Last update
2022-09-20 17:29:21

    I wish lesbians were as easy to find in real life as they are on tumblr




    update: we are dating


    update: we are married


    update: we knocked up


    This is the cutest story on the entirety of Tumblr, I swear to god!!!!!


    Update: had a baby together


    Update: he’s 1 year old today


    Update: he’s 2 today


    500k notes and neither is deactivated. tumblr legends.


    I love when this one comes across my dash.

    The Best Sex Toy Ever

    “I just got the best sex toy in the world,” she whispered in my ear.  “It’s outside around the corner.” “Your sex toy is around the corner?  What is it?” “It’s my dad’s 1966 Buick Electra.” “You’re fucking with me!” My mouth was hanging open and my eyes were wide. She took me by the hand and pulled me outside, around the corner, down the quiet street until we stopped in front of her little toy, sitting there under a street lamp like it had grown there. She reached out with the keys, opened the front door and climbed in on her hands and knees.  The front seat was so big that by the time she crawled over to the driver’s side I was in behind her with a hand up her skirt. I slid my fingers up the back of her thigh and I leaned in and kissed her perfect ass.  She rolled over and leaned against the door looking at me seductively. “What do you think?” she asked as she pulled the straps of her dress off her shoulders.  With the other hand she pulled her dress up on one side until she was a pornographic vision of bare breasts and black panties.  I leaned in and kissed her and she undid my tie as I pulled the black silk off her hips. I bumped the steering wheel as I moved my mouth down to her neck and breast, and she tried to get at my zipper around the blinker.  I finally leaned back on the huge bench seat and pulled her to my lap.  I tugged both straps down and kissed her ample cleavage as she lifted me hard and ready from my jeans.  She teased her lips with the head of my cock, making sure we were both ready, and as she slowly lowered herself down around me she whispered in my ear. “Daddy would be so proud.  It’s just like when I was in school.” I pulled her to me and kissed her again.  She loves to talk during sex, and there was nothing I could do but enjoy it. “You fucked in this car in high school?” I asked. “I lost my virginity right here,” she said as she placed her hands on the ceiling.  “I was sixteen and no one would have known a damn thing if Dad hadn’t noticed a footprint on the front window.” I rolled her onto her back so I could fuck her properly and her foot shot out to just where it must have been all those years ago.  Her story moved into pleading and we grunted and squeaked on the leather seats as our skin struggled for contact.  Every once in a while I’d see the lights of passing car go by, and I’d fucked her harder.  I could tell she was coming when she told me pull her hair, and when she told me someone was watching she was long gone.  She screamed and I moaned as I exploded inside her and we bit each other’s lips until they were tender and red. Back at the bar I asked her how long she had the car. “Two weeks.” “So, we can do that again?” I asked. “Next time you have to be driving it.”

    –Guy New York


    i NEED to be treated like i'm stupid. laugh at me for trying to be smart.

    degrade me. treat me as tits and refer to me as such when i try to think.

    grope me or send me fantasies when i'm trying to hold a conversation, and make fun of me for getting wet and forgetting what i was gonna say.

    gaslight me. make me believe wrong information and laugh at me for being wrong.

    talk to me like i'm a slow child. pat my head and tell me not to worry about it.

    mock me for trying to think or do smart person things.

    treat me like i'm stupid. it makes me wet, and it lets me turn people on better.


    still need this so so so bad

    Imagine I make you wear this skimpy little outfit out somewhere.  Picture an event in your head where you have to dress like this.  Put yourself there so you think of how it feels.  EVERYONE sees you as you walk around in it.  You have to pretend you don’t notice everyone lusting after you or disgusted by the way you’ve PUT yourself on display.  Sometimes you feel excited and sometimes you feel embarrassed by it.  Your nipples are getting harder and your pussy is getting wetter as you walk around.  Now imagine the rules are if someone gropes your ass or smacks it or comments on your body you have to turn to them and smile and say “Thank you!” Now think of what would happen if people start to notice this trend.  Think of just how many public spankings, ass grabbing, nasty comments you will get.  You could stay close to me when you want me to scare them away.  They’ll still be looking at you but I’ll put my arm around you and keep you safe.  When we get home you’ll need to be punished for being such a slut.  You’ll pout and say “But everyone violated me!” and I’ll give you SUCH a spanking for back talk.  I’ll whip your panties down to your ankles and say “LOOK at this creamy mess in your little shorts.”  I’ll slide my fingers over your pussy lips and push my fingers in.  “You’re SO wet!” I’ll say like an accusation.  “Are you a little slut?” I’ll ask.  You’ll push out your bottom lip as you get another round of spankings with one hand and my fingers moving inside you with the other hand.  You’ll whimper “I’m YOUR slut, Daddy!”  “Oh yeah?  I better make sure of it” I say and pull my pants down.  Big thick Daddy dick plopping out hard.  “BEND over!  Put those god damn hands on the couch and offer me your pussy!”  “Yes, Daddy!”  FUCK I want to sink my thick dick in you and make your ass jiggle from the blows of my body against you while I THUMP you.  Press the vibrator to your clit as I fuck you and you say “Fuck your dirty slut, Daddy!  I got SO wet out there today.  Was I a bad girl?”  I’ll growl and grumble and grunt “SUCH a little slut!  Fucking wet tease!  Fucking hungry whore!”  My hands gripping your hips.  My thick dick pumping and pumping in you now. You feel an orgasm coming.  You clutch the couch cushion and moan out “But whose whore am I, Daddy?!”  “MINE!” I say and you feel me REALLY thump it in you now.  Orgasm filling you up and spilling out with your tongue as you give your good girl orgasm face.  Tongue out.  Eyes dumb.  FULL pleasure. 


    I love that Tumblr is like “We got Neil Gaiman to do a question and answer session so send in your questions and maybe he’ll answer them!” as though the man hasn’t spent the last few years hanging out here answering random questions and cementing himself as a widely beloved fixture of this site


    “We brought in Neil Gaiman”

    the fuck you did, he lives here


    “we brought in neil gaiman”

    you pulled him unceremoniously from his bed to go sit on the couch is what you did


    A bunch of people were funnier than me on my own post and now I’M the one drowning in notes? Every day is a fucking ordeal on this blog,