@jlfsg
JLFSG
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118
Last update
2021-01-01 16:34:15

    Some from recent Instagram uploads - realkatannauk. I’ve given basic descriptions on Instagram but none were really enough to write a huge tumblr post about. The first was a fairly recent walk with a Christmas Shopping trip that had a leaky pullup, and then a hangover accident from 2019 that served to be its own kind of hangover cure, much helped by bluebell therapy. Happy new year and let’s hope for an improvement on 2020 xx

    Not particularly active lately. The doom subsided and I had an autumn walk a few weeks ago just for the hell of it. I tend to forget the reasons why I do it when I’m down and just see all the negativity. When I’m up, the opposite applies and I remember how integral the feeling of being totally full and uncomfortably desperate is. Also I find it interesting that it’s very hard to mentally picture the tsunami of stink that occurs immediately after an accident. It’s always the case but when I’m considering a walk, that huge factor rarely enters my overall analysis of whether to go ahead with it or not. If I’m down I’m just not interested in any of it. But even if I was down and forced myself to have an accident, I’m pretty sure it would immediately put me back in the mood for it just because of those two factors. Desperation, epic relief and then the sudden, overpowering and all confirming stink. 

    I randomly picked this from the summer. Just because it shows what happens if you have a pretty big accident without reinforcing your underwear leg bands. I usually use tights snipped above the knee and pulled up tightly to meet the underwear edges. It creates an obvious panty line but that really is the least of my worries considering the purpose. I hate leaks like this. It just flops further and further down your legs as you walk and eventually soils your socks and footwear. Keeping everything contained within my underwear is essential for a sustainable walk.

    2020, the cretinous little deviant obviously deserves to mess itself humiliatingly in front of everyone, but despite the doom I generally somehow ended up having some truly epic incidents. Having to wear face masks made me feel more stealthy along with many shopping centres having awfully organised toilet systems resulting in long and very awkward queuing incidents. Nothing new there but somehow it felt more exciting being relatively confident that desperation would win all on its own if I was forced to wait up to 10 minutes just to get into a toilet. I haven’t bothered with any write ups yet. I’ll probably do one or two from this year over the winter when I’m hibernating but a few of the most epic trips were very similar to other awkward shopping posts. It isn’t easy to be original here. I pooped myself. I messed myself again. Oh look what happened this time I pooped myself in identical circumstances to previous posts again. Guess what, oh, you guessed already.

    I hope everyone is managing to stay on top of their own mental war zones. I’m lucky to have private escapes like this, supportive friends and creative outlets but I do worry for those who’s lives are above 50% social. Isolation with just loved ones I don’t struggle with at all being a fairly epic introvert. The extroverts must be so starved of their social life blood. And it must be nearly impossible for all the poor teenagers and students who’s lives are more often than not over 70% social. I really hope the recent vaccine developments yield some positive results on the overall picture next year. People need a chance to exhale for longer than a few brief summer months where everything is very strict and weird.

    Lots of love and happy pooping x

    Just an update. I’m just about on the other side of a good three weeks worth of self disgust. Looking at this habit through the coldest of eyes. That’s what it’s like to be normal I imagine. Posts are becoming less frequent because of that mainly, but also because the few walks I’ve had this side of August have been repeats or at least very similar to previous posts. The doom has lifted briefly. I have to say I’m happier on a day to day basis when I just accept that I’m a habitual shame addict. But the extent to which I’ve acclimatized myself to unhealthy doses of humiliation over the previous three years shows that change needs to happen. Be it moderation or finally facing the music that this isn’t a tune that can continue forever. To be precise, having just counted, I’ve pooped myself in public more than a hundred and fifty times since 2017. This is far beyond any therapists remit. So just stop I tell myself. So I do, and then I feel like the sun is never coming back out. Maybe I can quit for winter. That used to work.

    This was the result of a relapse after a month without having had an accident. Too much diet planning, too much poop. I paused in full stealth mode for about 5 seconds trying to get a reflection of the damage, but clearly this failed to be very stealthy at all as I didn’t notice the woman at the time. She did a full 180 degree inspection of my bottom as she passed. And then she started touching her bottom which I thought was strange.

    Again, the actual incident took place during a long wait for the toilet, surrounded by people, creating an awkward stink, and having to stand there like that while my brain slowly exploded. You can literally feel all the eyes. I didn’t give up on waiting and run off in a fluster like I normally do. I saw the wait all the way through, pointlessly, until I got into a cubicle where I stood for 5 minutes working with about 9% brain. I didn’t wear enough protection and the accident forced some mess into my jeans on one side. I tried to clean it out but it was just too disgusting to attempt in public. After the reflection, the walk back down the highstreet resulted in a few giggles and comments but my mind was more focused on the pain that the leg chafe was causing. Rashes are problematic. I suffered from eczema when I was younger but have to keep using that as an excuse.

    Work is a little less chaotic during half term so I’ll do my best to post a set of pics with a detailed write up next x

    Happy pooping :)

    Another bluebell walk from this year, but more a post to repeat that amandasadventures1 on instagram is most certainly NOT me. They’ve started posting all my pics on a public account, attracting lots of controversy. I should have watermarked from the start. This isn’t meant to be seen by people that don’t understand it. Please feel free to report them for inappropriate content as they blocked me after I apologised to all the disgusted comments. They’re literally just adding random people to encourage a reaction which is basically poop spam.

    Sorry about the watermarks. I just can’t think of another way to stop the identity thiefs. Why people would want to impersonate someone who’d pooped them self I don’t know. Just a quick post as this wasn’t particularly epic in terms of shame. It was in the height of lockdown so I had to keep it fairly quick as here near London we were only allowed out for an hours exercise at the time. Walking is exercise. Pooping yourself galore is therefore also exercise. This is highly likely to be flagged here due to the diaper so I’ll post it on instagram too. Other people seem to get away with diaper pics here but I must have been put on a list or something. Say what you will but I still don’t see this as being porn. Possibly erotica, but I think the wider issue is the taboo that moderators and not particularly acute thinkers have mistakenly pooled into the bracket of porn just so it’s easier for them to manage and stamp out anything remotely left field. Yes it’s taboo but no it isn’t offensive unless you have no control over what offends you. It’s absolutely the reason why society has become incredibly precious over their increasingly sensitive and unquestionably correct opinions over the previous twenty years and why big companies have had to follow suit to stay in line with an ever more polarized, self evolving, overly woke status quo that’s exponentially grown out of social media led, technological overload. To the extent you can’t even open a channel of debate anymore about a sensitive topic without people jumping immediately to ten in their reactionary, self entitled haste. Conversation is the only real power we have. It’s a shame that tumblr closed and marginalised that conversation for many as the reality is that the conversation has barely began. 

    I’ll stop myself there as a big rant was brewing. The diaper clearly leaked as it worked itself undone on one side and it was game over pretty quickly. I had pants and tights on under the diaper as primary defences but to no avail. My stomach wasn’t right and I had several separate accidents, the last of which caused the overflow as I pushed too hard. I also fully wet myself at the same time. The jeans were totally ruined and it all went down to the knee by the time I got back to the car but I didn’t mind too much as they were cheap and were way too big. The only notable occurrences involved obsessive dogs again but the serenity of a bluebell walk was a welcome escape from the covid peak.

    I’ve been yo-yoing heavily again this summer. The hot weather makes for especially stinky walks and I’m still stuggling to quit shopping. It does feel like this may be my last year of excessive messing as my personal life develops. Recent excursions have been epic so as time passes and witnesses start to forget, I’ll post. But even if I stop actively messing, there’s still much to cover x

    Happy pooping :) 

    22/04/20

    From a recent walk, taken after bluebell meditation. Zero tanning so far this year but nice to have a little summer weather to dress down a little with. This was single pants, rolled up tights then normal tights under the shorts; reasonably well protected although driving caused a bit of leakage. I’ll do a bluebell post to explain a bit more but it was comfortable and didn’t cause any rashes unlike a recent walk that left my inside leg slightly scared. It was also about as close to perfect in terms of the sensation and desperation with very little cramping and high urgency that was just about manageable. It’s been a lovely spring for walks which has certainly helped me to stay positive during the pandemic.

    I’m aiming to do a proper post from last year - one that was equally as epic as it was cringe and I’ve started looking back for snips from it. I seem to remember handbag cam caught some dialogue of people’s reactions that I’ll transcribe if I can find it. It was sooo witnessed but I was out of town so I’m reasonably ok with it. I hope everyone is ok and happy pooping x

    06/04/20

    We’re still allowed out for a walk here, once a day, as exercise but I’m not sure where the government stands on ruining jeans. I hope this doesn’t come across as being ignorant to the severity of the worldwide situation. Like many people I suffer from anxiety quite badly. My baseline stress levels at rest are quite high and it doesn’t take much to tip them into panic. In the most ironic way, having an accident away from people out in nature reset everything for me, briefly. It was like stepping into another world; everything melted away for a while and it was just me, the woodland and the light. And then a bit of a stink.

    It’s not the virus that’s tipping me currently, it’s something a bit heavier than the approaching clouds and much closer to home but that in addition to the extra threat the virus poses has left me in a kind of psychological lockdown. I wouldn’t say I’m particularly advanced with mindfulness. I know enough to become an observer and to some extent, mediator, of the trends and patterns of thoughts that lead to negative and destructive emotional states but currently, it’s not possible to exhale with the acceptance of having no control over anything. That’s professional meditation and I’m no where near. It’s like I’m trying to justify the above jeans annihilation but it was about as close to mental peace as I’ve been for a few months now. Just pure escapism.

    With so much shopping nonsense last year it’s like I nearly forgot about one of the main reasons I started doing this. It was always private, ironically serene and acutely focused on being alone in nature with the space to let go of literally everything. Social distancing has handed that to us all on a plate. Those of us lucky enough to be close to woodlands and space anyway. But I imagine the lockdown here will become more severe with no excuse to be out except shopping or essentials. Maybe that’s why I held for three days and then exploded in my pants. More a potentially last dose of this most bizarre form of meditation for a while rather than the thrill seeking habit that it mutated into over the past few years.

    Dogs are still an issue. They just hone in on me at the worst possible times. How do they know? On this walk I was quite relaxed apart from the incredibly oppressive weight inside me screaming to get out. And when the time came, I was in a nice old area of forest with fallen trees to put my bags on, away from the main paths and a dog still managed to find me. The owners weren’t far behind and if this wasn’t a planned messing, the dog would have directly caused me to have an accident as I had to uncross my legs and leave, trying to get away from them all right at the peak of urgency. I started messing my pants as I walked awkwardly away, with the dog glued to my bottom. As minimal as the risk is, someone unknowingly carrying the virus could have touched the dog and the dog was definitely touching me. It shattered the serenity and by the time I’d tempered the owners apologies and their repeatedly unsuccessful shouts to call the dog away, I was a total stinking mess. It all came out awkwardly and my jeans were quite tight causing some to squish out of my pants and onto my leg. I chose the picture above as it shows how I stand when I’m letting a wave of pressure pass and I liked the light. The jeans washed pretty well and are a reasonable fit now as I’ve managed to lose a bit of weight.

    It’s left me wanting to mess again. Certainly not the interruption, just how effective it generally is for escaping oppressive forms of stress for an afternoon. Easily worth a pair of pants. I hope everyone is coping. I really fear for people’s psychological health the more this isolation extends. Let’s hope we get the anti virals sorted quickly and that a vaccine is possible. A world without hugs is like a night without day.

    Happy pooping x

    18/03/20

    Hope everyone is ok x They haven’t totally locked us all down in the UK yet. I hope we’ll still be allowed to go out for walks in spring. Life is grinding to a halt here and just like everywhere in the world, everyone is worried about becoming infected and passing it on to someone weak before we even know that we’re ill. The dilemma of whether to start isolating to protect the weaker people that we love verses ruining all the business we’ve all worked so hard to build. It’s an obvious choice but in my case that will mean needing to move back in with weaker parents and becoming a further risk to them. Every avenue of thought seems to entail a dead end until a vaccine is created. My work involves a fair amount of contact so I’m quite worried. I almost want to have somewhere to go where I can be infected in isolation and get it done so I’m not a risk to anyone around me anymore. 

    I found this a few weeks ago before the real doom began here. It was from May last year. I have these trousers in two sizes as high waists come in quite handy if you have to drive. I have to say a bluebell walk is the sort of distraction and escapism I could use right now, Stay safe and lots of love x

    Another tumblr kill-bot detection test and a quick post. This was a mushy accident from last year. I haven’t posted much from last year at all really, namely due to another loss of control regarding the size of my derrière but I’m starting to tame it with more regular gym sessions. I liked these trousers and nearly kept them for normal use but that was ruined by a hangover and an extremely desperate Sunday morning away from home after staying with a friend and having eaten too much Indian food. Instead of going to the toilet before I left, I held on and went shopping to see what would happen. This happened, obviously, but it was more exciting than a fully planned accident (placcident, sometimes a plaxident). I doubled up on underwear but it still soaked through into my trousers, made worse by the drive home afterwards. While walking to the shops, the initial gassiness quickly turned into little accidents and it became immediately clear this was going to be crampy and mushy. I was considering aborting the mess and dashed to the toilets on the top floor of a department store but didn’t make it and started pooping more heavily. It wasn’t as bad as the Christmas mess a year ago when I lost control while waiting for the toilets but it was still quite traumatic as I was pooping as I entered the toilets and got pinned to the spot by cramps just before reaching a cubicle. People at the basins saw this flustered failure as I exploded quite loudly. It suddenly filled up my pants and it felt very hot as I hobbled out of sight into the cubicle. I heard a voice asking if I was ok which was nice, but I clearly wasn’t and just wanted to finish without having a conversation about it. I said it was just an upset stomach and I’d be fine, thanking her away. I stood there for about five minutes in the cubicle as the cramps and smaller surges gradually subsided. The stink was obviously beyond any normal toilet poop so it was time to eject but I knew I had no cut tights to protect me from leaks. The poop was horribly hot and spicy against my skin so getting back to the car was nervy :/ Most the time when I’m protected and the mess isn’t quite so horrific I can walk quite normally with messed pants but this time I was restricted and had to walk in a much more cumbersome manner, making it even more obvious. Quite a stinky, but nevertheless, exciting day.

    I’m still a little undecided about how active I’ll be this year. It’s quite a weight of shame to bare and it keeps getting heavier. I’m now having weeks at a time where I’m amazed I managed to let such a ridiculous hobby enslave me. It seems to be linked to alcohol perhaps. I don’t usually have a whole month without drinking but it certainly sobers everything up, especially how I feel about myself in light of all this. It becomes harder to pacify and I keep thinking of it when I look in the mirror or when I’m in normal professional life. The adrenaline and thrill plus the stealth required to get out of it without debilitating traumatic memories mixed with the wholly sensory nature of a desperate walk is like a drug. Abstaining for a month left me thinking I don’t actually need this in my life. It’s not necessary. And then in February I started having weekend drinks again and without much thought, my pants were soon full again :/

    And so I yo-yo again, predictably

    Happy pooping x

    Shout-out to Magic13World, who posted two of these: I looked and I realised “I’ve got a couple more of those”.

    Also: this is a very common  occurrence - 40% of women participating in high-impact sports admit to wetting themselves, and I’m pretty sure that the majority of race-meet photographers are discarding dozens or even hundreds of these shots every year.

    We got these because *all* the shots of the winner show that she has wet herself.

    And if you ever see a shot of an athletics event that only shows the women from the waist up, now you know why it was cropped.

    guys i am feelin really cute in my outfit and my lady pampers today for some reason!! ((maybe because my eyeliner is BOLD and SHARP af))

    im not really gonna keep them peepin out at the store or anything but i thought some ppl here could appreciate the thought of a girlie walkin by like this irl

    i like to have many fantasies and daydreams

    they help me write my stories and plots for movies :D

    A slightly less chaotic walk than many this year. The blur and trauma of some public fiasco’s this summer have partly been the reason I haven’t posted for a while. They almost seem like a dream in my memory. Did that really happen. I’ve literally had to cross towns off the map until I dye my hair or something.

    I did go shopping briefly this time to start with but there wasn’t much to report. Apart from the huge tena slip I wore over regular briefs. It wasn’t a windy day so I wore a loose skirt I sometimes use for padded walks and also took a stretchy denim one that I’ve messed in numerous times to change into if anything got nasty. I don’t want to ruin the flower skirt as I sometimes wear it normally in summer.

    For once I didn’t explode anywhere too public. I needed to go while shopping and had diet planned reasonably well, but nothing became overly desperate so I didn’t force it. It was a lovely warm day in early May and the bluebells were still just about clinging to whatever light they could as the trees increasingly shaded the forest floor.

    After walking for ten or twenty mins I now started to feel an ominous gurgling in my tummy and had to stop a few times to let it settle. It was a week day so the park and forest weren’t particularly crowded which was lovely, like it was all mine. I was taking normal pics when the explosion happened. The previous few attempts to regain control were increasingly difficult and the need grew exponentially each time. I was walking up a path with nice views stretching out into to the distance when I was immobilsed by a wave and after crossing my legs briefly I knew I’d passed my prevent horizon. It started quite slowly but all of a sudden, three days worth of mush rushed into my pants and tena slip, finishing with a nasty but undeniably satisfying squelch.

    I find it way easier to focus on the emotion of it when I’m not somewhere ridiculous like a toilet queue or somewhere crowded. I think the novelty of having an ‘accident’ is something that doesn’t really wear off with me even after hundreds of times. It’s the ultimate tension buster. Physically and emotionally in a situation like this walk. Zero shame, just relief. Although I was a little worried about leaks as I hadn’t used any cut tights to seal my underwear leg holes. There was still the slight shock that I always experience after having an accident. Programmed into everyone since they were a toddler. But the warmth spreading around is far from unpleasant to me. The diaper did nothing to abate the stink however. It was lucky I wasn’t in a silly shopping situation as it was very strong even outside. I have such bizarre perceptual double standards. I loathe the smell of poop normally. Just like anyone. But after an accident it’s utterly essential to complete the experience which would be significantly diluted without it. I had a few questions about that in asks - it’s not something I have to deal with. It’s part of it and it has to be part of it for me.

    And so I walked around the forest taking a few pics in a total mess but felt thoroughly protected wearing the capacious tena. Nothing was bulging out like in jeans which gave me the confidence to carry on walking around for longer than usual. I stopped in a few different places and the drive between them included a fairly big wee. That was when I changed into the previously messed skirt that still has some vague staining which hasn’t completely washed out. I was worried about leaks and rightly so following another wee. The slip soaked through and started to effect my skirt. I managed to get a few bluebell pics and still felt way more protected than I do wearing just pants but I usually try not to wet myself for pants only missions as it’s just too obvious.

    Just before I went home I tried a sunset pic. Not particularly easy to balance the flash and the sky so it took a few attempts in a very public area of parkland but it nearly worked.

    I’d like to make the most of some scenic areas this autumn but recently I’m increasingly getting rashes from being in a mess too long. I never used to get them this badly. From the first instance of pain to being in agony when walking only takes about thirty minutes. I really need to solve it somehow. Stop sh*tting yourself maybe.

    I won’t finish by promising I’ll post more often. The weight of it to get through feels like doing another degree. But I can say that even at a regular posting level, it will be a long time before I have nothing left to post.

    Thank you for reading and happy pooping xx

    I’ve had a few messages asking if I’m still active. So much for my ‘post every two weeks’ promise. I shouldn’t make promises that I might not be able to keep, so I’m sorry x

    I’m still very much active. I suppose my only concern is as much as the inception of this blog was to document my gradual descent into insanity in front of everyone, and to remember it all by of course once I’ve found a more normal outlet of expression, I’m just not sure I can keep posts interesting anymore. It’s mostly all the same these days. I don’t wear my nicer clothes for it so I always look the same. Always walking around shopping after holding for a stupidly long time. Letting pressure build until it genuinely becomes an accident in ridiculous situations. Funny looks. People pointing and laughing. I even had a girl give me the rock and roll hand sign recently which was surreal.

    But it’s getting hard to go back to all the local shopping centres through fear of being recognised as that girl who shit herself, or ‘oh there’s that girl who shit herself, and look, she’s shit herself again’. Just a trifle suspicious. It’s kind of running out of steam here. Not that I haven’t got a lot more to post. I’ve lost count this year and I know posts don’t reflect it at all. So there’s more than I’ve posted ever still to cover but it may be slow.

    The pic was from an August walk recently. It was a pretty dramatic day. I may do a write up but will try to cover a few stories I’ve promised first. I may also soon do a joint post with @instinkts as we randomly needed to go while we were messaging and both had a slight situation to clean up after.

    Thanks for being patient and for all the support xx

    ((💫Do not delete my captions!! 💫))

    Daddy got a few pictures of me slipping in to my undies and Tena pad this morning so I thought I would share ☺️ I know the diapers are overwhelmingly popular, but I do love the pads because they can be a lot less showy/warm and still take maybe one or two slip-ups I spent the day in one mostly and ended up using it twice ( once in the grocery store because the Coinstar line was ridiculously long!! 🙄) but then I needed to change it after our grocery run because I was starting to get too squishy and maybe close to leaky 🐭 plus the pads aren’t the best thing for not smelling like pee pee when they’re that soaked 💦 Having more wine tonight, so a fresh Tena was necessary!!

    Want to see way more? Panties, customs and Snapchat info here!