@m--shea
Shea's Domain
Posts
10328
Last update
2020-01-29 04:34:35
    snow-fury-deactivated20170226

    Boys, protect girls. Call people out when they make offensive jokes. Stand up to those who treat girls like objects. Walk a girl home if she feels unsafe. Listen to them and be considerate of their feelings. Destroy that myth that women are inferior.

    Girls, protect boys. Call people out when they make fun of a boy for showing emotion. Stand up to those who tell boys to ‘man up.’ Support boys who enjoy feminine things. Destroy the myth that men can’t be victims and that women can’t be predators.

    Boys, protect boys. Protect your bros from violent relationships. Comfort your bros when they need somebody. Stand up for your bros who are ridiculed for not wanting/liking sex. Destroy the myth that two men can’t be close without it being “gay.”

    Girls, protect girls. Defend sisters who enjoy having sex. Stand up to those who define sisters for what they wear. Don’t judge your sister’s worth from how many boyfriend’s she’s had. Destroy the myth that girls have to constantly compete with each other.

    Protect everyone from the patriarchy. 

    lascumz

    Hallelujah.

    zodiac--signs

    Fucking important. Idc.

    leatherlacedbass

    I'm sorry to bother you. This is probably dumb, but do you have any advice on how to handle sub drop when I haven't done well enough to deserve aftercare? I want to try and be better for Mistress :(

    *****waves red flag around****

     The only thing dumb about this is your Mistress, and the fact you think you don’t deserve aftercare/don’t get proper after-scene care in general. NOT OK. 

    *****waves red flag around****

     I don’t care if you “perform poorly” or end a scene or whatever in your book/their book is considered “ not performing well enough” YOU DESERVE AFTER CARE especially  if something wasn’t 100% flowing thru a scene. Like i feel like if its 100% great you should def have aftercare! or 50% great n 50% shitty and rocky and rough/ not vibeing well with each other today/this scene or what have you i feel like  you should have it even more because feeling like you let down your Dom/Domme/ Owner/ Daddy/Mommy/ etc can be the freaking worst. Like forget all the good feels in the good parts of the scene/play time the thought of disappointment is lot of what us subs focus on and that can be really hard if you’re not reassured you still did well, your best, and that your limits or needs are ok and that stopping a scene or w/e is fully in your control and you should not be made to feel bad for it. OR whatever happened/happens to cause this for you or anyone else. 

     YOU ALWAYS DESERVE AFTER CARE IF YOU WANT IT. I know some don’t care for it, THAT iS THE subs CHOICE. DOMS/DOMMES etc DON’T GET TO SAY “YOU DIDNT PERFORM TO MY STANDARDS NO AFTERCARE AWARD FOR YOU!”

     *****waves red flag around****

    Repeat after me: Aftercare is not a reward it a must. Communication cannot be used as a punishment, either. ie: ignoring you as a punishment/breaking communication/silence as punishment, communication is a tool, a key, not a dom/domme etc control over another—–> same thing aftercare is not a reward its a must, the final scene of your scene. you don’t get to dangle aftercare like a carrot for a bunny to jump thru every hoop properly.  That’s not how this world works. Things go hand in hand. There’s a seemingly large disconnect in the properly functioning domme party of your mistress’ brain, she needs to be made aware of your needs and concerns. if they continue to be lacking in the proper depts. pack you cuffs and gtfo. 

     *****waves red flag around****

    please come talk if you ever have more concerns. 

    enscenic

    What the actual fuck?

    USING AFTERCARE OR LACK THEREOF AS A REWARD/PUNISHMENT IS NOT OKAY.

    ubertea

    Aftercare is extremely important, even with hypnosis. The lack of it is a huge red flag!!

    arihi

    Another post on aftercare with some very informational insights.

    esuccubus

    Seconded. Aftercare, even if it can’t go above brief checking-in and some reassurances, is an essential session outprocessing tool, not a reward. This is actually a form of abuse, and I’d be afraid to know what “doing well enough” entails.

    hypnocuck

    Is everyone clear on this now?

    thepositivity

    To donate £5 to the charity supporting the male victims of domestic abuse, text the message: MKDV46 to 70070

    Click here to watch the video

    yogaboi

    At first I though this was a joke

    hypo-thermic

    Don’t ignore this Tumblr

    kerplunkers

    Yet they still do even when it’s right in their face.

    crystalzephyr03

    MALE. DOMESTIC. ABUSE. IS. A. THING.

    princesstingles

    TooDomForYou

    Tumblr won’t let me send an ask from this blog so I’ll just post and tag it. Also, I’m feeling kinda passionate and emotional about this so forgive me if I’m a little all over the place.

    I have a great many things to say about @toodomforyou.
    Some of you may remember many moons ago when there was a fake princesstingles blog dedicated to spreading vicious and slanderous lies about me. You may even remember the screenshots I posted where that blogger sent me threatening and hateful messages, first declaring themselves as my dom, then claiming to know where I live and threatening to come hurt me. What you probably don’t know is that tumblr refused my frantic requests that they remove and block this person from their site since he was obviously abusive, slanderous, and dangerous. They told me that they couldn’t prove the things he said about me weren’t true, therefore it wasn’t slander and he was allowed to remain. That was until TDFY got involved. All they did was reblog my plea for help and the link to the fake account. HUNDREDS of messages were sent to tumblr on my behalf and he was shut down.

    That is just ONE story. One small, insignificant thing that this wonderful blog has done to help someone. I’m sure there are many stories from people all over our community that have been positively touched in some way by the diligent work these bloggers do to out fakes and educate BDSM participants.

    That is why I am so disheartened to see the copious amounts of combative messages and outright hate that TDFY is receiving.

    These are real people running this blog. Let me repeat that: REAL PEOPLE RUN THIS BLOG. That means an actual human being with thoughts and feelings and emotions is forced to suffer through the absolute filth being thrown at them. And being the consummate professionals that they are, they address it respectfully and keep doing their best to help others. •You are throwing your shit at them and they are brushing it off and asking you if you’d like help wiping.•

    Being a presence on tumblr doesn’t mean that they owe you anything. If you don’t like what they post, run your own damn blog.

    I’m not saying that they are all perfect shining examples of doms and subs or that you should agree to everything they ever post without question. They’re human. Everyone has different opinions. And everyone has room to learn and to grow. But JFC can you please cut them a break. They are doing powerful good in our community and you are doing your very best to tear them down. (And fuck you very much for that by the way).

    “But Tingles, how could you expect us to be respectful to TDFY when the whole premise of their blog is them making fun of other Doms?” Well I guess that depends on one very important thing….are you one of the shitty “doms” being targeted? Because if you are, there’s definitely a valid reason. And even then, if you engage them in logical and meaningful discourse to defend your actions, they’ll gladly consider your point of view and use it as a learning experience for you both. And if you’re not one of those people, then why would you be offended by TDFY working so hard to protect others?

    I really don’t know what else to say here, because I honestly didn’t think this type of thing needed saying. But I’m over the hate and negativity so I felt compelled to speak up. That’s what the Little Army is about, defending others in our community and protecting those who need it. Even if they happen to be a massive blog that is more than capable of looking out for themselves.

    TL;DR: stop being so shitty to @toodomforyou

    Please and thank you PrincessTingles

    danipup

    I heart you so much, @princesstingles.  and i am so fucking sorry that that happened to you and you had to go through that.

    And I sit here reblogging this post from inside the home of one of the TDFY bloggers. You’re damn fucking right these are real people, and the person whose home I am in right now is not only a real person, but one of the most real, sincere, and genuinely caring people I’ve ever known in my entire life.

    Take a beat, haters, whoever you are that is trying to test TDFY this week.  I don’t know what the hell you’re trying to do, or prove, and I don’t really care, quite honestly.  

    But I know this:  you’re wrong.  

    Not for having an opinion, not those of you who might engage the blog with polite and considerate discourse, but if you don’t believe that TDFY is 100% about protection and defending this community, or more apt, defending those within it who are taken advantage of by people with nothing but ill intention, then I don’t fucking understand you. 

    And honestly, I don’t even want to.  

    Keep the fire burning, @toodomforyou.  You’re doing the good work. And I will support you to the ends of the earth.

    toodomforyou

    I ❤️you both so much. Thank for understanding that while we may be flawed, even deeply so, we are humans and we are doing the best we can to make this community that we love a safer and better place.

    -LMS

    submissivefeminist

    I see so much about orgasm denial or 'training' subs to orgasm. Despite a life long love of sex and orgasms, I can't do this, and it makes me feel sort of 'broken'. It takes me at least 20 minutes to come, and once it's over, I go sort of 'numb' down there. A previous abusive Dom claimed he could 'train' me to come. I said my body didn't work that way but he insisted. Pressured, I faked a lot of them. Am I broken or is this normal? I hear so many subs talking about coming 'over and over again'.

    There is nothing wrong with you.

    Not everyone’s body is able to cum on command. Not everyone’s body is even able to cum! I think you see so much about these things because it’s really incredible for people to experience this because it’s so out of the ordinary to imagine that happening. It’s an incredible feeling, I’m not going to lie, but please do not feel like you’re inferior for not responding a certain way that you can’t even control.

    Cumming on command takes lots of training, trial and error, and psychological molding and it’s not even possible for all bodies. People with vaginas–especially those of us who have experienced trauma–are sometimes really, really difficult to get to cum.

    You are not broken.

    xx SF

    i-provide-you-defer-deactivated

    Be submissive.

    Demure. Yielding. Pliant. You’ll find many doors that you’ve been pounding on suddenly open on their own.

    It’s the natural order.

    firefly-flashes

    This is the thing I struggle with the most. 

    I am not naturally yielding or pliant - I’m a pretty take-charge kind of girl. Professionally, I have to be. Need to be. I can’t just sit on the sidelines and go along with everyone else’s poor decisions (or worse, indecisiveness). I like to think I’m a good leader and a good teacher - my interns and staff are generally happy, well-liked, and successful. They go on and do bigger and better things. People come to me instead of/before going to my boss because my decisions influence his. If I was yielding and pliant, I wouldn’t be so effective.

    Sure, sometimes I get called a bitch. A ball-buster. A know-it-all. I accept no excuses and I tolerate no slacking off. I work hard and I expect the same from the people I work with. I’m a perfectionist. And if I don’t let the complainers know that every little shot hurts, that I get anxious and stressed out often - its because I can’t give them any ammunition to fire at me later.

    And personally, as a single parent, I have to be in charge most of the time. I can’t sit around wringing my hands and waiting for someone else to make the decisions. If something needs to be fixed, I fix it (Did you know you can learn how to fix an ice-maker on youtube?!). New jackets need to be bought? I buy them. 

    And goodness knows I’m not perfect. I need to go to gym more and bake cookies less. I need to stop Tumblring and and write. I need to take a few more days off and work a few less nights for absolutely no extra pay whatsoever. I need to say “no” a lot more.

    Here’s the thing - I wish I could let someone else make the decisions. Even if it was just about the heels I was wearing today or what I’m going to cook for dinner tonight. But the thing is, someone still has to make the decisions. Things still have to get done. 

    So even when it’s exhausting, I do it. And I’m going to keep on doing it.

    Even if it makes me a craptastic submissive. Or not submissive at all. 

    It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be. Someday.

    vaginaandmagirl

    Taking care of what needs to be done in the absence of anyone else doesn’t make you a “craptastic submissive”. It makes you (from what I can read) a great employee, a leader others admire, and a great mom. You know whom to yield to and who needs you to lead. That’s wisdom.

    I’m actually glad you posted this. I see it so much. And inevitably many women who see themselves as strong leaders in their work or in life (in the absence of a Dominant - ie, they are single) view themselves somehow as “lesser than” submissives.

    I’ll share a quick story: I work alongside another teacher who when I was given my position, I was told I would have to lead. He’s timid. He’s not a leader in the least of terms. He is kind and compassionate though - and very smart. In the right environment, he’d be a great teacher. But he drives me crazy - because I’m NOT the sort of person who wants to tell people what to do. I’m not a micromanager. I’m all for working with people who can delegate well and do what needs to be done when they see it needs to be done. This guy though…man. He has to be told everything. Even when I attempt to delegate something to him - I have to tell him what and how to do it. Recently we had to decide who would take a break when we were covering a class during testing. He couldn’t even take charge of that when I attempted to leave it to him. I finally had to tell him to take his break. This is not the sort of thing someone should need leadership in, but there you have it. I could be yielding and pliant ALL DAY with this dude and literally NOTHING would get accomplished. Nope, instead I’d suck at my job and not be serving my administrators or students well.

    The point: I refuse to yield to someone incapable of honoring or appreciating my deference. What sense is there in that? None. I lead. Often. Whenever it calls for it. And I’m damn good at it. I keep being told by different administrators that I should consider going into administration myself because I’m “a natural”. Imagine that! Me, a happily submissive woman, being told she’s a natural administrator/leader.

    But the thing is - I CAN imagine that. For me. For you. For many beautifully submissive women. Because at the end of the day, we are all so strong. Our very desire to submit is powerful. Am I demure? Am I yielding? To those who’ve shown they can wield such power as my submission - yes. We are lionesses. We are queens. We do what needs to be done. And if by some chance a worthy man comes along that we respect and trust enough to yield our strength to? Can you imagine how good of a man he must be? To draw out our deference and submission?

    We are fierce. And if we be tamed, it is because we have found a soul strong enough to tame us and worthy enough to earn our yielding.

    You, my dear, are not a “craptastic submissive”. You are fierce.

    submissiveinseattle

    ^^All of this.  Speaking as a very submissive woman who has recently become single, I can tell you that everything she says is spot on.  I am, and have always been, the ‘I know what I’m doing, so just stay out of my way’ type. When I tell my friends and co-workers about my alternate life, they are shocked.  One of my close friends recently commented to me, “I know that I will never understand your lifestyle, but what confuses me is that there’s a very strong part of you that is obviously NOT submissive.”

    Being submissive does not mean letting people walk all over you.  Being submissive does not mean standing by and letting others live your life for you.  Being submissive means that you’ve found someone who deserves to share your strength in such a way that you don’t have to carry it on your own anymore.

    What I Mean When I Say I’m Sex-Positive

  • I think freedom of sexuality is something that we all need and very few of us have
  • I think sexual pleasure is a legitimate thing to want and ethically pursue
  • I do not judge people for the (consensual) sex that they have or want
  • I will not tolerate slut-shaming
  • I will not tolerate hatred of people based on gender or orientation (including asexual)
  • I will not tolerate hatred of sex workers
  • I believe comprehensive, honest, non-judgmental sex education is necessary for public health and happiness
  • I think understanding of sexual consent–what it is, why it matters–is sorely lacking in society and crucially important
  • I reject preconceptions of what kind of sexuality a person should have, whether these preconceptions are based on gender, age, culture, disability, survivor status, or basically anything else
  • I value people’s individual freedom of choice in determining their sex lives (including the choices not to have sex)
  • What I Don’t Mean

  • Everyone should have sex
  • Everyone should have kinky, non-monogamous, exhibitionistic, pansexual sex
  • Accepting someone’s sexuality means you have to participate in it, watch them engage in it, or hear about it in detail
  • Nothing related to sex is ever hurtful for anyone
  • Feminism should be all about sex
  • Sex fixes everything
  • sillysexystupid-deactivated2020

    It makes me really sad and uncomfortable to realize that there are people on here who are genuinely ignorant and dysfunctional and that actually believe themselves to be superior to women. I could post a disclaimer, wash my hands of people who cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality, and dismiss any effect I or my blog may have on their skewed beliefs, but it doesn’t feel that simple.

    Running this blog, posting some of the things I post - it would be easy for anyone to perceive my fantasy as my reality. Whatever they take away from my blog, I do not want it to justify their distorted views on things. I do not want to validate their assumed position of superiority.

    I don’t know. I’m really disenchanted with all of this tonight.

    brentsirnah

    I think I loose some followers for doing this but I feel like I have an obligation to bring up the issue periodically, even if it is a buzzkill and even if there are women who don’t follow me cause this makes me a “fake” dom. The truth is that it is just too important to relegate it to some tiny forgotten disclaimer somewhere in the FAQs.

    Nobody deserves abuse! that means NOBODY. If it is an exciting sexual fantasy then feel no shame in seeking it out. But no one should be degraded because the deserve it, only if the want it.

    And by the way guys. To tops of all genders and orientation: Can you not see how fucking LUCKY we are that there are subs with the bravery and honesty to seek out the things that it gives us pleasure to provide? To say that you are just showing them the way the world works is both erroneous AND arrogantly dismissive of something that we are lucky to receive. Never forget to notice your good fortune.

    We now return you to your regularly scheduled debauchery.

    epicfacial

    #SavePorn

    epicfacial

    Let’s get this up to 100k+ notes. Come on Tumblr community! Let’s make a joint effort to spread the word! All we are asking is for Tumblr to let us upload 5 minute adult video clips like we were able to in the past, we don’t want to host them elsewhere. We keep seeing more and more great Tumblr porn blogs get shut down for posting adult videos. Pretty soon there will be no porn blogs left. #SavePorn #EpicFacial

    tml17-93

    We’re onboard 100%. Without all of us tumblr would fail!

    m--shea

    But this was posted 3 years ago. I think we’re mostly okay by now, though I have noticed unfortunate shut-downs of prominent porn blogs. 

    The current status, btw, is that they’ll allow it to be embedded, but they won’t host it themselves. At least, from what I can tell.