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Tony Pizza

This started out as a Sherlock blog and it all kind of went downhill from there...

Posts
2723
Last update
2022-09-18 04:13:17
    arahir

    the chris pine thing is so funny

    arahir

    like here's chris pine living his absolute best life reading books and loving film and definitely not writing erotica and he's dropped into a movie that seems like it's going to be fine like you've got florence pugh and former boy band superstar harry styles and nick kroll (??) and shia labeouf (?????) but whatever it's fine olivia wilde is directing except whoops she falls in love with harry styles and pisses off her boyfriend (ex boyfriend) who's been having his post-snl renaissance with an apple whatever tv show and so then olivia gets served custody papers while she's on stage at a film convention and then it turns out florence pugh is actually friends with jason sudeikis and was going to cameo on ted lasso because florence's ex (zac braff???) was directing some of it and here's chris pine and living his best life but he's in a movie where the director is dating the male lead and the female lead isn't talking to the director because of the everything and then shia laboeouf leaves the film and it's probably because he's a pos and the director implies it's because he's a pos but then shia posts a vague video showing olivia wilde calling florence pugh miss flo and it's from month's ago over nothing but it's chaos and it's the venice film fest and you're chris pine and you're trapped in venice with these people and harry styles kisses nick kroll on the lips and harry styles is saying the movie is a movie that feels like a film like a real film and florence pugh is fucking gone and it's just you and then harry styles spits on you (????) and it's caught on film and you're chris pine and all you wanted was to be in a movie and write some erotica on the side

    the thing about alex jones's phone that is so satisfying is that everyone involved in orchestrating J6 has so clearly been on the 'nobody talks, everybody walks' strategy train, what with how many people's phones were improperly/illegally erased up to and including basically the entire secret service, so you have to figure that alex jones weighed his options and decided that brazenly flouting the discovery process and as a consequence losing all his sandy hook lawsuits by default was the price he was willing to pay in order to keep his phone and whatever other documents out of the hands of the court and law enforcement. but the fact that he went through all that, sunk his case, lied under oath, and THEN had his whole phone accidentally turned over... my mans is neither having his cake nor eating it. the shit that must be on that phone, the number of people he just exposed... godddd i cannot wait

    pussyibo

    you guys. if you haven't been following the mar a lago fbi raid saga this week you have really been missing out. it came out monday night that the fbi had spent the day collecting boxes of documents from mar a lago and maga world lost it. "this is war", hard right demands to abolish the fbi, insane posturing, every single pundit on the record saying "if this search was for anything short of the nuclear codes, this is going to massively backfire on the biden administration" (foreshadowing!). eventually report comes out that people close to trump are quietly telling the rest of the gop to dial it back just a hair, because things might get worse before they get better. most crucially is that the susan collinses of the world are demanding accountability from the justice department, demanding that they explain why this raid was warranted. (notably, trump himself has the warrant describing exactly what the fbi was there to collect, and is free to share that with the world at any point - the judge/doj is typically barred from making that public at any point, so by hounding the wrong figures for the warrant they're thinking they can control the narrative.)

    not so. today, attorney general merrick garland makes a statement saying you know what? you guys are so right. there's actually significant public interest in making the details of this warrant - why a former president was raided by the fbi - public knowledge. so with your blessing, mr trump, i am asking the judge who signed the warrant (he and his synagogue have been getting death threats already btw, rot in hell forever you maga fuckwits) to unseal the warrant. trump, you have until 3pm friday to publicly object to this action. love and light, merrick

    and then wapo reported tonight that the warrant was for, among other things, nuclear documents. yeehaw

    misskatelyndanger

    The GOP and Trump are currently claiming that 1) The documents were declassified by Trump already, he just forgot to tell anyone before he left office, so it's fine 2) There weren't any classified documents there 3) There were classified documents, but they were planted by the FBI, 4) The FBI could have gotten the classified documents at any time if they had asked politely (they did, several times).

    Every single talking point they're coming up with contradicts every other talking point they've already said, in the hopes that *something* will stick and they can roll with that narrative and pretend that they knew the truth all along.

    They're also photoshopping pictures of the conservative judge who signed the warrant onto pictures of Jeffrey Epstein and claiming that they were friends, and this fake story is corroborated by Jeffrey Epstein's personal lawyer (who's a pedophile and frequent guest on Fox news).

    This is also happening the same week that Alex Jones accidentally turned over 300 gigabytes of data to the lawyers defending the Sandy Hook parents, included in that data dump was child pornography and text messages that potentially incriminate Tucker Carlson in the January 6th Capitol Insurrection.

    What a time to be alive

    jonphaedrus

    i keep mentioning the bread pudding incident and not telling the full story and at some point i really should

    gallusrostromegalus

    Yes you should.

    jonphaedrus

    im procrastinating so i will tell the story.

    despite the incident in question happening about a year and a half ago, it has two preceding incidents, the contents of which are needed in order to understand the full scale of the bread pudding incident.

    two facts about me:

    1) i recently found out i have what was described to me as “the worst case of adhd that (my therapist) had ever seen”, totally unmedicated and,

    2) i cannot reliably count to ten.

    so a couple years ago, i tried to get into box-baking. my husband is an incredible baker, and has made some awesome things (including one time a pancake-based strawberry shortcake for my birthday because i hate cake? he’s a gem) but he doesnt always have energy to bake and i crave brownies literally at every minute of every hour of every day, so i was like ok sick ill bake box brownies. thats easy. (i have since, with a liberal amount of help, learned how to reliably box bake precisely one brand of brownie)

    the first time, i misread the instructions and made them with the oil and water reversed and only one egg. they were inedible. the second time i realized we had no eggs ¾ of the way through, panicked, put in applesauce but only half the required applesauce, and they came out (mostly) inedible.

    so at the time my sister sensibly decided “you cannot bake any more” and i sensibly agreed with her.

    last year in the deep swings of my masters-induced depression i figured i had forgotten about a loaf of french bread in my fridge for weeks and it was approximately the same hardness as a stone. i should use it for something! bread pudding. that is what you use stale bread for.

    i cook to taste—i rarely use recipes, because of the aforementioned “i have the attention span of a gnat and i cannot count to ten” so using a recipe? pretty much useless. this does not work to bake. so i googled a recipe, figured, okay, i can get the ingredients, and pretty much guess? i closed the recipe immediately afterward, and forgot my laptop even existed within minutes.

    things bread pudding requires: stale bread. butter. milk. sugar. cinnamon. raisins. eggs. vanilla. and, if you are southern™, alcohol.

    things i had in the house: stale bread. margarine. sugar. pumpkin spice. one egg. vanilla. alcohol.

    first i broke up the bread. with a hammer! like you do, for weeks-old french bread. i put it all in a casserole dish, because that was what was clean. no milk? water is fine! throw that shit in! how much water? i dont know. enough to get it wet! submerge all the ingredients. how much sugar? i don’t know. the recipe said brown sugar.

    me: can i use the brown sugar to make bread pudding? james: sure. but don’t use much. me: ok. (takes less than a teaspoon of brown sugar, one of the big-ish clumps) that’s enough, right? throw that in there. that’s enough sugar! i don’t need more white sugar.

    pumpkin spice is essentially cinnamon! can’t use too much vanilla. just shake a little bit in there. that’s good, that’s enough. how much was that? two drops? plenty! that’s how much vanilla it needs, right? how much margarine? i don’t know! i closed the recipe. let’s get three or four big pats. i don’t have any stick margarine. crack that egg in there.

    can’t forget the whiskey! just slop some in there. i’m southern. a dollop? a dollop. a dollop sounds right.

    what temperature do you cook bread budding at? i don’t know. this casserole dish is only barely like, a tiny bit full. just coating the bottom. not much, then. 250 is probably right?

    and then i forgot i was cooking until the kitchen began to smell.

    the object which was removed from the oven was approximately the same size and density as a bowl full of very, very burned sand. two square inches of it was the correct texture for bread pudding—i.e, soft, squishy. the rest of it was as like unto hardened lava, and the same color. a single taste revealed it to taste like wet, disgusting bread or almost sort of exactly-unlike-bread-pudding but in the saddest way imaginable, the potential had been there, and had not been achieved. the brown sugar had not even dissolved it was just there. in a chunk. burned into the bread. it all smelled strongly of whiskey. it took about three weeks to soak totally off of my casserole dish, full of daily-replaced soapy boiling water.

    so i’m not allowed to bake any more.

    gallusrostromegalus

    This is the most “Cooking while ADHD” thing I’ve ever read and I feel much better about Switching “3 Eggs & 4 cups flour”  to “4 eggs and 3 Cups flour” earlier this morning.

    jonphaedrus

    hey remember this post? in case you’re wondering “i think i might have adhd and it’s too much work to get it diagnosed/medicated” then let me tell you i now regularly bake bread from scratch, bake cakes, have perfected my ideal chocolate chip cookie recipe, and i can make three different types of biscotti. and also pie. and quiche.

    if you need something to tell you “it’s worth doing the work to go get diagnosed and medicated for your adhd” let it be that i, jon “bread pudding incident” phaedrus, am now not only allowed but encouraged to bake.

    dylena

    I’ve literally gone on a deep dive of this weird phenomenon. The color just keeps getting lighter the longer she promotes this food dyed hidden valley ranch, the nutrition facts aren’t even accurate or spelled correctly, and some bottles are arriving rotten. I am just simply fascinated by this.

    gem-femme

    I actually found an article about this for anyone else who saw this and was like 🤔

    https://www.distractify.com/p/what-is-pink-sauce-tiktok