pumpkiny-link

    Do non-americans realize that the United States is literally just a bunch of countries in a trench coat that agreed to be semi-nice to each other in order to sneak into the Big Boy Club? Because let’s be honest that’s just what the USA is

    pumpkin-kitty-kat

    The rest of the world: So… you’re a big country?

    The states, standing on each other’s shoulders: Y- yes,,,

    pumpkin-kitty-kat

    I love how everyone who’s reblogged this hasn’t added anything on or tagged anything on it. They’re all just like “Yeah. That’s it. That’s the entire United States summed up in one post-”

    n3wtscaseofniffler5

    Don’t let these tags die omfg

    shieldmaiden19

    10/10 can confirm

    aces-to-apples

    absolutely bonkers that my own tags have crossed my dash like this more than fifteen reblogs after i wrote them

    deerladydisdain

    I moved to another state. 30 minutes away. My family acts like I betrayed them and can’t understand my life choices. It’s completely different way of life, especially during covid. Completely different country.

    bluecrowne

    every single fucking time one of those articles of “things europeans find weird about america” complains that sales tax isn’t included

    states set the sales tax!!! it’s literally different across state lines!!! american retailers can’t add it bc they’d have to account for 50 different prices!!!!!!!

    capriceandwhimsy

    It gets even more insane! California’s clean air standards for cars and other such things are so much higher than everyone else’s! So if a car manufacturer in Detroit wants to sell their damn cars in California, they need to build their cars to California clean air standards. But retooling an assembly line and car design to have some cars meet California clean air standards, while building others to other clean air standards is a lot of work, so car manufacturers all over the country have to build all their cars to California clean air standards.

    Which is why California went into an uproar earlier this year when the Federal Government tried to argue that states can’t set their own environmental guidelines! “Fuck you!” says California, “we remember Los Angeles in the 80s, how bad the smog gets, go pollute your own damn air over in your own damn state where there isn’t a thermal inversion layer to trap all the smog down near ground level!”

    “But you’re making it soooo haaaaaard to sell our cars everywhere else!” they whine.

    “Fuck you!” California shouts. “And while we’re at it, we don’t give a shit what you say, Mister President, we’re gonna open our damn states when we’re good and ready, and our friends Nevada, Oregon, Colorado, and Washington State agree! Also, we’ve decided to legalize weed!”

    “But the Federal Government says it’s illegal!” shouts the other states.

    “Fuck you, we make the drug laws in our state, and we say toke up!”

    “Now, hang on!” shouts the Federal government. “You can legalize weed in your state, but all banks are federal agencies, so if your weed dispensaries set up bank accounts, those accounts have money from illegal practices in it and are subject to seizure by the federal government!”

    “FINE!” shouts California. “Hey, weed guys, you can keep selling weed, but you can only deal in cash!”

    “How the fuck is that supposed to work!?”

    “I DON’T FUCKING KNOW, TAKE IT UP WITH DC!”

    “By the way, if you’re gay married elsewhere, we won’t recognize it,” mutters Texas.

    “OH FUCK YOUUUUUUU!” 

    And so it goes and so it goes…

    quousque

    “What’s sales tax?” says Montana. “What’s road maintainence?” “also what’s a speed limit?”

    finnglas

    *gestures at Florida* Oh also, the reason Florida is “so weird” is only PARTIALLY because people who live here are bonkers – it’s also because Florida state laws around privacy do not include the details of arrests! So in other states, when you’re arrested, it can just show up in the registrar like “25 yo man arrested 04/30/20” but in Florida they can (and do) print the details of why they were arrested: “25 yo man arrested 4/30/20 for riding an alligator through town while naked and smoking weed.” I promises you the other states have PLENTY of weirdos, they just don’t get their dirty laundry gleefully aired in the local news.

    stardustyheart

    No, definitely not :D

    gluten-free-pussy

    I was high off my ass last night and had this dream where I was in this dense ass forest and sitting there was a tall woman. She was so tall I couldn’t see her face but she was wearing gold and I was like “uh…hi?” And she said “I made you, do you know that?” And I nodded and she was like “I hear your thoughts. Why do you hate my creation? Why do you try to destroy yourself? I made you perfect as you are. Please don’t break my heart”. Then she started crying and it flooded and I woke up with fucking heart palpitations like what does it Mean™️????

    royalhans

    polar opposite of this post

    hrmsketches

    inspiration struck and would not let me go until i drew this

    gluten-free-pussy

    This is really beautiful!!!

    treetopview

    does anyone else kind of.. enjoy spoilers ?? like they’re sort of a relief because then I know whether or not something is worth investing in watching or reading or not

    I’m not gonna be disappointed if it doesn’t turn out how I want plus I’m not going to fast forward and skip through large parts of it to find out what happens, which I’m embarrassed that I do I just don’t have the patience

    Is that just a me thing or do other people do that too? Is that an adhd thing?

    I just do way better watching things if I already know the entire synopsis and can predict kinda when things will happen like landmarks in a movie that help me through

    Please tell me this is an actual thing and not just me

    bomberqueen17

    ok so recently i wanted to read a book to my niece, who just turned 7, that I thought she’d like. but it had some scary parts in it, that might be too much for her. she’s tough, but she’s sensitive too, like any kid her age.

    so what did i do? I spoilered it. I said “hey this kid runs into some monsters that are gonna try to eat him, and then they chase him and it’s very suspenseful. You think that would be too scary?”

    She considered it. “Do they eat him in the end?” she asked.

    “No,” I said.

    “Then no,” she said. And then, when we were about to hit the Big Reveal that this person who had helped him was secretly actually a man-eating monster, she lit up and was like “IS THIS WHEN IT HAPPENS” and I was like “SHH yes!” and she was like “AHH YEAH” and loved it.

    I don’t think spoilers are just for kids, though. I’m now so Tired of conventional media’s endless race for The More Shocking Ending that I refuse to watch shit when I don’t know how it’s going to end. It’s not that I don’t have the emotional resilience to handle unexpected things (well, sometimes I don’t, honestly, and have no shame about that), it’s that if the unexpected thing is the “fuck you if you liked these characters ha ha ha!” plot twist, I just don’t have the time to invest in your fictional world. If you can’t respect me as an audience then I have other shit to do with my time.

    Even my own writing– I dithered a bit in my latest series, which was going to hinge on a dead character being revealed to really be alive. I did my best to avoid spoilers as I was writing the thing, but now I’ve posted it and I figured, the thing to do is just to– tag it for the reveal. It’s not worth trying to be coy or people won’t know whether they want to read your shit.

    terrie01

    I stand by my view that if knowing the twist ruins your story, your story is poorly written. Like, I appreciate that some people love the thrill of discovery, and as such, I support making sure people don’t stumble over spoilers without warning. But I’m sick and tired of stories that go “Ha, ha, tricked you!” or confuse shock value with suspense. 

    event-x-horizon

    I’m also reminded of classic tragedies where the entire point is that the audience knows what happens, but the characters don’t, and there’s definitely a good amount of fun in frustratingly watching them careen towards doom, seeing all the signs, and not being able to do anything about it.

    That’s also partly why picking up a piece of media you’ve already enjoyed again is so fun; seeing all the little hints the author peppers throughout the story you might not have picked up the first time gives you an entirely different, but still very much enjoyable, experience.

    marypsue

    if the unexpected thing is the “fuck you if you liked these characters ha ha ha!” plot twist, I just don’t have the time to invest in your fictional world. If you can’t respect me as an audience then I have other shit to do with my time.

    arvinrussell

    the pros of reading ao3 fics in public is that their layout is so clean and simple that people would think you’re reading some academic researches when you’re in fact reading a 50k fic. the cons is that you need to control your face all the fucking time

    fuckyeahisawthat

    An additional feature: the layout is clean and simple BUT anyone familiar with AO3 will immediately recognize it. Pro or con? You decide.

    captainclickycat

    But you know, what were they doing at the devil’s sacrament

    elytrians

    is there any look hotter than disheveled and slightly bloody

    chegayvara

    um?? dishevelled and slightly bloody, with a sword under their chin

    tododeku-or-bust

    Ahem. Dishevelled, slightly bloody, with a sword under their chin, while smiling lasciviously

    moonyinthesky

    for your consideration: dishevelled, slightly bloody, with a sword under their chin, while smiling lasciviously, and kneeling

    explorerrowan

    I am afraid we are all extremely queer.

    crockpotcauldron

    the ideal werewolf novel

    just looked through about 700 werewolf books, good grief.

    most seem to fall into two categories:

  • werewolf serial killer mysteries
  • domineering alpha romances
  • neither is really what I’m interested in.

    here is what I’d want from the werewolf novel of my wildest dreams:

  • good relationships, especially friendships between packmates (lone wolves are boring)
  • werewolves who like being werewolves. (angsty wolves are boring)
  • the practical details of werewolfery: who’s got the bail money for animal control, whether anyone’s microchipped, what you pack in a bag for a night out werewolfing
  • the uses of werewolfery: hiring yourselves out as trackers or canine rescue, getting certified as service dogs, spending your free time at the library letting little kids read to a friendly doggie
  • female werewolves, and no weird gross hypermasculine alpha stuff going on in werewolf culture
  • queer werewolves, and no weird gross heteronormative ‘laws of nature’ stuff going on in werewolf culture
  • dog jokes.
  • lectorel

    The standard urban fantasy female protagonist dating a werewolf who is not an alpha. Bonus points for it being a cute beta werewolfess who thinks her girlfriend’s perpetual posturing as the ‘baddest bitch on the block’™ is the most adorable thing ever. Extra bonus points for fuzzy baby werewolves and adopted babies. (Because actual wolf packs? Exist to raise children. They’re family units, focused around rearing cubs.)

    crockpotcauldron

    #werewolves #queer wolves#werewolves as the foster parents of the supernatural world #if there’s a kid so much as sniffling in their general vicinity they’re going to get adopted #the fae discovered that they could straight-up hand off changlings to werewolf packs #no deception needed #magic using children of mundane parents who can’t handle it? #every pack has a dozen of them #fic ideas

    okay this is one of the cutest reblogs I’ve gotten. 

    imagine it

    werewolves just going YES FAMILY GOOD and adopting everyone and making sure they get attention and food and understand that it’s fine to be who you are and that you’re not alone, you’re pack now

    and the kids that can’t turn into wolves get to ride on the dogsleds to make sure they’re not left out during the full moon family bonding time (… you have to be an adult to pull a dogsled. mistakes have been made.)

    werewolves on the PTA. werewolf den mothers. werewolf little league coaches. werewolves filling the bleachers and auditioriums and dance halls and galleries, cheering for their kids. werewolves helping kids with their homework, werewolves sewing costumes for the school play, werewolves showing kids how to change a tire

    werewolves with battered kitchen tables with chewed legs. werewolves with huge family dinners. werewolves ferrying pies and casseroles and fresh baked bread back and forth between family members’ houses. werewolf extended families. massive werewolf packs that are technically only about 25% werewolf but still definitely packs

    puppy teeth being left for the tooth fairy. fangs being left for the tooth fairy. cuttlebones being left for the tooth fairy. stolen teeth being left for the tooth fairy. werewolves with giant families full of kids with different needs and species.

    werewolves adopting everyone. werewolves fostering everyone. werewolves who wind up with dozens of kids, all of whom are family and therefore pack.

    filecreator

    yes good, give me more like this

    ladyzolstice

    i feel this in my soul

    bluewavelengths

    WEREWOLVES BASED ON ACTUAL WOLF PACK BEHAVIOR INSTEAD OF BULLSHIT DOMINANCE THEORY! All the werewolf fiction I’ve read involves everything falling to shit due to infighting over who gets to be alpha like WAY TO ILLUSTRATE EXACTLY WHY THIS IDEA DOESN’T WORK. You really think wolves would be successful hunters if they were constantly getting injured and wasting energy fighting each other?!

    skaletal

    The whole idea of “alpha” dynamics is based entirely on the behaviour of wolves in captivity! If you so much as google “wolves in captivity alpha”, you’ll get a bunch of results about why it’s not representative of actual wolf behaviour.

    As it turns out, if you capture, restrain, and shove together wolves from unrelated packs, they will fight and form a hierarchy of power.

    Kind of like prison. Because, functionally, the exact premise of that kind of captivity is kind of like prison.

    Wolves are social animals, and they interact in the wild pretty much the same way other family-centric social animals do.

    Hey, you know what another family-centric social animal we’re all familiar with is? People. Just, you know, take away the oppressive idea that one parent is the definitive and unchallengeable head of the household that most of us have lived under for so long first.

    Wolves are apparently group problem-solvers, and presumably, in large packs, you’re going to get squabbling and older pack members mitigating it, just like that one patient aunt or uncle or grandparent or close family friend who is essentially a relative often does in big families.

    There’s a very legitimate basis for writing werewolves as friendly, community-minded folks. If your werewolves view their human neighbours as other packs not in competition with themselves, they’re likely going to be those people that the entire neighbourhood views as very nice, but “a little overwhelming.” (And maybe a little too indulgent with their kids, according to the neighbourhood snobs.)

    Your gigantic werewolf family is probably going to be a litle less threatening and overtly secretive and a little more “we’re having a barbeque, when can we expect you??? you didn’t come last week, were you sick??? we were all worried- do you not eat meat?? oh, okay, I’ll have Sophie and Thaddeus pick up some Halal burgers and we’ll scrub off the second barbeque for them and some vegetable skewers, too, does that sound good?? so when can we expect you????”

    (Also: werewolves taking in queer kids and mentally ill kids and kids from broken homes even though they’re mundane because they can’t comprehend how someone could not want them. Werewolves taking in street kids.)

    kirby-ebooks

    #…a pack of werewolves living in a huge house together like one of those huge families people sort of smile incredulously at#multiple generations#a pack occupying a trailer park because it’s near the woods and there’s a certain amount of security in having a mobile home#packs being viewed by mundanes as those eccentric families that fill the school gymnasium every time there’s an event with one of their kids#packs migrating to accomodate new packmates and encountering other packs#packs fusing to form entire communities#wolves taking in mundane street kids#werewolves#writing#urban fantasy

    dancyflammarions

    another thing the werewolf family does is sing together in the evening, even in human form. the sound is vaguely like gregorian chanting but wild and hauntingly beautiful. Maybe a bit scary to humans who haven’t heard it before (because we do retain a degree of instinctive fear of wolves) but for those who are used to having werewolves as neighbors it’s a comforting sound. There aren’t many criminals or predators, mudane or otherwise, who dare to go bump in the night after hearing a werewolf pack sing.

    lonelyshadowcat

    These are amazing ideas. I would love to read werewolf stories like this.

    sonatacunt-deactivated20211212

    anyone know that reddit post about a girl who’s gf washes her hair and it talks about non sexual intimacy

    liamisthesun

    found it :)

    topaz-stars

    This reminds me of this post;

    Forgive me guys as I do not remember where the screenshot is from, but I have it here and I wanted to share with you.

    time-travel-toke-up

    I have had guy friends cry because I enthusiastically asked to do their hair in plaits. I have shave my head out of hair frustration a lot but I loved braiding my own hair. like, crown braid casually during a test instead of a ponytail when I needed my hair off my face type speed braiding. and I have a lot of guy friends with that long flowy Viking hair. gal friends love me doing their hair, paid me to do it for prom and shit, so I started asking my male friends to plait their hair like a viking. I stg, some have cried. some freeze like a internet explorer tab.

    and this is a thing we just DID at sleepovers to each other as girls! I am used to this level of “let me get uncomfortably close and bond with you” monkey type grooming. it breaks my heart when I compliment a man or offer a sincere “that’s fucked bruh” bear hug and they hesitate or seem to look for a trick. y'all be touch starved and get shit when you try and seek it from anyone in a non sexual context, how is this not a set up for unhealthy thoughts about self worth?

    moved-to-korrigantsionnach-deac

    I want a story about a king whose son is prophesied to kill him so the king is like “whatever what am I supposed to do, kill my own kid wtf is wrong with you” so he just raises him as normal, doesn’t even tell him about the prophecy, and instead of some convoluted twist of events that leads to the king’s murder the son grows up and when the king is very old and dying and in excruciating pain the kid is just like alright I'mma put him out of his misery.

    broliloquy

    The king’s son becomes the new king, and is prophesied to defeat evil and bring an age of prosperity. His generals and knights all crack their knuckles but he pretty much ignores them and focuses on strengthening the infrastructure of his kingdom. Forty years later he is old and sick but still hearing his subjects’ grievances, and a general’s like “how will you defeat the prophesied evil now? You’re old and weak.” Another visitor, a teenager fresh out of the kingdom’s public education system, looks at the general like he is an ignoramus. The king eradicated poverty, housed the homeless, taught the ignorant, ended class exploitation by abolishing the nobility and imprisoning the corrupt, and established a highly respected guild of doctors that recently figured out how to cure the plague. There are no brigands because there is enough wealth for everyone to live comfortably; hiding in the woods and taking trinkets from people simply doesn’t make any sense for anyone but the desperate, and the people are not desperate. Evil is a weed, explains the teenager. It grows in cracked roads and crumbling houses and forgotten corners, rooted in indifference and watered by suffering. But the king demands that broken things be mended and suffering people be made well.

    No evil lives in this kingdom, says the teenager. It starved to death before I was born.

    broliloquy

    Every once in a while, when I’m feeling down, I go and look at the notes on this post and they make me feel a lot better. This is the energy I want to carry into 2018.

    thestarfishdancer

    For those who need to carry it into 2019.

    noctumsolis

    And on to 2022

    You know what I want in life?

    More Skull from KHR

    we already have the HP/KHR crossovers and the BAMF!Skull but we don’t have this;

    Southern Skull

    like American Southern,

    give me the accent, the condescending compliments the subtle insults— and better yet, almost all of the Arcobaleno have no idea that he‘s being completely insincere and calling Reborn a b*tchy little hoe in between all those ‘Honey’s’ and ’darlin’s’ —

    Right up until they find out the Carcassa is a branch of an American mob family (that Skull may or may not lead) and someone enlightens them that those flowers Skull gave them that They put in the vase in the dining room were basically telling the receiver to go fuck themselves and that Skull is apparently the most passive aggressive motherf*cker alive

    There are Monsters in the Dark

    [Bruce waking up to Jason looming over him]

    Bruce, bleary eyed: Jason? Why- why are you watching me sleep?

    Jason: I need your help.

    Bruce, groaning: What did you do?

    Jason: Excuse you, I did nothing but be my perfect angel self.

    Bruce, deadpan: Ah yes, angel and Jason. Two words that are basically synonymous. Well then, my angel child, I'm sure this can wait till tomorrow after I have had at least 3 hours of sleep.

    Jason: It actually can't, because there is currently a monster residing under my bed.

    Bruce:

    Bruce, blinking slowly: Jason, you are 22. There isn't a monster under your bed.

    Jason: Oh, silly me, let me just inform the MONSTER under MY BED that there is apparently an age limit on that sort of behavior.

    Bruce: You can't be serious, Jay.

    Jason: Deadly. Much like the monster under my bed. And as my dad it is your job to get rid of it.

    Bruce: *Getting up and angrily putting his robe on* Alfred help you, Jason, if you woke me up at 4 am to kill a spider.

    Jason: Firstly, it's not a spider, Bruce. And secondly, there is no need to invoke the name of our lord and savior, Alfred Pennyworth.

    Bruce: *rolling his eyes*

    [Bruce getting on his knees to check under the bed]

    Bruce: See, there's no- F*CK! *Bruce slamming his head against the bed-frame upon seeing Tim dressed as the Joker under the bed*

    Jason, laughing hysterically: Oh my god, I should have filmed that.

    Bruce, wide-eyed looking at Jason: What is wrong with you?

    Jason: So, so many things. But this right here, was genius.

    Bruce: Tim! Get out from under the bed, now!

    Tim: *Crawling out from under the bed* Sorry, Bruce. But that was pretty funny.

    Bruce: No! It wasn't! That is the most horrifying sh*t you two have ever pulled!

    Tim: What about that time in-

    Bruce: And yes. I am including the incident in Shanghai.

    *Tim and Jason grinning and high-fiving*

    Bruce: No! No high-fiving! This is not a high-fiving moment! I could have seriously injured, Tim.

    Tim, snorting: When? After or before you screamed and hit your head against the bed?

    Bruce: *Unimpressed bat-glare*

    Bruce: I'm returning you both.

    Jason: Sorry, there's a no return policy on broken orphans.

    Tim: *snorting and high-fiving Jason again*

    Bruce: Stop high-fiving! This is serious!

    Jason: Yeah, yeah, Old Man. Save the lecture. We're on a time crunch, we still have to dress Timbers up as Ra's and hide him in the Demon Brats closet.

    Bruce:

    Bruce: Why are you two like this?

    Jason, shrugging: Blame it on the childhood trauma.

    [Tim and Jason walking out of the room]

    Bruce: Alcohol. I need Alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

    grumpyhellion

    on another note, watched The Mummy (1999) the other day and I couldn’t help  feel like the O’Connells and the Addams (Addams Family Values (1993) would get on really well ya know? The O’Connells are basically the pastel adventure version of the Addams, surely they would just be vibin’ over tea and crumpets in an extremely haunted mansion having a ball of a time

    grumpyhellion

    Morticia: “So what is it you do for a living my dear?”

    Evelyn: “We dig up dead people who often have monstrous curses placed on them!”

    Morticia: fascinating”

    grumpyhellion

    Gomez: *leaping out from behind a pillar which is encrusted with ominous looking runes* en garde!

    Rick: *grabs sword from equally ominous looking wall full of weapons one of which seems to be glowing* fantastic I was getting a bit rusty

    Gomez: *nearly in tears* oh he’s screaming nonsensically, what spirit! what reslove!

    grumpyhellion

    *Rick and Gomez, still frantically sword fighting*

    Rick: Have I mentioned how wonderful my wife is yet, I really feel like I haven’t really expanded enough on how wonderful she is

    Gomez: do go on, I would be delighted to hear about how wonderful your wife is, I strongly encourge all men to extoll the virtues of their wives with rapturous praise, however I should perhaps mention my wife is in fact better

    *sword fighting intensifies as both men rapturously extoll the virtues of their wives*

    digitaldiscipline

    Jonathan and Fester and Cousin Itt watch from the bar, where Lurch and Thing are making the drinks.

    lemonsharks

    Jonathan and Thing knew one another from The War; each thought the other to be dead

    Their reunion is highly emotional

    bekause-blog

    Evelyn: This ritual calls for a human sacrifice

    Fester: I’m not busy

    Rick: Are you offering to be one, or get one?

    Fester: Yes

    This is gonna ruffle a lot of feathers, I’m sure (I’m about to get my ass beat on here 👀), but…

    If you’re going to love a fictional villain, LOVE THEM AS A VILLAIN! Stop trying to make them into some Good Person™ that they’re not. What is it that you even like about them? You think they’re hot?

    Quit being a pussy! THEY’RE FICTIONAL. It’s not some moral dilemma if you love a villain AS A VILLAIN.

    image

    Humans are Weirdos (ft.  animals)

    I know a popular ‘humans are weird to aliens’ topic is how easily humans can bond to animals. But then think the opposite.

    We humans are so weird because we are practically bonding magnets to animals.

    We have our social hierarchies, so it makes sense that we can fit in with certain groups like dogs and even gorillas if we can understand them enough. We get ourselves acquainted with dogs who have been domesticated and these dogs will leap into our laps and constantly bother us for pets and treats and licking us as a way to show affection. People who can get certain animals to open up to us are super cool. Aliens are in awe of how our understanding of them can get us into a pack so readily that humans who are super close to normally protective dog mothers are allowed to hold their precious babies.

    We can even manage to bond with animals like cats, known to be mostly solitary. We care for these cats and when they’re comfortable they will break their isolation and seek us out for affection.

    Imagine an alien seeing a dog or cat go to an upset human and try to nuzzle them or snuggle into their lap to let themselves be held for our emotional comfort. These animals which, though currently domesticated, were descended from predators streamlined towards a goal of becoming efficient hunters. Willingly coming to our emotional aid and comforting us because they’ve bonded with us so closely.

    Aliens see dogs act as protectors and bark away intruders on the human territory, but instantly turn happy when they know it’s their owner and friend. They see cats utilizing inborn maternal instincts to hunt down and leave 'gifts’ of dead things in an effort to feed and teach their humans to take care of them since we’re such worthless hunters in their eyes. They’ll even know if something is wrong with humans medically before we do, or know about disturbances in the home like fires or gas leaks, and will uncharacteristically jump us to get us out of danger.

    And when humans are in danger by others, and an animal senses it before we do, these animals will immediately jump on the defensive and snarl and warn against any potential enemies  and try to alert us.

    You’ve got dogs who will literally jump on intruders and bite them when they’re trying to attack their human owners. Throwing themselves and and intimidating animals many times larger than themselves for our sake. Even cats, the ones people might think aren’t very interested in their humans, will throw themselves into the fray and claw the hell out of something that’s a danger to a precious human of theirs.

    And, for an added bonus, imagine if we can get this to apply to bigger, deadlier animals with similar capacity for pack bonding.

    After months and months of talking, mimicking, feeding, and caring for a giant predator the rest of the crew refuses to near, it’s sort of relaxed to the human. A sense of loyalty that 'yes, this creature cares for me’. Then, one day, pirates invade the vessel and somehow the animal gets loose. Cue the crew panicking when it comes ambling out of its’ holding bay at the time when a pirate is about to bring a knife or something down on the human. Two seconds later this pirate is running and screaming for its life when it sees it. The creature takes a running start, LEAPS over the human (which was closest to it and already injured) and takes off after it. When that pirate is either captured or dead, the creature returns to the human, nuzzling them and making sounds to see if they’re okay.

    The human is smiling and mimicking the sounds back, or just talking to it to say what a 'good boy’ it is.

    The aliens of the crew are in shock.  The rest of the humans just smile knowingly.

    Humans are unstoppable...Until they aren’t.

    I’m not the most eloquent writer, but I’ve had this idea kicking around for a while and figured I’d put it out into the universe.

    A lot of the basis for the “humans are space orcs” stuff is the idea that we’re pretty durable compared to many species, yeah? When it comes to physical trauma, we can bounce back from most things that don’t kill us outright, especially given the benefit of hypothetical space-age technology, and adrenaline is one heck of a drug when it comes to functioning under stress. 

    But that doesn’t make us unkillable, and even though we can survive debilitating injuries and not die from shock, it doesn’t mean it’s fun. Dying of shock sucks, but at least it’s probably quick.

    So - Imagine a ship, adrift in space, slowly being drawn into a star or something. In order to save the ship, someone has to repair the hyper-quantum-relay-majig on the hull or in the engine or whatever. Bit of a problem though- there’s a ton of deadly, deadly radiation (Wrath of Khan style) or poisonous fumes or, I dunno, electrical current, between the crew and the repair. Like, enough to kill most species instantly, so the crew is just like, ‘welp, guess we’ll die then’. But then.

    BUT THEN

    They ask the human. Because everyone’s heard the stories - you’re basically unkillable, right? Could you survive long enough in there to fix it? And their human goes real quiet for a second, but still says ‘Yeah, I could fix it’. And the rest of the crew is like, ‘Whaaaaaa, it won’t kill you?’ and the human repeats “I can fix it” (which isn’t an answer, but no one catches that, not yet at least), so they send ‘em in. And the human fixes it, they come back, the ship flies to safety, and the crew is thrilled to survive. If the human is a little quiet, well, they’re entitled after pulling off a miracle. Everyone else is just excited to get to the nearest station’s bar to tell their very own human story, cuz, ‘those crazy humans, amiright?’.

    The good mood keeps up until the human is late for their next shift. At first it’s just faint unease, but- but they earned a bit of a lie-in, right? No reason to begrudge them some extra rest, even if it is a little weird for them to oversleep. They’ll be fine. Humans are always fine. 

    (Right?)

    (…Wrong.)

    -What is… help. Help!-

    - ake up! You have t-

    - been days. You need sleep, you-

    - nother transfusion. We could-

    - out of sedatives!-

    A week later, the crew finally reaches the station. They stumble into the bar, haggard and haunted. And over the next months and years a new rumor about humans starts to make its way through space. A rumor unlike any before.

    ‘Be careful with your humans’ it whispers. ‘Their strength is not always a blessing. Be sure they don’t do something they can’t come back from, because when a human dies… they die slowly.’

    justsomeantifas

    call me ignorant but i genuinely don’t understand why sports have to be split up by gender.

    my-username-is-classified

    @ everyone in the notes talking about physical performance: if that were the case, then sports would be divided by physical performance. that’s a thing you can measure. that’s a thing that varies by individual. a weak man and a strong man would be an unfair fight in boxing/wrestling/MMA, which is why they divide those sports up into weight groups based on physical performance. but they also further segregate them based on gender. chess is segregated by gender for no reason but sexism. if it’s actually about skill and physical ability, then measure those and separate people by those metrics. don’t do some bullshit gender segregation and pretend like men and women are inherently on different levels no matter their individual abilities.

    aggrokawaii

    Remember that time a teenage girl struck out Babe Ruth? That’s fucking why. Men are afraid of being beaten by women.

    amuseoffyre

    Remember that time male swimmers were pulled out of training because Kate Ledecky was leaving them ‘broken’ by swimming better than them? Remember how she didn’t even notice, because she was busy actually training?

    notanadult

    Shooting is a sport that has no reliance on strength and so any allowance for gender variation is irrelevant. The last time there was a mixed competition (1992) a chinese woman named Zhang Shan won it.

    murderxbaby

    It’s often presented as for the benefit of women. After all, they’ll be heartbroken when they‘re hurt or bested by men.

    Projection is a hell of a drug. 

    yungcrybby-anonymousbosch

    this is why they drug test Serena like crazy. the believe no woman should be that good. let alone a black woman. and black women have always been considered “manly” and less feminine.

    iampikachuhearmeroar

    also can we talk about how surfing is segregated as well? like how the dude who won this years international surfing cup or whatever was given $30,000 worth of prize money, while the woman who won the women’s comp was only awarded like $16,000 of prize money???? or whatever it was. but I know it was either half or less than half of what the man won. like why can’t they get the same prize money and when they’re competing internationally in the same competition? they surely have the same level of skill and talent.

    yungcrybby-anonymousbosch

    the pay gap in sports between men and women is fucking insane.

    torukun1

    The pay gaps, not to mention lack of sponsorships for women athletes who don’t look like models is insane. If you weigh over 250 pounds, no one will sponsor you. It’s why most female Olympic-class weightlifters live in poverty/out of their cars.

    intersex-mhacha

    Reminder that in international (and usually national too) womens athletics anybody with 5m/mol of natural testosterone or higher is disqualified. (See legal case of Dutee Chand vs IAAF.)

    Do you or somebody you know have PCOS? You are banned from international womens athletics because you are supposedly in posession of an unreasonable advantage in sports.

    Folks disqualified for hyper-androgenism in womens athletics.

    Francine Niyonsaba

    Caster Semenya

    Dutee Chand

    Margaret Wambui

    And more

    -

    Why are those disqualified overwhelmingly black and brown? Because testing is case by case when an athletes performance “raises suspicions”. They overwhelmingly test athletes of colour, for being too fast and not meeting white expectations of femininity.

    Racism and intersexism(discrimination against intersex people) in sports is abject evil. Desegregate sports.

    justlgbtthings

    bringing this back in light of the blatant racism and misogynoir in the olympics

    Humans are Weird “Altruism”

    It is a truth universally accepted that the one greatest instinctual desire of an individual, of any species, is the desire to maintain life. Unless directly inhibited by a dysfunction of cortical tissue, this truth remains accepted.

    However, it is instinctually acceptable to endanger one’s life out of desire to protect one’s progeny or family as a means of carrying on the genetic line. An advanced social structure requires strong social bonds to allow a society to remain in tact. Additionally, it is also understood that altruism outside a species is impossible without ulterior motive.

    Interspecies altruism holds no function, and therefore, is instinctually rejected. Some scholars argue that instances of interspecies altruism have been demonstrated in battles were two species fight on the same aside. However, it can be argued that this supposed altruism is actually intended to preserve friends of the SAME species.

    Regardless, the argument still remains, that interspecies altruism is rare if not nonexistent because it rejects core instinct for social preservative.

     Krill was a very nervous. He knew his decision to bring his human companions to his home planet was a risky decision, and governmental authorities seemed to agree as it had taken them months to even a small delegation of his human companions. They had heard the stories about the humans, and despite Krill vouching for them, there was always going to be some hesitance.

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