me during the summer: is today wednesday or sunday
having a friend sleep over when you were 10: omfg lets stay up until 4 am and prank call people and watch movies and gossip about everyone from our school and go on a sugar high omfg we're so cool
having a friend sleep over when you're 16: shut the fuck up faggot i'm trying to sleep if i hear you breathe one more time i will fucking end your existence seriously do you want to fucking sleep outside
friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
friend: OH MAN
friend: OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
friend: I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
friend: SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
friend: JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.
A guide to US states and cities
New York City: tourists, gay, tourists, peanuts, FUCKING TOURISTS
Michigan: that lake place
Florida: DISNEY WORLD and those other parks
San Diego: gay, Princess Diaries, That's So Raven
Montana and the Dakotas: population of cows exceeds that of humans
New Jersey: garden state my ass
Vermont: Canada on drugs
Dallas: stereotypical south
New Orleans: alcohol, fried donuts, jazz music (the place to be)
Philadelphia: Cream Cheese, beat anyone who calls it "the city," fair chance of being mugged
Las Vegas: WHITE PEOPLE MAKING SHITTY DECISIONS
Los Angeles: traffic not worth the possibility of spying a celeb
Kentucky: not enjoyable at all, two stars would not recommend
Maine: how are you even a part of the US?
Chicago: everyone has a gun so don't piss us off
Minnesota: t-shirts and shorts when it's below zero
Pennsylvania: Hershey chocolate, no we're not all Amish, liberty bell, constitution, declaration of independence, will smith, ben franklin
Seattle: If you look to your left, you will see a Starbucks, and if you take a look to your right, you'll also see a Starbucks.
Denver: Yes pot is legal, everyone has a dog and no one is fat. Also, Manning.
Iowa: Corn field, corn field, corn field, cows, Ashton Kutcher lived here, corn field, corn field
California: Disneyland, beach, surf, Disneyland, mexicans, bleach blondes, Disneyland
Me: I think I'm gonna go to sleep now.
TV: lol but good shows are on.
iPod: sleep? Is that a new app?
Sleeping position: lol I'm not gonna be comfortable.
Mind: what's the meaning of life though?
Temperature: lol it's too hot and too cold.
Noises: oh, you said be louder? Okay.
Body: Lol time for itches.
Person I like: Hey