Ways to Vastly Improve the 100+ Dracula Adaptations Trying to Make the Count and Mina a Couple, #1
Dracula, imprisoning Jonathan in the castle: Mine :)
Dracula, going full fucked up Beauty and the Beast treatment, all metaphor cigars and pretty bedrooms and endless sleepover talks into the night and cooking 5 star meals for his very good and intimate friend: Mine :)
Jonathan: Still no
Dracula, biting and hissing and throwing spare villager toddlers to keep the Brides from calling dibs: Mine >:(
Jonathan: Appreciate the save, but again, no
Dracula, literally carrying him to bed and undressing him: Mine :) <3
Jonathan, pausing mid-shovel strike to the Count’s skull: Okay, we need to discuss this. I was not, am not, and will not ever be yours. In a less traumatizing scenario, I might have been flattered, maybe curious. But I already met the greatest person on Earth and she accepted my proposal. I have been and shall continue to belong to Mina Murray--or, if I live, Mina Harker, fingers crossed--and she is the only one who gets to call me hers. Period. Understood?
Dracula: Yes, of course, my friend, you should have said
Jonathan: Good. Glad we had this talk. :)
Dracula: Me too :)
Jonathan, whacking him with the shovel: Hope you burn in Hell :)
(One trip to England later)
Dracula: Hello, Mina Harker, correct?
Dracula: I understand you and your husband, my good friend, Jonathan Harker, are something of a ‘2 for 1′ deal, not to be separated under any circumstances.
Mina: ...That is a way to put it, yes
Dracula, baring his staple remover fangs: So, I was thinking--