Thanksgiving Update 2018

    On my Go Fund Me, so far $1500/$9100 has been raised.

    I’ve realized that Go Fund Me alone won’t get me to my goal as it seems the donations have more than stagnated, so I’ve taken on extra job as an Uber driver, in addition to my day job 

    Besides trying to up my own savings for surgery, I got a new endocrinologist who increased my weekly testosterone injection doses. I hope now I’ll be able to make some muscle gains at the gym over this coming winter. 

    Giving Tuesday is coming up on November 27, 2018. Please consider donating to my campaign for surgery. https://www.gofundme.com/gender-affirmation-surgery-for-rich

    I’m thankful for all you who follow me – even the sassy ones who try to deter me. 

    Happy Thanksgiving! May you fill your stomachs with a lot of carbs today, and enjoy time spent with family.


    How I Lost My Dick

    True Story.   This happened April 11, 2016

    I feel like sometimes we get obsessed with something and can’t put it out of our heads.  It eats at us and demands our attention 24/7.  That’s how it was with this irrational desire to cut off my dick.  It started out when i was a kid.  The threat of cutting it off and using it as fishing bait. An inappropriate joke to a kid turned into a thought.  I was probably 6.  

    I spent my 20′s enjoying my cock.  It got used on a regular basis and it stayed constantly in the grasp of my hand. 

    As I approached my 30′s I discovered banding with an elastrator,  I discovered the thrill of leaving it on too long and the thrill of having a completely numb cock. That’s when the obsession with having it cut off came back.  So I pursued it for another 10 years.  Until it finally happened…

    These are the events of that particular event. 

    Usually when I am in the tight grasp of this desire to lose my cock it leads me to jerk off.  The grasp lets go of me and i don’t obsess over it as much when I shoot my load.  This particular week I had decided to commit myself to doing it.  So i edged my cock, I played with it everyday pushing myself closer to allowing my body to orgasm, but each time I stopped before I could get any relief. 

    I remember laying in bed every night and holding my cock.  Must remember the feel of it in my hand.  I have long since forgotten…

    I did that for approximately 4 days, continuous edge.  I was completely trapped in the clutches of my desire to cut off my dick. 

    When I got to my friends house I got naked as soon as I got into his basement.  We talked about it and I basically had to convince him to do it. 

    So after we got all the supplies together and everything cleaned and disinfected I hopped up on the reclining chair.  It was one of those tattoo chairs with the arms and it reclined back in full flat position. 

    My cock was sticking straight up and pulsing. 

    When he put the elastrator band around it he didn’t take it to the groin, it was more like a 2″ stump would be left.  I didn’t want that, So I took it off and pushed it all the way firmly against my groin, so much so that I lifted my hips and pushed as much of my erect cock through it as I could.  That turned out to be a mistake.  Why did I do it? I wanted to make sure there was no stump left.  Nothing for me to grab a hold of or pinch ever again.

    So The elastrator band is all the way to the groin just above the seam of my ball sac. My dick is protruding out from my body as much as it could possibly be.

    My friend wipes it down with alcohol and then deadens it with lidocaine injections.

    I watch as he takes the scalpel and starts to make an incision around the circumference of my shaft.  Just the outer skin, not too deep.  I was amazed at how the skin just rolled upwards like a fresh condom with the length rolled up beneath the head waiting to be rolled down. 

    The tissue is white, like gristle on a steak.  I’d been degloved at this point. 

    I remember thinking there’s no way to turn back now.  What have I done…

    Then my friend starts to cut in dragging motions going across the top of the shaft.  It takes a while.   He gets to the center and starts working his way through to the belly area where the urethra is, I feel that.  It’s like electricity. I’m begging him to hurry because it really hurts. 

    Then he’s done… I lay my head back and close my eyes, I can’t believe it’s done.  The outer skin of the severed shaft just rolls upward, like there is no membrane keeping it attached to the shaft at all.  He pulls it down and sews it to the severed end and he hands me my dick.  It’s cold, and its semi hard.  It feels like one of those magic water snakes (a rubber tube filled with water that you have a hard time holding onto because it wants to slip out of your hand.) I am amazed by it. 

    Then suddenly the worst thing happens.  The elastrator band slips off.  The root of my shaft that was held in place above the surface of the skin by the elastrator sank back down into me. 

    We can’t regain control because i was hard when it was cut off, there is no shaft meat to grab a hold of and pinch…   Quick clotting sponges and pressure did not help, neither did pressing directly down with a bunch of quick clotting bandages and a towel.  I lost a lot of blood while trying to figure out what to do.  Then we made the decision to get me to the ER.   The following is what occurred while we were getting me ready to go out the front door and into the car: We taped bandages and a massive absorbent pad to my body like a big diaper, then stuffed a towel down the front of my jeans.  I got dressed, put on my shoes, all very calmly.  Put trash bags on the seats of my car, got in and my friend drove.   I didn’t realize that I was still losing a lot of blood due to the fact that I didn’t see or feel any running anywhere.  it was all being trapped in the massive absorbent padding that I was wearing as a diaper.   it took what felt like an eternity to get to the ER.  I was feeling very sick at this point.

    I went in, cut in front of a woman who was checking in at the desk and told the lady I needed help immediately as I was currently bleeding to death.  They sat me in a wheel chair and I could feel myself slipping away.  I was becoming disoriented and everything around me became like tunnel vision.  My voice was slurring.   They took me into triage and two male nurses put me up on a bed.  They asked me what happened.  Told them I cut off my penis.  They asked me where it was.  it’s gone.  They feverishly began pulling my pants off, they peeled away all the bandages.  The sound the absorbent padding made as it dropped in the trash can indicated that it was very heavy and full.  I heard someone say that I was going into shock.  There was a buzz of people around me now. They did something to my groin area, then packed it and put what appeared to be a tight jock strap on me.  They took my vitals; my blood pressure was low.   I don’t remember what all they did, but I remember being wheeled to the waiting area in a little room made of curtains where I was hooked up to an iv and was constantly monitored by a nurse practitioner… He spoke to me, told me that I was going to meet with a urological surgeon and then was going to be taken into surgery.  I was calm the whole time.  I felt peaceful.  I wasn’t scared, or regretful.  When the surgeon came to assess the situation he asked what happened?  How did I do it?  Where my penis was. Did anyone help me? Then I met with the anesthetist who asked me basic questions.  The one thing I noticed was that so far everyone that I have met that has been responsible for my care had been men. It took about 5 hours to go through surgery.  I woke up in recovery and had a very difficult time coming out from the anesthesia.  I was hyperventilating and they had to put me on oxygen which stayed on throughout the night.  Then they wheeled me into my room, which was a private room.   After everyone left me alone in my room, it was well after midnight close to 1.  I just closed my eyes and went to sleep…   Morning.  The nurses did their usual, everyone was very kind.  I was very kind and humble in return.   The surgical doctor came in and told me what he had done.  He said he had very little shaft left to work with and that I needed to come back and get a reroute.  He didn’t do the reroute because he wanted to make sure that that was what I wanted.   He then asked me something strange. He asked me if I had concealed an electronic device on me anywhere.  I told him of course not.  He said that the whole time that I was in surgery there was an interference with the electronics and that as soon as they wheeled me out the interference stopped.  Then he left.  The worst part of all of this was about to happen.  I was going to meet with a psychiatrist to be evaluated.  She came in and she had this cold controlling air about her.  Now note that the entire time I came out of surgery I had not needed any pain medication, so I was not doped up.  I was in full control of my faculties.  She asked me why I was there.  She asked me why I cut off my penis.  I told her I was into body modification and I had always enjoyed modifying my penis.  She wanted to know what body modification was, so I told her, to me, body modification is altering a part of yourself to take on a different appearance.  She asked me if I was suicidal.  She then went back to why I cut off my penis.  I told her that I like to create situations that I have to figure out how to get out of, or live with.  "So your bored" she surmises… “Yes, I get bored and create problematic situations to entertain myself.  I figured what’s the ultimate problematic situation I could create.  I know, I’ll cut off my penis.” “So you cut off your penis because you were bored.”  Sure, I told her.  Then she started asking me questions about my childhood.  I had a happy childhood.  She apparently pulled my psych records from 20 years ago because she brought up things I had talked about when I was younger, such as popping pills as a teenager because I was miserable and suicidal.  I told her I had a happy childhood, loved my parents and so forth and so on. When she brought up the pill popping part I told her yeah I remember that, I was doing that to get high.  She was perplexed.  At this point the cleaning lady kept trying to come in and clean my room.  The psychiatrist lost her patience with the cleaning lady after the fourth time and she finally got up, told me that I obviously suffered from body dysmorphic disorder and handed me a listing for a group near me… Then she left… So now I’m through the worst of it.  It’s done.  I stayed two nights.   Wednesday I went home.  Everyone was kind, no one made me feel awkward about any of this.  I went home with a catheter and a bag that i wear around my leg, and a bag that I fit on my bed railing at night.   I went back to the urologist surgeon and we discussed my reroute.  We scheduled it for the following Tuesday.  I went by work told them what was going on, they don’t know what really was going on, got permission to take off the next couple of weeks and then went home.   Tuesday rolled around, went back to the hospital checked in at 7 am, had my surgery at 9 am, back in my room and get to see the same nurses that nursed me after my first surgery.  They all were happy to see me.  I stayed overnight and got to go home the following day.   So now here I am three and a half weeks later.  I have a reroute beneath my ball sac.  The only sign of having a dick is  just a crease and a sunken in area above my ball sac.  I have had no pain whatsoever.  I have been so lucky that I don’t even feel the catheter inside of me.   I have little to no sensation where my dick use to be.  I rub it and feel pretty much nothing.  When I get hard, and I get hard a lot, I can still feel my dick.  It feels like the way it would feel if you had on a pair of tight briefs and your dick is pushed down with the head is below your balls and your hard.  I keep wanting to reach down and straighten it out.

    Being dickless doesn’t mean it’s harder to cum...

    I was giving a guy head the other day… I came twice without touching myself.  Just the feel of his cock in my mouth drove me over the edge.  I drank his load like it was a shot of liquor and I kept going for more!

    I was getting fucked the other day… As soon as he thrust into me a few times I came… Just the feeling of his cock head pushing deep into me and the hyper sensitivity of my cunt canal drove me over the edge.  My cum ran down onto his cock and he fucked back into me. 


    Today is my birthday. It is my birthday wish to transition from intersex to a nullo male (ITN) through a procedure called a nulloplasty. Insurance rejected my claim last month, August 2018, so I’ve been fundraising/saving since. Please consider supporting my campaign if you can. Thanks for your support,

    Rich (XXY-Guy)


    Happy birthday! Be generous, everyone…


    Transitioning to a Nullo (ITN)

    Hey all!

    My name is Richard but I usually go by Rich. I’m 26 and will be 27 on 9/23 coming up. I was born, raised, and reside in Baltimore. I have a BS in history. I am a freelance interior designer, and a lobbyist for historic preservation. I am gay, and a leather boy. I identify as a gender nonconforming nullo/neutrois male, or a nullo man for short. It is my hope to undergo a nulloplasty in the near future.

    I was identified male at birth, but at age 17 at a routine yearly physical, my pediatrician noticed some physical development disparities in my testes. Blood was drawn and I was sent to a myriad of doctors to find out what was wrong. I wound up at a geneticist with a diagnosis of having actually been born intersex (47, XXY) with Klinefelter’s Syndrome. This means that my body does not produce enough testosterone, so I’ve been on testosterone injections weekly since I was 19. I’m not exactly sure why it took two years for me to get on injections.

    While the injections help me retain my muscle and bone mass, they’ve not solved issues I’ve always had with my body, ever since I was a child. Even before the intersex diagnosis, I’ve known my body to be somewhat between genders/sexes even if I appear as a man on the outside. I suppose the intersex diagnoses added fuel to the flame on these thoughts.

    Throughout college and these past few years, I conducted a lot of research online to see where I fit on the spectrum of gender/sex, and identify most with the gender nonconforming nullo/neutrois male community. It fits me well because those who do ascribe to the identity generally appear male to the world, but aren’t exactly in totality. In the course of my research into the identity, I discovered pictures and information on the procedure I seek called a nulloplasty (often termed as gender nullification surgery). Something clicked inside my mind at the time that I needed to be like the man I saw in the pictures. A nulloplasty is really a group of procedures that leaves one with a smooth groin. In my case, this would be a total penectomy (removal of the penis and root), orchiectomy (removal of the testes), removal of the scrotum, and a urethroplasty (a perennial urethral reroute).

    It makes the most sense to me at this point in my life because I’ve had time to experiment with the genital makeup I was born with. In all honesty, nothing works right; being born intersex meant that my testes never developed correctly and are the reason why I’m on testosterone injections. My scrotum is thus inherently useless. My penis, though appearing normal, did not develop properly in the vascular sense; I cannot maintain an erection, even with appropriate meds. Finally, in areas where there should be countless nerve endings for pleasure sources, there are very few. In an attempt to see if I could regain some sensitivity, I wound up getting 10 piercings on my dick, but not much sensitivity was gained other than pulling. I took out the two piercings that were in my scrotum because humid MD weather meant they never really healed. Currently, I have a 2G PA, two dydoes, and five frenums that compose a ladder. I thought might as well have my dick look pretty even if it’s useless, and it gives guys something interesting to grab onto when their hands are up my leather kilt.

    I must admit that before I was sure to go down the surgery path, I had intended to become a nullo via the underground surgeon route (It was an erotic solution to my issues, and it’s still erotic to me) and succeeded in losing a ball to one. This person is still a friend of mine, I just think that being born intersex precludes me from the underground ways because of my anatomy.

    I met this person online, as one does, and we became friends. We still are friends. He trusted me, and I trusted him. I took the train from Baltimore to NYC when he was there for work in March 2018. He instructed me to bring the necessary supplies I could easily get ahold of like a cautery, surgical tools, first aid supplies, and so on. He brought the lidocaine, sutures, and other things I couldn’t get ahold of. The procedure took place in a hotel suite with views of Times Square and the Hudson (It was a marvelous place to lose a nut in).

    I admit I was unable to secure a second cautery for backup, but I made the decision to proceed anyway. He lidocained and banded my dick for the whole procedure. The cautery we used conked out after my first nut was done. My friend said that removing my nut was difficult as my nut didn’t develop correctly; all the structures he had to dissect/suture were really small, and my second nut was even smaller. He then sutured my scrotum up, and snipped my bands off. Everything seemed to be going well, and then I headed back to Baltimore two days later.

    I don’t blame my friend for what happened next, I blame myself. I developed cellulitis of the scrotum; my scrotum started to rupture puss, and I had to spend 17 hours in the ER for 2 courses of antibiotics. I suppose I wasn’t as good at cleaning out my piercings as I thought. Maybe it was something in the hotel room? Who knows. I suppose I also should’ve gotten my hands on antibiotics before the whole thing. Healing from that incident took a good two weeks as my scrotum and chord stump had to drain. I was able to eventually take my sutures out myself, and my incision healed.

    Lessons learned and armed with antibiotics, we actually attempted to remove my second ball in late April 2018. However, my body was having none of it. My scrotum would not numb up no matter how much lidocaine was injected into it. My friend rightly wouldn’t go over the safe levels of lidocaine according to my weight, and I made a decision to abandon the procedure/hopes to be nullified by underground means.

    My friend did however lidocaine and band my dick for 2 hours. It was numb for a month after, which made me excited for a life without my dick. I could only get off through anal orgasms from sex and fisting, and loved it. I was sad when my dick came back to life.

    Backtracking a bit: when the second visit finished and we both went back to our lives, I sought out a surgeon another friend had referred me to, Dr. Peter K. Davis of Palo Alto. Apparently he’s one of the best when it comes to nulloplasty (gender nullification surgery). We had a consult by facetime in Early May of 2018. The consult went well, and I was open to him about everything. He did tell me not to go underground again, which I agreed. He said I would be a good candidate for nulloplasty and so instructed me to get two letters of mental candidacy for the procedure from two therapists. He recommended his go-to therapist, but also said that I needed someone from the Baltimore area to do a local assessment. He also said that I needed to get my primary care doctor on board with the procedure.

    The first therapist I tackled was the surgeon’s recommendation since I figured she was well-versed in nulloplasty. We had a conversation by phone, given that she too is in Palo Alto. Before the conversation occurred, she had me fill out a word document that became 15 pages in total length. The document thoroughly covered my entire psychological and mental history, and is by far the most sensitive document I’ve ever created. It was good for me to hash out everything that was going on. One question triggered a memory I had when I was quite small of tucking my dick into my groin, and being delighted that I was smooth for a moment. I also remembered admiring Ken dolls as a kid.

    Anyways, the conversation with her went smoothly. She helped me with various questions I had about gender, and made sure that I was mentally prepared for surgery and the healing time that would take place after. One thing she made me do that I am thankful for was to create a team of close friends that will be my “recovery team” so to speak. One friend will be traveling with me to Palo Alto to act as a “nurse” while I heal for the initial first week after surgery. When I return to Baltimore, my other friends will also help out to make sure that I heal physically, as well as mentally. The therapist wrote the letter with no issue, let me see a draft, and then with my corrections, sent it to Dr. Davis’s office.

    I then tackled finding a local therapist and got pretty lucky. Back in high school, when I thought I was straight, I dated a girl whose parents were both psychologists (that girl had issues). I reached out to her mother on Facebook and told her my story. She then recommended her colleague who worked with trans people, so I reached out to her and scheduled an appointment at her office.

    The conversation with her was good, but I do admit she asked a lot of spicy questions. Subjects that I am not used to speaking about with straight people, so I did have some uneasy moments, but I got my thoughts out. On the subject of nulloplasty, I did have to educate her a lot about it, but I didn’t mind because it’s such an esoteric subject that I don’t expect most people to know about it. I wound up showing her the sensitive document I wrote for the other therapist which she used on top of her notes to write her letter. I saw her for two sessions before she wrote her letter, sent me the draft for my corrections, and then she sent the letter to Dr. Davis’ office.

    I then coincidentally had my yearly physical and so dumped the news on my primary care doctor, along with the supporting psych letters, and a letter I wrote myself explaining it all. She was a bit shocked, but otherwise understanding. She agreed to release all of my medical records to the surgeon, and I gave her his contact information if she had any questions.

    By the time that I got my letters finished and my doctor on board, it was mid-June 2018. Next came the task of hammering out a date for surgery and trying to get my insurance on board. By mid-July 2018, I received a date of September 14, 2018 for surgery to take place. I was hoping my insurance would follow suit and accept the prior-authorization for coverage of the procedure, but in early August 2018, it was rejected. I was devastated. I had everything ready to go, my airfare, an Air B&B, supplies bought for recovery, and my buddy was on board and took off work for the time in Palo Alto.

    Since insurance rejected coverage of the procedure the surgeon worked out a quote with me that was discounted, he said I wouldn’t lose my down payment. So at this moment in time I am currently fundraising and saving for the difference I need of $9100. At the time of writing this, I have raised $1030 through a public support campaign site. The quote I received for the procedure is good until the end of 2018, which is when I hope to have the procedure by. I think in 2019 that the cost will go up.

    Fundraising for the procedure has turned out to be a cathartic experience in a way because it has forced me out of the nullo closet. I was quite afraid that friends would reject it and call me crazy, but the reverse has been true. People have been completely supportive of it. I started out by posting the campaign to Tumblr, and then, I made the gutsy decision to post it to my Facebook. I got so much love, support, and kind messages, even from straight people. So far, the only hate I’ve received is from gays on Tumblr. A good chunk of the funds I’ve received have come from straight people and gay US military members, the most unlikely supporters in my mind. Perhaps the world is really becoming more accepting of us all.

    I have high hopes that I’ll have this surgery soon, I just wish I had better target skills to get the campaign in front of the right eyes. I’ve honestly never wanted/needed something more in my life than this surgery. I honestly think it’ll improve the quality of my life by leaps and bounds. With this surgery, I’ll no longer feel the anxiety I have on a day-to-day basis about being born with genitals that serve no purpose, other than to urinate and expel cum. During sexy times, guys won’t think that I should be the top because of my size or my piercings, and they won’t think that I don’t turn them on because my dick doesn’t get hard. I also won’t have a useless scrotum sweating in summer humidity. I’ll also be more confident in the leather/kink/fetish scenes I participate in, and I will be proud to present smooth in my leathers/speedos/whatever.

    In preparation for surgery, and after surgery I have another lofty and achievable goal of getting my body in the best shape that it can possibly be, and learn how to keep it that way. I’ve always wanted 6-8pack abs, an Adonis belt, and the rest of the muscles to match. I know that muscle development is relegated to genetics, so we’ll see how far I get. Tomorrow, 9/13 I have an appointment with my doctor to see about a testosterone increase to aid in my muscle building abilities. The goal is to get my levels closer to 800, and I may even consider estrogen blockers, being XXY and all.

    As you can see, I’ve spent most of my year focusing on transitioning into a nullo. I decided to finally get my life where it needs to go, mentally and physically. I’ve hit some rocky patches along the way, and I guess I’m currently at a road block. I’m glad I’m public about it though, the support from my friends is a blessing. I know they’ll be around when I’m recovering from surgery, and after. I am confident that one day I will be a muscled nullo stud. Who knows, I may even be the first nullo International Mister Leather. If I do anything in my transition, I’d like to be an advocate, and a resource for others like me who are transitioning.     So follow along if you dare, I hope to add more to this thread once things start getting going, and then I’m sure I’ll have a lot to say once surgery happens.

    Thank you for reading to the end of this post.


    **Note** this long-ass post is what I created for my life story in the Eunuch Archives and is dated 9/12/18

    Below is the link to my fundraising campaign if you would like to support me in my quest to be a nullo.


    Have you thought about making a clone a willy and selling them? You’d preserve a legacy of your dick and make guys happy as well making money for your nulloplasty.

    That’s a good idea, trouble is I can’t stay hard. Clone a willy kits are expensive, so I’d have to mark them up quite a lot if I did. Why not just donate $20 to my campaign and call it a day? https://www.gofundme.com/gender-affirmation-surgery-for-rich


    Will you stop it already. Your cock isn’t useless. You just want it to be. You will regret your surgery in a few years. So. Just. Give. Up. Stop this antic for some stupid fetish.

    I will never give up until I’m in the body I need to be in. I am actually thankful that I have haters such as you. People like you are pushing me to be more open and honest about this surgery.

    Please donate if you can. https://www.gofundme.com/gender-affirmation-surgery-for-rich


    Hella questions

    I stumbled across your page since you’re one few that has dydoes. Your piercings are cool but you’re removing your penis and balls soon. So you will remove them so that you will be in a orgasm purgatory? That will be the sexual satisfaction? Or is this change strictly one that you seek for the means of identification? How long has your sense of identity been detached from your penis? Does it currently function appropriately? Do you have a healthy relationship with your parents and or friends?

    Sorry I’m digging but if you think this is too personal you don’t have to answer or you can DM me.

    I’ll apologize in advance because I assumed your openness by your posts. And here are my “Hella Answers” - hehehe Thanks for the dydoe comment. They don’t hurt that much and I recommend getting them if you’re curious. Mine were $60 or $120….one of those.

    I’ll still be able to orgasm - anally, and I’ll still be able to cum. My anal orgasms are far more powerful than anything my dick can achieve. Not really for identification because legally I will still be male and appear so. I’ll just have a smooth groin. Personally, I identify as a nullo man, and the long form is a gender nonconforming nullo/neutrois male. I’d say my whole life. Since I was 3-4 I remember tucking my cock in my body and delighting in being smooth, if only for a moment. i was born intersex, so my balls don’t work and have been on testosterone injections since I was 19. My dick doesn’t work and has never really worked, even with meds. I can never keep it hard. I have a very healthy relationship with friends/family and many know I’m going through this and support me. 

    Please donate if you can 


    So are you looking to have everything removed and no sensation? Or looking to invert it into a hole that you can still use for pleasure

    My groin will be left smooth, and I am not keeping the nerves from my penis glans. My glans are pierced three times and are mostly numb as it is, so harvesting nerves and implanting them under my groin would be a waste of time because they’re dead/not much nerves could be harvested because of the piercings. If I did keep my nerves, my groin would still be smooth because they’d be buried. Please donate to my surgery campaign if you can. https://www.gofundme.com/gender-affirmation-surgery-for-rich


    Are you able to orgasm and cum with your dick or by other means now? Would you be willing to make a video of you cumming with your dick before you get it removed?

    I can orgasm with my dick, but it pales to what I can produce with my ass. I’m not sure I can make a video because it takes both hands for me to jack off. 

    Please donate to my surgery campaign, if someone donates $500 I will attempt to do this.https://www.gofundme.com/gender-affirmation-surgery-for-rich