@2-8-99
2-8-99

You have to love yourself enough to not tolerate disrespect, disloyalty, and wishy washy feelings. If a person doesn’t value you, move on.

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2020-08-31 02:22:57

    “And one day you just take a step back and realise that this person, the person that you’ve allowed to hurt you so many times and you’ve given so many chances to, isn’t really anything special. In my case he was just a boy who could never appreciate me, who could never actually give me what I wanted, what I needed, what I deserved. He only wanted me when he couldn’t have me and I was so blinded by my feelings for him and so desperately wanted things to work out between us that I ignored how badly he treated me. His actions would never match his words but I overlooked it because I hoped one day they would eventually line up but of course they never did. I finally accepted that I was wasting my time on someone who didn’t care enough to be who I needed them to be. Anymore time I spent on him was just preventing me from finding someone who will care enough, who will care so much that I will always wonder why I wasted so much time on a boy who could never love me. It still hurts sometimes and I’m still getting over him but everyday I forget him a little bit more and I think that is the saddest yet most encouraging thing that could possibly come out of this.”

    how silly of me to think that I could change him when he can only change for himself.

    I can never find the right words to tell people what I’m thinking. Telling them I’m tired doesn’t work, but I can’t seem to vocalize that I’m mentally exhausted and sick of existing. Telling them I’m sad doesn’t work either, but I can’t explain that I’m struggling not to kill myself and that the joy in everything in my life is gone and when I wake up to the sun in my eyes, I have to struggle to get myself out of bed because most of me didn’t even want to wake up at all. I can’t tell them I’m numb because what I’m feeling is so much more complex than numb and I don’t have the vocabulary to tell them that I feel like I’m drowning and it terrifies me that I feel nothing as it’s happening, and that my insides want to scream but I can’t even find it in me to shed a tear anymore, that every single aspect of my life feels like it’s shaded in grey because all the colors were sucked out but I can hardly even remember what colors are because I can no longer remember a time I didn’t feel like this. No, I don’t know how to say that. So I just whisper “I’m fine.”

    “And sometimes in life, you’ll be willing to give absolutely everything to someone and that still won’t be enough. We call this unrequited love, it’s a harsh, cruel feeling and believe me when I tell you that if a feeling could kill - my god it would be that one.”

    — Excerpt of a book I’ll never write

    “Imagine there’s billion of people sitting around thinking that life shouldn’t happen this way. Holding their own worlds inside their minds. Creating an imagination of how good life must be. And then there’s another billion walking throughout the day—working hard just to survive and sleep their exhaustion at night. People who did a cycle they love—and secretly hate at the same time. But I know you’re thinking that there’s still another billion of people looking for love. Who never surrender on finding and hoping for a romantic relationship that would lasts. People who keep on pushing themselves up just to reach a dream they always wanted from the very start. There’s also billion of people who are still wondering what they want in life. People who are still trying to figure out which way should they cross. And which place they are going to call home. Billion of people are loving each other. Sharing moments and making memories they want to remember later on. People who already found someone who they can share their secrets forever. You see, I am not sure what another billion of people is doing now. Maybe they are asleep and dreaming their hearts out. Maybe they are awake—wondering why happiness doesn’t come at their doors. Maybe they are out there, confused of what they should really do. And so the last billion—the people who will tell you a lot of things about their experiences. People who can tell you what truly it feels to live, and to die even if you’re still breathing. People who never get tired of telling their stories even if other people think nobody are listening. People who will tell you the wrong things you shouldn’t do, and remind you of the right things you should do. Yet in the end they will end up telling you that you make your own story, so do whatever it is that feels right for you. I don’t know exactly how many people are here. But I am sure that each— billion—has different stories—to tell , and has the same lessons for them—to share.”

    ma.c.a // I counted all the feelings, And it was not accurate

    And someone in her position — which is, like, on another level — I can’t imagine how many times she’s been let down by people, or gotten disappointed by friends who were just using her, or people who just wanted to be friends with Taylor Swift or whatever. I’m happy to be there for her as a person. Like, ‘Even when it’s not popular, I’ve got you. I’m, like, your real friend.’ With the Scooter thing, I one-hundred-percent feel her frustration. An artist of her caliber just being F–ed over like that, and not being able to have her masters? That sucks. It’s heartbreaking for her. And I do believe a lot of the systems in place for the music industry are kind of … messed up. When you think about how artists have to slave to make these things, and then you don’t own them, that is kind of a ridiculous concept.

    — Camila Cabello about Taylor Swift - Variety (2019)