me during the summer: is today wednesday or sunday
me during the summer: is today wednesday or sunday
having a friend sleep over when you were 10: omfg lets stay up until 4 am and prank call people and watch movies and gossip about everyone from our school and go on a sugar high omfg we're so cool
having a friend sleep over when you're 16: shut the fuck up faggot i'm trying to sleep if i hear you breathe one more time i will fucking end your existence seriously do you want to fucking sleep outside
Me: Afraid to answer phones.
Me: Afraid to answer the door.
Me: Afraid to order food.
Me: Afraid to be in a room full of people I don't know.
Me: Afraid to talk to people on Tumblr.
Me: Afraid to talk to people in real life.
me: ugly people exist to make pretty people stand out
me: so that's my contribution to society
me: you're welcome
looks in mirror: oh that's why people don't like me.
3rd grade
friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
me: what
friend: OH MAN
friend: OH
friend: OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
friend: I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
friend: SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
friend: JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.
A guide to US states and cities
New York City: tourists, gay, tourists, peanuts, FUCKING TOURISTS
Idaho: Potatoes
Michigan: that lake place
Florida: DISNEY WORLD and those other parks
San Diego: gay, Princess Diaries, That's So Raven
Wisconsin: cheese
Montana and the Dakotas: population of cows exceeds that of humans
New Jersey: garden state my ass
Vermont: Canada on drugs
Dallas: stereotypical south
New Orleans: alcohol, fried donuts, jazz music (the place to be)
Philadelphia: Cream Cheese, beat anyone who calls it "the city," fair chance of being mugged
Oklahoma: why
Las Vegas: WHITE PEOPLE MAKING SHITTY DECISIONS
Los Angeles: traffic not worth the possibility of spying a celeb
Kentucky: not enjoyable at all, two stars would not recommend
Maine: how are you even a part of the US?
Chicago: everyone has a gun so don't piss us off
Minnesota: t-shirts and shorts when it's below zero
Pennsylvania: Hershey chocolate, no we're not all Amish, liberty bell, constitution, declaration of independence, will smith, ben franklin
Seattle: If you look to your left, you will see a Starbucks, and if you take a look to your right, you'll also see a Starbucks.
Denver: Yes pot is legal, everyone has a dog and no one is fat. Also, Manning.
Iowa: Corn field, corn field, corn field, cows, Ashton Kutcher lived here, corn field, corn field
California: Disneyland, beach, surf, Disneyland, mexicans, bleach blondes, Disneyland
me: i don't like him
me: i don't like him
me: i don't like him
me: i don't like him
him: hi
me: sweet jesus why are you perfect
me: why does no one like me
person: i like you
me: thanks
me: why does no one like me
me: okay its time to be productive today
me: let me just go on tumblr first
me: well its getting late i should probably get to bed
notes: now you see me
notes: now you don't
*friend sees my cuts*
Friend: whoa what happened ?!.
Me: *oh fuck what the hell do I say*
Me: uh my dog scratched me.
Friend: oh thank god for a second I thought you were like emo or something. ew.
Me:....
Me: I think I'm gonna go to sleep now.
TV: lol but good shows are on.
iPod: sleep? Is that a new app?
Sleeping position: lol I'm not gonna be comfortable.
Mind: what's the meaning of life though?
Temperature: lol it's too hot and too cold.
Noises: oh, you said be louder? Okay.
Body: Lol time for itches.
Person I like: Hey
morning of first day of school: yes a new year, i'm so excited i want to make a lot of new friends, start fresh, and have a wonderful time enjoying my youth
walks into school: i hate you all. get the fuck away from me
person: you're not a true fan if you-
me: shut up
Operator: 911 please state your emergency
Me: I can't choose a theme
guys on the internet: i want a girl with a good taste in music, fun personality, kinda dorky, weird, will go to concerts with me and is an all around good person
guys in my area: if the girl got an ass and a rack i'll bang her aye swag swag weed mothafucka swag
Beijing Vs London
Beijing: We must be classy and perfect and mature.
London: WE WANT A FUCKING HUNDRED FOOT TALL VOLDEMORT, THANKS!
me watching the olympics: how