leatherlacedbass

I'm sorry to bother you. This is probably dumb, but do you have any advice on how to handle sub drop when I haven't done well enough to deserve aftercare? I want to try and be better for Mistress :(

*****waves red flag around****

 The only thing dumb about this is your Mistress, and the fact you think you don’t deserve aftercare/don’t get proper after-scene care in general. NOT OK. 

*****waves red flag around****

 I don’t care if you “perform poorly” or end a scene or whatever in your book/their book is considered “ not performing well enough” YOU DESERVE AFTER CARE especially  if something wasn’t 100% flowing thru a scene. Like i feel like if its 100% great you should def have aftercare! or 50% great n 50% shitty and rocky and rough/ not vibeing well with each other today/this scene or what have you i feel like  you should have it even more because feeling like you let down your Dom/Domme/ Owner/ Daddy/Mommy/ etc can be the freaking worst. Like forget all the good feels in the good parts of the scene/play time the thought of disappointment is lot of what us subs focus on and that can be really hard if you’re not reassured you still did well, your best, and that your limits or needs are ok and that stopping a scene or w/e is fully in your control and you should not be made to feel bad for it. OR whatever happened/happens to cause this for you or anyone else. 

 YOU ALWAYS DESERVE AFTER CARE IF YOU WANT IT. I know some don’t care for it, THAT iS THE subs CHOICE. DOMS/DOMMES etc DON’T GET TO SAY “YOU DIDNT PERFORM TO MY STANDARDS NO AFTERCARE AWARD FOR YOU!”

 *****waves red flag around****

Repeat after me: Aftercare is not a reward it a must. Communication cannot be used as a punishment, either. ie: ignoring you as a punishment/breaking communication/silence as punishment, communication is a tool, a key, not a dom/domme etc control over another—–> same thing aftercare is not a reward its a must, the final scene of your scene. you don’t get to dangle aftercare like a carrot for a bunny to jump thru every hoop properly.  That’s not how this world works. Things go hand in hand. There’s a seemingly large disconnect in the properly functioning domme party of your mistress’ brain, she needs to be made aware of your needs and concerns. if they continue to be lacking in the proper depts. pack you cuffs and gtfo. 

 *****waves red flag around****

please come talk if you ever have more concerns. 

agoodlittlesub

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
@toodomforyou

toodomforyou

If you as a Dom/me think aftercare is optional, then you are not welcome in the scene. That is part of the Dominant’s role. Don’t like it? Don’t play.

How DARE you make your submissive feel like they don’t deserve aftercare? That is disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself.

-SD

brisketbully

My scenes with submiss aren’t even that intense and we still lay around cuddling and evaluating for an hour or more. What sort of shitty-ass dom doesn’t take care of their subs? In the words of a guy I was training with for melee combat speaking in regards to new trainees, “You don’t break your toys, if you do you can’t play with them anymore.”

Uuugh.

leatherlacedbass

I really like that last part/quite addition with regards to bdsm, thank you. 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

todancewithfate

Hold it.

The sub in question never said their dom didn’t think they deserved after care.

Subs with low self esteem can and do think they are undeserving of things… no matter how many times the dom says they do. So please don’t jump to conclusions.

That being said. Aftercare is a must. You do deserve it. No one, not even yourself, should tell you otherwise.

toodomforyou

While I agree that the submissive did not explicitly say that their Dom/me said they don’t deserve aftercare, they should never have left that room feeling as though they don’t.

If you’re a Dom/me and your submissive says “I didn’t do well today, I feel like I don’t deserve aftercare,” it is your DUTY to still give them aftercare and assure them that regardless of performance, aftercare is a given.

You don’t change negative self-esteem in a day, certainly. But the fact that this Anon even came to tumblr asking this question indicates that their Dominant was lacking somewhere in the aftercare department. Why would this sub be asking this question if they still received the aftercare? The question would be phrased much differently if they did.

Regardless of your submissive feeling as though they are unworthy of aftercare, (or even Dominants! Both parties need aftercare), you still must provide it. That’s simply how it is. In fact, in that scenario they need it more than ever.

-SD

deepestqueenparadise

Reblogging because so important. 🌟

xsybilx

So much this. Fuck even when my boyfriend and I are just talking about rough sex(super brutal) and such, after the convo he will then tell me that after all of the nasty sex we will cuddle and kiss and watch movies and have hot showers and rest. I'm not saying that, that's a must since it's not it's just what we do. But my point is that if someone so willing to do that then your dom/me should be willing to give aftercare.