@m--shea
Shea's Domain
Posts
10329
Last update
2020-01-29 04:34:35
    snow-fury-deactivated20170226

    Boys, protect girls. Call people out when they make offensive jokes. Stand up to those who treat girls like objects. Walk a girl home if she feels unsafe. Listen to them and be considerate of their feelings. Destroy that myth that women are inferior.

    Girls, protect boys. Call people out when they make fun of a boy for showing emotion. Stand up to those who tell boys to ‘man up.’ Support boys who enjoy feminine things. Destroy the myth that men can’t be victims and that women can’t be predators.

    Boys, protect boys. Protect your bros from violent relationships. Comfort your bros when they need somebody. Stand up for your bros who are ridiculed for not wanting/liking sex. Destroy the myth that two men can’t be close without it being “gay.”

    Girls, protect girls. Defend sisters who enjoy having sex. Stand up to those who define sisters for what they wear. Don’t judge your sister’s worth from how many boyfriend’s she’s had. Destroy the myth that girls have to constantly compete with each other.

    Protect everyone from the patriarchy. 

    lascumz

    Hallelujah.

    zodiac--signs

    Fucking important. Idc.

    masterprofessor-deactivated2017

    Professor, I'm a new sub and found a Dom really quickly. But Sir wants more than I'm ready to give Him. At least right now. During our last session I got scared enough I used the safe word. He went a little longer and then asked me if I was sure I wanted to say that. I told Him yes, and then He made me feel pretty guilty so I did what He wanted but I don't know it just doesn't feel right. What should I have done?

    Okay, so there’s a lot I want to say here, and I think it’s best to do so by recording my thought process as I read through this message:

    “Professor, I’m a new sub and found a Dom really quickly.”

    I can’t say I’m surprised, especially if you got on Fet, CM, Tumblr, or whatever and said anything remotely like “So I’m a new sub ~gigglez~ and I need a Dom.” That’s like throwing chum in the shark tank. The beasts love fresh (innocent and ideally ignorant) meat. So yeah, I have no doubt a predator … ahem, sorry, an eager “training Dom” … found you quite quickly indeed.

    “But Sir wants more than I’m ready to give Him. At least right now.”

    At this point, dear anon, your dashboard should probably be lighting up with warning lights. I know mine is on your behalf. If you’re not ready, you need to tell him. And he needs to respect that. You then move forward in open and honest communication.

    “During our last session I got scared enough I used the safe word.”

    I’m sorry that it got too intense for you. Even with a very experienced Dom and plenty of preparation this kind of thing can happen. Emotions can surge, memories can flood out in surprising ways, or any number of other unexpected events can occur that require the application of brakes. It happens. It’s okay. It need not be the end of anything but that momentary exchange of power. So don’t stress it. The really good thing here is that you were able to use a safe word and thereby put an immediate stop to what was happening …

    “He went a little longer —”

    Wait, what?

    No.

    Oh hell no.

    Safe word doesn’t mean “pump a few more times.” A safe word means stop. Now. Period. End of sentence. Non-negotiable. Crank the emergency break. Pull the parachute. S-T-O-P.

    This is not a gray area. This isn’t subject to discussion. … Oh shit please don’t tell me he tried to talk you into continuing …

    “— and then asked me if I was sure I wanted to say that. I told Him yes —”

    Atta girl. But he’s a total douchebag for making you repeat it. You should never need to repeat a safe word. You should never need to defend its usage. It is your word of power, and when spoken it should be as the voice of whatever god or gods y’all believe in.

    “— and then He made me feel pretty guilty —”

    … so you grabbed his John Thomas and gave it a Silly Putty stretch. Or you squeezed his balls until you felt something pop. Please tell me that’s how this ends. Please. Because at the very least someone needs to kick this manipulating fucker in the testes. Submission is a gift, not a blank check.

    “— so I did what He wanted but I don’t know it just doesn’t feel right.”

    Fucking hell. Of course it doesn’t feel right. Because it is NOT right. Not at all.

    Listen, what separates BDSM kink from physical abuse and sexual assault can be summed up in a single word: CONSENT. And some dickhead’s “I bullied her into yes” is in no fucking way the same as consent.

    “What should I have done?”

    Look, I wasn’t there. I don’t know if you were in a physical position to be able to boot this fucknut’s fucknuts into his vacant chest cavity — which is the sort of thing he deserves. But we can’t redo the past anyway. So with the usual caveats regarding taking advice from an internet stranger who knows little of the full scope of the situation, here’s what I would suggest you do now:

    Drop this guy like the rotten meat he is. Drop him, seal the bag, carry it out to the curbside bin, put the lid on it when you’re done, and then walk away with your head held high, without a glance back or a second thought.

    He is not a Dominant. He is an abuser who uses the excuse of Dominance to further his abuse of (presumably) young women. He does not respect you, he does not protect you.

    Frankly, this should have ended at “he went a little longer” — because fuck no. The core of D/s is trust, and if he cannot be trusted to stop with the utterance of your safe word, he simply cannot be trusted. That he then guilted a new sub into foregoing her every impulse to stop — that he fucking manipulated you so he could finish whatever he was doing with your body … Just no.

    No no no.

    Not a Dominant. Not a human being. Not someone you should be with.

    There are other fish in the sea, anon. It can be hard to find them — I think it’s true that there are more subs than Doms, and it seems like the numbers are getting more lopsided all the time — but the right man, a good man, is surely out there somewhere. Don’t give up your search. Don’t settle for this poor excuse of a parrot dropping.

    And please don’t let this experience taint BDSM for you. It may be that this lifestyle isn’t for you — it certainly isn’t for everyone — but I do not think you can use this very wrong experience to judge it.

    Last, let me reiterate that I am truly sorry you had to experience this. Get help if you are having trouble coping with it. Talking to folks can be scary, but it is almost invariably worth it. If nothing else, connect with some fellow subs in order to share the stories of the road. I’d suggest looking in particular for the intelligent and emotionally mature ones — a number of whom might follow this blog — who recognize that this lifestyle isn’t a kill-or-be-killed rat race, that their victory does not mean your loss.

    Whatever you do, I wish you good fortune and well-being.

    subgirlygirl

    Spot on. Please reblog.

    daddys-bliss

    Exactly! 💋

    sexslavefantasy

    There are so many good lines in here.  lol.

    But seriously, this happens at an alarming frequency.  Sadly there are more subs than Doms (at least in my experience), and there are even fewer good Doms than jackasses like this anon’s ‘Dom’.

    It’s Doms like this that give BDSM a bad name and make a rich, fan fiction writer become, well, rich. 50 Shades did so well partly because this is how main stream society and wannabee doms think bdsm goes…  It’s not…

    You’re better of being a single sub than having a bad ‘Dom’ (read douchebag abuser)

    sexslavefantasy

    Reblogging because this is so goddamn important.  There are a lot of new subs out there being taken advantage of through no fault of their own.  Please inform new subs they can ALWAYS say no.

    babyfun01

    Very important! ~pet

    thekittencouturier

    This is such an important read for all of my sub customers - stay safe!

    sfwlittlekittydomme

    This may not be sfw but it is tremendously important

    m--shea

    In case you haven’t seen this yet, @toodomforyou

    SubmissiveFeminist's Guide to Consent

    Consent is one of the biggest themes of BDSM—if you don’t know that, you really need to read up before you pick up a paddle. BDSM is built on a system that is referred to as “SSC”. “SSC” stands for “safe, sane, and consensual.”

    Let’s break that down further:

  • Safe: Safety means understanding the risks of the activities you engage in with your partners (or even solo!). It means reading up on the subjects you’re interested in or talking to people who have experience in those areas. It means making your partner(s) aware of any physical, medical, or psychological limitations you have. It also means that all parties involved are aware of the risks of what they are going to experience within a scene.
  • Sane: “Sanity,” in this context, is going to be defined by the official distinction between things like masochism/sadism and Sexual Masochism/Sadism Disorder. That difference is made by establishing a healthy mindset on one’s behaviour in regards to BDSM. To meet the standard of being “psychologically healthy” when it comes to S&M, the subject must not experience distress over their urges that affects their daily life and all partners of the subject must be consenting to their activity.
  • Consensual: This covers all other aspects of consent, including an excitably expressed “yes!” in regards to sexual activity, regardless of one’s personal relationship with their partner. Remember that an absence of a “no” does not equal a “yes” and intimidation for a “yes” equates to assault. Also remember that all drugs and alcohol revoke one’s ability to consent to sexual activity. Always play sober to avoid problems!
  • So, now that the basics of consent are established, here are some helpful tips when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship:

  • Always keep open communication with your partner when it comes to safety concerns, regardless of whether or not you feel it’s relevant. 
  • Before any play takes place, you should require that limitations and a safeword is established. If you don’t want a set “safeword,” remember that “no” and “stop” are always safewords unless specifically stated otherwise.
  • Discuss consent in the context of your relationship. Let your partner know that you are continuously respecting their rights by asking for consent before you engage in sexual activity.
  • That last one tends to trip people up. Even though consent should be your number-one concern, some people are nervous about turning off their partner by talking about it. 

    First point, if your partner is turned off or annoyed by the idea of you respecting their consent or establishing your own—RUN. This is a huge red flag that cannot be ignored. No sane person should ever get upset that someone wants to discuss consent in a sexual relationship.

    If you really don’t know how to bring it up, try these simple phrases that can be used, even in the context of a D/s:

  • "Do you like that, little one?"
  • "Show me how you like it, Sir."
  • "Would you like me to…"
  • "What would you like to do to me, dear?"
  • "Tell me what’s on your dirty mind, girl."
  • "Master, how would you feel about…"
  • Consent is not only mandatory, but it can also be used in a way that makes play more fun, like instructing your shy submissive to tell you everything they want done to them or asking your Dominant if they would like to engage in certain activities. Consent can be sexy, but it’s always necessary, regardless. Keep that in mind.

    xx SF

    slut--degradation

    How do you know you can trust someone when you play with them?? how do you know they wont keep you and use you in ways you don't want to be used even if there are other people there. i mean what if they are all in on it?

    Very important question!

    To kick things off, you should talk online before any physical meeting.  Make it clear that you are nervous and want to be sure they’re worth your time.  Be explicit!  If they yell at you or tell you that you have to push your boundaries because you’re just a cunt or whatever, stop talking to them.  I have talked to too many women who heeded the warning signs too late.  Any guy who is unable to distinguish the fantasy part of your relationship from the empathetic part is NOT SOMEONE YOU NEED TO BE TALKING TO.   

    After you’ve talked for a while online, maybe graduate to texting or phone calls or Skype.  It’s only after it becomes clear that you have both some sexual chemistry and some emotional chemistry, that should you meet.

    The first time you meet DO NOT HAVE SEX. At all. No sex.  Make it clear beforehand that sex of any kind is 100% off the table.  It’s an opportunity to get to know each other, to see if it will work.  And if ANYTHING feels weird or off, do not escalate things.  I can’t stress this enough.  Even if you can’t articulate what is making you uneasy, trust your intuitions.  Don’t do the girl thing, where you feel obliged to make people happy, to sacrifice for them.  You are not under any obligation to let them fuck you.  You don’t owe them anything.  Just try again with someone new.  Or, at the very least, ask to meet again in a sex-completely-off-the-table environment.  

    Once you’ve screened your way to an actual sexual encounter, lay out some clear ground rules.  Establish a safe word.  Anyone who says they don’t do safe words is a piece of shit and you should toss them to the curb. Lay out a set of things you are willing to do the first time - and keep them well below your thresholds.  Make them prove that they can honor those restrictions before you expand the menu. Even if you think you want to expand beyond what you put on the menu, wait until your next time.  Over time, as you get to know yourself better, you’ll develop a good sense of where you can be pushed in a hot and fun way, versus when being pushed will end up being traumatic.  But when you’re just getting started the guidelines are important to prevent yourself from hurting yourself, too.  

    If at all possible, arrange to play in a situation of your choosing.  Maybe at an event where other people will be. Or you can arrange a hotel room or something.  If you have friends that you can trust to tell what’s up, inform them where you’ll be and tell them that you’ll call when things are done to let them know you’re okay.  Ideally, you should give that friend the info about your play partner - and let them know that you’ve done so. I know it’s a little embarrassing, but it’s really important.  

    I know I’m stressing a bunch of the negatives about this stuff, and I don’t mean to be a downer.  This stuff is a blast!  You will have a great time.  But I just want to reiterate that you are 100% in charge and need to make it clear that this is the case.  Even if what you want is to be treated like an object, you need to remain in  control of the start and end to that fantasy.  Anyone who objects isn’t worth your time.

    sotightandshiny

    Fantastic advice. 100% This.

    One thing that I’ll add:

    When you’re first negotiating boundaries, leave D/s out of it. If the D-type demands you call him/her by some lofty title, from the start, drop them like a bad habit. It means they’re insecure and don’t know what they’re doing. Like any other human, the D-type should be made to earn respect. It’s a whole lot sweeter for both parties, when that trust is there. After a little while, hopefully you’ll come to trust the person enough to let them do some really fun things to you.

    I know a lot of you s-types are just dying to kneel and show how slutty you are, right from the start, but trust me on this: Take the time to get the knowwho you’re submitting to and don’t just submit to some hot porn fantasy, in your head. It’s more fun for us D-types that way too, because it feels real. A good dom wants you to know exactly who is holding the leash.

    There are a lot of creeps, wannabes and weirdos around, yes, and many more, who just don’t know what they’re doing. But there are also a lot of sincere, skilled and considerate perverts around, who’ll fuck you up, in all kinds of fiendish ways, yet still make the effort to respect limits and care for their subs.

    stormybabe

    I have to say this is completely legit - someone tried to steal her handbag and she simply went “Fuck this- *suplex*”

    littlemissbatterwitch

    someone teach me this pweeze-ooc

    gryphynshadow

    Ok Ladies, here’s the info on this move.

    We are blessed with a low center of gravity. This means that when we get ahold of someone and tip over backward like that, it’s easy peasy for us to do. Especially on a guy. Think of it like a fulcum and lever: they’re the lever, we’re the fulcrum, and because their center of gravity is up in their chest, instead of in their pelvis, when we get down low and lean back, whupsy there they tip right over.

    Now, here’s the real deal on that particular move. Check out how this gif end, with the guy’s head on the floor like that? How his torso seems straight up and down, his head and neck on the floor, all his body weight and the momentum of having been tossed over her shoulder?

    Yeah, he’s pretty messed up from that. In the really real world, if you do that move correctly, toss your whole body into it, seriously oomph it up and give that mugger a throw, you can snap his neck.

    All that said, here’s how you do it!

    This is something you do fast, ladies. Move quickly and with assurance, and don’t worry about whether you’re strong enough to do it or not: you are. This is about physics, not muscle.

    Get low, bend your knees and hips. Our strength is largly concentrated in our lower bodies, and when we put our knees and thighs into a move, we bring some of the largest muscles in the human body to bear. You’d be surprised what you can move with your legs.

    When she got low on him, her right arm was around his waist, her shoulder roughly at or under his ass, her left arm wrapped around his left leg. Feet shoulder width apart for a nice stable base, big deep breath in, and lift just a bit while falling backwards. It doesn’t take much strength but it will really mess with the dude’s day. Landing on your head will at the very very least knock you silly for a minute.

    Interestingly, we can use these same basic principles to ruin a guy’s day if he’s the one to grab us! Imagine, if you will, mugger dude runs up behind you and bear hugs you in preparation for dragging you into the alley. Scary, right? Yep.

    If he lifts you too fast, and you find your feet off the ground, kick him in the shins, scrape your shoes down his legs, aim for the knees and his feet. Toss your head back and head butt him. Bite him. Squirm. Do what it takes to get your feet back on the ground.

    Feet on the ground, grab his arms and hold on to them. Don’t let him get away, because this move, ladies, will put him down and out, and if he moves away he may go for a distance weapon, or start using his fists. Hold onto his arms and keep him in close.

    Again, feet shoulder width apart. Use your booty and hips now, like you’re trying to hit his not-so-manly bits with your ass, get your hips back, bend your knees and flex your hips. If he’s shortish, you should at this point have picked him up and be balancing him on your back. If he’s tall, you’re now in position to put a crimp in his style in a big way.

    Tuck your head to your chest and roll forward, just like you did when you were a kid. Flip yourself forward and let gravity do the rest. You will have your head tucked down, aiming to land on the upper back of one shoulder; he won’t. This means he’ll land on his face, with the full force of his own body weight behind it as well as any momentum you’ve built up. You may very well land on top of him too.

    From here, get up, run like hell towards a light source while yelling “help, fire, call 911 (or whatever emergency services number exists in your country)”

    Remember, ladies, with just a little understanding of comparative anatomy and physics, you too can put a man on the ground and seriously mess up his day. But then, that’s what he was planning to do to you, so fair’s fair.

    fweeble

    Reblogging again because of Gryphyn’s awesome comment. C:

    smile-cause-life-is-beautiful

    All women NEED to know this. REBLOG AND YOU CAN SAVE A LIFE

    m--shea

    Just thought that I would reiterate the safety warning:

    "Yeah, he’s pretty messed up from that. In the really real world, if you do that move correctly, toss your whole body into it, seriously oomph it up and give that mugger a throw, you can snap his neck."

    yes-master-thank-you-master

    Wouldn't be most important element of that kidnapping not knowing when, where, how and who? You know, just getting pulled into a car, blindfolded, stripped nude and suddenly you're nude in a tiny cage and pulled out only to have a cock in one of your holes?

    That is an important element, but safety is more important. I’d allow someone to do it when I wasn’t expecting it. Let them decide when is best to get me. And in the panic of it I wouldn’t be thinking “you know who this is, you’re safe.” I’d be thinking “oh my god! What if this isn’t them!”

    Xoxo

    Ymtym

    m--shea

    Thank you for your sanity. 

    danger-and-play-deactivated2018

    I'm a 19 year old girl and one of my many fantasies is being kidnapped and raped. Is this weird?

    Definitely not.

    It’s not something to talk casually about with your mother, usually, but chances are she’s fantasized about it too.

    Basically every female I know has a kidnap/rape fantasy… but then again, most of the females I know who I talk to about sex related things are from tumblr, and well, maybe they aren’t an exact cross section of women in general…

    But I’ve also read Nancy Friday’s Forbidden Flowers, and the things every-day women think would shock the weak of heart.

    But, I’ve heard it all. Nothing shocks me anymore… and a lot of it turns me on.

    Short answer, You’ll be fine.Just don’t walk around Central Park at night in a miniskirt and your tits hanging out looking for a real rapist. That’s all.

    Keep it safe, sane and consensual. Get a partner who will wear a ski mask for you, pull you into his van and tie you up, drive you to his place and drag you to his basement and then fuck your brains out.

    Just make sure you both agree on a safeword, or a gesture signal so you can stop it in an emergency or if you no longer want it.

    sixpenceee

    This is glorious and even thought it doesn’t fit in the range of all the paranormal, I MUST share

    It works like this: You tell Kitestring that you’re in a dangerous place or situation, and give it a time frame of when to check in on you. If you don’t reply back when it checks your status, it’ll alert your emergency contacts with a custom message you set up.

    It doesn’t require you to touch anything (like bSafe) or shake your phone (like Nirbhaya) to send the distress signal. Kitestring is smarter, because it doesn’t need an action to alert people, it needs inaction.

    MORE INFORMATION

    commandereyebrows

    reblogging because this is seriously amazing.

    feelinranty

    So very cool.

    snapangelapp

    Hey, I am definitely interested in getting Snap Angel for my Android phone. And for my sister's. Please release an Android version!

    Thanks for your interest!! We just got an android phone to test on so keep checking in - we will make an announcement when testing is finished and the app is ready!!

    m--shea

    Thank you for posting this, I was about to say much the same. 

    Reblogging to signal-boost this--it's an incredibly cool idea, and I hope that you roll out the android version quickly :)

    rydenarmani

    tumblr “doms” are NOT like real Doms. tumblr “doms” are basically sexual predators in my own opinion. they have no interest in anything except their own sexual gratification. they do not care about the well-being and safety of their submissive, they do not care about teaching their submissive. they want to abuse and control women without seeming like an asshole.

    destroy tumblr doms 2k14

    subbieblackgrl

    There are real Doms on tumblr.  And there are fake ones.  But the fake ones don’t just pretend on tumblr…they pretend all different places on the internet where there are people talking about D/s and BDSM. 

    I think that this statement is accurate when representing that idea of the “tumblr Dom” who is nothing more than a predator…but there are predators all over the place.  

    snapangelapp

    Introducing Snap Angel, the world’s first cloud based, personal safety application. 

    Snap Angel is a mobile application that allows you to upload images and texts to the cloud whenever you find yourself in a situation where you feel your safety might be compromised. Snap Angel will keep these images and texts safe and secure, and record the location where they were taken, giving you the peace of mind of knowing that someone else knows where you are and who you are with.

    Snap Angel is quick and easy to use. After taking a picture or sending a text with Snap Angel, it is instantly transmitted to cloud servers without requiring you to select names and phone numbers from your address book. Open the app. Take the picture. It’s sent to Snap Angel, automatically. The evidence is in the cloud, off your phone, where you need it. 

    Snap Angel could save lives. Don’t be embarrassed to protect yourself. You have the right to enhance your personal safety. 

    Now available in the app store

    otherparenthesepleasespecify

    Guys, this is a big deal.

    This app could genuinely save your life.

    The person who developed this app is the husband of my doctor. It was just released, and she asked if, since I know my way around the Internet, I could help spread the word. I, of course, said yes. Now I needyour help to get this going around. 

    Just for some background information, the guy who developed this got the idea after watching some specials on missing persons cases. He kept hearing about these cases where college students or young women or what have you were abducted or went missing or were killed because no one knew their whereabouts, and he couldn’t stop thinking that he should do something about it. So he got the idea for this app. That was a few years ago, and after ages of development, now it’s finally complete and on the market. 

    The above explains pretty much how it works. Just open the app, snap a picture (or, if you’d prefer, record something in text - a license plate number, a landmark, whatever), and that’s it. It doesn’t keep it on your phone, it doesn’t auto-send it to anyone (so you don’t have to worry about false alarms), and literally no one can access it. What does it do? It uploads it (and backs it up securely) to the Cloud. And keeps it there. This information will stay there and be inaccessible unless something happens to you. And if it does, a police/court order is what can allow that data to be released. When that happens, whatever picture you took or text you wrote will be available to the police, along with the location it was taken or made at. You’ve just given yourself a huge chance to actually be found and helped, just by clicking two buttons. 

    There isno reason not to get this app. It costs a measly $1.99 and it could save you or anyone you know. Just take a look at the FAQ. 

    The app is available for iPhone and could add an Android version if enough people ask for it. Please,please, share this information and spread the word!

    insatiableslut-deactivated20160

    I'm stuck between wanting to be tied up, beaten and fucked with in a inch of my life and tying up, torturing, and MAYBE fucking someone once theyve begged and suffered enough. The struggle is real

    Hmm. The “inch of my life” part here worries me. Take your health and safety seriously, you can still have masochistic tendencies and participate in scenes which are heavily pain oriented, but still be safe. So please be safe! 

    You can have “real” struggles that are stillsafe struggles. 

    Be well, and make sure everything you do is safe, sane, and consensual!