One Year Anniversary
I cannot believe it, and yet, here it is: I've spent one full year messing my diapers and I still have two full years to go before this challenge expires. I haven't touched a single potty other than my own for cleaning purposes for my guests and I have not once ever used a public bathroom other than to change myself.
Since I'm at my one year anniversary with two more years ahead of me, I would like to say I'm a third of the way there but I have a feeling that even if I neared the end of this challenge, more and more time would just get added on. That's just how it's always worked throughout this last year, and thanks to a select few of you, I have a feeling I'll never be stopping this fun challenge of mine.
In the beginning, I thought this challenge would be a month long tops, but little by little, more and more time was put on. Once I hit the six week mark, I saw that I had nearly two whole months to go. I was afraid. I was nervous. And you know what? That's okay. It's okay to feel these feelings; we're only human. None of us can be perfect. I remained strong because while I hadn't enjoyed messing myself in the past, I had made a commitment to this challenge and to all of you to not only mess my diapers regularly and exclusively, I also made a promise to document my journey. I'm documenting all of this not only because I find it rather kinky but also to share my knowledge and experiences in the hopes that it can help someone going through the same things I am. It's also a great way to explore my feelings, too!
Believe it or not, after a year, I find the act of messing enjoyable. It's something I look forward to in the mornings because it keeps me from spending a lot more time on the potty on my phone. All I have to do is squat down, make pushies in my bedwetting diaper, then wipe myself clean with some wipes. Sounds easy, right? That's because it is. Once you get into a new routine and stick to it for many weeks, that new routine becomes normal and your body gets used to pooping on a regular schedule.
It's hard to really pin down why messing has become fun for me and I know it sounds weird to say that messing is fun. However, one of the reasons why I enjoy it so much is because it introduced kink back into my diapers, something that I've been missing for a while. Wearing diapers for fun every now and then won't minimize your kink and attraction to diapers, but if you wear them long enough or if you need them, they start to lose that kinky attraction. I've been wearing them for need for many years now, so I was grateful and happy to find something that made diapers kinky and naughty again.
I found it hard to switch diets and start eating better food in the beginning, but you know what? I have a lot more energy, I sleep better, and I'm not wasting money buying food that's nothing but fat and empty calories. I started out small, introducing more fruit and vegetables into my diet in place of chips or another unhealthy snack. The more healthy food I ate, the easier it became to stay on the straight and narrow path of good food. I've done my best to only eat whole foods. If it came in a bag ready to eat, I wouldn't buy it. I learned how to cook a lot of amazing meals, mostly Mexican-inspired dishes. A lot of my recipes are easy to make, healthy, and it's a great way to bond with your friends, too! Who can say no to some awesome home-cooked Mexican food? My favorite is steak fajitas!
In order to keep my messes easy to clean, I have to drink more water than I usually would. This helps keep my poop more uniform and easy to clean. I've also been including a lot more fiber into my diet to make it easier to poop. Junk food and overeating always leads to mushy messes, messes that are extremely difficult to clean. I've learned a lot from doing this challenge and I'm still learning. I've adapted to a tough situation and I've come out stronger for it.
I became a better person because of this challenge and I'm still improving myself every day. I learned what foods I could and couldn't eat. Remember how I talked about getting stomach aches in public and barely making it back to my car before I had to make a mess in my diaper? (Those weren't fun drives home!) I've found that I've grown sensitive to certain foods, foods that I no longer eat. While I do miss those foods sometimes, I do not miss the sudden onset of needing to poop immediately.
Can you imagine how uncomfortable I felt when I knew my body was going to poop in minutes, especially since I can't stand using public restrooms? If I didn't find a bathroom within a few minutes, I would have to use my diaper against my will. Feeling that anxiety and stress sure didn't help me, either. However, since the whole point of this challenge is to use my diapers exclusively, there was never a point in trying to hold it to get home when it'll just end up in the seat of my diaper. It was only a matter of time until I could get somewhere safe and away from other people to let my body take care of its needs and for my diaper to take care of me. I always carry the necessary supplies with me in case of accidents like these in a bag that's always in the trunk of my car.
It's a strange feeling giving up control over something so intimate. To give in to the waiting embrace of your diaper for such a private act is surely a display of submission to my diapers. What can I say other than I love it?
It was hard to get over the idea that it was okay to use a fresh diaper to mess if you had to. Diapers are a few dollars at most, so if you can't help but feel that you have to make pushies in your fresh diaper, then that's what has to happen. I used to feel regret when I did this, but now it has become a calm acceptance of something that must happen. I always asked myself if I wanted to try to hold it and deal with the discomfort until I reach the point where I felt like my diaper was wet enough to make it okay to mess or was the cost of one diaper worth my immediate relief from the pressure building up inside?
Of course, when put in simple terms like that, the answer was always use your diaper. I wear them to keep me cozy, comfortable, and above all, safe. That's what they're made for. They're literally made to hold all kinds of body waste, regardless of what it is. They're designed to provide relief for when you just can't hold it anymore. I learned to give in and accept the inevitable mess, and looking at how much time I have left, I wonder how my level of control will be once a couple of years have passed. Currently, I'd say I'm at a 6.5 out of 10 for my level of control, though it varies based on what I eat, how much I eat, and other day to day variables.
About a week and a half ago, I had woken up feeling amazing. Don't know why. As I was stretching, I felt like I had to fart but when I pushed to help things along, I felt something else slide out between my butt cheeks. It was small, but I still had an actual accident while I was still in bed, barely awake. I gave in and pushed as hard as I could, thinking that since I'd just messed myself a little bit, I might as well finish it rather than waiting to get out of bed to finish the job.
It felt great to mess my diaper in bed. I didn't have to leave my bed's warm embrace and I was able to relieve the pressure in my tummy without a second thought. Making pushies into my diaper has become second nature at this point, but not in my bed. I was surprised at how easy it was to mess myself; maybe it was because I wasn't really paying attention to my body's signals because I was still kinda sorta half asleep? Could it have been a result of that night time messing hypnosis that I've been using? Maybe!
Will I be able to achieve my kinky dreams of waking up messy? Perhaps. I saw an interesting post the other day about someone taking Miralax and NyQuil in the hopes of waking up messy for their caretaker and they did, making me wonder if I can achieve the same thing. With all the time I've spent playing with my butt plugs and thicker toys combined with a full year of me messing my diapers as soon as I felt the need, surely I would find it easier than most to accomplish what that couple did. I feel a little apprehension though, mainly because I'm not familiar with how either drug affects my body.
I haven't been sick in years (knock on wood!) so taking a drug to help me sleep while also taking a drug that'll make me poop is something that makes me feel a little uneasy. I think I'd have to first experiment with each separately so I can get a sense of how they'll affect me before I'd combine the two and really give waking up messy a real shot. I've been using the night time messing hypnosis from Baby Pants on and off as my mood and desires swing in regards to waking up messy, but with this new idea in hand, I might just actually achieve my goals and make a lot of you happy and proud of me.
I cannot have done all of this and gone so far without your support, so I wanted to extend my deepest gratitude and thanks for your gifts and for your motivational comments. I truly love reading what you think of my journey and your words of support have been a significant factor in keeping me motivated. Even liking and reblogging my posts have been very helpful, too!
As I'm sure you know by now, this journey of mine is not without its costs. I've had to use many more diapers because of this challenge and it's hard to shoulder the costs, especially when you're diaper dependent as I am. Any kind of support would be immensely appreciated and I would be sincerely grateful. As the pinned post says, anything and everything adds time onto the timer. Once I receive stuff, that item's time gets added onto the timer on my Tumblr's pinned post and on my Twitter bio.
Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/10MYHI152VZRT/
I also sell the biggest diaper training guide ever! It's over 34k words long and is 57 pages. It is the most up to date training guide around, complete with topics like bedwetting, messing, dating, how to adjust to living your best life back in diapers, and everything in between in order to help you become the person you know you really want to be.
Patreon helps fund this journey of mine, so a little support truly does go a long way. https://www.patreon.com/DiaperTraining
Lastly, I want to thank you, the reader, for taking the time to read this. I know it's long but I wanted to make sure that I did a great job on my one year anniversary. Hope you loved it!
ohmytinklebell
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