@m--shea
Shea's Domain
Posts
10329
Last update
2020-01-29 04:34:35
    i-provide-you-defer-deactivated

    Be submissive.

    Demure. Yielding. Pliant. You’ll find many doors that you’ve been pounding on suddenly open on their own.

    It’s the natural order.

    firefly-flashes

    This is the thing I struggle with the most. 

    I am not naturally yielding or pliant - I’m a pretty take-charge kind of girl. Professionally, I have to be. Need to be. I can’t just sit on the sidelines and go along with everyone else’s poor decisions (or worse, indecisiveness). I like to think I’m a good leader and a good teacher - my interns and staff are generally happy, well-liked, and successful. They go on and do bigger and better things. People come to me instead of/before going to my boss because my decisions influence his. If I was yielding and pliant, I wouldn’t be so effective.

    Sure, sometimes I get called a bitch. A ball-buster. A know-it-all. I accept no excuses and I tolerate no slacking off. I work hard and I expect the same from the people I work with. I’m a perfectionist. And if I don’t let the complainers know that every little shot hurts, that I get anxious and stressed out often - its because I can’t give them any ammunition to fire at me later.

    And personally, as a single parent, I have to be in charge most of the time. I can’t sit around wringing my hands and waiting for someone else to make the decisions. If something needs to be fixed, I fix it (Did you know you can learn how to fix an ice-maker on youtube?!). New jackets need to be bought? I buy them. 

    And goodness knows I’m not perfect. I need to go to gym more and bake cookies less. I need to stop Tumblring and and write. I need to take a few more days off and work a few less nights for absolutely no extra pay whatsoever. I need to say “no” a lot more.

    Here’s the thing - I wish I could let someone else make the decisions. Even if it was just about the heels I was wearing today or what I’m going to cook for dinner tonight. But the thing is, someone still has to make the decisions. Things still have to get done. 

    So even when it’s exhausting, I do it. And I’m going to keep on doing it.

    Even if it makes me a craptastic submissive. Or not submissive at all. 

    It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be. Someday.

    vaginaandmagirl

    Taking care of what needs to be done in the absence of anyone else doesn’t make you a “craptastic submissive”. It makes you (from what I can read) a great employee, a leader others admire, and a great mom. You know whom to yield to and who needs you to lead. That’s wisdom.

    I’m actually glad you posted this. I see it so much. And inevitably many women who see themselves as strong leaders in their work or in life (in the absence of a Dominant - ie, they are single) view themselves somehow as “lesser than” submissives.

    I’ll share a quick story: I work alongside another teacher who when I was given my position, I was told I would have to lead. He’s timid. He’s not a leader in the least of terms. He is kind and compassionate though - and very smart. In the right environment, he’d be a great teacher. But he drives me crazy - because I’m NOT the sort of person who wants to tell people what to do. I’m not a micromanager. I’m all for working with people who can delegate well and do what needs to be done when they see it needs to be done. This guy though…man. He has to be told everything. Even when I attempt to delegate something to him - I have to tell him what and how to do it. Recently we had to decide who would take a break when we were covering a class during testing. He couldn’t even take charge of that when I attempted to leave it to him. I finally had to tell him to take his break. This is not the sort of thing someone should need leadership in, but there you have it. I could be yielding and pliant ALL DAY with this dude and literally NOTHING would get accomplished. Nope, instead I’d suck at my job and not be serving my administrators or students well.

    The point: I refuse to yield to someone incapable of honoring or appreciating my deference. What sense is there in that? None. I lead. Often. Whenever it calls for it. And I’m damn good at it. I keep being told by different administrators that I should consider going into administration myself because I’m “a natural”. Imagine that! Me, a happily submissive woman, being told she’s a natural administrator/leader.

    But the thing is - I CAN imagine that. For me. For you. For many beautifully submissive women. Because at the end of the day, we are all so strong. Our very desire to submit is powerful. Am I demure? Am I yielding? To those who’ve shown they can wield such power as my submission - yes. We are lionesses. We are queens. We do what needs to be done. And if by some chance a worthy man comes along that we respect and trust enough to yield our strength to? Can you imagine how good of a man he must be? To draw out our deference and submission?

    We are fierce. And if we be tamed, it is because we have found a soul strong enough to tame us and worthy enough to earn our yielding.

    You, my dear, are not a “craptastic submissive”. You are fierce.

    submissiveinseattle

    ^^All of this.  Speaking as a very submissive woman who has recently become single, I can tell you that everything she says is spot on.  I am, and have always been, the ‘I know what I’m doing, so just stay out of my way’ type. When I tell my friends and co-workers about my alternate life, they are shocked.  One of my close friends recently commented to me, “I know that I will never understand your lifestyle, but what confuses me is that there’s a very strong part of you that is obviously NOT submissive.”

    Being submissive does not mean letting people walk all over you.  Being submissive does not mean standing by and letting others live your life for you.  Being submissive means that you’ve found someone who deserves to share your strength in such a way that you don’t have to carry it on your own anymore.

    pervertsofcolor

    How to find a kinky partner.

    Step one: Find out what you like in terms of kink. What are your interests and limits? It’s harder to find a partner when you don’t even know what you want.

    Step two: Meet lots of people. Not just ones you wanna fuck. Having kinky friends is really helpful. Being kinky will drastically lower your dating pool so it will take some searching. Be patient. Having awesome kinky friends makes you feel less lonely. Fact: Kinky friends help get kinky friends laid.

    Step three: Be verbal, clear and express what you want to people who are interested in you. Set up ground rules and boundaries. Ask them open ended questions to understand their limits. Some don’t know the buzz words to say but will open up in conversation if prompted.

    Step four: Think beyond your genitals. Just because they are sexy or popular doesn’t mean you should automatically trust them. Get to know them before making long term relationship decisions (insta-collars, ie: this is my Master and we met last week).

    Step five: Repeat steps one thru four a million times until you lose hope and decide to die buried in cats.

    Step six: On the journey to gather your horde of cats, meet a intriguing stranger and have a mind-blowing kinky good time because you never know when magic is gonna happen.

    You'll never get out alive

    I have a confession to make. As embarrassing as it may be, I have to admit I fell into the trap and I fell hard. I had read a few warnings about it and hoped that it wouldn’t happen but none the less, I was sucked in. Most of you probably never noticed I disappeared for a while nor do you really give a shit why. I feel, though, this is something that happens more often than realized and is rarely discussed.

    Tumblr is infamous for glamorizing sex and BDSM. Post after post we see nothing but women in fancy lace lingerie and exorbitant back drops. We see perfectly focused images of photoshopped models. We read about the the intense scenes that are enacted. We interpret quotes and excerpts that romanticize the lifestyle. The blogs we regularly visit are the doorway to escape the stresses of our lives and retreat into a fantasyland where the sex is abundant, whips and flogs fly endlessly, and everything is enchanting and accept that this how it is supposed to be. Yeah, I fell into that rabbit hole.

    A little over a week ago, life had become hectic and quite frankly…lonely. Between myself working an insanely amount of hours and Kitten’s plethora of night shifts, our interaction was minimal if at all. I slept next to this woman every night, and yet, there were days when a “Good Morning or Good Night Sir/Kitten” was the most interaction we would have. Needless to say, physical intimacy was few and far between and sometimes was not even a consideration. We were either too tired or stressed about work and preparing for the holidays.

    On nights I was alone, I’d turn to our blog in hopes that maybe it would arouse my imagination and get me back in the mood. It’s here that things began to crumble. At one point, I had posted something having nothing to do with BDSM or even anything sexual in nature because I thought it was funny. Within minutes, we were losing followers left and right. For whatever reason, I took this personal AND began to question my identity as someone who identifies as a Dominant. I know I shouldn’t have, but I did. From here, it spiraled and intensified.

    As the days went on, with every post I saw I became more angry about what was going on in my life. Here I am thinking that all these people are having these wonderful, erotic adventures with their perfect partners with gorgeously sculpted bodies and I’m sitting here folding laundry alone. It was saddening to point that whatever desire I had for sex completely left me and I do mean completely. I had no want whatsoever and looking at it was only making it worse. Disgusted, I closed my tumblr app and decided to leave it closed, possibly for good.

    The week went on as chaotic as expected. The thoughts running through my mind were no different. The lack of quality time between Kitten and I led me to thinking that I was failing her. I was floundering on my duties as husband and father I was neglecting my responsibilities of being her dominant. I was confused. I despised myself. I was hurting mentally and emotionally. I felt like I was going through Dom drop but without having previously participated in a scene. I didn’t know what to do or how to resolve these feelings. I sat alone in the dark, feeling depressed.

    The next morning, I woke up on the couch. I had fallen asleep waiting for Kitten to get home which made me feel worse. I missed her arrival home and she went to bed alone and that’s assuming she made it home at all. I went upstairs and thankfully she was in bed, sleeping peacefully. I jumped in the shower and got ready for work hoping not to wake her, even though I knew this might be the only time I would see her today. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror when she walked in and wrapped her arms around me. We exchanged a few words about the previous day and how we both really missed being together. I was asked when we might have some time together next to which I had no clear answer. I had another long work day with a ton of errands to run, and she had another night shift. This made me feel completely wretched.

    What happened next was something I never would have expected. Kitten told me that she appreciated everything I do for her and our family and since she wasn’t sure if she would see me that night, she unzipped me, dropped to her knees and proceeded to give me a blowjob. Now at first, I almost stopped her. I didn’t deserve this. Each time she took me down her throat she moaned with such pleasure. She starred up at me with adoration. After a few more minutes of this I didn’t care about going to work on time. I needed to take her. I needed to use her body to fuck out all my angst and anger. I picked her up off the floor, bent her over the bathroom counter and fucked her madly. The louder she moaned the harder I squeezed and deeper I thrusted. In that moment, she wasn’t Kitten. She was my fuck toy. Just before I orgasmed she dropped back to her knees and took every last drop of me with great satisfaction to which she said, “Thank you, Sir,” and smiled.

    As great as that was, I wouldn’t say I was out of my funk. Don’t get me wrong, my day was brighter and I felt better about finally getting some intimate time with Kitten, but I was still unsettled. Something still wasn’t quite feeling right.

    It wasn’t until a day later that I finally would see clearly. I was on lunch break and decided to check out our blog to see how it was doing in my absence. I began to scroll through the activity log. I noticed a blog had liked several of our posts including the non BDSM posts. The avatar was quite funny so I checked it out. I scrolled…and scrolled…and scrolled. In between laughing hysterically at some hilarious and random pictures, I saw several eyeopening posts. I saw posts about his journey through D/s and reblogs about those topics within the lifestyle not as frequently discussed. I looked at some great photographs. Amazingly, I saw posts that had nothing to do with sex at all. I was admiring a real blog depicted by a real person, not a person living in a fantasy. He, too, identified as a dominant and, come to find out, helps moderate a very well respected blog “The Dominant Prompts”.

    At this point, I felt better than I have in almost 2 weeks. Here is a dominant male that isn’t wrapped up in his role as a dominant. From what I can tell has a family with all the same problems families have. Appears to be very well respected and is just as random and quirky as I am. I mean, his avi is Stitch wearing a Santa hat for crying out loud! If you haven’t figured it out, I’m talking about @finder-of-things . He reminded me of what I had forgotten.

    BDSM is not just about sex. It’s about a relationship. It’s not always glamorous and seldom, if ever, perfect and it damn sure isn’t always serious; protocol and rules and punishments. It’s about living a life fully open, honest and vulnerable and doing it together without fear or persecution. I love tying up Kitten. You know what else I love? Minions. Even dressed up as one for Halloween last year. Know something else? You will find both minions and pictures of Kitten tied up on this blog. This blog is about who we are, not just as dominant and submissive but as people. Doms and subs are no different than everyday people. We all laugh, cry, put on our underwear one leg at a time and our shit stinks just like every else.

    I lost sight of so many things. I forgot you have to enjoy what you’re doing. If you aren’t, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. This is an NSFW blog but it’s not just porn blog. It’s our real thoughts and real feelings. What we post is for Kitten and I and anyone we care to tag along the way and the reason we do it is because we like it and it helps us grow closer together. Like it says in our blog description, “If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” I was too wrapped up in posting for followers and gaining fame instead of just being myself.

    But more importantly, I forgot that just like our blog, being a dominant has many different sides. Even as a dominant, it’s ok to not want sex. I’m not horny every second of the day. Just because I’m a guy and I see myself as a dominant, doesn’t mean I’m always ready to fuck at the drop of a hat. It’s perfectly acceptable to not be in the mood. It happens. You don’t hear about it because no one wants to admit it for fear of being conceived as weak. It’s not weak, it’s reality. However, no one wants reality when the scroll through sex blogs, so it goes unsaid.

    Although dominant, I can’t be serious all the time. I’m not wired that way. Life isn’t always austere, but it’s also not going to fun and games all the time either. There are going to be good times and bad, but there has to be balance. I lost balance. I fell. Now, I’ve picked myself back up, brushed the dirt off and ready to try again.

    Kitten asked me about post we were tagged in about the movies we always had to watch. I realize I left a few off. Aside from any of the Despicable Me movies the other movie I will stop and watch anytime is “Van Wilder.” The movie is filled with tons of life lessons. “I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She’s fun. She’s cute. She swallows.” He taught us that Naomi spelled backwards is ‘I moan’. But the most important lesson is this…“You shouldn’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.”

    -Sir

    just-call-me-ella

    A post about romantic relationships

    so I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years now. And I see a lot of posts about how people think relationships mean having butterflies forever, your heart beating faster when they walk into a room, about cuddling together every night, legs intertwined, that you’d be so happy to live together you’d sleep on a double bed with each other every night.

    And its not really like that, at least not to me.

    You stop getting the butterflies when you live together. Your heart no longer speeds up when you see them, but instead, everything calms down. When youre in the room with them, you feel calm, and secure. When you cuddle them you feel your heart beat slow, and the sound of their breathing carry you towards comfort. It doesnt feel like a roller coaster anymore, it feels like home.

    You don’t sleep curled up with each other every night, legs twisted between theirs so tight its hard to tell where yours begin and theirs end.

    Instead, you sleep comfortably, side by side, sometimes facing different directions. But every night, you find yourself scooting backwards on the bed so you bump into them. You snuggle against their arm, or stroke their hair as they fall asleep. There are nights when my boyfriend, in his sleep, reaches around me and pulls me to him, like a child with his teddybear, like I am his comfort.

     In the wee hours of the morning before the dawn breaks, when the world is blue and you see through cracked eyes, you curl into their chest and inhale their scent before drifting back to sleep. 

    Kisses aren’t always romantic and firey anymore. But there are so much more of them now. There are cold kisses when you’re eating ice cream in the summer, and sticky kisses over breakfast pancakes. There’s “im leaving now” kisses, and “one more kiss before you go” kisses. There’s sleepy morning kisses before work, when you don’t remember the alarm going off but instead the press of their lips against yours is what brings you into the day.

    There’s kisses before sleep, and, you are so sweet with the things you do kisses. There’s kisses because you treat animals so tenderly, and I’m so glad i’m with you and not someone else kisses. There’s quick kisses in the aisles of the grocery store, when its loud and you gravitate together, when instead of having your own personal space and their own personal space, its both of yours together, and you step into their chest to take up less area together. 

    You don’t always text each other with confessions of love and care like you used to, because that’s a given now, and you’ve moved on to quirky inside jokes about the life youve built together. You share looks of exasperation and amusement in public, your own little world against the outside one. 

    Relationships aren’t always a fairy tale. They’re not always fireworks and sparks, at least, after the start.

    But they are a quiet rhythm and hum of love and care. It’s not a fire in your soul, but one in your hearth, keeping you warm and comfortable, comforting you as you drowsily drift into sleep.

    And I love that.

    chazzfox

    *SLAMS REBLOG BUTTON!!!*

    pretty-littlefitness

    This is everything and more

    suchhvodka

    im not crying, you’re crying

    Friendly reminder that you’re allowed to like a thing without knowing every single fact about the thing

    You’re allowed to like a movie without having to know every crew member’s name

    You’re allowed to like a book without having to memorize every page

    You’re allowed to like a video game without having to know all the Easter eggs and cheat codes

    You’re allowed to like things and not be an expert on things

    Liking things isn’t supposed to be stressful