femdomfemme

Giving Aftercare to Doms

I’ve seen a lot of writing on aftercare for subs, but never seen anything about Dom drop or the kind of aftercare that D-types need. Consequently, many people assume that aftercare is only necessary for subs, and many people don’t know what kind of aftercare to ask for or provide.

It’s natural to feel guilty when you’re inflicting pain or cruelty to someone you care about. And like with everybody, a lack of adequate aftercare can be discouraging or even dangerous. Here’s some aftercare talking points I tend to like hearing from my subs that you can use as jumping off points:

And some other things to keep in mind regarding aftercare as a whole....

And finally, Doms: don’t be afraid to ask for reassurance on the specific points you worry about! Subs can’t read your mind, and they can’t always know if the aftercare they’re giving is enough unless you tell them. You will not lose your submissive’s respect by asking for aftercare as long if they are committed to engaging in conscientious kink.

Stay safe, take care of each other, and practice kink responsibly! ♡

femdomfemme

Another quick addition: accept aftercare and check ins when it’s offered to you. You may be tempted to brush off your Dom and explain that you don’t need them to give you so much reassurance or to check in so frequently, and you might even feel like your Dom doesn’t trust you to speak up to set boundaries if they do it too often. Either way, don’t shut these check-ins down. Active consent goes both way and isn’t just for the sub’s reassurance and communication, it’s also a big part of preventing dom drop in the middle of a scene by making sure that your Dom doesn’t feel like they’re taking things too far.

Kink tumblr etiquette:

Because there's a lot of fresh faces on this blog and some people aren't getting this.

Am I missing anything major? I might keep this updated.

playfully-sadistic

DO NOT INJURE THE SPINE OR KIDNEYS! Impact play should never ever take place in those areas!!

Educate yourself, folks! It’s a shame how many fake doms are out there, claiming they’re such good doms when in reality they put their subs in immense danger.

partlycontrolledbeast

Indeed! Of course, not knowing stuff doesn’t make you a fake Dom, it just makes you ignorant (I use the word in its literal sense, without judgement) and inexperienced; everyone has to start somewhere. But claiming greatness when you’re putting a sub’s life in danger does. It may be easy for me to say this as a switch, but honestly, if you’re starting out, consider getting someone you can trust to show you the ropes, so to speak, and of course read around online (stuff like this) as much as possible. We’re in 2018 now; anybody can be ignorant, but continued ongoing ignorance is a willful choice. It might go without saying (but won’t, because I’m going to say it), that if you’re doing anything with all but the very lightest and gentlest of BDSM, you should have respectable first aid skills also.

A few additional things that can easily kill or at least severely injure a sub:

Any kind of tie that tightens itself, and many that don’t. This includes places other than the throat, and definitely includes thigh ties that necessarily cross the femoral artery.

You can still do them! But keep close watch for signs of swelling and/or discolouration, and be ready to quick-release (knives are sexy, but not the best tools for cutting rope in an emergency, you want shears) and gently massage. Aspirin will also help (beyond its analgesic properties, it is a blood thinner and will reduce clotting; don’t mix it with blood play, though, or it’ll look like Quentin Tarantino directed an episode of Dexter in your bedroom).

Anything that leaves somebody suspended upside-down for more than a short while. Time to death varies widely based on individual and circumstantial specifics. Cause of death is generally brain haemorrhaging.��

If you’re going to do that sort of thing, go to rigging classes, learn from an expert, and know your partner’s limits well. Start small and work up. As with all bondage, but especially this, do not leave the sub unattended. That works only in porn, not in reality. 

Bloodplay

If you’re going to do this, you need to know anatomy well. There’s a difference between looking like an Anne Rice scene (trickle of blood over skin) and looking like a Japanese dolphin slaughter (blood everywhere, on everything, and a lot of hot wet red death), and that difference is measured in millimetres.

CBT (Cock and Ball Torture, not Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)

On a related note, watch what you’re doing there too. While everyone’s focussed on the nerves available here, do remember there’s some pretty major plumbing here as well, and if everything’s going well, it’s going to be under very high pressure. You can cause a lot of (harmless) pain without causing injury if you respect both anatomy and physics.

Hair-grabbing

Wait, what? This is basically vanilla pseudo-kink fluff, right? Well, it can be, but just watch out for one thing; grabbing a handful of hair and yanking powerfully aside can snap someone’s neck, or at least severely injure it. Unlike in movies, even a broken neck is generally not an instant kill (because the spinal cord is actually quite robust, so if it wasn’t severed by bone cutting through it—as in certain intentional neck-break techniques—then life will go on), but your sub will probably be wearing the wrong sort of collar for a very long time, and/or could be paralysed. So by all means grab, and by all means pull, but don’t yank suddenly.

beautyinthekink

So very important! Be safe be informed!

daddydomdisaster

Words of Wisdom. ♥

thejazzdaddy

Obligatory safety post cuz some of y'all aren’t wising up

scratchmeowt

I see SO MANY pics and gifs of clear marks to the spine and kidneys. even people who come across on tumblr as “experienced” doms do this. DO NOT EVER EVER EVER HIT PEOPLE IN THE SPINE OR KIDNEYS PLEASE!

Kinky Would You Rathers

postitforward

Holiday Blues with Tumblr

Feeling down? Dreading the short days and long nights? Well, this holiday season, Tumblr is here to help you conquer your Sunday Scaries all week long!

We’ve partnered with amazing yogis, wellness brands, and mental health enthusiasts to bring you Holiday Blues with Tumblr. With a huge shift in the weather, hours of daylight, seasonal affective disorder season, and whatever else the world is throwing at us this week (🐝Murder Hornets just entered the group chat), we want to empower you to participate in some transformational acts of self-care 🤗.

Don’t worry, we know ‘self-care’ can feel like a chore, not to mention another dent in the bank account. That’s why Tumblr wants to meet you where you are—on your dash.

How does it work, you ask?

EASY! PEASY! LEMON 🍋 SQUEEZY! All we need from you is to show up; we’ll take it from there! Over the next six weeks, Tumblr and our partners will host LIVE classes: fitness classes, mindfulness exercises, interactive quizzes, playlists, and maybe even a dance party.

What if you miss class?

NO STRESS!! We’ve thought of it all. If you can’t make it to the live class (you will be sorely missed), each class will be available here on Post It Forward or on our Youtube channel.

Get to the point! When is the FUN?

Hold your horses — starting November 22nd until January 2nd, here’s what you have to look forward to:

����Mindful Mondays📿

LIVE morning meditations run by some cool folx

����Wellness Wednesdays 💗

Mood-boosting tips, tricks & playlists 

����Flex Fridays💪

LIVE CLASSES and all the yoga 🧘 your heart could desire. All levels welcome—Yoga is for everybody and EVERY BODY

����Self-Care Sundays💆

Think expressive writing meets self-discovery … with a dash of Dance Dance Revolution. And did we mention, it���s LIVE?

⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

We will also have reminders for each class…. we told you WE GOT YOU!

Calm your mind with Mindful Monday on 11/22 (add to your calendar)

Break a sweat with Flex Friday on 11/26 (add to your calendar)

Pamper yourself with Self-Care Sunday on 11/28 (add to your calendar)

A Few Gentle Reminders:

One LAST thing:

LIKE, SHARE, and BE THERE!

We need your help to spread positive vibes as we conquer the Holiday Blues. Use the tag #HolidayBluesWithTumblr to share reflections from Mindful Monday , a sweaty selfie from Flex Friday, or anything that comes up for you after a Self-Care Sunday session.

staff

Mark your calendars!

consensualdomination

Remember: both doms and subs can have red flags (I’ve actually used some of these to weed out concerning subs for years). Kink isn’t one-way, we have fun play dynamics but that involves communication, honesty, & trust on both sides

freakonaleashgurl

Good info

ventraman

Too good, NOT to pass on.

kajira1

Education

Hello miss Alexis 💕

First off, I love your content - second, I was wondering about a post you made, a few days ago, about fake mistresses taking monetary advantage of unknowing boys, as my self, and I was wondering, is there a way to tell the good ones from the bad?

I reblogged a post about a week ago and since then I've been contacted by maybe ten different mistresses, and some of them I could figure out myself, but some of them seem pretty serious, all of them, however, have asked for a "commitment fee" or an "enrollment fee" for their school of sissyfication. I just wanna make sure that I don't get fooled, cause I really wanna try the sissyfication/feminization out, with a real mistress ♥️

I hope you have a good day, and I look forward to hearing from you miss ♥️

Here was my response....

Ok.... if you are serious here are some pointers...

1. This is a relationship... You need to actually know one another, truly know one another before you pledge yourself.

2. A submissive holds all the power and don't let anyone tell you anything different... if you don't submit a Dominant has zero power.

3. Anyone who immediately addreses you by Slut, Slave etc etc run don't walk.... they know nothing about you.... see yourself as worth more than name calling.

4. No true Domme/Mistress ever wants money, we are strong independent women who don't need to be supported.

5. If they give you any demand of any kind without you asking for it... they are an abuser.

6. Ask questions lots and lots questions

What will you do for me?

How will you do it?

What do you give to me?

How will you care for me?

What is after care? ...(this is non negotiable if you don't know what it is Google it)

If I am emotionally in a bad place how will you care for me?

Do your homework discover what these relationships truly are.

I wish you luck.

A Domme Submissive relationship is truly the most amazing relationship you can ever experience. Don't throw it away on someone who isn't worthy.

desires-of-a-dominant-man

BDSM Links And Resources

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Dating and Relationships:

Play:

Safety:

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Dominance and Dominants:

Submission and Submissives:

Books:

filthyobediantslut

Sharing again for those who missed it. Lots of great resources.

marquiseoftease

True!

However, it works both ways. Dominants are no one’s ‘Mistress’, ‘Goddess’, ‘Sir’, ‘Mylady’ etc. either!

Just like you don’t walk up to a random stranger and call them ‘darling’.

It’s creepy, because using an unsolicited title implies you assume a position that isn’t yours.

If we allow you to call us by a certain name, it means you’re special to us.

realsubmale951

I get multiple messages every day that open with, "hello slut", or sissy, or pet. And continue with "are you ready to serve me?". Really?

vforvumbo

BDSM PSA

(I have a side blog for this but hey more people will see it here)

• BDSM does not always involve pain

• BD stands for bondage and discipline, DS stands for domination and submission, SM stands for sadism and masochism

• You don’t need all three categories for BDSM although they often overlap.

• BDSM is not always a sexual act. For example, you can tie someone up and not have sex with them before you untie them. BSDM can be like a stress relieving hobby

• Not all subs are masochists and not all dominants are sadists

• Although BDSM relationships can be abusive like any other, dominants are not inherently abusive.

• Submissive partners aren’t miserable during a scene although they might look that way

• BDSM scenes aren’t always serious. You can laugh or smile in a scene when you’re having fun. • Dominants take care of their subs. If a sub is crying and begging and looks like they’re in terrible pain, it’s only because the sub has chosen to be in that situation. They are not being abused.

• You can practice self-bondage, you don’t necessarily need a partner

• Aftercare is a thing. Picture a D/s pair cuddling and comforting each other after a scene where the D whipped the s. You always care for each other afterwards

• Dominants are not always cruel

• Basically BDSM isn’t the violent abusive thing it is often seen as

• But also don’t just jump into it. Before you try BDSM with a partner or alone, research safe words, different roles, red flags in a D/s relationship, signs your bondage is hurting you, and physical signs that mean your scene needs to stop immediately (like numb hands, blurry vision, etc)

• Google Safe, Sane and Consensual or Risk Aware Consensual Kink for more info on how BDSM can be a healthy thing that doesn’t hurt anyone

Hope this helps some people better understand BDSM!

dirtythingsthatturnmeonposts

An important message to the newbies and/or curious vanilla folks on here.

mistressmaye

All important, especially if you’re new here!

leather-and-steel

Definitely worth a reblog.

abductedandtaped

Always reblogged

sub-louisss

Be careful !

sissybimbodolly

I seem to be getting a ton of these recently 😂

cuckoldmistressvivien

One of the biggest problems here on Tumblr. There is actually one rule to be observed. As soon as anyone asks for money it is 100% a fake or a scam ……real mistresses earn their own money and are not dependent on Amazon gift cards.

2bdenied

Hahahahaha

jualstjason

so true 

sexceptionul

I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:

IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.

1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.

2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.

3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”

4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”

5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.

TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.

Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.

orangeninjadan

why on earth doesn’t this have more notes

anniecrestadair

I actually had to do this once. She lived.

qelato

if you scroll past this on your dash you are absolutely heartless.

natalie-as-herself

Reblog this!! This can save somebody’s life!

aika-chan01

reblog.

help.

do not scroll down.

saiko-the-pillow-child

I SWEAR TO GOD IF ANYONE SCROLLS PAST THIS WITHOUT REBLOGGING I WILL LITTERALLY FIND THEM AND GIVE THEM A LECTURE

galaxyhowlter

may I just update this?

see the little thing that says help?

christopherandhisstuff

Don’t ever scroll past this post. FUCKING NEVER SCROLL PAST!!!

xcassidy

🌸🌸🌸

a-class-things

OMG i was looking for this ages ago im so glad i have seen it again

missadreene

Read and Reblog slave