Last update
2021-01-28 15:34:55

    I’m so mad because this worked


    help me roger


    Reblogging myself because… what was that? Five minutes?



    ………my friend has made me curious


    help me roger


    Update: after I reblogged this someone messaged me offering me tickets to the sold out Hausu screening with a Q&A and autograph session with the director


    These never work for me, but here’s to trying.

    • I don’t believe in these things
    • But last time I reblogged one ten/fifteen minutes later I got a call offering me a job
    • But I reblogged it because I was waiting on hearing back from the job. So there you go.
    • Roger is cute.

    Eh Roger is cute I might as well


    That fish is so happy it makes me happy.


    Reblogging myself because I reblogged this yesterday and got promoted today!


    reblog the Don Draper of getting a job he’s unqualified for and you’ll have 10 years of getting jobs you’re unqualified for


    No but my dad actually did this at McDonalds in the 70s!

    So here’s a true story: my father, sometime in the 70s was looking for his first job. He went to the local McDonalds and told the staff, [manager’s name] said I was supposed to start today. They took his word for it and started training him and by the time the manager saw him and asked who he was, people just said “oh that’s the new guy.”

    Somehow this actually worked. My dad worked there for a couple of years as a cook. He even won an award plaque which he had on the wall until the day he died.


    Confidence Helps


    Me, walking into FBI Headquarters:

    “Name’s Burt Macklin, I work here now.”


    Nahhh, can’t risk it.


    ✨sorry y’all


    im sorry yall


    I work in insurance yall, I ain’t risking shit


    I’m cool with superstitions, but now I don’t trust any of you fucks behind the wheel…


    I’m sorry y’all


    This week has been absolute dog shit so i can’t risk it.


    Sorry y’all, can’t risk it 😂


    Have you ever wondered how someone meets Santa? Well, you need to follow a very specific ritual to summon him.


    Do you have any idea how long I’ve had this queued? Any idea? A year. A fucking year. I don’t even use my queue ever. Ever. This is the only thing I’ve EVER queued. I’ve had this queued for a year so I don’t forget it.


    everything about this video is perfect. the voice acting, the cookies, the milk, the cave, the chickens singing the imperial march for some reason, the way the sound of the fires starting lines up with the haunting song of the chickens, the way santa teleports right in front of the player at the last second. it’s all so surreal


    I tinkered with this story for a year. Let me know it was worth it by buying me a coffee?

    “This came for you today.”

    Parker Worthington looked up from his cell phone and after-school bowl of cereal to see his father, Len, set a little black box on the table. Parker picked it up and turned it over in his hands. It was big enough that he had to hold it with both of them. “What is it?”

    “The driver’s ed people sent it. You plug it into the car and it logs your driving hours automatically.”

    “Oh.” Parker’s narrow shoulders slumped. “I was kinda hoping you would just say I did them.”

    “Uh-huh. That’s why they’re doing it. Too many parents willing to LIE for their kids,” Len said. “Driving is a big responsibility. You don’t want to be out on the road before you’re ready.”

    “I am ready! I’ve been driving around with you for months!” Parker said. He gave a knob on the side of the device a turn. Six murky zeroes appeared on the front of the cuboid, like a Magic 8 Ball. “Whoa, do they count them in minutes or what?”

    “What’s that?” Len asked.

    “This counts hours, right? There’s six places on it,” Parker said, holding up the device so his dad could see. 

    “Just in case someone REALLY wants to practice, I guess,” Len chuckled. “You still have to drive with me and we turn in this little thing once you hit…how much is it again?”

    “50 hours,” Parker said, though he was tempted to lie and say a lower number. “15 of them have to be at night.”

    “Yeah, I don’t think this tells the difference between day and night driving, so I’ll still have to sign off on that.”

    “Oh, but it’ll also count when I drive myself to school, right?” Parker realized out loud.

    “Yeah, that’ll be helpful.”

    Parker rolled the device around in his hands, inspecting all sides of it. “It’s just a big…what’s that thing that says how many miles you’ve driven?”

    “An odometer. See, you still have some stuff to learn, Mr. Ready,” his dad laughed.

    Parker rolled his eyes and continued. “It’s a big odometer for time. Pointless. But I don’t care as long as I get my license by my birthday.” That was the goal: the license. It would lead to the car which would lead to the girls. Parker did well enough in the lady department for an underclassman, but he wanted to be a real heartbreaker by senior year: tanned, white-toothed, hopefully a few inches taller, with his mane of sandy hair blowing in the wind as he expertly piloted a red convertible. 

    Keep reading


    May the 10 of Pentacles bless your account with more money than you can spend. 💵✨


    10 of Pentz came thruuu


    Omg this actually works!!! Thank you 10 of Pentacles!!!


    I could seriously use this money right now….


    Please give me my refund of 400$ soon…


    I feel obligated to reblog this every time it shows up in my dash


    No bragging, just 100% floored and grateful. Work hard, maintain a positive attitude, and believe that anything can happen.


    So I reblogged this exactly a week ago because I thought it was funny and uh lo and behold, a family friend wrote me a big ol’ check just to help me out of a tough financial spot AND my bank refunded me $32 for fees they’d originally taken out. SO UH YEAH. Reblogging this again in hopes that it brings equally good fortune to my followers.


    Sure why not? Jobs bring in money and prosperity…




    It fucking WORKED.


    give me money

    i can’t afford to breathe


    i need to fix my whole life please