Shea's Domain
Last update
2020-01-29 04:34:35

    Write diverse polyamory

    Write couples that date people together.  Write couples dating other couples.  Write three people finding each other and deciding it works.  Write two people that fall in love with the same person, but not each other.  Write people whose relationship is more complicated, more undefined.  Write triads and quads and Vs with aromantic and asexual characters.  Write how characters navigate important discussions about gender and romance and sexuality.

    Write relationships that don’t tie up in a nice, neat triangle or box.  Sometimes one person is in a triad, but also has someone else they love very much and start to date outside of that relationship.  Sometimes one person’s dating someone who’s dating someone else who’s dating someone else, and nothing ties up nicely and neatly.  Sometimes there are large groups that cluster together, with individualized dynamics that they simplify for other people as “we’re all dating” because it takes too long to explain to a passing stranger.

    Write polyamorous relationships forming, or things not working out in the end.  It’s okay.  Sometimes things don’t work.  Polyamorous relationships are just like every other relationship in that if there isn’t open communication, things can fall apart.  It’s sometimes even more true of polyamorous relationships.  Jealousy can be real.  Awkwardness, too.  That’s okay.  Things are sometimes complicated and unhappy.  It doesn’t invalidate polyamory any more than monogamous relationships not working out does.

    Write marriages that don’t go down on paper in the record books, because it’s not a simple couple, but that still mean the world to the people who are exchanging rings and vows.  Write first kisses and first dates and first “I love you”s and first times sharing a bed not big enough for everyone.  

    There’s a big, wide world of polyamory unexplored by fic, just waiting to be written.  Don’t be afraid.  

    Write diverse polyamory.


    This is a preface to my current life.

    “If a monogamous relationship breaks up, people never consider monogamy to be ‘the problem’, or take it as proof that monogamy doesn’t work. But they do with polyamory.”


    Anne Hunter - The joy of polyamory



    (via themilehighbrat)

    You’d think that they would know better, considering how incredibly often monogamous relationships crash and burn.


    A Great Night Ruined

    As a Dom, there are few things that suck harder than when you think you can start to show someone some of the kinkier/darker parts of yourself, and it blows up in your face.  When you think you can trust a submissive person, trust that she’ll like what you have to say, and then instead you end up offending her….you end up seeing and feeling that disgust and judgement….it’s just devastating.

    This happened to me last night at the end of a really great 2nd date.  The worst part is, I realize that it was completely my fault because I didn’t do enough to make this girl believe I am the respectful GENTLEMAN first and foremost.  And if you don’t prove to someone and truly make them believe you have a respectful gentlemanly side, then you can’t show them your Dom side.

    I thought I could trust this person with a glimpse of that part of myself and I was wrong and paid dearly for it….and it’s because I didn’t do enough to make them trust that I’m more than just that deviant kink crazed Dom.

    UGGHHH, so upset.  Failure and rejection fucking sucks.  


    So following up on this.  I just had a sort of “closure” text exchange with this person.  Very very frustrating to say the least.  It really sucks just how fragile and delicate this stuff is.

    This whole thing has served as a very painful reminder that there are a lot of women out there who claim to be submissive - who will make you feel comfortable that you can start to show them at least a small glimpse of your darker self - and then turn on you the moment you do. 

    People carry with them so much baggage and it effects everything we say and hear/perceive; society puts SOOO much pressure on women to be ladies worthy of respect that it is SOO easy for them to hate the parts of themselves that want to be degraded, humiliated, spanked, controlled, used for sex.  (btw, I am fully aware not ALL women want these things and I want to be clear that I’m referring ONLY to the women that have a submissive side and fantasize, even secretly, about D/s/kink).

    Society puts so much pressure on men to be respectful gentleman all the time that it’s easy for us to hate and be terrified of the parts of ourselves that want to do all of the aforementioned things to a woman. 

    In my failure to fully make this girl trust that I’m a gentleman first and foremost, before giving her but a glimpse of my dominant side (merely through a teasing text of what I wanted to do to her), I opened up myself to being judged/rejected/devastated by her fear and disgust towards that part of herself.

    I should have held back, been more of a gentleman and done a better job of earning this person’s trust.  However, I now fully believe that this is a “sub” that is completely disgusted and ashamed with her submissive desires and there are SOOOO many of them out there. 

    Dom’s of the world, please be careful.  It’s just too easy to be riding high one minute and then crashing and burning the next and it really sucks. 

    And to the asshole out there who abuses women without care and further deepens these inner conflicts, making them terrified of their own submissive desires, FUCK YOU. 

    On Abandonment (Question from a Follower)

    "I need advice, and you are who I feel I can get it from. My Sir abandoned me, literally abandoned me. One minute he’s calling me an amazing girlfriend, and the next he had vanished. No good-bye, absolutely nothing. After 10 months of being his, doing as he wishes. Devoting my everything, and giving him "my body mind and soul" as he wished, I don’t even get a good-bye. Would you go to him and demand at least that much? For the dignity of closure. I was going to leave a note on his car that says, “At the very least you owe me five minutes. I’ll be waiting at our spot.” Or do I just leave it be? I need closure. But I don’t want to beg. I don’t want him to know how broken I am."

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I went through something similar two years ago, and it was a nightmare. So I get it. And I wanted to do exactly the same things you want to do: Call him. Text him. Show up somewhere he is and not leave until you have answers. But here’s the thing…

    Closure is a myth.

    Closure is something you create within yourself; it is not something you get from another person. When we reach out to the other person, it is not closure we’re after - it’s connection. We tell ourselves we just want a reason, an answer… but what we really want is for life to go back to how it was before Everything Went To Shit. But look who you’re reaching out to! You’re reaching out to a man who tucks tail and walks away, someone who builds a beautiful home then lights a fuse before running out. You want the answer to why - but does it really matter? The ‘why’ doesn’t matter, the ‘what’ is all there is. This is a man who takes you body and soul, then disappears. This is not the type of person you need in your life. Will his rationale give you peace? Or will it just raise more questions? Then more? Then more?? (I’m asking because I already know the answer.)

    Some people, like your ex (and I suggest you start referring to him as such), tend to shut down or walk away when they have too many ‘have to’s. So I’m afraid that you putting a note on his car or demanding his time in any way would simply qualify as another ‘have to,’ and you will not get the result you want. If he was the type of guy to show up and explain himself, my guess is he would have done so in the first place. A little integrity, por favor.

    I’ve had breakups where questions hung thick in the air, and I’ve had breakups where we hashed it out, everything open and bloody on the table. I’ve maintained friendships with the men who were honest, and good, and strong enough to do the latter, but truth be told… I learned much more from the cowards.

    (Myself included.)

    Closure (i.e., peace) will come when you realize this is not about you. I know this stabs, I don’t doubt it for one minute. But his leaving was all about him. He has to live with what he’s done, and I can assure you he feels shame. I know it’s small consolation right now, but you just keep doing your thing – living with honesty and integrity – and you’ll attract someone who does the same.


    Dear readers, who have shared our life for more than a year. Without going into details of it all, our relationship is not going to survive the crisis that upended our lives in recent weeks. This is very sad. I am very sad.

    But change is always a constant in life and I am confident that brighter days are ahead for both of us, even if the present has become very painful.

    Thank you for being part of our journey, and bringing so much fun into our lives by letting us share a little of it with you. It’s been a blast.

    I’ve disabled our mail, because I’d like a little privacy while we figure out our next steps and wrap up the life that we shared together. This blog will remain up for a little while, to let our followers know why we’re disappearing. If you’d like to archive any of our posts, this is probably a good time.

    We love you all, live long and prosper.


    Dammit :( I'm really sorry to hear this, you guys. I hope that you can at least remain friends, even if you both feel that a romantic relationship is no longer viable. 

    Some of you have been around for when I was released from my former Owner. It was about 7 months ago at this point. He was my first Dom and the first one to introduce me to any kinds of kink. Prior to him, I was in only vanilla relationships, and the kinkiest thing I’d done...