• 19 • femme lesbian • happily taken by my butch • january 5, 2020 - currently the happiest day of my life 💕 •

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2020-05-16 16:24:25

    me at age 8: *always staring at girls in a longing way in public*

    me at age 10: *googling "boobs" and "girls kissing girls" on ny mom's laptop*

    me at age 12: *accidentally discovers lesbian porn and becomes a little too fascinated with it*

    me at age 14: oh haha, no, i'm completely straight. totally a hetero. i like men, definitely not women haha. girls are really, really pretty tho lol.

    me now, almost 20, looking back: bitch you were fuckin stupid.

    Y'all really need to get over this idea that fat people doing literally anything with their lives and being okay with it is "promoting obesity" or "teaching people that being unhealthy is okay." Body positivity is not about fat people shouting from the rooftops that being fat is great and wonderful and perfect. It's about people who grow up being told they aren't pretty enough, skinny enough, curvy enough, "go eat a cheeseburger," "she needs a salad lol," "well you're fat and ugly anyway," literally everything we hear every single day about our bodies not being good enough for anyone and trying like hell to overcome it. It's about taking all of the intrinsic judgement we already have about ourselves, all the bullshit we hear from people we don't know AND the people who are closest to us, and retraining ourselves to be fucking OKAY WITH EXISTING. Fat people are not affecting anyone but themselves by being fat. We have to defend ourselves in every situation, explain our choices, accept the shame that everyone looks at us with. When it's nobody's fucking business what we do our how we live or if we're trying to be healthier because fuck you and we can do what we want just like you can.

    If y'all really wanna act like a few fat girls who are finally able to be okay with our bodies and loving ourselves despite the cruelty and hatred we are attacked with every single fucking day and being supportive of ALL bodies is so wrong then that's your fucking problem, not ours, and if the most important thing in your life is telling other people how to live their lives to your standards, you're boring, stupid, and I've met toddlers and doorknobs more mature and compassionate than you.

    i was told in 7th grade, after we had moved to opposite ends of our table to take a test, that i was a fat whale, and then told by said kid if he had a shotgun, he'd shoot me so no one has to look at my "fat, disgusting ass self." he thought i couldn't hear him, but his face changed when he saw me start crying and run out of the room to go cry in the bathroom. i ended up taking my test in the office and spent weeks going to the guidance counselor because out of all the bullying in my life, no one ever said they wanted to actually kill me because i was fat. i was always just called fat in a teasing manner.

    i still haven't come back from that. that hit me hard, way hard. it's still one of the first things i hear in the back of my mind every fucking day when i wake up. i still wake up and think "there are really people out there who think i should be dead because i'm a size 20 and not a size 2. there are people out there that think because i'm over 270lbs, i don't deserve a good quality of life." and that fucks you up. big time.

    we're not trying to promote obesity, we're trying to live. just like everybody else.