I continue to think about Lambert

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2020-07-07 19:23:26

    I’m a cashier and the plexiglass shield has baffled me sense the beginning. We’re still exchanging money with one another that can easily transfer covid-19 and we’re already required by law to wear face masks. The glass makes it hard for me to easily scan items and has served more so as an inconvenience than a good protector. To me, it’s a case of “good intentions, but had execution”

    pretty much every visible protection is about placebo. masks, plexiglass shields, schools staggering class days, it’s all about making people feel safe but they don’t do shit.

    Pretty sure the plexiglass is for the worker’s sake, not ours, boys. We may only interact with them once, but they have go through entire shifts dealing with dozens, if not hundreds, of people who may or may not be infected. They’re ina riskier position than most, and this is for their benefit.

    Yeah, what if someone comes through checkout not wearing a mask, like an asshole? What if someone sneezes? The masks are ABSOLUTELY not placebos, they reduce your germ cloud to a small percentage of what it would otherwise be. Don’t put that shit out there. Also the potential virus on the clerk’s hands is a way smaller amount than what’s going to be coming out in their breath, if they’re infected, by reason of the virus lives inside you not on the surface of your body. And by the time you get home a large percentage of any microbes will have died of exposure. As opposed to the ones in their breath on your face, which is definitely still live. This isn’t magic pollution, guys. Just because it’s invisible doesn’t mean it’s not following physical laws.

    Also, since I’ve seen it complained about, the plastic they tape over the touchscreen or the number pad or what-have-you at the checkout? Not to replace the surface everyone touches with a different surface that everyone touches, but because the plastic handles being sanitized a lot better than the touchscreen does, and is cheaper to replace if repeated sanitation degrades it.

    This. The barriers are so the cashiers aren’t getting breathed on by every customer, not so the cashier isn’t breathing on you. And the plastic covers on the card readers can get replaced every day, unlike the readers themselves.

    <>It’s there for the worker’s sake not yo<>urs.

    Rewatching the winter soldier for the bazillionth time and truly, what I love about it, are the “everyday” heroes who tried to do the right thing:

  • Sam Wilson
  • Sharon Carter
  • The guy running and screaming “close the bay doors!”
  • The air control techs who let Steve, Maria, and Sam in with a simple, yes, sure, please do come in, sir
  • The guy who wouldn’t launch the helicarriers
  • The members of the world security council who stood up to Pierce (not if it was your switch)
  • All the people who were trying to be “the only air support captain Rogers has”
  • This movie was about every person having the same energy as Steve Rogers; every person can be a hero if they choose to.

    This movie is somehow more relevant in 2019 than it was in 2014.

    Duuuuuuuuude, those tags. 😍

    I know this is unrelated to this blog’s content, but free education is always good and so is visibility for disabled people! So here y'all go!! 💛

    OH SHIT I TOLD THE DEAF PATRON AT MY LIBRARY TO FUCK OFF I <>DEFINITELY SIGNED THAT ONE WRONG I’M SO SORRY WES

    This is like how the French language is constantly on the verge of sexual assault

    ASL does come from FSL roots haha

    I definitely blew a kiss to that one customer.

    There’s always a lingering question that I ask myself, which is why do I, a cis bisexual woman, enjoy romance between two men so much?  

    There are easy answers, like that it’s just fetishizing.  And like, I find men attractive, yes.  But I also find women attractive.  I don’t have a problem with enjoying het romance, assuming I can find good ones.  I enjoy stories with female characters I can relate to.

    But there’s something much deeper at play, IMO.  A friend of mine who is a gender studies professor was the first person to point this out to me, but a lot of women enjoy m/m romance and gay porn because of the lack of women.  It removes a source of pressure and sexism.  Without any women present, you don’t have to constantly evaluate the sexism of their portrayal, or be reminded of negative experiences in your own life.  It allows women to experience romance and especially sexuality without all the baggage that comes with it in our patriarchal society.

    This was recently illustrated to me rather dramatically.  I read a recommendation for a het romance.  And it sounded cute, and came highly recommended.  The tropes at play were fun.  Until I read a snippet and realized this was a romance between a woman and her boss.  I had a visceral negative reaction.  

    Instantly I’m thinking of sexual harassment stories I’ve read and heard from other women. I’m thinking of how uncomfortable it would be to have your boss develop feelings for you.  How icky the power dynamics would be, etc.  

    And then I realized…this wouldn’t bother me if it were two men.  Now, there’s no logical reason for that.  Sexual harassment is just as wrong when its object is a man.  But I know I’ve read fics with a similar premise and never thought about it.  Because when it’s two men I can accept this is just a light romance, a fantasy, meant to be fun and sexy and not to represent the real world.

    But I can’t when it’s a het relationship.  There’s too much baggage there.  Too much societal history of abuse.  I can’t relax enough with the premise to enjoy that story.  

    Now some people can.  And that’s fine.  And some people are never going to be okay with power imbalances like that regardless of gender.  That’s also fine.  I don’t think having either reaction makes one morally superior.  It’s okay to just enjoy light entertainment for what it is without going into deep analysis.

    But it’s much more difficult for me, and I think for many women, to relax and enjoy romantic and sexual stories when they involve female characters.  We’ve been burned too many times by shitty depictions, by shallow role models, by abuse portrayed as romantic.  We have developed a stress response, a trauma response to heterosexual romance.  We are hyper-reactive to a wide variety of triggers in regards to it.   But removing women from the equation makes stories safer for us.  And maybe it shouldn’t?  In an ideal world?  But for many of us, that’s the truth.

    So this post blew up in the last 24 hours, for whatever reason, and I was looking through people’s responses, as you do.  I’m quite moved that so many found it relatable.

    But I wanted to highlight one set of tags (via @reallifepotato​ )

    Because I AM comfortable with my sexuality and fairly comfortable with my body, but still, this resonates so hard as someone who has always been overweight.  The amount that our society teaches women to constantly compare ourselves, almost always negatively with every other woman out there, can utterly ruin our enjoyment of this kind of thing.  Like how many times have you tried to watch a mainstream romantic comedy where some utterly gorgeous actress is bemoaning that she can’t get a date, or WORSE is made out to be less than attractive.  And you look at her and go…but she’s fucking perfect?  And you just want to puke.  

    But with m/m romance you can put yourself in the place of either character and…not compare yourself.  You can enjoy a character being attractive without feeling bad about yourself, which is REALLY HARD to do for any woman in our fucked up culture.  

    oh my god someone put it into words!!!!!

    there are soooo many nuances and reasons that many of us aren’t even conscious of which makes me doubly angry when it’s dismissed as fetishizing.  fuck off and let me read my love stories pls.

    I wonder if guys put as much thought into why they like sexy stuff between two ladies?

    (Another bonus: ‘And now their love is COMPLETE because there is A BABY ON THE WAY’ is way less likely in M/M. As someone who can’t identify with  OMG BABIES YAY, not having babies tacked on is a big win. Obviously mpreggers gonna mpreg, and do keep on mpregging, but at least it’s not automatically assumed that everyone wants babies.)

    Concept: retro-dystopian cyberpunk setting ruled by neo-feudal nobility who employ neurolinguistic programming techniques to secretly embed behaviour-altering triggers in specially crafted images and catchphrases distributed via popular social media platforms.

    I’m flattered that people think I’m attempting some sort of commentary here, but this is literally just a long-winded setup for an extremely stupid pun.

    w

    what’s the pun

    Meme Lords.

    (If I were to run this as a tabletop game, they’d always be addressed by their full title, “Meme Lord [blank]”, where [blank] is a punchy one-syllable noun. I bet you can already guess what a couple of those nouns would be.)

    Some highlighted suggestions from the notes and tags:

  • Meme Lord Bode
  • Meme Lord Cat
  • Meme Lord Doge
  • Meme Lord Georg
  • Meme Lord Gun
  • Meme Lord Kek
  • Meme Lord Loss
  • Meme Lord Yeet
  • Not gonna lie, I’m half-tempted to stat these fuckers up.

    <>Here’s some fun facts about one of my favorite stories being told in Hamilton: this is Ariana Debose, who plays a special role within the ensemble known as The Bullet. She’s killed for suspected espionage right after You’ll Be Back, and is the first one to die (not counting Hamilton’s mother or cousin who hangs himself).

    After this moment, she becomes an omen of death. At the beginning of Stay Alive, she carries a shot that narrowly avoids hitting Hamilton. In Yorktown, she helps Laurens kill a redcoat, shakes his hand, then Laurens is the next to die. In I Know Him, she’s the one bringing the message to King George about John Adams and symbolically heralding the impending doom of Hamilton’s political career. During Blow Us All Away, she’s the one who tells Phillip where to find George Eacker, (and flirts with him! Phillip is literally flirting with death!) then Phillip is the next to die. In Your Obedient Servent, she brings the desk on stage and hands Burr the quill to write the first of several letters that will eventually lead to Alexander Hamilton’s death. During the final duel, she again catches a bullet (fired by Burr), and if you watch her, she gets closer and closer to hitting Hamilton while he’s doing his soliloquy until Eliza pops onto stage. At this point, The Bullet is stopped by other members of the ensemble, the time freeze is abandoned, and we all know what happens‬ next. (soure: JC Payne)

    Keep an eye on her, she is going to be Anita in the remake of West Side Story and Alyssa in the film adaption of the musical The Prom. And she is a prominent

    We stan a talented, beautiful triple threat in this house!

    Everybody who wears The One Ring in LOTR starts to refer to it as ‘My Precious,’ and Tolkien’s right that is super creepy, but what I really love is that everybody does it, which says to me that this super powerful scary evil sentient ring has a favorite pet name and just, like, will not respond to anything else.

    Hey uhh @piyo-13 you cant hide brilliance like these in the tags

    look i’m just saying, even as educated as frodo is, would he really KNOW the true name of sauron? like shit, of any of the elves left in middle earth by the time the events of LotR actually happen, only círdan and galadriel are old enough to remember that sauron existed in valinor (not counting old sindarin/avari elves because iirc sauron was never called mairon on the shores of ara [except possibly by melkor wink wonk]), let alone what his name was. so to everyone in ME, he’s always been sauron, and there’s no connection to “precious” in any linguistic sense… but mairon remembers.

    no you’re a hundred percent right!! no one would know, and it wouldn’t make sense to anyone except maybe Gandalf, but that shredded little piece of sauron’s souls remembers

    Oh, wow.   

    this is why i love lotr fandom. this right here

    so what you’re saying is there’s a tiny piece of sauron’s soul tucked smug into the Ring just going around introducing itself as “i’m babey”

    This post has justified every second of every minute, hour, and collective day I have ever spent on Tumblr. It was all worth it for this.

    I have never been more proud of my LOTR deep lore fandom as I am right now

    When laundry powder manufacturers want clothes to appear “whiter than white” they add a trace of blue dye. When hair dye manufacturers want hair to appear blacker than black they add a trace of blue dye. Blue is both a white intensifier and a black intensifier.

    Which is actually a pretty good art tip

    Very few things in nature are blue or blue-tinted.

    Traces of yellow (opposite of blue) turns whites to off-whites and blacks to browns, (both colors quite common in our natural world).

    So our brains interpret blue-tinted colors as “whiter than nature” and “blacker than nature”.

    I guess this also explains why I feel like I’ve crossed halway into an alien dimension whenever there’s an ultraviolet light turned on

    A really interesting and I think pretty balanced look at work from home programs, new national surveys about remote work, and the future of the telecommute. Perhaps one of the most telling quotes is this one:

    Jeffrey Gundlach, who runs Los Angeles investment firm DoubleLine Capital, said in his monthly webcast that he had started seeing his newly remote staff in a new light.

    “I kind of learned who was really doing the work and who was not really doing as much work as it looked like on paper that they might have been doing,” he said. With “some of the supervisory, middle-management people,” he added, “I’m starting to wonder if I really need them.”

    And I think another telling quote is this one: 

    A few years ago, Laermer let the employees of RLM Public Relations work from home Fridays. This small step toward telecommuting proved a disaster, he said. He often couldn’t find people when he needed them. Projects languished.

    “Every weekend became a three-day holiday,” he said. “I found that people work so much better when they’re all in the same physical space.”

    I joined my current company almost a year ago, and we have a “work from home one day a week” policy that not only functions fine for us but allowed us to pivot to WFH two weeks ahead of the quarantine with minimal issues – I was literally the only human in that office who didn’t have a home office set up yet, and we solved that with a $50 computer monitor and a phone call to tech support to get the VPN up and running. Because the policy has been in place for a few years, the ability to self-supervise is something my company looks for in its hiring practices.

    From that perspective, Laemer’s problem doesn’t sound like a work from home problem – it sounds like a you hired the wrong people problem.

    <>Hi.

    theresstillme

    #P A R K E R#this is one of the scenes i always bring up in any conversation about parker’s character development#(yes i regularly have conversations with people about parker’s character development – a fact which i am sure DEEPLY shocks everyone. ahem)#because like – the thing is she’s very dismissive on the ‘yeah i know’#like the line might as well be ‘yeah captain fucko i’ve forgotten more about money than you’ll ever know’ because that’s what she means#but that next bit#the way she says ‘i understand’ after the guy tearfully tells her that his wife’s life depends on his cash#her delivery is small and sad and much softer – gentle for season one parker#people talk like empathy is a trait that parker developed over the course of the series but that’s not true and this is the proof#parker learned to access and deal with empathy – like pretty much all her other emotions – over the course of the series for sure#but she was empathetic from day fucking one.#and like don’t get me wrong – sadistic also. deeply sadistic also. macabre.#at one point she makes a greeting card that says ‘get better. or don’t! it’s not up to you’ okay i’m not suggesting she’s a bundle of fluff#that creepy director was right about one thing: she has the nuclear winter inside of her#but you can be those things and be empathetic too and parker genuinely feels for this guy here – in like episode 3 of this show#she understands#she offers him comfort the best way she can#what she learns to do over the next five years – access her emotions; interact with people; trust – that shit is SO important#but it’s important too to remember that the person she becomes doesn’t just appear – doesn’t spring fully formed from the ether#it’s the unlocked version of parker; it’s the parker who was there all along#I’M WITH HARDISON OKAY PARKER#I LIKE HOW YOU TURNED OUT (via)

    YOur senate vote matters just as much, if not more so than your presidential vote.  Even if you don’t like Biden, then vote in the Senate 

    bluenewdeal

     Amy Mcgrath is running against Mitch McConnell in<> Kentucky

    Jaime Harrison is running against Lindsey Graham in <>South Carolina

    Sara Gideon is running against Susan Collins in <>Maine

    Kimberly Graham and Theresa Greenfield are running against Joni Ernst in<> Iowa

    John Hickenlooper is running against Cory Gardner in <>Colorado

    Teresa Tomlinson, Jon Ossoff, and Sarah Riggs Amico are running against David Perdue in<> Georgia

    Mark Kelly is running against Martha McSally in <>Arizona

    Al Gross (Independent) is running against Dan Sullivan in<> Alaska

    Cal Cunningham is running against Thom Tillis in <>North Carolina

    Mj Hegar is running against John Cornyn in <>Texas

    Steve Bullock and John Mues are running in<> Montana

    Barbara Bollier, Usha Reddi, and Robert Tillman are running in<> Kansas

    We also need to protect Doug Jones’ seat i<>n Alabama and Gary Peters’ seat<> in Michigan

    Crooked Media also has a site that allocates donations to the senate campaigns that can make the biggest difference in actually flipping or protecting seats. 

    Please reblog this, Americans. Keep reblogging until November.

    Postcards to Voters helps remind people to vote–before Doug Jones’ election, they had sent a card to every registered Democratic household in Alabama.

    Most of these elections won’t be won or lost by convincing anyone to change their mind - they’re won or lost based on who gets to the polls. And they’re rigged; Republicans have worked hard to disenfranchise and discourage anyone who might vote against them. 

    Dan Sullivan won Alasaka’s senate seat by just over 6,000 votes. The Republican machine is arranged to win on very narrow margins - It doesn’t take much to tip the scales.

    Keep the house; flip the Senate; take the White House - and let’s show them what real reform looks like when all three are blue.

    <>Some rando: You should think about stopping your prescription

    <>Me: My pills make me not want to die tho

    <>They: You shouldn’t want to die, that’s not normal

    <>Me: Yeah that’s why I’m taking my pills

    <>Again: But you aren’t the *real* you when you’re on your pills

    <>Me: I’m the alive version of me

    <>An actual doctor, once: “Relying On A Chemical Crutch For A Hormonal Imbalance Denies The Fortitude Of The Human Soul”

    <>Me: Cool so like I’m agnostic

    <>They: “But you might be on pills the rest of your life!”

    <>Me: “So?”

    Good! That means that I have a “rest of” my life to continue living!

    Thanks to the pills.

    <>Meanwhile, no person ever: “You should think about giving up your insulin/antiretrovirals/beta blockers/anti-rejection drugs/prosthetic legs/daily multivitamin, because using those your whole life is bad for some reason”

    Oh no, they do that too.

    I have a kidney transplant. A woman once told me she didn’t believe in organ transplants and that people should just die when they’re meant to. 

    Sounds like a great set-up for a murder

    People who are fully healthy, fit and neurotypical seem to think they are that way because they’re doing something right that the rest of us haven’t thought of, and not just because they got lucky

    Speaking of the luck of the non-disabled…I once terrorized a Karen who was using me to teach her entitled kid that disabled people are Other and should not be treated with respect. I told her (truthfully) that until I was twenty-eight, I wasn’t visibly disabled. Then a defective chromosome that I hadn’t known about kicked in. So my luck ran out. But until then, I had been normal–just…like…her. 

    The sheer terror on her face as the concept of “You mean I’ve just been lucky so far?” seeped into her brain was a thing of beauty.

    Look, I’m not saying if Herman Melville was alive today he would totally have an A03/fanfiction.net account… but that’s exactly what I’m saying.

    Still went a little over my time limit for this one, but getting faster I think.

    @theeinkibus these…. Are good points.

    Herman, thanks for creating the ‘AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED’ trope for all of us writers, forever in your debt man.

    @thefingerfuckingfemalefury @jogress I clearly do not remember Moby Dick the way I should.

    Also, Ishmael probably would have been writing Hamilton fanfic if he was alive now. Why? Because Ishmael favorably compares Queequeg’s appearance to George Washington’s.

    Whether it was, too, that his head being shaved, his forehead was drawn out in freer and brighter relief, and looked more expansive than it otherwise would, this I will not venture to decide; but certain it was his head was phrenologically an excellent one. It may seem ridiculous, but it reminded me of General Washington’s head, as seen in the popular busts of him. It had the same long regularly graded retreating slope from above the brows, which were likewise very projecting, like two long promontories thickly wooded on top. Queequeg was George Washington cannibalistically developed.

    Given that Queequeg and Ishmael are definitely described in couple terms (”wife”, “honeymoon”, etc.), I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to picture modern-day Melville as writing George Washington slashfic.

    <>Twitter thread by M.M. Schill @/mm_schill, posted June 25, 2020. Formatted for easier reading. Twitter OP is referring to authors Myke Cole and Sam Sykes of the SFF (science fiction and fantasy) community.

    I want to talk about something called “performative contrition”.

    It is a term common in abuse survivor circles, and is a VERY common abuse tactic. It’s an abuse tactic that’s been on full display in the SFF community the last few days. So, let’s break it down. A THREAD.

    So, what does performative contrition look like? Simply, it is when a person who is caught being abusive apologizes in a grandiose fashion. Meaning, very publicly, in front of a lot of people. They use EXTREMELY self-prostrating language. The apology tends to be highly focused on how the bad behavior is effecting the abuser, not how it is effecting the victim. The language is self deprecating, contrite, and seemingly everything you want to hear on paper.

    Let me be clear about the “performative” aspect of performative contrition. The apology is NOT for the victim. They aren’t apologizing to those they hurt. They are begging the pardon of the audience. It’s for them. They aren’t asking their victims to forgive them, they are placating the audience. They are trying to placate the people who can collectively hold them accountable, kill their sales, mess with their social standing, etc. They aren’t apologizing to the women they hurt. They are asking the men watching to stick by their bro.

    There is also another insidious aspect of performative contrition: ingratiating, almost harassing apology. They are so self deprecating, so loud, so in the troughs of their contrition that it is EMBARRASSING to watch. Especially if you experience this in person, not online. They make their apology so relentless, violating your physical and emotional boundaries, that it causes discomfort. In online forms, they constantly are posting, threading how sorry they are. They explode your DMs, feeds and online walls with relentless messages to forgive. They reply to EVERYTHING with relentless self deprecation, and promises to do better.

    This is not about being forgiven. This harassing, over the top, relentless apology is meant to PUNISH YOU. Embarrass you. Make you sorry for forcing them in that position. And the biggest aspect of the performative contrition is placating and deflecting. The goal is about not being held accountable. That’s why today we saw a certain dude-bro meltdown, talk vaguely of having receipts against his victims, then vacate the territory. He rage-quit.  It was, “well, I said the sorry, then I wasn’t relieved of all accountability like last time!” The goal of the over contrite, public apology is to placate. It didn’t work. That’s not how things are *supposed* to work to the abuser. Paint by numbers. They said the “sorry”, now you say the “it’s all good, bro”. 

    Another aspect is to make the victim feel gaslit/isolated. You feel pressure to forgive. There is public pressure to just let them off. In fact, they are SO SORRY in everyone’s eyes, you feel like everyone will think you’re the bad one if you don’t let them off the hook. That’s purposeful. Every aspect of it is about undressing, gaslighting, recentering the abuser as the victim, and minimizing the wrong doing.

    I previously said that it is horrible how followers are lining up to forgive the abusers in their mentions, when the apology wasn’t theirs to forgive. But, in a very real way the apology was for the followers, not the victims. It is a performance to avoid fallout.

    In the end, a true apology is focused on making the victims whole again. I don’t want to talk about “when do these men get to come back?” I want to talk about “how are we as a community going to make these victims whole?“  Because things aren’t okay again once these men can operate in our spaces again. That’s just returning to status quo. Things are okay, finally, once the harmed parties receive restitution for what was taken from them. 

    And, my years in abuse survivor advocacy has taught me a truth: It HAS to be the community that makes these victims whole again. The abuser is incapable. The abuser is too broken, and the recovery statistics for predators is dismal (ask our colleague, Andrew Vachss). Waiting for the abuser to fix this is a losing game. This is a community issue. The community has to repair it. And, that very much may mean never inviting these men back into our spaces. If the community wants to make these spaces safe for everyone, well, the shortest distance is a straight line, my friends. Remove the people making it unsafe.

    <>TL;DR
    - Public, ingratiating apologies aren’t for the victim, they are a performance for the audience, a manipulation to avoid consequences.
    - This is a community problem. The community is responsible to make spaces safe.
    - These men can yeet themselves into the fucking sun!

    FYI: when I said go ask Andrew Vachss, I meant that sincerely. He’s a treasure. Go ask him about the pathology of predators, he’s a mutha-flippin’ expert. Go read his articles, his tweets, his blog. The community might be less apt to write predators redemption arcs if they did.

    <>Andrew Vachss’s website: http://www.vachss.com/ 

    <>Below the Read More:
    Follow-up tweet thread by M.M. Schill, posted June 26, 2020:

    The question is often asked, “I have to say I’m sorry, don’t I, how else will I receive forgiveness?”

    Follow-up tweet thread by M.M. Schill, posted June 27, 2020:

    I keep getting questions like, “well, what type of apology is acceptable?”

    and related academic sources.

    Keep reading