And just like that…my padded butt is home again. After 12 days of travel, friends, kink, and connection, my heart is full, my dip closet fuller, my exhaustion fullest. I cannot possibly write about all of my incredible experiences at CAPCon so I shall keep them pressed to my chest and cherish every last one. Now I sleep for 4 days.

    I don’t get punished very often because I rather enjoy being a good girl. My submission stems from a deep place of respect and connection. When I choose to give up my power, the person I am exchanging with is privy to the deepest, truest parts of my soul and that is not something I take lightly. I don’t brat just to brat. I show my respect, my appreciation, and my deep joy of this give and take by following the rules, by voicing my concerns instead of acting out, by freely giving of my body and mind because this is what I’ve chosen. In this act, my soul is challenged while also being set free.

    That being said, I’ve been known to write some lines once in a while. 🙃

    Let’s talk about messing.

    I thought I’d take a moment to answer the eleventy billion Asks I’ve received about messing. So…here goes. Yep, I do mess. Nope, I don’t particularly enjoy it. So then, why do I mess every day? Because it is a really important part of the dynamic within one of my relationships. I feel super proud of the fact that I’ve learned to do this thing I’ve resisted for so long and therefore had difficulty doing. I enjoy being a disgusting little slut who is freely giving up her control. I love the feeling of being obedient and affirming my submission. Messing, for me, is yet another layer in cultivating an intimate, exciting, and full dynamicand that I do love!

    Let’s talk about humiliation.

    One of the first things that brought me to diapers was the humiliation of being forced into one and then made to perform the most basic of human acts, right there, right in that piece of plasticky cloth between my legs - warm yellow liquid forcing warm red cheeks. I still find thrill, joy, and oneness with myself in being told to wear and use diapers. Though the humiliation aspect has grown and changed; I seek that blushy, red, alive feeling in more ways now - in being exposed, in being objectified, in being trained to mess in my diapers. And, yes, still in being told where and when and how to perform that most basic of human acts.

    Humiliation is a deep, core part of my kink. It forces me outside of myself. It challenges me in how to control my desires. It shows me what makes me tick, without judgement.