one degree or another (based on ancient stats I know, but the math works as an example if nothing else). If there were a hundred of ‘us’ in a group there might again be only ten who share an interest in that kind of relationship, one of Dom/sub Daddy/boy. We’re a rare breed on both sides of this ‘game’.

    In your life you’ve more than likely learned the same lessons we all did about fitting in making us ‘more appealing’ but the reality is that it’s not true at all. Being a ‘mass consumable’ product means you’re not only valued for what you are instead of who you are but that the value placed in you is temporary and exists only so long as you’ve got those qualities. It places a tremendous fear that if you ‘gain that 8oz that puts you over the line’ that you’ll no longer be  the ‘go to choice’ for many.

    Sad thing is, that’s true but it would always have happened because that world is one of fast and passing things. It’s great to be appreciated but in the long run what you’re after is to be valued and not just enjoyed for the time being. Some are comfortable with that world but there is a part of being a Daddy and boy that tends to be rebellious against that ‘temporary’ way of living. There’s a sense of continuity, and permanence, because of the labels and their meaning within our community.

    To me what you’re asking is not IF you can be but how you can be one and the answer to that is really quite simple:

    You already are.

    That desire is part of you, it may be undernourished or neglected, but it’s there or you wouldn’t have found me at all. That you asked me means you’re asking for validation of that feeling and for hope in someday being a good boy for a Daddy who loves, values and appreciates you. To that again, the answer is very simple.

    You’re everything you need to be. The only thing you lack is opportunity to have it proven to you by the right kind of Daddy. When the time comes for that to happen, you’ll see exactly what I meant.

    Until then, fear less being rejected by others for not being ‘fashionably attractive’ by their definitions and learn to accept that you will be all the things you wish to be when you get to be the right boy to the right Daddy.

    My best, as always, go with you.

    -Daddy Cade.

    A question, a response and a statement.

    A ‘follower’ said:

    “I’m a lot of things, good and bad.  But I’m not white.  The “ perfect ” post you wanted to get credit for, it totally excluded me.  You don’t seem to mind any physical difference, but you sure mind color.  Maybe you didn’t notice, but the guys who really believe in a dad/son dynamic certainly noticed. At least you could put a disclaimer that you are an advocate for white sons.  It would save us colored people some time to weed out the crowd that doesn’t see us”

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    There are many things that this age of instant gratification permits and the worst of which in my opinion is that rather than actually researching a ‘problem’ people tend to leap to indignation and anger. Unfortunately this leads to rapid judgment without a shred of evidence beyond circumstantial or superficial associations made because it’s easier to be angry than it is to do homework. This happens fairly frequently on one topic or another.

    I have been accused of being everything from transphobic because I do not emphasize ‘trans’ as important to being a boy to being racist because people only believe what they see and reading through my archive is too daunting a task. For some people it’s easier and more satisfying to yell at Daddy rather than listen to him.

    This leaves me in a position where I must either redress the issue time and time again or leave that dark feeling of being unworthy in a boys heart. If you have read my blog you know which of these is my choice by default and you know this as much as you are already aware of my ‘stance’ on these issues and that my message about them has never wavered.

    The unfortunate consequence of such an accusation is that I must speak plainly to the answer and to my feelings on both the topic AND the way in which it was brought to me by the person accusing me of such things. So if in my response I seem terse or angry, you are right but that only represents a fraction of what I feel when these things come up. The vast majority of what I feel in situations like this is disappointment because I do not like knowing that my message is lost in translation between someone’s self esteem, societal pressure and ego. It’s times like that when the ‘hard lesson’ has to be given and this is one such time. So to use the vernacular:

    Don’t try to come for me, Don’t try to judge me, until you know me. 

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    In the past I have made a strong effort to be as clear about these kinds of issues as I possible can. I have stated time and again that words that come before ‘boy’ (like trans-boy or black-boy) are things I dismiss out of hand because I judge EVERY SINGLE BOY individually on the merits of his own beauty and not because of some arbitrary construct like gender bias or racial preference.

    That seems to get lost because in this day and age of ‘what you see is what you get’. If you’ve read my blog you know that what you see is nothing more than tumblr approved (safe) placeholders. This is due to there being a shocking absence in this fetish of what I consider to be ‘message appropriate’ imagery in both video and picture.

    What does that even mean? Message appropriate?

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    That means that I work with what is not only available but does not violate my code as a Daddy OR my message here on my blog. So I post nothing that I consider fetishizes those words. Believe it or don’t but I try to ask myself questions before posting videos, questions like: are they having sex because one of them is black or are they two people having sex? Is this this video centered on the ‘passable’ trans boy because he’s trans AND ‘passable’ or because they found each other attractive. Is the “Daddy” playing with his boy in a way that is consistent with the message of my blog? Let me tell you something: 

    By asking those three VERY simple questions it leaves damn near nothing for me to post. So what am I to do? I make it up as I go along. I take one thing and ‘re-paint’ the image by adding ‘flavor text’ that changes it to do what I wish it to. There’s a ‘pro-tip’ for dealing with me in there by the way. Believe what you read and not what you see. If someone asks a question, my answer is what’s real and what I write is what matters.

    But why are all the boys and daddies the same? Why are they all white?

    They aren’t.

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    What they are is Daddies or boys that reminded me of something about my boy, they way we are together OR inspired something to write. That’s it. Bottom line. They aren’t remotely representative of my preferences at all.

    You can’t simultaneously elevate me as an exemplar of what ”Daddy” should mean while ignoring the complexity that comes with it being ME. You don’t get to make something about you that isn’t just to have an excuse to take a shot at something that hasn’t hurt you to distract you from the feeling you gave yourself that you aren’t good enough to be MY BOY.

    So when it comes to my preference I’ll spell it out as clearly as I can manage.

     You can be masc, femme, trans, black, white, asian, LGBTQUABLABLABLA, and be my boy BUT at all costs and above ALL else you must be able to be MY boy but you cannot be that if you must qualify your ‘title’ your ‘self’ or adjust MY name for you by interjecting those things before “boy”. It’s a simple formula:

    Don’t be a black boy, be a boy.

    Don’t be a trans boy, be a boy.

    Don’t be anything but:

    A boy.

    Once those things are gone you can be more than that: only then can you be MY boy.

    To add a little history and context to this here is your homework on the topics.There are two tags to read because these two issues come up so often.

    1: #trans

    2: #race

    #race is brand new because I wanted to make it clear and provide a history of my answers that was easy to locate.To that end here are eight examples for you and one of them has the same kind of indignation shown in this question so pay close attention to the answer here: https://dirtydaddythings.tumblr.com/post/150257946922/hey-daddy-you-always-say-that-you-love-every-type

    https://dirtydaddythings.tumblr.com/post/160011823942/i-dont-know-if-this-has-been-asked-but-how-do-you

    https://dirtydaddythings.tumblr.com/post/140027377332/why-no-black-daddies

    https://dirtydaddythings.tumblr.com/post/132398329657/do-you-like-brown-boys

    https://dirtydaddythings.tumblr.com/post/147891033987/would-daddy-fuck-a-brown-boy

    https://dirtydaddythings.tumblr.com/post/154482691362/do-you-have-preferences-about-your-sons

    https://dirtydaddythings.tumblr.com/post/137078518137/so-about-daddys-taste-in-boys-i-assume-you

    https://dirtydaddythings.tumblr.com/post/134053319377/you-only-like-white-boys

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    Now, here at the end there’s a few last things in your question that needs to be addressed briefly.

    “Maybe you didn’t notice”…

    image

    … Pardon? I’m actually painfully aware of the deficit in material but making that a basis for an assumption about my character is terribly entitled of you, especially in light of the extensive history I have of explaining this point.

      At least you could put a disclaimer that you are an advocate for white sons.“ Hold the damned phone. Do you seriously expect me to post a WARNING at the top of my blog saying I’m something I’m not, that I advocate something I do not, and that racism is the underlying message of my blog? Seriously? Where the hell do you get off making such a claim AND then making such a suggestion.

    Can YOU put a disclaimer on your blog that your internalized racism precludes your ability to even consider that you could be wrong and that you’d rather be angry than accepted? If that feels harsh, look at what you’ve done right here and right now. You called me out by accusing me of being racist. If you think that made me angry, it did. It didn’t ‘hurt me’ and your public and private messages to that end failed to do anything but make YOU look like a fool.

    image

    I get that you’re angry but I know your anger is just the ‘bodyguard’ to the sadness you feel because you believe that your race somehow makes you unacceptable to me. On THAT point you are the furthest away from the truth of anything you’ve said at all. Even your question doesn’t mean that should we meet I’d reject you on that ground either because I understand what lies beneath it.

    I’m not responding to your statement because it made me angry.  That brief flash was my ‘cover up’ response to being sad and disappointed because I’ve failed to impress this point clearly enough. My anger really IS directed at myself here. To you I simply feel frustrated that I have failed you. Hopefully this clears the air permanently.

    If not then I suggest

    respectfully

    asking or starting a discussion that way instead. This is, after all, MY ‘house’ and I’m the Daddy here. While I may get the outburst and where it come from, a good boy is respectful even when angry and doesn’t seek to hurt as a means to express his feelings. I would never hurt you because you upset me, so please respect that, and me, before lashing out.

    image

    -Daddy

    jcsp1688

    …now that you think about it…

    thedarkknyght

    Never can just scroll by this.

    steevoooo

    No fucking way.

    clio-jlh

    always

    man

    Well, that’s just damn cute

    iamthecutestofborg

    an entire interracial gay love story going on in the background…

    alohdark

    Even the actor shipped it. 

    druganaut

    We knew.

    newtandtinainsidethesuitcase

    This warm my heart. :)

    serviceorientedsub

    Don’t just make time for sex, use sex to make every moment better. Remember that u live with a MAN. There is no need to separate sex from life when in HIS presence. Find ways to make all of HIS duties more enjoyable with ur submissive and attentive presence.

    see the MEN i worship. follow me at http://serviceorientedsub.tumblr.com

    dirtydaddythings

    This. There is no reason, unless instructed not to, to try to make his life better with your presence. You’re there because he enjoys you, show the same back to him. It doesn’t have to be anything more than intimate touch or proximity: you being there can make his day infinitely better. Be a good boy and appreciate your Daddy.