Shea's Domain
Last update
2020-01-29 04:34:35

    Write diverse polyamory

    Write couples that date people together.  Write couples dating other couples.  Write three people finding each other and deciding it works.  Write two people that fall in love with the same person, but not each other.  Write people whose relationship is more complicated, more undefined.  Write triads and quads and Vs with aromantic and asexual characters.  Write how characters navigate important discussions about gender and romance and sexuality.

    Write relationships that don’t tie up in a nice, neat triangle or box.  Sometimes one person is in a triad, but also has someone else they love very much and start to date outside of that relationship.  Sometimes one person’s dating someone who’s dating someone else who’s dating someone else, and nothing ties up nicely and neatly.  Sometimes there are large groups that cluster together, with individualized dynamics that they simplify for other people as “we’re all dating” because it takes too long to explain to a passing stranger.

    Write polyamorous relationships forming, or things not working out in the end.  It’s okay.  Sometimes things don’t work.  Polyamorous relationships are just like every other relationship in that if there isn’t open communication, things can fall apart.  It’s sometimes even more true of polyamorous relationships.  Jealousy can be real.  Awkwardness, too.  That’s okay.  Things are sometimes complicated and unhappy.  It doesn’t invalidate polyamory any more than monogamous relationships not working out does.

    Write marriages that don’t go down on paper in the record books, because it’s not a simple couple, but that still mean the world to the people who are exchanging rings and vows.  Write first kisses and first dates and first “I love you”s and first times sharing a bed not big enough for everyone.  

    There’s a big, wide world of polyamory unexplored by fic, just waiting to be written.  Don’t be afraid.  

    Write diverse polyamory.


    This is a preface to my current life.

    “If a monogamous relationship breaks up, people never consider monogamy to be ‘the problem’, or take it as proof that monogamy doesn’t work. But they do with polyamory.”


    Anne Hunter - The joy of polyamory



    (via themilehighbrat)

    You’d think that they would know better, considering how incredibly often monogamous relationships crash and burn.


    How to find a kinky partner.

    Step one: Find out what you like in terms of kink. What are your interests and limits? It’s harder to find a partner when you don’t even know what you want.

    Step two: Meet lots of people. Not just ones you wanna fuck. Having kinky friends is really helpful. Being kinky will drastically lower your dating pool so it will take some searching. Be patient. Having awesome kinky friends makes you feel less lonely. Fact: Kinky friends help get kinky friends laid.

    Step three: Be verbal, clear and express what you want to people who are interested in you. Set up ground rules and boundaries. Ask them open ended questions to understand their limits. Some don’t know the buzz words to say but will open up in conversation if prompted.

    Step four: Think beyond your genitals. Just because they are sexy or popular doesn’t mean you should automatically trust them. Get to know them before making long term relationship decisions (insta-collars, ie: this is my Master and we met last week).

    Step five: Repeat steps one thru four a million times until you lose hope and decide to die buried in cats.

    Step six: On the journey to gather your horde of cats, meet a intriguing stranger and have a mind-blowing kinky good time because you never know when magic is gonna happen.











    The following statistics come from the people atAre You Interested, one of the largest Facebook-based dating apps. The AYI app is a lot like Tinder. It allows users to browse, message, and tell other users if they like them or not. The AYI data team have been measuring user interaction and some of the results pertaining to race are really interesting:

    Data shows that singles searching for love are finding it outside their ethnic groupAYI.com, a leading online dating app with over 70 million installs, analyzed over 2.4 million interactions among its current user base in the United States to discover the likelihood of users to respond to other users based on race.



    The following statistics come from the people atAre You Interested, one of the largest Facebook-based dating apps. The AYI app is a lot like Tinder. It allows users to browse, message, and tell other users if they like them or not. The AYI data team have been measuring user interaction and some of the results pertaining to race are really interesting:

    Data shows that singles searching for love are finding it outside their ethnic groupAYI.com, a leading online dating app with over 70 million installs, analyzed over 2.4 million interactions among its current user base in the United States to discover the likelihood of users to respond to other users based on race.


    I’m sick

    Black women get the most shit from Anti-Blackness and misogynoir is in every race of people.

    Originally posted by realitytvgifs

    The irony of every woman in the world wanting to look like us , act like us but some how we get no play?


    I need people to think loooooong and hard before they come up with some “it’s just my preference” bullshit without examining the social structures and power that indoctrinate you in your preferences.

    The only thing that bothers me about this chart is that black women are out here preferring black men when black men aren’t even checking for us.

    SAME !


    This is really fascinating information.

    But let’s say that someone does not prefer African American women. Let’s also say, because it does seem likely, that our cultural racism is to blame, for--at the very least--valuing non-African American features. What are they to do now? How plausible is it to try to change their preferences? It can be done, but how well would it work?


    I want to break up with my master, the relationship isn't comfortable to me anymore and I've wanted to break things off for awhile. Whenever I try to, he threatens to kill himself. What should I do? I'm completely lost and I feel like I'm in too deep now to stop.

    That’s emotional blackmail, plain and simple. Have some hot lines ready, but you need to end this.


    My ex partner was an alcoholic and he would say that I make him drink less and eventually he’d get sober if I stayed with him. He threatened that if I broke up with him that he would drink himself to death. It took me awhile and a lot of support from my friends, but I finally broke up with him. It was the best decision I ever made.

    Don’t ever let anyone manipulate you into staying in an unhealthy relationship.


    Once a slave took Your collar, would there be sessions where she was equal to You (maybe once a month or something similar) where both of you could have honest discussions about your feelings (especially if something was truly hurting her)? And would You free her once you were sick of her, or would You try to talk to her and fix things like equals? And would she ever be released because she wanted to be, not because You chose to free her? Or would You never free a slave ever?

    Everyone does this differently, but this is how it works with me:

    I have very few explicit rules (only about 10 ground rules). Everything else is divided into to core values, devotionals, protocols, and rituals.

    A core value marks a default frame of mind that she must remain in at all times (for example, her entire purpose is to serve, obey, and please her master in any way she can).

    A rule covers some specifics of how I want her to behave (for example, she is not to pleasure herself without my permission).

    A devotional is something for her to meditate upon as she performs her duties (for example, “My greatest pleasure is knowing that I have pleased my master”).

    A protocol is similar to a rule, but covers behavior and rituals in general. They are as follows:

    High:    Speak only when spoken to. Full formality.    Complete attention and focus, no matter what the distractions.    Absolute and instantaneous obedience, without delay, hesitation or question (except to clarify).    No extraneous movement, speech, or thought.    All privileges are suspended.    Every move, answer, and behavior is being carefully scrutinized and judged.

    Medium:    Speak only when spoken to, or to request. Semi-formal.    Respectful words and tone, and deferential behavior.    Awareness and anticipation of Master’s needs, wants, and desires.    Similar to how a butler would behave.    For Master or kink-friendly guests.

    Low Formal:    Speak freely, but always be respectful.    Service in an unobtrusive fashion (service to Master and hospitality for guests).    For non kink-friendly people.

    Low:    Speak freely, even if it’s a little disrespectful.    Add a little silliness and fun.    Teasing is OK, but keep it civil.

    Free Talk:    Say anything without consequences.    For use only when something cannot be solved at any other level.

    Medium is the default protocol, except when I give the order “drop” which requires high protocol. Any other protocol will be by my designation, or as the situation requires (for example, when non kink-friendly people are present).

    So if things started going very badly, such that even low protocol isn’t enough for her to say what she needs to say, I’ll invoke free talk, and we’ll work it out.

    Whether things work or not depends on how compatible we are in the long run. Some people just can’t agree on all core principles, and that’s perfectly fine. In fact, a huge part of the relationship is discovering where we work, where we need work, and where it will never work. If we find a show stopper that absolutely cannot be fixed, it only makes sense to end the relationship and set her free rather than both remaining unsatisfied.


    Listen, please.

    It is possible to be a (femme/female) sub without fetishizing essentialist notions of male superiority. You do not have to buy in to that. This does not have to be about gender roles or inherent gendered nature or any of that - frankly - bullshit, and if you honest to god believe that it does, please unfollow me now.

    Stay sharp, ladies.


    Whoa. Looks like someone needs a very thorough over-the-knee spanking. By a man. In a suit. With callused hands. Who might allow her to leave on her apron if she promises to cry extra pretty for him…


    Drawing gentle attention to the irony here - how do you expect anyone to respect your relationship and choices if this is how you treat theirs?

    You do not have to buy into universal male dominance in order to appreciate, desire, or participate in D/S relationships. I do not honest to god give a fuck what you do in your own bedroom, but trying to represent it as an apolitical best or neutral ideal is shortsighted at best and outright destructive at worst.

    Make your choices, but make them for you. Leave the other seven billion men, women, and others - in all their infinite idiosyncrasy - out of it.


    Holy fuck this. 

    Though, unless I’m drastically misremembering my blogs, that would basically have to be satire or joking for subgirlygirl to say that...


    A post about romantic relationships

    so I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years now. And I see a lot of posts about how people think relationships mean having butterflies forever, your heart beating faster when they walk into a room, about cuddling together every night, legs intertwined, that you’d be so happy to live together you’d sleep on a double bed with each other every night.

    And its not really like that, at least not to me.

    You stop getting the butterflies when you live together. Your heart no longer speeds up when you see them, but instead, everything calms down. When youre in the room with them, you feel calm, and secure. When you cuddle them you feel your heart beat slow, and the sound of their breathing carry you towards comfort. It doesnt feel like a roller coaster anymore, it feels like home.

    You don’t sleep curled up with each other every night, legs twisted between theirs so tight its hard to tell where yours begin and theirs end.

    Instead, you sleep comfortably, side by side, sometimes facing different directions. But every night, you find yourself scooting backwards on the bed so you bump into them. You snuggle against their arm, or stroke their hair as they fall asleep. There are nights when my boyfriend, in his sleep, reaches around me and pulls me to him, like a child with his teddybear, like I am his comfort.

     In the wee hours of the morning before the dawn breaks, when the world is blue and you see through cracked eyes, you curl into their chest and inhale their scent before drifting back to sleep. 

    Kisses aren’t always romantic and firey anymore. But there are so much more of them now. There are cold kisses when you’re eating ice cream in the summer, and sticky kisses over breakfast pancakes. There’s “im leaving now” kisses, and “one more kiss before you go” kisses. There’s sleepy morning kisses before work, when you don’t remember the alarm going off but instead the press of their lips against yours is what brings you into the day.

    There’s kisses before sleep, and, you are so sweet with the things you do kisses. There’s kisses because you treat animals so tenderly, and I’m so glad i’m with you and not someone else kisses. There’s quick kisses in the aisles of the grocery store, when its loud and you gravitate together, when instead of having your own personal space and their own personal space, its both of yours together, and you step into their chest to take up less area together. 

    You don’t always text each other with confessions of love and care like you used to, because that’s a given now, and you’ve moved on to quirky inside jokes about the life youve built together. You share looks of exasperation and amusement in public, your own little world against the outside one. 

    Relationships aren’t always a fairy tale. They’re not always fireworks and sparks, at least, after the start.

    But they are a quiet rhythm and hum of love and care. It’s not a fire in your soul, but one in your hearth, keeping you warm and comfortable, comforting you as you drowsily drift into sleep.

    And I love that.




    This is everything and more


    im not crying, you’re crying


    I want one of these.


    Oh my God, are you serious? This is incredible. I haven’t watched the video, yet, but I’m going to as soon as I can later tonight. 


    I sooo wish I had a good hiding place for one of these…


    So glad I came across your site! Reading through your posts really helped me. I'm a newbie sub classical musician in LA. When things started with my Dom we weren't clear about what kind of relationship it would be (I know, I know, we should have discussed it). First started off monogamous but now he's seeing other subs. I'm still seeing him (I can't help myself) but knowing he's seeing others has been EXTREMELY hard on me. Suggestions on how to distance myself romantically w/o failing as a sub?


    Second, and I’m going to type this in caps so it comes across just how serious and important this is - IF YOUR DOM IS INTO THE “POLY LIFESTYLE” (i.e. seeing other subs) AND YOU ARE NOT, THEN YOU ARE IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM “FAILING” AS A SUB TO DISTANCE YOURSELF.  You have every right to want to be the one and only sub for this Dom.  He also has every right to want or not want the same thing….but if there is indeed a mismatch on this incredibly crucial point, then you have every right to walk away with no shame.  If he tries to shame you in any way because you are not interested in sharing him, then you can tell him to go to hell and he is not a real Dom.  If you want to continue to see him because you enjoy the fulfillment you get from your time together, then that is also fine and you shouldn’t judge yourself….however, I would encourage you to look elsewhere while you do this and try to find what it is you really want (because it sounds like its not this).  Have you told your Dom that you don’t like him seeing other subs?  That you don’t want to share?


    A Great Night Ruined

    As a Dom, there are few things that suck harder than when you think you can start to show someone some of the kinkier/darker parts of yourself, and it blows up in your face.  When you think you can trust a submissive person, trust that she’ll like what you have to say, and then instead you end up offending her….you end up seeing and feeling that disgust and judgement….it’s just devastating.

    This happened to me last night at the end of a really great 2nd date.  The worst part is, I realize that it was completely my fault because I didn’t do enough to make this girl believe I am the respectful GENTLEMAN first and foremost.  And if you don’t prove to someone and truly make them believe you have a respectful gentlemanly side, then you can’t show them your Dom side.

    I thought I could trust this person with a glimpse of that part of myself and I was wrong and paid dearly for it….and it’s because I didn’t do enough to make them trust that I’m more than just that deviant kink crazed Dom.

    UGGHHH, so upset.  Failure and rejection fucking sucks.  


    So following up on this.  I just had a sort of “closure” text exchange with this person.  Very very frustrating to say the least.  It really sucks just how fragile and delicate this stuff is.

    This whole thing has served as a very painful reminder that there are a lot of women out there who claim to be submissive - who will make you feel comfortable that you can start to show them at least a small glimpse of your darker self - and then turn on you the moment you do. 

    People carry with them so much baggage and it effects everything we say and hear/perceive; society puts SOOO much pressure on women to be ladies worthy of respect that it is SOO easy for them to hate the parts of themselves that want to be degraded, humiliated, spanked, controlled, used for sex.  (btw, I am fully aware not ALL women want these things and I want to be clear that I’m referring ONLY to the women that have a submissive side and fantasize, even secretly, about D/s/kink).

    Society puts so much pressure on men to be respectful gentleman all the time that it’s easy for us to hate and be terrified of the parts of ourselves that want to do all of the aforementioned things to a woman. 

    In my failure to fully make this girl trust that I’m a gentleman first and foremost, before giving her but a glimpse of my dominant side (merely through a teasing text of what I wanted to do to her), I opened up myself to being judged/rejected/devastated by her fear and disgust towards that part of herself.

    I should have held back, been more of a gentleman and done a better job of earning this person’s trust.  However, I now fully believe that this is a “sub” that is completely disgusted and ashamed with her submissive desires and there are SOOOO many of them out there. 

    Dom’s of the world, please be careful.  It’s just too easy to be riding high one minute and then crashing and burning the next and it really sucks. 

    And to the asshole out there who abuses women without care and further deepens these inner conflicts, making them terrified of their own submissive desires, FUCK YOU. 


    Been reading ur blog. U need to stop calling urself a dom. All this lovey crap makes real doms sick. A sub is not for respecting and loving. A sub is for using and thats what they like. Its fine that u love ur girl, just dont call urself a dom. Real doms show dominance, use there sub and leave her laying like the cunt slut she is. Bein all sweet, and all that does is give her power over u, which makes u not a dom.

    Hi there, Anon. I almost didn’t even dignify this with a response, but I think you’ve actually given me a good opportunity to say something that new doms need to know, so kudos to you. 

    First and foremost, let’s establish something right here and now: You don’t get to tell me what I am, and you are damn sure not the leading authority on what does and does not constitute a dominant. For the record, I didn’t wake up one day and decide to be a dom. I never even thought of myself that way until I met belovedsangi 10 years ago. I always had the characteristics of a dom, sure, but I didn’t ever put that title on myself. That title was given to me by my submissive. SHE is the one who wanted to call me Master, and Sir, and sometimes Daddy. I never told her to do these things. But of course, you probably think I am making my point for you and that if I were a REAL domly dom, I would’ve demanded those things. 

    And that’s where you have a fundamental issue understanding the meaning of the title. So let me help you with that. 

    A dom does not demand respect. He conducts himself in such a way as to be worthy of respect. 

    A dom does not bark commands. His presence is such that he can seduce and command with nothing more than a glance. 

    A dom does not raise his voice. He is the kind of man who gets what he wants without needing to. 

    A dom is not a braggart. He is possessed of a calm, quiet confidence that is evident in his demeanor, the way he walks, the tone of his voice, and all other aspects of him. 

    A dom understands balance. He knows that while a firm hand and discipline are critical in this type of relationship, knowing when to be gentle and understanding is every bit as important. 

    A dom is a gentleman first and foremost. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he is a fancy man who values the finer things in life, but he does understand manners and protocol. He opens the car door for her. He orders for her if she is having trouble deciding. He treats strangers with courtesy and respect. 

    A dom is a protector. He makes sure that his submissive feels safe and protected at all times. This means so much more than just telling her you will protect her. A dom shows her. He keeps a hand on her shoulder or on her waist in crowds so she doesn’t get nervous. He sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door so that he is always between his submissive and an intruder. He walks on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street so that an errant vehicle will hit him before his submissive. If anything or anyone should threaten his submissive, he must be prepared to fight for her with the ferocity of an alpha wolf. 

    A dom earns her submission. It is not a thing to be demanded, expected, or assumed. And he continues to earn it, each and every day.  

    A dom values her submission. Fully submitting your will and trusting your body and well-being to someone takes a kind of strength most can’t imagine, and a dom never loses sight of that. 

    A dom understands that being a dominant is 10% privilege and 90% responsibility. He is literally taking her life into his hands. He is accepting the most sacred and important thing she has to give. He is taking her burdens and bearing them as his own, always, every day. 

    A dom is consistent. He understands that he can’t just be her protector, lover, confidant, master, etc. when he feels like it. There will be days when a dom is tired. There will be days when he is stressed. There will be days when he is broken. On those days, it is more important than ever for a dom to show his submissive that he is still everything she needs him to be. 

    So what does it mean, then, to be a dom? I get the feeling that you, anon, would say that it’s all about making her kneel, having your way with her, shouting orders and using her. Helpful hint: Any jackass can buy himself a whip and bark commands. That’s not a dom. Don’t get me wrong, I do absolutely have my way with belovedsangi. I love it when she kneels. I love the kinky, rough, mind-blowing sex we have. I love to dominate her in the bedroom. But for every moment of that, there are a hundred moments of holding her, of talking to her, laughing with her, gaming with her. There are a hundred moments of making her feel safe when she is afraid, giving her confidence when she is unsure, comforting her when she feels troubled. Those are all things that a dominant does too. 

    I love my submissive more than I love oxygen. I love my submissive with a fire that can never be extinguished. I value her and respect her in every way. I treat her like a queen and fuck her like a slave. These things don’t make me weak. They don’t make me less of a dominant. These things make me stronger than you can possibly imagine. There is nothing quite so formidable as a dominant who has found the perfect submissive to fuel his fire. Never will you see anyone love so strongly or fight so fiercely. 

    Bottom line, Anon, is this: you sound like a boy playing at being a man. You decided one day that you were sick of women having willpower and a voice of their own, so you decided to call yourself a dominant and seek out some weak-willed submissive who wouldn’t talk back to you or stick up for herself. You are not a dom. You are a jackass with a whip. Classic case of toodomforyou.


    I don’t often just reblog. But this is big, serious, important stuff. If you’re into what I’m into, and haven’t thought about things like this, do so now.


    What I want...

    I’ve been feeling on and off sick for about two weeks now and it’s making me super needy and thinking about what I want, what I’m missing… 

    I want someone who I can be me with, someone I don’t have to over think things with and worry that if I say the wrong thing he’ll run.  I want someone who can laugh off some of the crazy shit I say and tell me I’m being a silly little girl.  I want to be able to relax and really laugh with him.  I want to be able to cry, for him not to freak out but just to cuddle me, know it’s not a big deal and not think less of me for it or worry that he can’t handle me.  

    I want 24/7, TPE, all that jazz.  At the end of the day, as much as it has everything to do with sex, its also got nothing to do with it.  I want it to be a way of living.  Of course it’s not going to be cages, whips and chains every night of the week. Some nights it will just be sitting in front of the TV, exhausted, a nice big fire and his arms wrapped around me. However, that’s what I’m most interested in. Sitting in front of the TV with him, if he wants food, a drink, whatever, jumping to get/do it straight away. Always being his, always serving, even when it’s not apparent. He doesn’t have to exert the control and power every minute, but that’s because it’s always there regardless. That’s the dynamic, it’s how we work, what we are.  

    I want to serve him, I want my thoughts to center around him, what he wants, what he needs, what I can do to be better for him, to make him happy.  In return I just want to feel safe and loved.  I want to feel like he needs me as much as I need him.  I want him to want me, not this ideal version of me.  He can improve me but I don’t want to have to act like someone I’m not.  I want someone to love me for who I am inside, as soppy as that sounds.  

    I feel sick and I’m lonely, I just want someone to stroke my hair, tell me they care about me and help me fall asleep… 


    This is exactly what i’m looking for, i simply didn’t have the words to truly capture it, but inferior-cunt does.


    This is what I’m looking for


    I forgot about this post! I’m such a sweetheart sometimes =)


    This paragraph:

    “I want 24/7, TPE, all that jazz.  At the end of the day, as much as it has everything to do with sex, its also got nothing to do with it.  I want it to be a way of living.  Of course it’s not going to be cages, whips and chains every night of the week. Some nights it will just be sitting in front of the TV, exhausted, a nice big fire and his arms wrapped around me. However, that’s what I’m most interested in. Sitting in front of the TV with him, if he wants food, a drink, whatever, jumping to get/do it straight away. Always being his, always serving, even when it’s not apparent. He doesn’t have to exert the control and power every minute, but that’s because it’s always there regardless. That’s the dynamic, it’s how we work, what we are.  ”

    That captures it so nicely. Being submissive is not about stopping to think and being used. Or well, yes, it is, of course, also about that. But it’s the whole attitude behind it that I want. Having a submissive who always serves me. Not always actively by being under the table sucking my dick (however nice that may be) but serves me by realising she is my submissive and by thinking of ways to serve, to take care of me, to take away pressure, to make sure I’m feeling good.

    And I want that (and think I deserve that) because that’s what being dominant means for me. Yes, of course it’s about collars and whips (sweet whips…), but those things don’t mean anything if it’s only about those. Being dominant to a submissive for me is to have them on my mind. Because I want to control, but because I want to simply take care of them as well. What’s the cop phrase… “To serve and protect”? That should go for both dominants and submissives actually.

    It’s no fun to have someone who passively undergoes your dominance - at least for me it isn’t. I want someone who willingly undergoes the things I demand, but someone who actively tries to preempt what would make my life easier and fuller and more worthwhile. Someone who will take care of me as I’m taking care of her. That should be obvious to anyone; but it so seldom is obvious…


    I agree, especially with your last paragraph.  That’s my issue with so many d/s type relationships.  For many girls it seems to be an excuse to hide.  They find life too hard to deal with thus, they see an opportunity to surrender.  They turn into these ‘yes sir’ submissives who no longer have two brain cells to rub together.  They think that by giving over control they no longer have to think, they just do whatever he says and nothing more.  They make it all about their needs and stupidity.  Sure, they follow instruction, but so can anything if you programme it correctly.  

    I don’t want to handed a list of things to do and follow them to the letter, as attractive as that notion sounds sometimes.  I want to be given a general guideline and know that I will do it to the best of my ability in a way that will please him most.  I want to take the time to get to know him well enough that I can anticipate what he needs without him always having to tell me.  I want to use my own intelligence, creativity and initiative to serve him, the way he deserves.