Bastard Cat With Anxiety

I write a bit and draw sometimes. If I actually produce any content, there is a 95% chance of it being Morgwen because I Love Them With The Passion Of A Thousand Suns.

You can find my fic on AO3 at ursus_mari

Last update
2020-11-23 16:53:36

    i was tagged by @tennant and @merlinsprat (thank you so much 🤩🤩🤩)

    name: maria

    gender: female

    star sign: aquarius

    height: 1.61cm

    hogwarts house: slytherin with a dash of ravenclaw 😈

    favourite animal: dogs?? ugh idk 

    cats or dogs: 😳 no i can’t choose!!

    blanket you sleep with: i have a green one with flowers and shit

    reasons for URL: arthur pendragon, my fav himbo bisexual king from bbc merlin. and not the legend arthur people think of sometimes 😍

    dream job: graphic designer. and i’m doing it 😎

    why i made this blog: i had another blog at first… a vampire diaries one. then i became obsessed with bbc merlin and made this one. the rest is history

    tagging (only if you want to!!) @gayfirebender, @emrysstxks, @stars-bean, @ughmerlin, @onceandfutureprat, @once-and-future-dawn, @waiting4thedoctor, @keirahknightley, @ealdorcottagecore


    Thanks for tagging me!

    Name: waiting4thedoctor on Tumblr, Merlins_little_sister on ao3

    Gender: female

    Star Sign: Leo

    Height: 1.72m

    Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

    Favorite Animals: Birds

    Cats or Dogs: Cats

    Blanket you sleep with: Idk, a normal warm blanket? The sheets change regularly, right now I have some on that show a landscape in Tuscany/Italy.

    Reasons for URL: I’m waiting for the doctor to come and get me.

    Dream job: scientist

    Why I made this blog: At first I wanted this to be a doctor who blog, which didn’t work out. Then I turned it into a multifandom blog. And now it’s mostly a Merlin blog, with bits and pieces of other fandoms.

    @gayfirebender @mayalunas @kingdowager


    Thank you for the tag @waiting4thedoctor​!

    Star Sign: Taurus

    Height: 5′4

    Hogwarts house: Gryffindor

    Favorite Animals: Frogs

    Cats or Dogs: Dogs

    Blanket you sleep with: It’s like a puffy, navy-colored blanket

    Reasons for URL: I needed a new one that was shorter than my original, which was pretty long. Here’s the definition of a dowager:

    A dowager is a widow who holds a title or property—a “dower"—derived from her deceased husband.

    Dream job: Artist (if it made me rich)

    Why I made this blog: I wanted to post my art on tumblr

    Tagging: @junemo10 @meteorjam @thatone-nerdygirl @gwaines-granny-smiths @ursus-mari @dancelot-du-lac @wtfisgoingonanymore


    thank you @kingdowager!

    name: mari

    gender: ?????

    star sign: virgo

    height: 5'7", 5'8", somewhere around there

    hogwarts house: hufflepuff and ravenclaw

    favorite animal: cats

    cats or dogs: cats

    blanket you sleep with: weighted blanket and a soft, fluffy comforter

    reasons for url: i like polar bears and i'm not very good at names

    dream job: idk something involving math

    why i made this blog: i saw a lot of tumblr reposts on instagram?

    @blueclaw7 @simoneleona if you'd like

    Sometimes Hardison and Parker will just sprawl on top of Eliot like cats.

    Eliot, of course, pretends to hate it. But also, he could move them if he really wanted to, and they all know it.

    (What he hasn’t yet realized is how often it’s a deliberate tactic. You know how a cat will sit on you and then that’s just it — game over, you’re trapped forever now? Well sometimes Eliot’s body needs rest and he’s not always great at giving in to that. So maybe they just… lay on him — careful of the tender places — and look all snuggly and pathetic, and Eliot spends that extra half hour with the heating pad that he would have grumbled about not needing otherwise. It’s win-win.)


    reblog if your inbox is always open for new members of the fandom who may be a little shy or intimidated. doesn’t matter whether or not you’re a “popular blog”; everyone here is equal and if you’re reading this as a new person/someone considering entering the fandom, we will not turn you away!!!! talk to us!! make friends!! i more than understand being shy but trust me this fandom is chill come join us in this hellhole


    I mean from what I’ve seen of the Merlin fandom you can literally knock on our ask box/messages at three in the morning and we’ll be there to scream with you faster than Uther can say “sorcery”

    Every time Agravaine opens his mouth I am struck by the very strong urge to punch him. I mitigate this by saying, "I hate him," every 5 seconds. Success is minimal, as his slimy face still exists on my screen and Arthur still listens to him.

    He lives up to his name. He is indeed exceedingly aggravating.

    I hate him.


    I feel like part of the reason they had to wait to reveal Merlin’s magic until the very last episode was because if they hadn’t, there was about….0% chance of Arthur being able to control himself once he got over the shock. I mean, that poor boy was barely holding onto his heterosexuality by his fingernails as it was. But show him some powerful Merlin calling lightning from the sky to fry a group of mercenaries, and Arthur’s heretofore unknown competency kink would be Triggered. He would go from 0 to bottom so fast.

    Merlin: **wrecks the villain du jour with his magic**



    arthur goes from 0 to bottom at lightning speed

    (also in case you can’t read my handwriting:

    the second panel says “dying bandit”

    the third panel says “Arthur’s brain” and “funny how my legs are wide open all of the sudden”

    the fourth panel says “crispy bandit” and “…fuck”)


    i think you'll find that i did here


    (also i don't do explicit nsfw but i definitely imagine that's what's happening out of frame)

    Whump Kiss Prompts

    - Angry kiss

    - Bloody kiss

    - Tearful kiss

    - “I’m sorry” kiss

    - Poisonous kiss

    - Dying breath kiss

    - “Kiss it better” kiss

    - Semiconscious kiss

    - Fevered forehead kiss

    - Kiss with bruised lips

    - Kiss with trembling lips

    - Kiss with frostbitten lips

    - “I thought I’d lost you” kiss

    - Kiss broken by coughing fit

    - Kiss forced by the whumper

    - “In case we don’t make it back” kiss

    - Kiss to hide their faces from pursuers

    - “Don’t ever scare me like that again” kiss

    i apparently have no self control and i cannot leave stuff alone so this is a follow up to this post, which was an addition to a post by @0hheytherebigbadwolf. it's hilarious (their bit, not mine) and you should definitely go read it. i just thought merlin deserved to also be a disaster, y'know? and you know arthur would.


    (text under the cut)

    3rd panel:

    Merlin: Ow! What-- Let go, you utter prat!

    Arthur: Shut up


    4th panel:

    Merlin: What...?


    5th panel

    Arthur: Fuck me

    6th panel


    Arthur: Now, Merlin

    7th panel

    ✨Bonus✨ [Arthur's clothes go poof]

    8th panel

    Arthur: I'll take that as a yes


    I feel like part of the reason they had to wait to reveal Merlin’s magic until the very last episode was because if they hadn’t, there was about….0% chance of Arthur being able to control himself once he got over the shock. I mean, that poor boy was barely holding onto his heterosexuality by his fingernails as it was. But show him some powerful Merlin calling lightning from the sky to fry a group of mercenaries, and Arthur’s heretofore unknown competency kink would be Triggered. He would go from 0 to bottom so fast.

    Merlin: **wrecks the villain du jour with his magic**



    arthur goes from 0 to bottom at lightning speed

    (also in case you can't read my handwriting:

    the second panel says "dying bandit"

    the third panel says "Arthur's brain" and "funny how my legs are wide open all of the sudden"

    the fourth panel says "crispy bandit" and "...fuck")

    now with a sequel: yes i'm still on my bullshit i know


    Last Line Tag

    Thanks for tagging me@writeanapocalae! If you’re tagged in this, please post the last line you wrote and tag 5 buddies to see what they’re working on!

    I’m revising right now so I picked the line where my cursor was blinking

    As they troop out onto the porch and down the sidewalk, Deadpool fills the door frame waving Mayday’s arm in farewell. “Bye-bye, boys! Have fun storming the castle!” Under his breath, he continues the quote, “Think it’ll work? It’ll take a miracle.”

    Tagging with no pressure: @lostintranslaation @dredfulhapiness @vespatrix @surroundedbypearls @shadedrose01


    Thanks for tagging me, Sarah!! 💗💗

    This is from tomorrow’s chapter of A Father’s Promise!! So its like a little sneak peak for yall tonight ;)

    “I doubt you’ll come home with me then, either?” The man speaks up again, hushed but his tone is light, not judgemental, not upset, more- curious than anything else, slightly somber. When the child shakes his head again, he just huffs out a light laugh and stands, making the kid sit up suddenly and blink up at him blarily. “Well then, I’d better teach you to survive, hm?”

    He holds out a hand, and the child stares for a few seconds, before clasping his hand into the man’s much bigger one, allowing him to push him to his feet, wobbly and shaky, still, but feeling much more strong, much more alive than earlier. “Survive?”

    The man hums, but says no more, easing the child back into the beaming sunlight and towards the towering forest.

    Thats not that exciting of a snippet (and its more than one line oops) aodjdkdj sorryyy

    Tagging: @lilacsandlilies4 @official-impravidus @ephemeralstark @takenbyemrys @maywildflowers @wayward-fairchild and anyone else who wants to!! :)) 💞


    thank you @dredfulhapiness and @shadedrose01!

    unfortunately, i can’t share anything else but this without completely spoiling this scene, but this is for my whumptober connected fic i’m writing with @euphoric-melancholyy for day five

    “What is up with you two?” Steve asks, an awkward chuckle escaping his lips.

    tagging @thirteeninafez @coconutknightshade @geeky-writes @ephemeralstark @blondsak @forensicleaf @peterstarkss @seek-rest and whoever wants do this!


    Ahhhhhh thank you so much!!!!!

    I’m posting a little snippet of the halloween fic I’m writing!!

    “Ianto, you know you don’t have to defend him?” Gwen said, trying to sound calm. “You don’t have to lie to me. If he’s hurting you, at all, then you can tell me, right?”

    “You’re not listening,” Ianto continued, sounding frustrated. “This isn’t the Jack I know. Something is wrong.”

    Gwen mulled over his words. Ianto wasn’t one to lie outright to anybody. Lies of omission, on the other hand, were a different matter- but she didn’t think her friend was doing that now.

    She was just about to reply when a sudden klaxon noise sounded, and three loud voices were heard from the entrance to the Hub.

    Tagging @princess-of-the-worlds @bee-haw-yee-haw @garknessandbones and anybody who sees this who wants to do this tag!!! (I know it said one line, but others have posted more soooo)


    uhhhh, time to go figure out the last thing i wrote?

    this is from the celebrity au?

    “Noted!” Jack calls back. Then he turns to face Ianto again, quivering with excitement. “That was Rose. Man, I haven’t seen her in forever. She’s so gorgeous. I love her.”

    “She did seem quite lovely,” Ianto agrees truthfully, even if he doesn’t know how he feels about encountering one of Jack’s exes. 

    Briefly, he wonders in alarm if he’s dug himself too deep with this fake relationship, but he knows that even if he has, there will be no stepping away now. He doesn’t think he’s capable of stepping away from Jack Harkness.

    tagging: @flamingbluepanda, @ultraviolet-eucatastrophe, @shejustcalledmeafish, @violetmessages


    Thanks for tagging me! Here’s a small snippet from the torchwood casefic I’m working on:

    “Slow day?” Ianto quipped. “How much paperwork have you finished?”

    Jack mimed gagging. 

    “I’m guessing none of it has been done then?”

    “How can I get anything done without a gorgeous Welsh accent encouraging me on?” Jack said salaciously. “Oh, Jack, just like that! Press that pen down harder. Fill it out.”

    “Shut up! You’re making me sick!” Owen called from the Autopsy Bay. “Can we please unionize before they stop just flirting and start fucking in front of us.”

    “You aren’t allowed to unionize, it’s in your contracts.” Jack responded, sounding very pleased with himself. He leaned against Tosh’s desk, ruffling her hair until she batted him away

    tagging @moonlightrhosyn , @horselover107, @this-is-quite-homoerotic and anyone who feels up to it!


    Thank you for tagging me @violetmessages (and that snippet’s looking good by the way 👀). Here’s the last thing I wrote:

    “That would mean Suzie’s already dead again,” groused Owen, who was still feeling a little touchy about the whole death-followed-by-unwilling-resurrection thing. “When Gwen used the glove on her, she got, what? Fourteen hours? Fifteen?”

    “Seventeen hours, forty-six minutes and twenty-nine seconds,” Ianto stated matter-of-factly, still glancing between his PDA and his phone. “I checked.” 

    “And how long has it been since she woke up in the morgue?” Owen directed this question to Jack.

    Jack glanced at his watch. “Fifteen hours, fifty-two minutes ago. 

    “So she still has two hours,” Gwen said, worried.

    “And we have no idea where she is or what she’s been doing,” added Owen, sardonic as only a newly minted zombie with a pessimist streak a mile wide could be. 

    “Yep!” Jack said cheerfully.

    I’m tagging @shejustcalledmeafish, @captainawesome242, @searching-for-arcadia, @someawkwardprose (only if you guys feel like doing it) and anyone else who wants in on the fun!


    Thanks for tagging me @this-is-quite-homoerotic

    Here’s a little excerpt from the follow up to my time loop fic:

    “You know who I am?”

    “Of course I do,”

    “Tell me… please,” he added when she frowned confusedly.

    “Okay…” Tosh began, racking her brains, “your name is Owen Harper, you work for Torchwood. You’re a doctor, but you think working with patients is the worst part of the job. Um… you usually drink a cappuccino but when the hours get long you switch to black coffee, and you never take sugar. Your birthday is on valentine’s day and this year we all went bowling, even though you wanted to go go-karting but it was booked out, and…”

    A relieved and slightly hysterical laugh bubbled up out of Owen’s mouth, “I’m back. Oh thank fuck, I’m back!”

    I’m tagging @caffeinatedflumadiddlebutmerlin @meteorjam @fishoutofcamelot @a-small-batch-of-dragons cause your work is always amazing, but no pressure if you don’t want to!


    Thanks for the tag!

    I’ve done a dialogue outline of the fic so here’s just the last few lines of dialogue I guess.

    “So, these creatures, they won’t leave because they can’t?”

    “Precisely, though creatures such as the Sidhe can travel far outside of the confines of the veil when inhabiting a host.”

    “I’ve got to put an end to
    this, Gaius.”

    : @once-and-future-gay @trackdownthatsnitch @quotes-from-merlins-dreams @wtfisgoingonanymore @waiting4thedoctor @junemo10


    Thanks for tagging me :D

    Mind, this is from the first draft: 

    One of the Knights - a shirtless man with stunning shoulder-length locks - sauntered over to them from the weapon stand (and he couldn’t help but wonder how many types of tool one really needed just to beat someone’s head in), eyeing Daegal curiously from head to toe as he approached. 

    Tagging: @just-started-watching-merlin @shut-up-merlin @gremlinbehaviour @nextstopparis but only if you want to! 


    ahh thanks for the tag🥺

    its just a little thing, but:

    and it’s unbearable, how much he cares for something he feels so unworthy of.

    these r always so fun

    (i still dont know who here writes, so sorry if u dont djdnsind also no pressure if you dont want to!)

    tagging: @queer-clotpole @once-and-future-gay @evokingmemories @ursus-mari


    Thank you for tagging me!

    But that's tomorrow.

    Tonight, Arthur sits with a cup of cocoa in his hands and Merlin pressed to his side, reveling in the fact that he has Merlin here with him, this time around.

    And Arthur's not very fond of sweets, but he thinks, as he sips at his drink, surrounded by laughter and warmth and joy, that it maybe tastes a little bit like home.

    tagging: @wtfisgoingonanymore, @waiting4thedoctor, @once-and-future-dawn, and @gayfirebender (if you're still writing)

    (only if you guys want to, obviously)

    i'm sure this has been mentioned before, but

    in the s3 finale (the coming of arthur pt 2) at the scene at the round table when they all stand up to show their loyalty and commitment to the insane, probably deadly mission, gwen tells arthur "you know the answer" and then merlin says "no, don't really fancy it" to which arthur responds "you don't have a choice" and these are two very different takes on the same sentiment from two very different yet similar relationships and like. that's cool

    @turtlegirl521 i don’t know if that tag worked? anyway, thank you so much for sending me she by dodie! the song is so morgwen it hurts. as does the pining they will be doing shortly. i hope to have sufficiently captured the spirit of the song in this

    you can also find this on Ao3

    Gwen falls in love gradually, stupidly, over a period of years.

    Morgana is brash and kind and sharp and heartbreakingly brave and Gwen wants to gather her into her arms and never let go.

    It starts with glances that linger a bit too long, admiring Morgana in her silks and fancy dresses but also in the trousers she wears to do things Uther disapproves of and when she’s covered in dirt from her latest act of rebellion. Morgana has this smile, a smirk but not really, when she’s pleased and she seems to glow. And sometimes she gives Gwen these looks, soft and adoring like Gwen’s something precious rather than her servant, and Gwen aches.

    Gwen can’t stop staring for the life of her, and she knows there’s something wrong, lines of propriety and class blurred and crossed, but she can’t remember what it is when Morgana looks like that. Who wouldn’t stare?

    Morgana herself doesn’t help, treating Gwen as an equal rather than her handmaid, and it is so, so hard to remember her place when Morgana gives her conspiratory looks or confides in her or asks about her father, and how could she possibly deal with that?

    But for all their breaking of the unspoken (and spoken) rules around the relationship between a noble and a servant, Gwen knows how she feels is a step too far. So she tucks her feelings away, burning hot in her chest, and makes her peace with having as much as she does.

    Gwen takes care of Morgana as best she can, stays to wake her from her nightmares and brings her flowers and helps her sneak out of the castle when she’s had an explosive row with Uther. She helps her take off that cold, cutting armor she wears and then helps her put it back on when the time comes.

    It’s enough, she thinks, as she watches Morgana from her quiet, unobtrusive place as a servant and tries her best to believe it. Morgana is so far beyond her reach, is the thing. Gwen helps Morgana put herself back together when she falls but then she’s right back at it with her sights set on the sky. Gwen feels insignificant in the face of that, invisible.

    Still, still, it’s worth it, every second. Burning from the inside out is so worth it for every time Morgana gifts Gwen with one of those rare genuine, blinding smiles.

    Morgana is in love. Deeply, truly, irrevocably.

    It starts with a girl, a girl who knows how to disappear but should never have to, because she is lovely. Gwen is kind and careful and wise, when Morgana can get her to share what goes on in her head.

    Gwen brings her flowers after bad nights and holds her as she wakes up screaming and puts her back together when she shatters with steady, careful hands.

    Morgana wants to take care of her, but she can’t quite figure out how to. Morgana wants to know Gwen as well and intimately as Gwen knows her and soothe her fears and give her what she needs without her ever having to ask. She wants so, so much, wants so much it hurts.

    Gwen doesn’t allow that, though. She answers Morgana’s questions with short, cursory answers and an absent smile, never revealing what hurts or bothers her so Morgana can banish it far, far away. She deflects any of Morgana’s attempts to do things for her, kindly, always kind, but firmly as well. 

    There’s a mistake people often make when they look at Gwen: they think her soft and miss the steel she hides at her core. If Morgana wears armor of cutting words and scorn and defiance to cover the softness underneath, Gwen masks her strength with the appearance of a shy, soft, kind servant. And like Morgana, she is the thing she wears on the outside, but she is more as well.

    Morgana wants to know that core. She sees flashes, glimpses, and she’s grateful for that, but she wishes Gwen would stop being so proper and composed and let Morgana in. Morgana wants to know all that the strength and the pain that must have caused it and she wants to let Gwen know that while she loves her for her strength, she can let those guards down sometimes too. It’s a gift Gwen gave to Morgana, but Morgana doesn’t know how to give it to her in turn, especially when Gwen doesn’t seem to want it.

    And Gwen doesn’t want it, is the crux of the matter. So Morgana lets it lie as best she can. She treasures what Gwen gives her and is so deeply grateful for what Gwen does for her and she will take what she can get.

    Morgana has Gwen with her, in all her softness and her strength, and that is more than enough.

    Morgana is deeply, truly, irrevocably in love with a girl lovely both inside and out, and it destroys her just as much as it builds her back up.

    Arthur falls in love when he is twenty years old and a mouthy, disrespectful commoner with big ears, a raggedy neckerchief, and a million volt smile teaches him friendship.

    He is not allowed this love, and so he tucks it away, ignoring as best he can the flutter in his stomach and the hitch in his breath and the overwhelming urge to touch.

    Merlin falls in love somewhere between the ages of seventeen and twenty-seven, though he could not place when or where or how, when a golden-haired prat turns out to be noble and true-hearted and dedicated as well as a bit of a royal ass.

    He does not recognize this until after the man he loves dies in his arms and he waits a millennia for his return.

    Morgana falls in love when she is ten and bereft of her father, stuck in a castle that isn't home with a hard, unforgiving man who is not her father, and a serving girl offers her flowers, a kind word, and memories of her own late parent.

    She swears then that she will protect Gwen from all harm and keep her warm and happy (until death do us part), and if she had foreseen the actions she would take in the future, she might have taken Gwen and ran right then.

    Gwen falls in love when she is fifteen and the girl she serves takes her on a picnic for her birthday beneath the flowering trees, though she'd mentioned that the flowers blooming was when she celebrated in the absence of a recorded date only briefly and had felt quite embarrassed after.

    She knows that she is a woman and a servant besides, and though she knows of Morgana's feelings for her, she keeps her love a controlled, quiet burn and hidden away. There is no point in chasing impossibilities.

    @once-and-future-dawn thank you for humoring me with my song requests and giving me Can’t Look Away by Eli Lieb. It does, indeed, have Morgwen potential. I know Gwencelot is your preference and I hope you enjoy this anyway.

    You can also read this on ao3

    Update: you can find Gwen’s POV here

    There comes a point of reckoning, a point at which one decides which side of the battle they fall upon.

    Morgana’s been dreading this one.

    It’s all she can do to not take Gwen’s hands in her own and beg her to stay, to see that what Morgana’s doing here is just, the overthrowing of a tyrant. And if people suffer in the process, well. Maybe then they can feel and understand the anger and fear that burn her up inside.

    But Gwen’s never… Gwen’s never been interested in revenge. She bears injustices with teary eyes and silent disappointment and her mouth pressed into a thin line, fight and desperation gone out after her father’s death taught her the futility of justice under Uther’s rule. She, more than anyone, should be angry. Why isn’t she?

    Morgana’s angry for her. She wants to shatter Uther’s heart and leave him to rot in misery in a jail cell for the rest of his days for herself and for Gwen and for all those people he burned for daring to exist in a way he didn’t like. She wants to teach the others what that’s like, sending the bystanders who’d done nothing when her people burned up in those same flames and watch their loved ones learn the sting of injustice.

    Gwen is looking at her with fear and suspicion and it nearly tears Morgana’s heart out.

    Gwen is so good. Why can’t she see that what Morgana’s doing is right?

    (Teach me, Morgana wants to beg. Teach me to be good again. Tell me when I’m going too far. Don’t let me become him, please, please, please.

    But she can’t say that, can she?)

    “Join me, Gwen,” she says instead, keeping the desperation tamped firmly down. High Priestesses and queens don’t beg their maidservants to stay with them. That would be displaying unacceptable weakness.

    It must creep in anyway, though, because Gwen softens slightly. “You know I can’t. But…” She hesitates, bites her lip, meets Morgana’s eyes with a mixture of fierce desperation and resignation. “You don’t have to do this, Morgana. You know this isn’t the right way.”

    “And what would you suggest?” Morgana’s tone is calm. Measured.

    “Let Arthur–”

    “No.” That is why there was no hope for this, for them, in the end. Arthur comes first for Gwen. The pompous, arrogant… noble and kindhearted, despite his father, boy who she loved once, who is her brother. He would watch Morgana burn.

    And Gwen loves him.

    “Then you have your answer,” Gwen says, defiant in that way she has, eyes blazing. Morgana meets her eyes, and for a moment, they both falter. But Gwen’s face closes again, and Morgana wonders if maybe it’s better this way, to have her heart torn out of her chest. She’ll feel the ache of its absence, but she’ll never have to feel this way again, abandoned and betrayed and hurting and still wanting the person who made her feel all that to stay, wanting to abandon her dignity and beg.

    Her heart’s still in her chest now though, clinging desperately, and it won’t see Gwen harmed despite it all. So Morgana turns away and says, “Go.”

    She can hear the hesitation and bewilderment when Gwen says, “Morgana, what–”

    It’s not fair. “Go!”

    Morgana closes her eyes tight and listens to Gwen’s hesitant footsteps towards the door. There’s a pause, just for a moment, and it takes all Morgana’s strength not to turn around and look, lest she cast away her anger and conviction and offer herself body and soul to Gwen’s whims if only she’ll stay. Then the door opens and closes with a firm, final thud.

    Morgana breathes in, breathes out, and tries not to notice the ache of the newly empty cavity in her chest.


    We talk a lot about consent, and that’s a good thing. We talk a lot about autonomy, and that’s a good thing. We talk a lot about privacy, and that’s a good thing.

    But we talk mostly about all of that in respect to sex, and relationships, and it’s important to remember this applies to other things, too.

    If someone says, “don’t tell anyone I got this new job,” and you then tell people, you’ve violated their consent, their privacy, and their autonomy.

    If a friend says, “I don’t like it when people touch my hair,” and you keep touching their hair, you have violated their consent, their autonomy, and their privacy.

    If a coworker asks you not to tease them about their new boyfriend, even if it seems like gentle and friendly fun to you, and you do it, you’ve violated their consent, their autonomy, and their privacy.

    People remember these things, and they hurt. Not as much as sexual assault, obviously. But those small violations of your wishes, those instances of disrespect, still hurt, and they can add up.

    Consent doesn’t just apply to sex. Respect the wishes of others.


    If someone one says to stop tickling them. STOP! This applies even if they are a kid. Consent is for everyone.

    okay, but can we talk about the fact that Gwen gives off major polyam vibes???

    like. she and Morgana have A Thing (they loved each other don’t @ me), she falls for Merlin within the first episode (tho tbh they give me qpp vibes rather than romance vibes), she and Lancelot have Longing Eye Contact, she develops her Starcrossed Lovers thing with Arthur and then Lancelot and Guinevere happens and these freaking dudes decide for her that she can’t love them both and i’m????

    like. guys. all these relationships can happen at once.

    it was a crime to stick her in a love triangle smh


    i love lancelot, lets get that shit out of the way right now

    dont get it twisted, love the guy, cool, cute, would smash and all that

    but he was sort of bland! his whole schtick was be level headed and honorable, which is nice but that was all he was and we didnt get to see much else from him especially in his final episodes

    i wanted to see him bonding with arthur more, i wanted to see him with merlin probably talkin ab his magic or somethin, i wanted to see him interact with the other knights ESPECIALLY gwaine and leon

    but he died really fast so all i got to see was the boring shit and thats truly devestating


    Level headed??? I’m sorry, did we watch the same show? Because the Lancelot I saw was immediately down with identity theft, fraud, and keeping secrets that could get him killed. He became a cage fighter when he couldn’t be a knight, and encouraged Merlin to use his magic in the middle of a crowded hallway in The Darkest Hour Part 1. And in Part 2, he absolutely almost gave Arthur a heart attack by pretending Merlin had died just so he could have a dramatic reveal. This dude was a chaotic mess with noble ideals but a heart full of mischief

    so uh, i did more involving this drabble? is it a drabble? idk

    you can also find this on Ao3


    There comes a point of reckoning.

    But the outcome of this moment is all but certain, unavoidable.

    All the moments that might have taken them off this path happened before this, small things that stacked up and locked them in til they were past the point of no return.

    Gwen looks into eyes that once belonged to the woman she loved, and she knows they are bound to break.

    The woman standing before her has killed and injured and schemed to harm everyone Gwen loves. The woman standing before her has woken up screaming in the night and held Gwen tight, fought Uther all the way when he was being unjust, and smuggled food out to the starving.

    How, Gwen wants to ask. How did they break you? How did they twist you up so much inside?

    Morgana has always been angry. Gwen knows that. Morgana has always felt the sting of injustice keenly and wanted to right it in the world. She has always been fiery temper and words flung like daggers.

    Her eyes now… they’re angry, but they’re cold. Fire and steel with the intent to protect has turned to ice and shimmering gold in service of vengeance.

    Gwen wants to hate her for it.

    And yet… and yet there’s something there. Morgana looks at her and she is desperate. Morgana looks at her like she is something precious, something lovely, something necessary, something she needs like she needs air.

    And Gwen remembers that look. Gwen remembers late nights and teary eyes and the way Morgana held her tight. She remembers the way Morgana looked at her when Gwen gave her flowers in hopes it’d make her happy enough to give that look again. She remembers the way Morgana checked her over after she’d been in danger, protective and scared and holding on tight like she can’t quite believe Gwen is still there.

    Gwen loves the woman who gave her those looks with all her heart, desperately and intensely and in a way that feels like coming home after all these years of loving her.

    She loves Lancelot like a candle, kept alight for hope in the absence of light, and she loves Arthur like a wildfire, heedless of the barriers that bind them, but Morgana, Morgana is the hearth of her heart, warm and comforting and constant.

    The thought of that fire going out, fuelled as it is by Morgana’s kindness and temper in lovely combination, hurts near more than Gwen can bear.

    If Morgana begged, Gwen doesn’t know that she could say no.

    Fortunately (dismally), Pendragons don’t beg, propped up as they are by a misplaced sense of pride and held together by a stiff suit of emotional armor. Morgana simply says, “Join me, Gwen,” in a cold, formal voice, as if she can hide all of that emotion from the person who knew her best, once.

    It’s as close to begging as Morgana will get, though, and Gwen softens despite herself. “You know I can’t.” The hurt there… how can Morgana bear betrayal, nevermind savor it? “But…” She knows this is futile, knows the battle lines have already been drawn by Morgana’s hand, and yet-- “You don’t have to do this, Morgana.” My lady, if you’re still in there. “You know this isn’t the right way.”

    Morgana meets her eyes, and there is a storm raging there. Her voice is calm despite it. “And what would you suggest?”

    “Let Arthur--” make things right. Let us help you.

    “No.” And there, there are those sharp edges. And Gwen sees the woman who led an army into her city and slaughtered her people rather than the woman she wants to hold tight and protect from the world in her fury.

    “Then you have your answer.”

    Morgana turns away, and oh, how Gwen wishes she could hate her. Wishes she could forget how to read the lines of her body. “Go.”

    Gwen wasn’t expecting-- where are those sharp edges? “Morgana, what--”


    And Gwen… Gwen goes. She pauses, for a moment, before the door, looks back at Morgana and pretends this isn’t goodbye. But it is goodbye, and when she steps outside this room, the woman she loves will disappear in the smoke of the pyres she lights, never to return.

    She breathes in, opens the door, walks through it, and lets it close with a thud that makes her wince.

    Breathes out, and tries not to cry at the chill where there was once a roaring blaze.