¿? yo | 🏳️‍🌈⚣ | forcefully sfw

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2021-01-16 22:33:30
    gaymenaredivineincarnate

    When I was in hs I was terrified of anyone ever discovering that I was gay because I saw the two fem gay kids at school being bullied and ridiculed. I didn't want that for me.

    Sometimes I feel so bad about it. I mean I know I didnt know better and I was an insecure teenager but still. If those skinny gay boys could stand up to the bullies then I could too? I should've been out earlier, I should've defended them instead of acting like it wasn't my problem.

    Hey! Don’t feel bad. You were young and you had to protect yourself. It’s not you who should feel bad, its the ones who created that unsafe environment. 

    gaymenaredivineincarnate

    Being one of the few openly Gay kids in middle school was truly horrible. Like I said in my previous ask, people avoided me and spread rumors about me. During lunch, some guys seating at a table near me would make fun of me and say disgusting jokes, encouraging me to « suck it ». Sometimes I would hear them asking for my number as a joke. One guy once threatened to beat me if I « ever touched him » (I didn’t even ask for anything, I didn’t even KNOW him, I had NEVER talked to him, I didn’t even find him attractive, I had never noticed him, he just randomly came up to me one day, asked me if I was a f-word and then said this. Like, if I didn’t even notice or talked to you what makes you THINK I could ever find you attractive? Nonsensical homophobic trash. They really think the entire world revolves around them?)

    There was also this dude who always wanted to fight me? Like, he would always throw slurs at me and then one day he kicked me from behind when I just walking and minding my own business? I swear to God I had to use ALL the strength I had in my body NOT to slap him hard enough so that he would fallen onto the ground. He would always come to me and say things that I would not always understand but I knew every time that it was not nice things because of the expressions on his face. One time during lunch I was ONCE AGAIN just minding my own business and he came up to me and said something that I didn’t understand while waving A KNIFE. I told this to an adult that was there and instead of doing anything they just started chatting with the guy and laughing with him and I think it’s because he was younger than me that they didn’t take it seriously.

    One girl one day started telling me that I was disgusting for liking men. I told her that there was nothing wrong with that and she told me that yes there was. And she LITERALLY threatened to r*pe me to « make normal again ». It never happened, luckily, but I can not forget that.

    One guy in high school told me « I have nothing against the fact that you’re gay as long as you don’t fantasize about me. » (right after he complained about not attracting any girls, so I don’t see why he thought he could attract guys). I was so shocked that a stupid misogynistic incel like him could even have the audacity to THINK that I or any other Gay dude could be attracted to him that I didn’t know what to say at that moment and I regret that EVERY day. And to make it worse someone I was friends with and who was friends him told me that « it wasn’t that big of a deal and that he’s a really nice guy ». Like yeah, sure. Even though he literally said right in front of me that to him, homosexuality was unnatural and that human bodies were not designed for Gay sex.

    To sum it all up, I hate this homophobic world and I hate homophobes SO fricking much! I am literally SO tired of people talking to me like I am nothing but a pile of dirt! I am so SICK of taking shoot from other people! I am SICK of people getting away with things like those!!!!!

    (I’m sorry for this long ask.)

    Don’t apologize. Yall can send long ass asks!

    And I’m so sorry you had to experience that babyboy! I really am. It just sucks what people force us to go through and for what? These people are weak minded and weak souled and they need to feel superior to someone to love themselves. I can’t stand that we have to go through that hate.

    To be more specific. When I was in school. There was this boy i liked. And me and him were good friends. We were both silly and made each other laugh. He knew I liked him and he was cool with it. He used to play basketball and he showed me his muscles, and his calves. And I would like squeeze them and it was fun.

    I told a “friend” that I had liked him. And she kept asking him all sorts of questions. Like are you gay and stuff. And he was getting annoyed at it. But didn’t  care. We were both still cool. then it was found that I liked him and other kids started making fun of him. When I would talk to him the other kids would make noise or say something slick. 

    One day, in class it got to point where he got visibly angry. And then he told me that they “ruined it”. I didn’t know what he meant by that before. But now I kinda do. We would stop hanging out and he eventually moved away. So that’s that. 

    gaymenaredivineincarnate

    I remember being 14 years old and the only openly Gay Boy amongst my classmates. One day in Arr Class, the teacher showed us one of his students’ video project which was to make parodies of advertisements. One of the videos was about a dude who thinks his perfume will attract women but attracts men instead. Every time dudes were shown to be attracted to him and he was shown to be clearly embarrassed, the ENTIRE classroom laughed... Except me. It was very awkward. I tried to force myself to laugh but I just couldn’t. It was at that moment that I understood that to the rest of my classmates, Gayness was a joke. And it wasn’t going to change just with me being the only openly Gay kid in the class.

    So if there’s one advice that I can give to younger Gays, it’s this : Do not come out. Not yet. Trust me, it’s going to be horrible. It wasn’t fun at all to be one of the few openly Gay kids and having people either avoiding you or spreading rumors about you or just flat out making fun of you. I know you think you could change people’s perception of Gay people, but from my experience, publicly coming out at 13 years old was one of the WORST mistakes I’ve ever made. Even the lesbians / bi girls made fun of me, called me anti-gay-male slurs and saw me more like some kind of perverted monster rather than someone like them. But that was what being a Gay teenager in my middle school in 2014 was like. I don’t know, maybe it’s different for other people. Maybe it’s better now. I don’t know.

    But honestly, I think it’s better to wait until at least high school or college to come out. Or come out only to people whom you know you can trust and won’t react badly or out you.

    That really sucks. And I’m sorry you felt like you came out too early. I’ve also did feel that way in highschool but when I looked back I didn’t.

    I felt like if I was still in the closet in highschool I could have had more DL experiences but tbh those guys were pretty self-hating and dangerous. And I’m happy that I was able to just be myself and not worry about trying to hide that. I still faced shit from people, but i was fighter and gave them shit back. But not everyone can do that and not everyone has to do that. 

    But I do tell people come out when it’s safe for you. Don’t feel like you have to do it out of some obligation. There is no rush. 

    mybigfatgaylife

    You know what makes me angry about this is that being able to come out young was one of the things I wanted for gay kids because it’s one thing I really wished I could have done myself.

    When I was in school if you even hinted at being gay you were likely to get the crap beat out of you, or worse. Not an exaggeration: a friend of mine in high school who was a brilliant pianist got beaten up so bad he spent a weeks in the hospital as surgeons tried to fix his crushed hands. And I didn’t go to a “tough school.” This was white suburbia.

    I am so angry that things got better for everyone else, that everyone else can be out and proud and take up space, but not gay kids.

    gaymenaredivineincarnate

    That’s so evil. I fucking hate people. Im so sorry he went through that.

    gaymenaredivineincarnate

    as a gay boy who went to hs i just feel such kinship to these anons

    It really hurts. It just does. It’s so unfair that we were tormented over something we have no control over and something that doesn’t harm anyone. 

    And a lot of us don’t talk about it or keep it to ourselves. Like a lot of shit we face isn’t recorded and people really think it can be just mean teasing. But it can be much more than that. People can get violent. And not everyone can fight or can defend themselves, and even if you can, if people gang up on you it can wear you down. 

    gaymenaredivineincarnate

    High school is the WORST, when I was young and stupid I came out to a bunch of people and spent the next few years recloseting myself because Jesus CHRIST that was a horrible idea. When I was 16 I moved schools and I wasn’t out to literally anyone because no way was I doing that again. Honestly even hearing you talking abt DL experiences felt like a different world to my anxious gay ass

    Yeah. You know, the media makes it seem like things changed and that it’s easier but that just not the case you know. People are terrible. And even trying to do the DL stuff is anxious and really you don’t want to be involved in that if you suffer from anxiety. 

    nerdyqueerandjewish

    “Is it ethical to report a fascist to the FBI?” is the new “is it ethical to punch a nazi?” but for the opposite type of person

    gaymenaredivineincarnate

    What you mean opposite? They’re both sympathizers of whiteness U.U

    nerdyqueerandjewish

    True! I was thinking opposite tactics of Only willing to work outside of the system vs Only willing to work within the system

    gaymenaredivineincarnate

    That’s such a good catch! I didn’t even think about that. I thought you meant right vs left wing. But I immediately thought of this lol: 

    wulfbrain

    15 year old me watching underwear "review" videos on youtube

    me: "im straight"

    docmedic

    Wait they have those???

    wulfbrain

    NOT GAY!!!!

    snyggvur

    SCREAM

    gizmoera

    This is the gen z version of “looking at men’s underwear at the store” for millennials