@m--shea
Shea's Domain
Posts
10329
Last update
2020-01-29 04:34:35

    Fucking fuckers

    me: (out shopping, looking all fly with my Marvel comics tote bag featuring several characters)

    dude: nice bag.

    me: thanks. (keeps on shopping)

    dude: do you even know who all those characters are?

    me: uh... yeah?

    dude: ok then, who's that guy? (points at a character on the bag)

    me:

    me: wait, are you asking me to prove that I'm enough of a fan enough to carry this bag?

    dude: (smirks) that's what I thought. He's called the Silver Surfer. I bet you don't even know his real name.

    me: does it matter? (starts to edge away before I start punching throats)

    dude: psh, you're not a real fan.

    me:

    me: (slowly unsheathing my Wolverine claws)

    me: how many pairs of chromosomes do humans contain in their cells?

    dude: uh... what?

    me: explain the function of cellular mitosis?

    dude:

    me: what is the purpose of myelin sheath with regards to the formation of new neural pathways?

    dude: what are you even talking about?

    me: oh, well it seemed that you were implying that if I don't know as much about the Marvel universe as you do, then I can't possibly be considered a real fan. This is me implying that because you don't know as much about the human body as I do, you can't possibly be considered a real human being.

    dude:

    dude:

    dude:

    dude: Um, I... wow. You're right. Have a nice day. (starts to shuffle away)

    me: his name is Norrin Radd.

    dude: (looks extremely embarrassed)

    Daily dose of silly spanking from Daddy D and Little S.

    Daddy: *before a (not so serious) spanking* Do you know what this is for, young lady?

    Me: 'Cause you forgot to this morning?

    Daddy: *warning smack* Really? You're going to be a brat right now?

    Me: *rambles off all the infractions I remember*

    Daddy: Aaaand?

    Me: I dunno. o.o

    Daddy: AND for not sleeping, young lady! I know you only got like, two hours of sleep last night.

    Me: ... I went to bed at the same time as you. *trying not to smirk because Brat logic was winning*

    Daddy: ... Really now? *trying to keep a straight face* You're going to use that as your defense?

    Me: Yeah, 'cause it's accurate. And you're just mad because I out-logic-ed you.

    Daddy: Okay then! *obviously amused* *spanks really hard* Still gonna backtalk?

    Me: I REGRET NOTHING!

    Daddy: *spanks harder*

    Me: OKAY, MAYBE SOME REGRET NOW!

    Daddy: No, I want LOTS of regret. *reaches to pull down my pants*

    Me: Fuuuuu- Okayokayokay, regret!

    Daddy: *pulls down my pants, continues spanking*

    Me: AGH, OW. MEANIE.

    Daddy: *obviously amused* Okay, now go take your shower.

    Me: BLEGH. *lays in the floor overdramatically* Rub itttt!

    Daddy: AFTER your shower.

    Me: ... You butt.

    Daddy: REALLY NOW? *pins my arms behind my back and spanks REALLY hard*

    Me: OKAY, SHOWER TIME NOW GOT IT. *under my breath* ... butthead.

    Daddy: WHAT WAS THAT?

    Me: O.O I said... uh, crap, um, sssmut head? 'Cause um, you like to read smut.

    Daddy: Go take your shower. *trying not to smile*

    Me: Yes Daddy. *stumbles clumsily to the bathroom* :)

    pet: i love this, BDSM can be so funny and cute :3

    A conversation with Master

    Me: oh, I got pine needles in my hair

    Master: Hot!

    Me: Pine needles are hot?

    Master: I don't mean to be a sap, but they do spruce you up

    Me: ....

    Master: I think some redwood help, but I don't know what fir.

    Me: finished?

    Master: Nah, I think I may needle you a bit more.

    Me: done?

    Master: It's the power of Pine-Sol. Yeah, I'm out.

    Me: Good. I knew you'd run out eventually, figured I'd leaf you to them.

    Master: You should branch out to better jokes

    Me: *head in hands*

    Master: Come on, you can berry a bit more. Conen't you? Am I going to have to face your wreath for this? Or will you let me go tree?

    Me: *shakes head*

    Master: Ok, done for real this time

    Me: Proud of yourself?

    Master: Extremely.

    Me: these are going up on tumblr

    Master: Yay!

    Reblogging this because I'm going through my archives and it made me laugh.

    tv: all fat people are clumsy, eat all the time and have poor self control. sometimes they are funny, but they never have a lot of friends and nobody could ever be attracted to them in any way. All beautiful people are thin.

    magazines: celebrities share their weight loss tips! here's how to get a beach body! why has this celebrity let themself go so much and gained weight?

    society : thin people are beautiful! Thin equals fit and healthy! Fat people are lazy, sloppy, gluttonous, and disgusting! They should take better care of themselves, they're a burden to society!

    thin people: well we're just concerned for your health!

    1 song: fuck those skinny bitches

    thin people: UMMM EXCUSE ME THAT'S THIN SHAMING!!! WE DESERVE BODY POSITIVITY TOO!

    bisexual with a preference for the same sex does not mean "one foot out of the closet."

    bisexual with a preference for the opposite sex does not mean "trying to get attention."

    lesbian does not mean "masculine."

    gay does not mean "feminine."

    transgender does not mean "going through a phase."

    transsexual does not mean "a disappointment." nor does it mean "gender identity confusion."

    asexual does not mean "prude."

    demisexual does not mean "prude."

    pansexual does not mean "easy."

    heterosexual does not mean "normal"

    Your does not mean "you are"