Me: Hey Mom, can I tell you something?

Mom: Yeah, sure.

Me: I'm gay.

Mom: I know.

Me: Ok. Good talk.

God: *creates the human butt*

God: oh they are gonna love this

christian girl: I would prefer to date people who are also christian because religion is important to me, and I would like us to share this ideal belief.

everyone: well, that makes a lot of sense! good for you!

me: I would prefer to date people who are also vegan because animal welfare is important to me, and I would like us to share this ideal belief.

everyone: OMG ISN'T THAT A LITTLE RIDICULOUS YOU SHOULDN'T BE SO PICKY YOU'LL NEVER FIND ANYONE WITH THAT ATTITUDE HOW DO YOU GET PROTEIN DO YOU EAT GRASS

Eat Your Veggies

Adults when you were a kid: Eat your veggies. They are good for you. They'll help you grow big and strong.

Adults after they find out you're vegan: You only eat vegetables? That can't be healthy for you.

When I accidentally hurt a person: sorry

When I accidentally hurt a pet: OMG I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY PLEASE COME BACK I'M SO SORRY BABY SORRY SORRY SORRY I LOVE YOU

my entire life: what the fuck is happening

When someone asks me if I miss cheese:

Them: But cheese is so good! Don't you crave it? Want some? *waves cheese in my face*

Me: Why would I miss sour, solidified breast milk from a great bellowing mammal?

Society: KILLING CATS IS WRONG

Society: KILLING DOGS IS WRONG

Society: KILLING HORSES IS WRONG

Society: Killing chickens & cows is ok though

Me: Why?

Society: Because... well... they taste... good?

me: mom i wish i was a tree

mom: what

me: i wish i was born a tree

mom: just shut up

me: no one could tell me to shut up if i was a tree