Shea's Domain
Last update
2020-01-29 04:34:35

    Write diverse polyamory

    Write couples that date people together.  Write couples dating other couples.  Write three people finding each other and deciding it works.  Write two people that fall in love with the same person, but not each other.  Write people whose relationship is more complicated, more undefined.  Write triads and quads and Vs with aromantic and asexual characters.  Write how characters navigate important discussions about gender and romance and sexuality.

    Write relationships that don’t tie up in a nice, neat triangle or box.  Sometimes one person is in a triad, but also has someone else they love very much and start to date outside of that relationship.  Sometimes one person’s dating someone who’s dating someone else who’s dating someone else, and nothing ties up nicely and neatly.  Sometimes there are large groups that cluster together, with individualized dynamics that they simplify for other people as “we’re all dating” because it takes too long to explain to a passing stranger.

    Write polyamorous relationships forming, or things not working out in the end.  It’s okay.  Sometimes things don’t work.  Polyamorous relationships are just like every other relationship in that if there isn’t open communication, things can fall apart.  It’s sometimes even more true of polyamorous relationships.  Jealousy can be real.  Awkwardness, too.  That’s okay.  Things are sometimes complicated and unhappy.  It doesn’t invalidate polyamory any more than monogamous relationships not working out does.

    Write marriages that don’t go down on paper in the record books, because it’s not a simple couple, but that still mean the world to the people who are exchanging rings and vows.  Write first kisses and first dates and first “I love you”s and first times sharing a bed not big enough for everyone.  

    There’s a big, wide world of polyamory unexplored by fic, just waiting to be written.  Don’t be afraid.  

    Write diverse polyamory.


    This is a preface to my current life.


    So, the other day I met one of Sir’s partners on Skype. The two of them had recently been out with each other and I had gotten really anxious in the middle and broke down and called him up. I wasn’t proud of it, but I just get scared.

    Basically, she meets a lot of the stuff that I really can’t for Sir. And so my head runs through all these crazy possibilities like, “oh my gosh he’s going to realize that she’s better at this and that and he’s going to be done with me.” I recognize I’ve got a serious fear of abandonment, which naturally goes just peachy with ethical non-monogamy. 

    But, when Sir and I sat down to talk, I wound up just getting really shy. I was a little embarrassed about having placed the call the other day while they were together and I’m just generally a kind of shy person. So, I kept hiding my face and getting nervous. 

    For the most part, I was a nervous, shy mess. But, we all kind of flirted a little and, gosh, I don’t know. I think I’d be down for doing something as the three of us. I just need to sort out some of my anxieties and remember that in the same way none of my partners will “replace” any other, the same holds true for Sir.

    It’s kind of alarming that even in the face of the logic of my own non-monogamy, I can’t shake that feeling of inadequacy or precariousness in my primary relationship. 

    Open relationships certainly do take work, but dismissing the possibility of non-monogamy for “most people” feels pedantic to me. Most people are jealous. But jealousy can be a way to talk about important issues: Why do we get jealous? Why are we insecure? How do our cultural ideas of what “successful” relationships look like contribute to our insecurities? Isn’t it a bit defeatist to say that someone is too jealous or insecure to make something work? It’s possible to reframe jealousy as a tool for self-understanding.

    Don’t Conflate Cheating With Open Relationships, Please | Bitch Media (via brutereason)


    how many do you keep?

    The most I’ve had at once is two. More than one slave actually presents a whole slew of challenges and headaches. Your attention is divided, which brings problems of neglect. Furthermore, you have to deal with jealousy issues, which may or may not be solvable, depending on the people involved. Honestly, I don’t know how the sheikhs managed…

    I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I’m in it for the long run, so I’m not interested in something that will fall apart after a few months or even a few years.

    My current thinking for a successful mix, although I haven’t done this, would be to have one “love slave”, who has explicit, preferred status, and then one “object slave”, who finds fulfillment in being nothing more than an object for others (including other slaves) to use. Someone who would be perfectly content with being locked away for days at a time and essentially forgotten, except for feeding and other bodily functions.

    As for now, I have one slave under consideration, and I might consider an “object slave” once I have more space (or maybe just keep her in the cage most of the time?)

    Decisions, decisions…


    This is much the same that my s and I have considered, for when we go about trying to find a second. Except not nearly so extreme as keepingher, here. 

    No offense is meant, but different strokes for different folks, and we’re not going to be looking for someone who wants to be objectified to that level. On the bottom tier? Absolutely. Just...not that far. 


    I feel like such a bad partner.. I'll tell my partner(s) about me being polyamorous and then if I'm dating someone that is too, I get too jealous.. help? I don't know what to do because it makes me feel super bad..

    I’ve actually had the same problem.  Polyamory and Jealousy often co-exist as they can in any type of relationship.  Be open, honest and up front about your feelings to your partners. Take responsibility for them too, you are only human so don’t beat yourself up for any of your negative feelings. Talking (processing) these through with your parters will really help to work through it and eventually they may disappear as they did with me. Good Luck! 

    Follow: Polyamorous Definition


    I know sometimes Piglet is on, so this is just an open question for yourself & your partners- so they choose to answer, if they see it. How are yall able to have no jealousy? I'm in a somewhat open relationship, and I'm trying to hard not to be a burden as he wants to open up sexually, but it's so hard for me.

    We never claimed to have NO jealousy. That’s a part of human interaction, it happens.

    The difference is in good control and management of it, keeping it in reins. Not letting it affect your relationships or mood.

    The best ways to get better at this are confidence, followed by experience, and then reassurance.