@m--shea
Shea's Domain
Posts
10330
Last update
2020-01-29 04:34:35
    snow-fury-deactivated20170226

    Boys, protect girls. Call people out when they make offensive jokes. Stand up to those who treat girls like objects. Walk a girl home if she feels unsafe. Listen to them and be considerate of their feelings. Destroy that myth that women are inferior.

    Girls, protect boys. Call people out when they make fun of a boy for showing emotion. Stand up to those who tell boys to ‘man up.’ Support boys who enjoy feminine things. Destroy the myth that men can’t be victims and that women can’t be predators.

    Boys, protect boys. Protect your bros from violent relationships. Comfort your bros when they need somebody. Stand up for your bros who are ridiculed for not wanting/liking sex. Destroy the myth that two men can’t be close without it being “gay.”

    Girls, protect girls. Defend sisters who enjoy having sex. Stand up to those who define sisters for what they wear. Don’t judge your sister’s worth from how many boyfriend’s she’s had. Destroy the myth that girls have to constantly compete with each other.

    Protect everyone from the patriarchy. 

    lascumz

    Hallelujah.

    zodiac--signs

    Fucking important. Idc.

    leatherlacedbass

    I'm sorry to bother you. This is probably dumb, but do you have any advice on how to handle sub drop when I haven't done well enough to deserve aftercare? I want to try and be better for Mistress :(

    *****waves red flag around****

     The only thing dumb about this is your Mistress, and the fact you think you don’t deserve aftercare/don’t get proper after-scene care in general. NOT OK. 

    *****waves red flag around****

     I don’t care if you “perform poorly” or end a scene or whatever in your book/their book is considered “ not performing well enough” YOU DESERVE AFTER CARE especially  if something wasn’t 100% flowing thru a scene. Like i feel like if its 100% great you should def have aftercare! or 50% great n 50% shitty and rocky and rough/ not vibeing well with each other today/this scene or what have you i feel like  you should have it even more because feeling like you let down your Dom/Domme/ Owner/ Daddy/Mommy/ etc can be the freaking worst. Like forget all the good feels in the good parts of the scene/play time the thought of disappointment is lot of what us subs focus on and that can be really hard if you’re not reassured you still did well, your best, and that your limits or needs are ok and that stopping a scene or w/e is fully in your control and you should not be made to feel bad for it. OR whatever happened/happens to cause this for you or anyone else. 

     YOU ALWAYS DESERVE AFTER CARE IF YOU WANT IT. I know some don’t care for it, THAT iS THE subs CHOICE. DOMS/DOMMES etc DON’T GET TO SAY “YOU DIDNT PERFORM TO MY STANDARDS NO AFTERCARE AWARD FOR YOU!”

     *****waves red flag around****

    Repeat after me: Aftercare is not a reward it a must. Communication cannot be used as a punishment, either. ie: ignoring you as a punishment/breaking communication/silence as punishment, communication is a tool, a key, not a dom/domme etc control over another—–> same thing aftercare is not a reward its a must, the final scene of your scene. you don’t get to dangle aftercare like a carrot for a bunny to jump thru every hoop properly.  That’s not how this world works. Things go hand in hand. There’s a seemingly large disconnect in the properly functioning domme party of your mistress’ brain, she needs to be made aware of your needs and concerns. if they continue to be lacking in the proper depts. pack you cuffs and gtfo. 

     *****waves red flag around****

    please come talk if you ever have more concerns. 

    enscenic

    What the actual fuck?

    USING AFTERCARE OR LACK THEREOF AS A REWARD/PUNISHMENT IS NOT OKAY.

    ubertea

    Aftercare is extremely important, even with hypnosis. The lack of it is a huge red flag!!

    arihi

    Another post on aftercare with some very informational insights.

    esuccubus

    Seconded. Aftercare, even if it can’t go above brief checking-in and some reassurances, is an essential session outprocessing tool, not a reward. This is actually a form of abuse, and I’d be afraid to know what “doing well enough” entails.

    hypnocuck

    Is everyone clear on this now?

    What I Mean When I Say I’m Sex-Positive

  • I think freedom of sexuality is something that we all need and very few of us have
  • I think sexual pleasure is a legitimate thing to want and ethically pursue
  • I do not judge people for the (consensual) sex that they have or want
  • I will not tolerate slut-shaming
  • I will not tolerate hatred of people based on gender or orientation (including asexual)
  • I will not tolerate hatred of sex workers
  • I believe comprehensive, honest, non-judgmental sex education is necessary for public health and happiness
  • I think understanding of sexual consent–what it is, why it matters–is sorely lacking in society and crucially important
  • I reject preconceptions of what kind of sexuality a person should have, whether these preconceptions are based on gender, age, culture, disability, survivor status, or basically anything else
  • I value people’s individual freedom of choice in determining their sex lives (including the choices not to have sex)
  • What I Don’t Mean

  • Everyone should have sex
  • Everyone should have kinky, non-monogamous, exhibitionistic, pansexual sex
  • Accepting someone’s sexuality means you have to participate in it, watch them engage in it, or hear about it in detail
  • Nothing related to sex is ever hurtful for anyone
  • Feminism should be all about sex
  • Sex fixes everything
  • poppypicklesticks

    I wonder how feminists will react to this

    Probably ignore it then go back to making male tears mugs and gifs 

    spiderkiss

    Actually this is a very common idea among feminists

    It’s something feminists have been talking about for years it’s called toxic masculinity and it’s one of the common threads among the topic of ‘Patriarchy hurts men too’. If fact the first time I read about toxic masculinity was on a feminist blog.

    If you actually read things feminists talk about instead of straw manning them you might know this but OH WELL

    doomcookiephoto-deactivated2016

    BDSM: Isn’t That A Sex Thing?

    it’s also a respect thing 
    it’s also a consent thing 
    it’s also a love thing 
    its also an honest thing 
    it’s also a personal expression thing
    it’s als
    o a communication thing  
    it’
    s also an acceptable thing 

    propertyofboss

    It’s also a friendship thing

    keepingher

    Once a slave took Your collar, would there be sessions where she was equal to You (maybe once a month or something similar) where both of you could have honest discussions about your feelings (especially if something was truly hurting her)? And would You free her once you were sick of her, or would You try to talk to her and fix things like equals? And would she ever be released because she wanted to be, not because You chose to free her? Or would You never free a slave ever?

    Everyone does this differently, but this is how it works with me:

    I have very few explicit rules (only about 10 ground rules). Everything else is divided into to core values, devotionals, protocols, and rituals.

    A core value marks a default frame of mind that she must remain in at all times (for example, her entire purpose is to serve, obey, and please her master in any way she can).

    A rule covers some specifics of how I want her to behave (for example, she is not to pleasure herself without my permission).

    A devotional is something for her to meditate upon as she performs her duties (for example, “My greatest pleasure is knowing that I have pleased my master”).

    A protocol is similar to a rule, but covers behavior and rituals in general. They are as follows:

    High:    Speak only when spoken to. Full formality.    Complete attention and focus, no matter what the distractions.    Absolute and instantaneous obedience, without delay, hesitation or question (except to clarify).    No extraneous movement, speech, or thought.    All privileges are suspended.    Every move, answer, and behavior is being carefully scrutinized and judged.

    Medium:    Speak only when spoken to, or to request. Semi-formal.    Respectful words and tone, and deferential behavior.    Awareness and anticipation of Master’s needs, wants, and desires.    Similar to how a butler would behave.    For Master or kink-friendly guests.

    Low Formal:    Speak freely, but always be respectful.    Service in an unobtrusive fashion (service to Master and hospitality for guests).    For non kink-friendly people.

    Low:    Speak freely, even if it’s a little disrespectful.    Add a little silliness and fun.    Teasing is OK, but keep it civil.

    Free Talk:    Say anything without consequences.    For use only when something cannot be solved at any other level.

    Medium is the default protocol, except when I give the order “drop” which requires high protocol. Any other protocol will be by my designation, or as the situation requires (for example, when non kink-friendly people are present).

    So if things started going very badly, such that even low protocol isn’t enough for her to say what she needs to say, I’ll invoke free talk, and we’ll work it out.

    Whether things work or not depends on how compatible we are in the long run. Some people just can’t agree on all core principles, and that’s perfectly fine. In fact, a huge part of the relationship is discovering where we work, where we need work, and where it will never work. If we find a show stopper that absolutely cannot be fixed, it only makes sense to end the relationship and set her free rather than both remaining unsatisfied.

    dare-master

    What do you do when a submissive says a safe word?

    I will immediately stop session no matter what stage we are in. Untie all knots or any restrictions she has on her and then proceed to make her comfortable which is mostly aftercare. Hugs and keeping her close to me until she relaxes and reverts back to normal stage.

    It doesn’t’ end here. To be successful in future sessions and boost your submissive confidence as a dominant I need to know what went wrong. I will give her personal space if she needs and maybe next day bring up the same topic and ask her reason of using safe word. As partners we would discuss and come up with solution. It can be something I did wrong, misread details or session might have triggered bad memories/fear in her. So we have to take time to figure out what went wrong.

    There is one more really important to do as a dominant. Make sure she doesn’t feel guilty about using safe word! She will have that feeling of not being to satisfy her dominant or feel weak about it.

    Assure her it’s perfectly okay and you respect her limits. Let her know it’s a pleasure to explore new things with her and a journey you would like to be part of no matter of any hurdles.

    That will make her day and she will make your night ;)

    babygirlssweetsurrender

    Hey there my friends!

    Some of you might already have noticed, that tumblr - in it’s unfathomable wisdom - obviously decided to kill my blog.

    That’s four years, countless friends and buddies, about 160k Followers, somewhere in the range of 70k posts and a lot of effort, blood, sweat, semen down the drain.

    I wont bitch, that’s the risk we-who-blog-porn-that-is-not-boring take. And I am not the only one sniped today.

    What DOES rile me is the utter silence of it all. Never did I get a message, a warning, a question or anything from tumblr. No chance to react, no chance to correct any perceived errors or just state my own opinion.

    Well it is how it is. I have built a little home in the harsh diaspora, let’s see hoiw it develops. If you would like to join me there, warm yourself at my fireplace and get rid of those pesky clothes and inhibitions, you are cordially invited to drop by at:

    http://the-abode-of-feverish-dreams.tumblr.com/

    Morpheus

    Folks, please pass this along and reblog, reblog, reblog to get the word out. Follow, follow, follow. Let’s get our beloved Morpheus back to where he was deservedly at,and then some. His blog is/was amazing - plus he’s a pretty cool bloke.  Thank you all, BGSS xxxx

    allourpassion

    Ditto that and re-followed from allourpassion

    m--shea

    So @in-morpheus-arms got his blog back, but this one is still open, if not active. 

    I don’t know his plans for it, but I thought it was important information regardless. 

    makeuphall

    Do you want to get Tumblr`s new messaging system?

    To get it, someone with active messaging must write you.. As I already have it, I will message everyone who reblogs this.

    Once you get the messaging, you help me and send a message to the person who also reblogs this message from you.

    image

    Let`s start the chain reaction

    ifyoulaugh

    Message me we can have a chit chat

    memoirs-of-a-high-school-student

    Already have it but if you want it just reblog :)

    m--shea

    An improvement or replacement to the terrible system that Tumblr is currently using? I’m absolutely willing to pay this forward :)

    Since the popularization of kink through the series Fifty Shades of Grey,” I’ve gotten more and more inquires about the idea of contracts within established Dominant/submissive relationships. While these books and their problematic stance on ethics within BDSM are an entirely different conversation in itself, there is some truth to the idea of contracts used within the community. However, in order to maintain communication, understanding, and on-going consent, there are some specific ways of going about this that may or may not differ from the fictional portrayal.

    It is important to first note very strongly that sex contracts between individuals have no legal bearing under the law. Never sign into one of these contracts with the misconception that a) you must legally obey all outlines b) that you may not opt out of the contract or its representing relationship(s) and that c) you may be sued with this document as evidence in a legal case against you. None of these things are true.

    These contracts are not legally binding and are purely for an informational and organizational novelty use only.

    With that in mind, contracts between sexual and/or romantic partners can be very beneficial at times. Drafting one requires lots of communication of ideas, desires, and limits. I fully suggest drafting a contract together, as opposed to one partner writing it for another’s approval. One of the biggest benefits to this is having a direct line of communication about everything that pertains to a D/s relationship, and that is one of the most important aspects to such a dynamic.

    So, what kinds of things should you think about when writing a contract? What should be included? The answer to this question depends on the people involved in the relationship, as some aspects are more important to some than to others, and different dynamics have different clauses. However, here are some ideas to help you get started:

    Established Roles

    Establish who is the Dominant and who is the submissive. If both/all partners switch, write that in. If one/some of the partners switch, discuss the situations where the other would be willing to change roles or state clearly that one partner has a fixed position. Basically, establish the titles of each partner. Is the Dominant going to be referred to as “Sir,” or “Mistress,” or “Captain”? Is the submissive comfortable being called a “slut,” “fucktoy,” or “sissy”? Outline the acceptable titles of each partner and any hard limits in this area.

    Define the Relationship

    Are you in a committed relationship? What does that commitment mean? Is dating other people allowed? Playing with other people? Threesomes? Relationships with other people? Is this a poly-dynamic? Are you a triad? Outline the rules of commitment or non-commitment and establish what is and isn’t allowed from each partner to avoid upsetting anyone at a later point.

    Consent Clause

    I always suggest a clause on consent because I think it’s important for everyone to be aware of what consent means to each person. Does “no” mean to stop? Or can that be ignored in place of a safeword? What is the safeword? Is there a system of safewords or just one that means to stop everything? List any hand signals in cases where a gag is used.

    Outline the definition of enthusiastic consent and make a vow to respect each other’s safety and always listen for the “yes!”. Write in limits such as, “no sex when I’ve been drinking,” or “no vaginal sex during mensuration” to make intentions absolutely clear.

    Limits

    Very simple, here. Create a list of hard and soft limits for each partner–soft limits being things that are a “maybe” or things that they have no interest in but would consider for their partner and hard limits being strong “no"s. Note any soft limits that the person would like to work on or push at some point.

    Rules & Regulations

    Is the submissive under a set of rules? Is the Dominant expected to have certain responsibilities? Document these things as a means to keep track of the expectations of each party. These can include but are not limited to:

  • Rituals.
  • Daily tasks.
  • Restrictions on clothing/orgasms/spending/etc.
  • Bedtimes.
  • Punishments.
  • Behaviour modification goals.
  • School or work obligations.
  • Journaling.
  • Termination Clause

    Specifically state that either party is free to opt out of the contract and/or relationship at any time without question. If either party feels they have been violated or that their sexual, mental, or physical well-being is in danger, they have the right to end the relationship and thus make the contract void.

    Right For Revision Clause

    Since BDSM is highly about exploration, growth, and evolution, note that the contract can (and probably will) be revised upon either party’s request. If any information in any section changes, keep the contract updated of this information. Clauses can be added as needed, as well. All parties should be made aware of any changes and provided with a copy of the revised content.

    All parties in the dynamic should have access to this file, either electronically or printed for their personal reference. For the symbolic effect of commitment to follow these guidelines, all parties should sign the bottom of the contract to ensure they understand their expectations and agree upon the terms applied.

    Keep in mind these are for reference or for fun, not legal purposes. Make them as casual or legal-sounding as you would like. Some couples like to have them posted in the bedroom or play-space for reference. Any way you go about it is fine, so long as everyone is in agreement on how these procedures are drafted. Have fun with it!

    xx SF

    pilcrowtalk

    Hi Sybil, I was hoping you could help me with something. I am finding that a few days after He and I play I usually experience sub drop. Lately one of the problems W/we face is I have been picking fights. (Part 1)

    (Part 2) i say things or do things i know will make Him mad. I am looking for a reaction. I know I am being a brat but I don’t know how to stop. I see it happening and I just keep going. I really don’t know what to do. Thanks for helping.

    It sounds like you are feeling down from the sub drop and acting out. If you are feeling sad or need more reassurance or attention, you need to voice this instead of acting out.

    It isn’t uncommon for subdrop to happen a few days later. It is your responsibility as a sub to appropriately and maturely state how you are feeling and what you need. It is His responsibility to respect how you feel and make sure you get what you need.

    As my friend says to her daughter when acting out, “this is not the attention you want.” Tell Him how you are feeling, honestly and respectfully, instead of lashing out for attention. Look back at your pattern when you are no longer in subdrop. Discuss it with Him so both of Y/you can be prepared for the next time.

    And always, if you can’t say anything nice, remove yourself and stay quiet until you can control your words.

    adriensone

    Thank you Sybil that makes sense. As always thanks for your help, I truly appreciate everything.

    polyamorous-living

    I feel like such a bad partner.. I'll tell my partner(s) about me being polyamorous and then if I'm dating someone that is too, I get too jealous.. help? I don't know what to do because it makes me feel super bad..

    I’ve actually had the same problem.  Polyamory and Jealousy often co-exist as they can in any type of relationship.  Be open, honest and up front about your feelings to your partners. Take responsibility for them too, you are only human so don’t beat yourself up for any of your negative feelings. Talking (processing) these through with your parters will really help to work through it and eventually they may disappear as they did with me. Good Luck! 

    Follow: Polyamorous Definition

    bipolyamorist

    Polyamory is not a solve-all

    When people have troubles with a closed, monogamous relationship, some might turn to nonmonogamy to help their relationship. The thing is, most issues stem from poor communications, and if that’s creating trouble in a monogamous relationship, it will still cause trouble in a nonmonogamous one.

    Sometimes polyamory is the solution to troubles in a monogamous relationship, but that’s really only when the troubles stem from monogamy itself. If one or both partners dislikes monogamy but the relationship is fine otherwise, then polyamory might be a good solution.

    Sometimes the problems stem from incompatibility. When this is the case, polyamory can help the issue sometimes, as people no longer feel like the other person has to be compatible in every way. Other times though, it just reveals how incompatible the two people are, leading to a break up or a weaker relationship.

    The best candidate for the transition from a monogamous relationship to a nonmonogamous one is a couple who already has strong communication skills and are aware of each others’ needs and desires. The skills used to build a strong monogamous relationship will be very similar to the ones used to build a strong nonmonogamous one.

    The Ruleset

     The ruleset  is meant to be simple. It is a baseline; a beginning. Once established, like our relationship, it is to be built on and expanded. Evening by evening, new additions are to added and conformed to. Our eventual goal is an exciting series of interlocking protocols, one that all adherents can be proud to call theirs.

    But to start, it must be simple. That is where The Rules come in.

    1. Be Punctual- In all things, be punctual. Wether it be showing up at the correct time for a date, or completing an assignment in a timely manner. To do otherwise is to imply a lack of respect for my time.

    2.Be Articulate- Communication is the most important key to making this work. Never hesitate to share how something makes you feel. This rule also extends to your manner of speech. There will be no “Mmmhmms” or nods in my presence. I deserve the respect of a full and complete answer, if only a “Yes” or “No.” At some point, this may begin to include an honorific such as “Sir”, but to begin with keep only articulation in mind.

    3. Be Polite- Manners are vital. You are expected to be polite to everyone, not only me, because I will not have my property being rude to anyone else. For every request a please, for every indulgence a thank you. These indulgences include orgasms. When I am responsible for your orgasm, either by direct action or the thought of past/future actions, you will make every effort to thank me by any means possible.

    Remember these 3 rules, and you have the potential to succeed. As time passes, new permissions and refrains are added.