businessboisnihachu and tommyinnit having an underrated friendship for 2 minutes and 47 seconds
businessboisi miss them (at least theres the powers smp, misfits trio owns my heart)
but also like my favorite thing about this is like
niki: tommy’s really sweet
tommy: DONT MAKE ME PRESS THE BUTTON >:(
i’ll post the birthday postivity compilation tomorrow but in the mean time have this clip from mcc3 that didn’t really fit in a pos comp
Wilbur: “Look, so basically, uh, TommyInnit, he’s, uh, he’s a special little boy, alright? He’s my special little guy. I hold him close to my heart.”
"Someone tries to summon BBH. Someone else tries to summon Impulse. The wires get crossed. Nobody ends up with the friendly demon they were expecting; they end up with the other one"
this post was too good not to draw
AU where the Justice League forms like usual, except Batman maintained his “totally a myth” status and has in fact been active for years before the JL forms. He’s very cautious about trusting them, but still joins, and the others sort of accepts that as long as they trust that Batman has a really hard time with trust, it will all work out in its own weird way
Then, one day, in the middle of a JL mission, the League gets in a tight spot. Out of nowhere, this blue and black blur swoops in and saves everyone’s ass. Maybe breaking some shackles that were proving very difficult, maybe disarm a bomb that the League was just a hair’s breadth too slow to reach without help, but whatever happens, the shadowy figure pauses just long enough to say, “Hey, Batman, you know you there are these things called cellphones now and you can just call sometimes, it doesn’t have to be this dramatic?” and bounds away after shouting ‘let’s do brunch! Bring your new friends!’
Batman is mortified.
No one lets it go.
The entire rest of the mission, the whole League is asking so many questions. Who was that? Do you know him? How do you know him? What’s going on? I didn’t know there was a vigilante in this area?? They don’t let up until he talks.
“That was Nightwing.” Batman is mumbling. The JL forces him to bring them to the Brunch. Brunch happens to be in a run-down apartment on the edge of a bad neighborhood, at five in the morning, in costume. Nightwing introduces himself as Batman’s lovechild with justice.
“I did not realize Batman had a child,” Martian Manhunter says, calmly enough that no one’s sure if he’s accidentally plucking a really loud thought out of the air or if he’s trying to make a joke.
Nightwing stares for a moment falling over laughing. He doesn’t get up. Batman starts trying to apply anti-Joker venom but Nightwing just kicks him and laughs until he cries. He keeps trying to wipe his eyes and his mask keeps getting in the way, so he asks everyone to leave so he can please get a hold of himself
He is still laughing when they leave. Everyone is confused. Batman is furious. Nightwing manages to breathe long enough to say, “We’re just so glad you’re socializing now, Batman.”
Superman turns to look at Batman very slowly. “’we’?”
batfamscreamingPrompt:
Bruce knows he is bad at emotion and that he suffers badly from a severe case of tongue-tying when it comes to anything that isn’t life threatening, and it’s started to make people not believe him when he IS trying to be honest
So he asks Diana if he can borrow the lasso of truth while talking with his kids
honeycoolersSo I just had to fic this:
It’s a difficult question for Bruce to ask; a more difficult question for Dianna to answer.
“You want to borrow the lasso?” she asks, staring at him. “ I thought you had your own ways of getting the truth out of your criminals.”
Bruce can feel the heat rush up the back of his neck. He feels like he is a small child, standing before Alfred again. He hears that voice in the back of his head, you have tracked mud in to the house countless times, and now you want Alfred pull out the splinter? It’s an ungrateful thing to ask of Dianna, after how much she has done to make him a better man. But he has to try.
“It’s for me,” he says. Dianna blinks and frowns. Bruce thinks that she must have such a good and patient heart to tolerate him. He asks such a huge favor of her, and he can’t even answer her questions.
“For you?” she asks.
“For my children,” he says. Her face softens. She always did have such a soft spot for his children, calling them “babies” long after they were grown enough to have babies of their own.
“Of course, Bruce,” she says. She holds the lasso out for him, and gives his hand a soft squeeze as he takes it. All the while, that soft look stays on her face. “This is brave of you,” she says.
“No. It’s really not,” he says. It would be bravery if he could say it on his own. If he had said it before. This is just a desperate man’s Hail Marry.
batfamscreamingSomeone has answered the call!!!
batfamscreamingNew Hero: oh my god i’ve heard so much abotu Batman and ho w smart he is and what a genius he is with tactics and –
Every single Robin: Batman’s an idiot
when u die and the cones in your eyes are repaired when you come back to life #justlazaruspitthings
wayne manor home videos part 2
that batfam au where Bruce hasn’t introduced his children yet but every time the League is in trouble he goes like my 8th grade history teacher saying “so I might know a guy” adn every fucking time it’s a CHILD.
In Bruce’s defense, anyone who blames him for putting his children in the line of fire does not like…get his children.
Bruce adopting and training these kids is absolutely the only thing standing between them and even EARLIER deaths than the ones in canon that they all basically just…refuse to let stick.
Like, these are six incredibly determined little dumbasses.
Dick Grayson: breaks out of juvie and runs around rooftops tracking down the mob boss that ordered his parents killed in order to ruthlessly avenge them when he’s EIGHT.
Jason Todd: at age twelve, is caught stealing the tires off the goddamn BATMOBILE and upon being caught, his first instinct is NOT flight, its HIT THE GODDAMN BATMAN WITH HIS TIRE IRON.
Tim Drake: as early as age ten, spends his free time running around Gotham’s rooftops and back alleys stalking Batman and Robin with his clunky camera and absolutely no prior experience or training in either acrobatics or surviving Gotham’s back alleys.
Cassandra Cain: Upon learning Lady Shiva is her mother, ignores Batman yelling CASSANDRA NO and tracks down the most lethal and feared woman on the planet and bullies her into training her further, with Shiva going okay but then we gotta battle to the death and Cassandra going sure, makes sense, when do we start.
Damian Wayne: Early in life, is ordered to hunt and fight a bunch of dragon-type creatures. Adopts one as his pet. Finally meets his father, who does not trust him. Steals the Batmobile. Is fired from Robin and forbidden to leave the Manor for his protection while there’s a hit on his life. Calls himself Redbird and resumes Robin duties, citing that he was only forbidden from leaving as ROBIN, specifically. Is sent home during an attack on the city by a zombie army. Turns around and wades into the zombie army on his own. Etc, etc.
Duke Thomas: At age ten, the Riddler shuts down all the power in Gotham and says he’ll only restore it if bested with a riddle. Duke hears this and decides, this is a job for…Duke Thomas. Around age fifteen, he’s put in the foster system after his parents are affected by the Joker’s mind-altering gas during an attack, hears that some of the Joker’s victims have been found wandering around the sewer system that’s noted for being home to like….a cannibalistic crocodile villain, among other things, thinks well, guess I gotta go personally cover every inch of Gotham’s sewers on my own, by foot. Accidentally stumbles across a plot to bomb all of Gotham and decides, this is a job for…Duke Thomas. Etc, etc.
In summation, the Batkids’ shared family trait is Absolute Dumbassery and a Willful Disregard for Self-Preservation, and no, they do not accept constructive criticism. Bruce’s training them all as his partners was 40% fatalism, 60% Hail Mary.
He actually tried getting Dick to choose colors for his costume that would actually blend into the shadows, and eight year old Dick went nah, I’m gonna stick with bright red, yellow and green, thanks though.
He actually tried teaching Jason Todd how to prioritize speed and evasion against bigger opponents, and 5′4″ Jason Todd went nah, I’m just gonna punch ‘em, thanks though.
He actually tried sending Tim home when Tim first showed up, and Tim went nah, I’m just not gonna do that, thanks though.
He actually tried getting Cassandra to be more careful and selective about inserting herself into every single dangerous situation she came across, and Cass went, sorry, lost my phone when I weaponized it against the bad guys and also I’m in Hong Kong right now about to face off with my killer mom, see ya when I get back, bye.
He actually tried benching Damian repeatedly, and Damian went, LOL. No.
He actually tried stressing to Duke the importance of leaving dangerous situations to the professionals, and Duke kept showing up at every dangerous situation in Gotham and being like oh hey, so weird we keep running into each other.
Every time another adult hero clucks at Bruce disapprovingly and says he really should’ve kept his kids out of the hero life, Bruce’s eye twitches and he grinds out: “Oh gee. If only I’d thought of that.”
Bruce Wayne has zoom meetings for WE because he’s not a shitty boss and has the company do remote work when the ‘rona hits and these are some things that have happened during his zoom calls
•there was a cow standing in the back of the office for the whole meeting. Someone asked about it, and Bruce’s answer was ‘my son is afraid my other son is going to eat batcow.’ No one asked any follow up questions
•Dick has climbed in through the window a few times. The first time Bruce asked why and Dick very loudly said ‘I have to stay in shape!’. Bruce has not asked since and continues to let Dick enter through the window
•Damian came running into the office with a live turkey. Bruce paused to say ‘good morning Damian. Good morning Jerry.’ then continued the meeting like nothing happened. Damian left shortly after, but left Jerry
•Cass sits in on his meetings sometimes. She doesn’t say anything, just doodles little pictures for Bruce
•Jason came in, slammed a tray of cookies on the desk, said ‘Alfred said I have to be nice and share’ then walked out
•Alfred the Cat walks across Bruce’s keyboard at least once every meeting, even though Bruce makes sure the cat isn’t in the office before he closes the door. He is starting to suspect the cat knows how to get into the vents
•similarly, Titus makes frequent appearances because he thinks he’s a lap dog. He is not a lap dog
•Tim barges in often and asks ‘can I help you yell at old white men?’ Bruce tells him no every single time
•Tim has also barged in asking ‘if I can give you physical proof that Kon doesn’t have the ‘rona can he come over??’ It is clear they’ve had this argument before
•Bruce once ended a meeting early with the excuse that Alfred the Cat was yelling at Bruce to feed him dinner. Alfred the Cat was sitting in his lap and purring, and it wasn’t even past noon yet
•Alfred has ended meetings early because ‘its dinner time, Master Bruce, and we are going to eat as a family tonight or so help me god’
•at least twice a week Bruce has to physically leave the zoom call because two of his children are fighting
mycroftrhan incomplete list of times a bat has yelled for superman’s help
- six years after they met, batman called for superman’s help for the first time, when he realized he couldn’t save a child from a fire
- dick grayson, age 8, called for superman to save batman from a death trap
- dick grayson, age 9, called superman to open a jam jar (strawberry)
- alfred, age lots, called superman to save batman from a death trap
- dick grayson, age 11, called superman to open a jam jar (grape)
- bruce wayne called superman to comfort dick grayson, who had just been fired as robin
- ace the bathound barked for superman to save batman from a death trap
- bruce wayne called superman to ask why, precisely, dick grayson was now superhero-ing under a kryptonian name
- jason todd called superman to save batman from a death trap
- batman called superman to save jason todd from a death trap. superman was in a different solar system. he didn’t hear his name.
- barbara gordon called superman to help subdue supergirl, who was mind-controlled at the time
- dick grayson, age 19, called superman to open a jam jar (raspberry)
- tim drake called superman to save batman from a death trap
- stephanie brown called superman to see if she could
- tim drake called superman to tell superboy to take his earbuds out
- batman called superman because the batplane had just exploded at 17,000 feet, and he can’t fly, at all
- jason todd called superman to save batman from a death trap that he had himself set up
- dick grayson, age 24, called superman to open a jam jar (fig)
- dick grayson called superman to ask him why he hadn’t saved his father
- damian wayne called superman to save batman (dick grayson) from a death trap
- cassandra cain called superman so he could interpret her signs for a particularly skeevy alleyway ruffian. he refused to interpret some of the signs.
- batman called superman to tell him to get lois some damn flowers already so she would stop texting him
- a failsafe device made by barbara gordon and tim drake automatically called superman to save batman from a death trap
- duke thomas called superman because he was dared to and he didn’t think it would work (it did)
- dick grayson, age 26, called superman to open a jam jar (apricot)
- damian wayne called superman to tell superboy (jon kent) to take his earbuds out
- selina kyle called superman to save a kitten from a tree
- dick grayson, age 28, called superman to save batman from a jam jar (giant, acid-filled)
batfamscreaming[Above post reads: Luna-does-real-doodle replied to the text post: “Dick needs to stop opening jam jars fucking hell lmao”. In pain text, mycroftrh replies “ Dick doesn’t open jam jars, didn’t you read the post” . End.]
Bruce gets parenting tips from his children.
i like to think that even if the batkids aren't blood related, they still have mannerisms they picked up from each other and bruce that makes people go "u guys are definitely related"
they all have dick's shit eating grin. they all do bruce's "hn" when tired or annoyed. they all have a flair for the dramatic. they all get super animated when talking about something that interests them. jason's glare? the other kids have an unsettling similar glare to it.
it's easy for some people to forget they aren't blood related because they're all just so clearly family.
[JL Watchtower]
Batman: *alert, expression grave* We have an emergency.
Superman: *springing into action* Let’s go, you can tell me the details on the way –
Batman: It’s me. I’m the emergency.
Superman: *frowning, examining Batman with x-ray vision* No broken bones, no internal bleeding… what’s wrong?
Batman: I think I’m drunk.
Superman:
Superman: You don’t drink.
Batman: I had canned coffee. From the pantry. There’s crateloads of them.
Superman: *remembering Flash’s newest concoction* Oh
Batman: At first I thought I was just being affected by the sugar.
Superman: *remembering Flash mentioning that he had them specially made for his high metabolism* Oh no
Batman: You know I don’t consume much sugar, Clark. I’m not used to it. I thought it was The Sugar Rush™
Superman: How much did you drink?
Batman: I’d already drunk two cans when I read the fine print. I –
Batman: *clutching Superman’s shoulder, carefully enunciating* I imbibed two whole cans, Clark. Of metahuman-grade Irish Coffee.
Superman: *supporting Batman’s free arm, keeping him from acquainting his face with the floor* Oh no
Batman: I feel strange. I made small talk in the cafeteria. I might’ve cracked a joke at some point. I almost told Green Lantern he did a good job on the last mission.
Superman: Wow
Batman: But he didn’t do a good job, Clark.
Superman: *lips pursed, corners twitching* Mhm
Batman: My mental faculties have been compromised. I feel… bubbly.
Superman: *controlling his breathing*
Batman: I cannot be seen bubbly, Clark. I’m Batman.
Superman: *shoulders shaking, eyes glistening*
Batman: You need to get me out of here before I run around the cafeteria complimenting everyone.
Superman: Okay, just – give me a sec –
Superman: *sniffling* I’m memorizing every detail of this conversation so I can replay it forever
+
[Later, at the Batcave]
Superman: *flies in with Batman in a bridal lift*
Batkids: !!!!!!!!!
Nightwing: We received his emergency alert –
Red Hood: What the fuck happened –?
Nightwing: – he wasn’t responding –
Robin: Is Father conscious –?
Red Robin: I’m getting Alfred –
Superman: GUYS, guys, calm down
Superman: *puts Batman down on his feet* B’s just drunk.
Batman: *stands straight, dusts his shoulders, opens his arms*
Batman: Daddy’s home.
Nightwing:
Robin:
Red Robin: Okay, pause everything, I’m getting a camera *runs off*
Red Hood: *unblinking* Is this real
Batman: How are you boys this fine evenin’?
Robin: It’s 4 AM
Nightwing: Why is he speaking with a southern accent?
Superman: He’s been cycling through accents since liftoff. No idea why.
Red Robin: *returning with an 8K camera in hand*BEHOLD, the reclusive Gotham Bat in his natural habitat…
Batman: *staring at the lens, hands lifting his cape open at shoulder-height*
Batman: *fangs bared* I bid you velcome.
Red Hood: *still unblinking, unmoving* This is the best day of my entire life
My favorite thing about Batman is that he’s the best fighter and smartest person in the room…until a single one of his kids shows up.
Batman, normally:
*rattles off extremely smart plan with multiple contingencies*
*can beat Superman if given five minutes of prep time*
*is scary*
*can and will fuck you up*
Batman when one of his kids is within a half mile radius:
“Fuck if I know, ask Stephanie.”
*squints really hard* I don’t know that language. Talk to Nightwing.
“Red Robin is much better at these kinds of things.”
“Look, if you want an actually decent sparring partner, Cassandra and Damian are in the kitchen.”
*gestures vaguely* “Someone go find Duke, I need someone competent.”
“Jason, help me.”
*speaking directly into the bottom of his phone way too loudly* Oracle, comms are down. What do you want me to do?
these are my emotional support wet rats, your honor
At the Manor
[The batkids are having a fight in the living room]
Jason: [accidentally shoots the wall]
Everyone: [freezes]
Jason: [wide-eyed] Ah… oops
Jason: [pulls out a small poster and some tape from his backpack]
Jason: [muttering] I’ll just… put a lil’ painting over that…
Everyone: …
Tim: [gasps suddenly] Oh. My. God. Is THIS why you have so many paintings at your place?! I just thought you were weirdly into art!
Jason: [taping over the bullet-hole with the poster] Well, to be fair you can only buy so many paintings before you actually develop an interest.
Duke: Wait, what about that huge Pollock painting in your living room?
Jason: Rocket-launcher
Dick: In your LIVING ROOM?
Jason: No, I was standing in the kitchen.
Dick: You have an open floor plan.
Jason: I do NOW
Everyone: …
Steph: Are you- Jason, are you actually really bad with guns?
Jason: [offended] What gives you the right-
Duke: [interrupts] So, is family movie night cancelled or…?
Dick: No! We just have to decide on which movie to watch
Tim: [gestures to the wall] and that debate turned out SO well
Steph: Can I suggest a film about gun safety?
Dick: Look, let’s just-
Bruce: [just came home from the office] Good evening everyone I’m- [stops as he enters the living room]
Bruce: Why is there a tiny poster of Monet’s gardens taped to the wall?
Damian: Todd enjoys art now.
Bruce: …I see. Any particular reason why you decided to show this newfound appreciation of art two feet from the door to the kitchens, Jason?
Jason: I thought the place could use a little spruce
Bruce:
Jason:
Bruce: [eyes his kids] anyone want to add to that?
Everyone:
Tim: I think it looks nice
Steph: [nodding] adds a certain… sense of refinement.
Dick: Pathos even
Bruce: [eyes narrowed] uh-huh…
Damian: Frankly, father, the wallpaper has looked drab for ages. Truly, Todd has done you a service.
baba-fettReblog to bonk your mutuals on the head every time they start thinking negatively about themselves
paranorahjones