Me: Hey Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Me: I'm gay.
Mom: I know.
Me: Ok. Good talk.
Me: Hey Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Me: I'm gay.
Mom: I know.
Me: Ok. Good talk.
God: *creates the human butt*
God: oh they are gonna love this
christian girl: I would prefer to date people who are also christian because religion is important to me, and I would like us to share this ideal belief.
everyone: well, that makes a lot of sense! good for you!
me: I would prefer to date people who are also vegan because animal welfare is important to me, and I would like us to share this ideal belief.
everyone: OMG ISN'T THAT A LITTLE RIDICULOUS YOU SHOULDN'T BE SO PICKY YOU'LL NEVER FIND ANYONE WITH THAT ATTITUDE HOW DO YOU GET PROTEIN DO YOU EAT GRASS
Eat Your Veggies
Adults when you were a kid: Eat your veggies. They are good for you. They'll help you grow big and strong.
Adults after they find out you're vegan: You only eat vegetables? That can't be healthy for you.
When I accidentally hurt a person: sorry
When I accidentally hurt a pet: OMG I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY PLEASE COME BACK I'M SO SORRY BABY SORRY SORRY SORRY I LOVE YOU
my entire life: what the fuck is happening
When someone asks me if I miss cheese:
Them: But cheese is so good! Don't you crave it? Want some? *waves cheese in my face*
Me: Why would I miss sour, solidified breast milk from a great bellowing mammal?
Society: KILLING CATS IS WRONG
Society: KILLING DOGS IS WRONG
Society: KILLING HORSES IS WRONG
Society: Killing chickens & cows is ok though
Me: Why?
Society: Because... well... they taste... good?
me: mom i wish i was a tree
mom: what
me: i wish i was born a tree
mom: just shut up
me: no one could tell me to shut up if i was a tree