Growing up is a trap

Aurelia/21/Ace princess/BTS trash

Last update
2020-11-30 22:19:10

    Constance, v-logging with her phone camera: Hi I’m a crimin- I mean, Constance, and today we’re going to witness firsthand people’s reactions after they’re told they have big dick energy. Let’s go!

    Constance: What’s up, Daphne. Dude, I just wanted you to know that you radiate big dick energy today.

    Daphne: Goddess of cinema in the streets, goddess of big dick in the sheets, I suppose.

    Constance, checking to see if she’s still recording then proceeding to give a thumbs up: I stan so hard. Legends only.

    Constance, bumping into Rose reading the paper: Rose! Ah, have a moment? Word on the street is that you have big dick energy. Thoughts?

    Rose, choking on her coffee: I-I guess umm… the strap-on is…?

    Constance: Oh my god.

    Constance, finding Amita watering flowers: Hey, man. Love what you did with your hair today, may I enlighten you on the fact that you have, putting it modestly, very big dick energy?

    Amita, looking into the camera like she’s on the office: …Constance what the hell.

    Constance, breaking into Tammy’s house: Wow Tam, looks like you got a super serious case of chronic big dick energy there.

    Tammy:Listen. There’s kinetic, potential, thermal, chemical, electrical, even the vague concept of dark energy. But there is no big dick or whatever you just—

    Constance:You’re no fun.

    Constance, after taking the metro back to the loft:As leader and mom Ocean, your highness, your reign is supreme and so is your big dick energy.

    Debbie, amidst a breakdown:Noo!!! Stop!! You and Nine-Ball, I am begging you, please, I have no idea what that means!!!!

    Constance, approaching Lou relaxing on a lounge chair: Now for The Woman. The one and only, genius club owner philanthropist. Lou, are you aware you have big dick energy?

    Lou, lowering her shades: Kid, I invented big dick energy.

    Constance, tearing up: I know.


    Okay now that I’ve finally quit Denny’s let me tell you guys about the bizarre fucking otherworld it is

  • The music and the room temperature are controlled by corporate. Corporate plays a lot of pop covers of Disney princess songs I’ve never heard before. I now have a dance routine to the K-Pop sounding version of Let it Go.
  • Our sign flickered fast and red and demonically for a week and the repairman said he couldn’t find anything wrong with it.
  • People did drug deals in, like, broad daylight in the middle of the parking lot multiple times a week.
  • It’s open 24/7. We had a backup generator none of us knew about until there was a massive storm one night and we looked out to see a tree knocked over and our lights the only thing on for miles. You could weather the apocalypse with no idea the apocalypse was even happening. 
  • Regular customers included:
  • A man convinced the chemtrails are real who gave me six separate pieces of literature on the subject
  • A little person named Kevin who told me “sometimes I call myself a dwarf when I’m feeling whimsical”
  • An actual group of Neo-Nazis
  • An actual Earth, Wind, and Fire cover band (they played for us)
  • Twins who came in separately on the same day and I thought they were one woman changing outfits rapidly for the longest time
  • A Scottish landscaper who told us we “couldn’t prove he doesn’t know Simon Pegg”
  • I have more these are just off the top of my head
  • halleregina

    I can’t believe I forgot

  • two line cooks got into a really heated argument about whether Vin Diesel is bisexual or not
  • I asked an elderly man if he wanted to use the AARP discount and he said “No, I’m not a socialist”.
  • milliondollargf

    not to be lactose intolerant but i dont know how to pronounce 80% of white names


    How racist. How dare you. How dare you refuse to pronounce my daughter’s name. Come on, Makayleighlough, let’s go home.


    @therunnersam on a serious note how is that said?


    It’s pronounced “Jessica” but I like that unique spelling.


    fuckin crying






    @rannadylin if you’re into that