The INFP internally feels his or her life intensely. In the relationship arena, this causes them to have a very deep capacity for love and caring which is not frequently found with such intensity in the other types. INFPs do not share their intensity of feeling with anyone; they tend to be reserved about expressing their inner-most feelings, and reserve their deepest love and caring for a select few.
I tend to get annoyed very easily with INFPs. I am an ESFJ, and my mom is an INFP. So are some peers I don't like. And even one of my closest friends is one. Maybe these aren't stereotypical INFP traits, but the constant daydreaming and inattention to what is actually happening in the moment bugs me. Plus, all the INFPs I know are self-absorbed. Could you explain?
That is because INFPs have a dominant Fi. Fi is introverted feeling, which makes them, before anything else, consider their inner selves and their values before turning to ideas, common sense, or logic. Whether in a good or bad mood, they will be focused on themselves in one way or another, whether itâs daydreaming or just thinking. Itâs almost a sort of defense mechanism or a safety method, since INFPs are incredibly vulnerable to feelings of depression, sadness, anxiety, and stress. Thinking about themselves before anything else helps them to tend to themselves first before all else, but that can lead others to perceive them as self-centered and even stuck-up, like you said. Also, just as they can use Fi as a defense, it can also be their worse enemy. In times of trouble, Fi can torment INFP, and it doesnât help that Ne is their second function. Basically it means all the negative emotions they feel get amplified when Ne starts to question everything around them, like âDoes this person actually like me? Does ANYONE actually like me? What if they all hate me? What should I have done differently?â And Si looks at the past and remembers how things have been, and Te, being the inferior function, âshort-circuitsâ and leaves the INFP feeling hopeless, like they can change nothing about their situation. The INFP function stack can be a death trap. Literally. INFPs have the highest percentage of suicide rates than any other type. And it really is unfortunate because they are actually angels. They may get spells where theyâre like âIâm the best! Iâm so awesome!! Iâm the best jokester, the coolest cat aroundâ but deep inside they have really low opinions of themselves. They really just want you to like and love them, but they will probably never work up the courage to ask you if you really do unless youâre super close to them.
INFP and INTP conversing
INTP: I wanna talk about the universe.
INFP: Did you say.. the univerSE?
INTP: YES THE UNIVERSE
INFP: OMG THE UNIVERSE IS SO INFINITE
INTP and INFP: *make and drag apart about 5 theories of the universe in about 5 mins*
INTP AND INFP: *legitimate screaming* sO mAnY PoSsibilitieS
INTP AND INFP: *completely overwhelmed* UNIVVERRRRSEEE
Advice on Getting to Know INFPs (like, REALLY getting to know them, like on a deeply platonic or romantic level) Part One
from the perspective of an INFP: yours truly, Anika Ashbourne.
-INFPs are âidea peopleâ. Weâd much rather not talk about the football game or bland politics or it is what it is. No, letâs talk about art and potential and possibilities and theories of the universe and favorite books and why this and how that and why not and what if. Stereotypically, weâre wide-eyed innocent children in the bodies of adults who have our head too far in the clouds to ever come down. While thatâs quite an exaggeration, we are very imaginative and abstract in our thinking. We love love love new ideas, new concepts, new things to be obsessed with. Because INFPs are constantly on the lookout for, as I like to call them, âthings that clickâ. A puzzle piece falls into place. A door unlocks, and youâre the key, and suddenly youâre our new favorite person in the world and please donât go away because you mean very much to me for helping me develop myself or my ambitions further. Advice: to connect with an INFP, donât be a dull-ass, ordinary, out-of-all-the-things-we-could-talk-about-you-choose-to-talk-about-this?! kind of people.
-We can tell what youâre trying to do. Just saying. If youâre trying to impress an INFP, they know. If youâre trying to bring down an INFP, they know. If youâre lying to an INFP, they know. If youâre pushing down your emotions in front of an INFPâŚ Oh god, they know. The thing is, we wonât usually let you know that we know, but we know. We can sense it. We have a way of reading people subconsciously. The thing is, weâre so conscious of how we do things and how different our ways of doing things are from other peopleâs ways, we start to pick up on exactly how each kind of person tends to do things and what the signs are that theyâre doing the thing. We do all this without realizing weâre analyzing you, and it gives us a grip on what we think of you. Advice: be real and as honest as you can to INFPs. Donât try to trick us, because weâre hard to deceive and youâll lose all our trust and respect at once. Instead, be sincere and show us youâre worth getting to know, tooâ which isnât that hard if youâre being genuine, because we like to really know people, too.
-INFPs are reserved. Yes, weâre the quiet ones in the corner with our notebooks or the kid that never shuts up when theyâre talking to friends but never opens their mouth around other people, but itâs more than that. Weâre reserved. It takes a while to really get to know an INFP. Some say weâre even more reserved than the INFJs or INTs. This is because weâre open to pain, we let it sting us when it comes and let our emotions flood us so we can taste the tides, but weâd rather avoid it when we can. An INFP thatâs been hurt a lot in the past- and, warning, most INFPs have been- is less likely to want to get hurt in the future unless they really believe is worth it. Yes, weâre afraid to get hurt. We are not afraid youâll hurt us, we are just afraid of the flood that, you have to admit, is sure to come again if you really deeply connect with someone. So we defend ourselves with layers. Hundreds and hundreds of layers, and the longer you stay with us, the more time you spend with us, the more we begin to trust youâŚ those layers peel off. And youâll know because thatâs when weâre incredibly silly around you and fearless in expressing our ideas and we will defend you from every evil thing that comes your way at whatever the personal cost. Until then, we tend to appear as the shy butterfly flittering around on its own, a little ways away from the others. Advice: be patient and be persistent, and earn our trust by being a person we can feel comfortable and happy around.
-INFPs feel everything at an overwhelmingly deep levelâŚ or almost not at all. If you hurt us, youâve either destroyed us for a while or youâve only chipped a crack in the layered walls of our castle. If you make us happy, weâre basically either tempted to kiss you and be close to you forever and all eternity and return the favor, or we simply appreciate it and move on. In the overwhelming sense, we will remember it for the rest of our lives and weâll write about it and sing about it and make art about it and let it fuel is in our quests, or weâve already forgotten it. Advice: I just hope you realize what youâre doing will either have a very long-term affect or no affect at all. If youâre not sure, you can always ask. INFPs are very willing to help you out, especially if it means further developing our own self or yourself, and you can always always just ask them if what youâve done is good or bad or nothing. And if itâs bad, apologize ASAP and talk to them about it. If itâs good, well done and keep it up!
The extrovert's guide in dealing with introverted personalities
SUBMITTED by Steve
-They can come off as âŚ weird.Â Very subjective term because really, whoâs to say whatâs weird and what isnât. But given that INxJs are arguably the rarest types and usually out of touch with the physical and concrete, it can definitely make the more down-to-earth extroverts out there feel as though they are alien in some way. But donât be fooled, because behind those ambiguous stares there is a storm-load of activity going on in their minds.Â
- Their hunches can be incredibly valid.Â Unlike what the stereotype will have you believe, Dom-Ni is NOT a future-predicting function. For one thing, itâs very personal and subjective to each Dom-Ni user and some of them would probably disagree with each other on their hunches. However, they do have an ability to see things that a lot of us will miss. Not through any kind of mystical gift, but rather well thought out speculation. Even if theyâre off, chances are they were still very wise in their assessment of things.
- There are usually your typical law-abiding citizen. (Good advice for everyone, not just extroverts) In complete contrast to the first point, INxJs may be way harder to spot than the stereotypes say. INTJs are not scientists working on a cure for cancer or world domination (depending where their Fi is at) and INFJs are not the next coming of Jesus Christ. A lot of them probably work in everyday jobs and thereâs a good chance youâve mistaken them for their S counterparts. Get to know them personally and youâll see the difference.
- They are hard to get excited. Inferior Ne can be a bitch sometimes. Throwing fun suggestions at an ISxJ may often result inÂ âMehâŚâÂ orÂ âI donât knowâŚâ Of all types, they are usually the hardest to pull out of their comfort zone. If you suggest something to them and they start bombarding you with questions such asÂ ââWhat time? Who will be there? How does it work?âÂ etc. donât get irritated because that actually means youâve tickled their interest and now theyâre just trying to cover all their bases.Â
- They are experts in their fields.Â Si-Doms tend to have very few interests in life, but whatÂ doesÂ interest them, they probably know the insides and outs of it, like no other. They love to study at length what peaks their interest and in this case, their factual knowledge about things is usually second to none. They are the definition ofÂ âvested interestâ. Also note that they are geeks in disguise, so just like NP types, do not criticize old stuff they have an attachment to. They still like something from the 80âs? Then so shall it be. Telling them itâs stupid for them not to move on is actually much more hurtful than it looks.
- Their loyalty and commitment cannot be doubted. If an ISxJ say theyâll do something, theyâll do it, ânuff said. Hell, even if it turns out that itâs actually an inconvenience to them. They just cannot back out of commitment. Of course, stuff can always come up at the last second, in this case, youâll receive a rain check or heart-felt apology. If an ISxJ actually does flake out, thatâs âŚ not okay, but they were probably hesitant about it from the start.Â
They are blunt. You want an honest and direct opinion? IxTPs will give you that faster than any other type. In many cases, it can actually feel brutally honest, so more sensitive types may wanna steer clear. Of course, if their opinion is splattered with insults and an impatient tone, then youâre dealing with an unhealthy type and thatâs not okay.Â
- They are âdispassionate.â Sounds like a really negative trait but what it really means is they are the embodiment of âobjective.â IXTPs very rarely take things too seriously with a burning passion flowing through their veins. As of such, cynicismÂ and sarcasm is very likely. Donât take it the wrong way though, because underneath that, they can offer the most practical advice or at least see things as they are, with no bias and emotional tones tainting their view. And while that can definitely be off-putting, and it can also be extremely useful.Â
Donât try to turn a frog into a prince. Iâm sure there is a better way to say this? What I mean is that Inferior Fe, even if healthy and mature, will always find it draining to keep up social appearances. You either appreciate this trait of theirs or keep looking elsewhere. But donât expect to turn your IXTP love interest into a social butterfly overnight.Â
- They march to the beat of their own drum.Â If Dom-Ni can be hard to decode, prepare yourself for Dom-Fi. Like a fire, it is burning, passionate and unpredictable. Sometimes, even IxFPs themselves canât pin-point the reason they feel so passionate about a given subject. Donât try to constantly size up a Fi-Dom, youâll get exhausted. Even their closest friends and family often have a hard time reading whatâs going on in their mind. Respect their privacy and their inner world and donât force them to lay out how they feel on the table.Â
- Support their causes. If an IxFP feels strongly about something, then this is unwavering to them. They will fight for what they believe in to theÂ bone. You either support it or stay clear but telling them theyâre wrong or itâs a waste of time may turn you into an âenemyâ in their eyes.Â
- Do NOT attempt to control them.Â Offering sound advice? Sure. But any shade ofÂ âYou should do thisâŚâÂ not only falls on deaf ears but may actually cause them to do the exact opposite out of spite. Dom-Fi is the ultimate free spirit who wants to experience life on its own terms and Inferior Te does NOT want to be told what to do. This can be pretty hard at times though. You see an IXFP loved one acting recklessly (ISFP) or acting on a crazy idea (INFP) itâs only normal for you to want to steer them on a straight path, but in actuality it will be counter-productive. Just stay clear and let them learn from their mistakes, IF itâs actually a mistake to begin with. Youâd be surprised how many times acting on oneâs own accord can pay off in the long run. Thereâs many world-renowned musicians and artists who could probably vouch for that.Â