I feel like a lot of people don’t really fully grasp the idea that abusive parents exist and are both common and, to a degree, socially acceptable.

    Like, they may be aware of the fact but have not yet actually integrated it into their worldview, personal beliefs, or policy proposals.


    This becomes particularly obvious when people try to start a panic about trans charities or schools supporting trans minors “behind their parents’ backs” as if parents are just entitled to full control by default and would never do anything bad if they learned their child was trans.

    If my own father had ever learned I was trans the most realistic range of his reactions would have been between “kicking me out of the house” and “literally just killing me”.

    And I am far from the only one in this situation. LGBT people as a whole are disproportionately represented among homeless youth precisely because so many parents are unsupportive. Outright murder is more rare but has also happened before.

    It is ridiculous to just assume parents are safe by default.


    It is ridiculous to just assume parents are safe by default.

    It is ridiculous to just assume parents are safe by default.

    It is ridiculous to just assume parents are safe by default.

    I couldn’t agree more and I don’t think we can ever say this enough. It’s been one of the hardest things in my 15 years of openly discussing the child abuse I survived…people are overall uncomfortable when I say anything about it but they can get REAL WEIRD when I challenge their firmly held notion that “family = good.” Some families are good but believing they are by default? It’s laughable if it wasn’t so scary.

    I think people freak because when you raise this issue, it treads out of them thinking of my situation as “a couple of bad apples” and into asking questions about how we treat kids in our systems and even begging questions about if THEY THEMSELVES were abused or are abusive or controlling toward their kids they see as their possessions or extensions of themselves. People don’t like it when you pick at the seams of their carefully crafted façades.

    Some people’s greatest threat in life ARE THEIR PARENTS. If we don’t acknowledge that, we leave kids in harm’s way. If you’re out here spouting “parents riiiights” bullshit, you’re likely just invested in maintaining coercive abusive control over kids, to prevent them from learning anything that will expose you for the abuser you are 🤷‍♀️


    this is gonna sound like a shitpost but the best advice i have if youre consistently coming off wrong is to start talking like an elcor

    you will feel like a dumdum at first, but once you get used to it youll realize that telling people what kind of thing you're about to say ahead of time flattens their anxiety a huge amount

    ive been starting every question with "question:" for awhile now and i almost never get people reading too much into what i mean anymore

    it seems super dumb, but "what are your plans tomorrow?" gets people asking me what i have planned despite me obviously being in the process of figuring that out, whereas "question: what are your plans tomorrow?" gets me a quick rundown of their schedule, followed by "why?"

    it also makes it really easy to work tone indicators into your verbal speech. if you're always saying "question: [your question here]?" then no one blinks when you say "genuine question: [question that could read as sarcastic]?"

    it also gets you out of your own way for any types of things you struggle to say. "can you make sure to do the dishes before you go to bed?" feels like an argument waiting to happen, but "request: can you make sure to do the dishes before you go to bed?" gets the words flowing on a neutral word while making it clear that you're not looking for a fight

    so yeah. suggestion: talk like an elcor


    i said "suggestion for you if you havent thought of it:" today so im reblogging this


    Useful addition: "this is not a guilt trip or moral judgement, just checking facts: have you done the dishes".

    Or "Just checking if I need to, have you done the dishes today"

    Or "please do the dishes, Im not upset I just need a plate".

    Being clear about your intentions this way also heads off RSD or trauma-type anxiety, guilt, frustration, demand-avoidance, fear, etc.

    Another phrasing useful for when you are emotional is "Im definitely frustrated, but Im not frustrated at you because I know you're doing your best."

    Of course it only really works if you genuinely mean it.


    Genuine delight: elcor my beloved


    Enthusiastically: if you are wondering "what is an elcor," it's a big elephantine alien from the Mass Effect series. Elcor communicate largely through body language and scent, so to be better understood by humans and other similarly oblivious species, they preface all their statements with a description that clarifies their tone and intentions.


    This is probably a very silly question but how do you know which fan works are 'worth' saving, for lack of a better word? Like, I imagine ones that touch on real world topics or at least have a modicum of plot to them are probably better for history than whatever random anime pwp I'm reading 😅

    The answer is yes.

    Yes, they are worth saving.

    Yes, all of them.


    Look, let me explain to you in real actual historical terms exactly why that stuff is important. I learned this when I was doing a rewrite of Lysistrata for my Directing class in college.

    There’s a bit in the first act, first scene, where Lysistrata is convincing the women of Greece to pledge they won’t have sex until the war is over, where she says “we won’t act like the lioness on the cheese grater.” I looked through six different translations, aka “all the translations I could find,” and every single one used that phrase: “the lioness on the cheese grater.” Now some of these were very old, stuffy, let’s-pretend-this-isn’t-an-absurdist-comedy-about-anything-as-dirty-as-sex-after-all-it’s-Greek-and-thus-must-be-dignified kind of translations, but one of them had specifically been written to be as over-the-top shockingly vulgar as possible, and it still included that phrase. I was expecting it to be modified to whatever the modern name of that position was, but nope–still “we won’t fuck like whores and assume the position of the lioness on the cheese grater.”

    And thus began an undignified six hours of me reading very dry academic papers and clicking all kinds of shady links trying to answer the question: what the fuck was the lioness on a cheese grater?

    At the end of six hours I said “fuck it” and changed it to doggy style.

    Because the answer is: we only know the phrase from the play and from a “menu of services” in a brothel. Ancient cheese graters looked more or less like modern ones, so there wasn’t really room for decorations of lions. We have no idea what it was. It was apparently in-demand enough to be worth a very pretty penny (or, er. A very pretty drachma, as it were), but no records outside the play and that single menu exist. There’s even the possibility it was put on the menu as a joke in reference to the play, and that it means nothing at all.

    So: am I saying your random anime PWP could theoretically someday be the only remaining record of the word “bishounen” being used in Latinized form?

    Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Far enough into the future that most of our records have been lost, when the world looks unimaginably different, your random-ass porn could be something historians use to say “hm. The fact that these letters made these sounds, and these kanji made these sounds, and the word here is being used in a similar way to how it’s used when written in kanji…we’re pretty sure this is evidence there was literary communication between English-speaking countries and Japan.”

    Or, put another way: nobody’s ever gonna forget covid. But will they remember that slender young men with shaggy hair were considered desirable in the 2010s? That is something that will be of interest to some future historian. I assure you, people have been handwringing over the goddamn lioness on the cheese grater for over two thousand fucking years. Yes, there is a place in history for your smut.

    And I will leave you with this: stripped of all pretension and the mystique granted to it by virtue of being old as balls, Lysistrata is a play whose plot is thus: “fuck this war! We, the women of Greece, are going to make ourselves as hot as fucking possible while also closing our thighs for business until the men agree to put down their weapons and stop fighting! Jesus, they won’t even send us dildos because they ‘need wood and leather for armor’–fuck that shit, seize the treasury and whip out the chastity belts, girls!” And then the entire second act is men running around wearing giant-ass fake penises, we’re talking Ron Jeremy would blush in shame here fake penises, going “let us fuck you! Please, please, pleaaaaaaase let us fuck you!” and finally agreeing to end the war so they can fuck. That’s it, that’s the play. I mean, it is wildly funny. But it’s very thin on the ground in terms of plot (and frankly has a gigantic plot hole in the form of “you’re really going to say none of these guys just said ‘fuck you’ and started boffing each other?”), and it was not written to be intellectual. It was for the Bacchanalia. It was written for a bunch of super-drunk, super-rowdy, probably-illiterate partiers who would have been walking in and out of the arena. Hardly highbrow entertainment, in other words.

    …but what a loss to the world, wouldn’t it be, if all copies of it had been forever lost?


    i wanna remind everyone that at the time a lot of kirk/spock fic was written, in the sixties and early eventies, sodomy was illegal in most american states. kirk/spock fiction was depicting something that was obscene, immoral, and illegal. even accusing men of being homosexuals was slander, because again, sodomy was illegal, homosexuals were committing crimes, and therefore a great many industries couldn’t knowingly employ men who admitted to homosexuality or were proven to be so.

    our archives of these works are incomplete, but what works that we have preserved from that time–against all contemporary consensus of its moral value!–are invaluable to the history of fandom as a whole. the fanzines and booklets preserved in odd corners and university libraries and grandma’s attic are treasures. you can analyze the way people thought at the time about love and forbidden love, the way they thought it might change in the future, the way certain fanfiction tropes and literary conventions started out way back when, the way women found each other and organized before the digital age. love, technology, cultural taboos, the past regarding the future, communication, creativity, it’s all there.

    and this is a comparatively large body of work from only fifty or sixty years ago. imagine how much more precious, say, Diane Marchant’s “A Fragment Out of Time" from 1974 might be in another hundred years? how much will it tell future historians of the very real women who lived and watched TV and wrote about love to each other?

    and this is fiction that depicts not just worthless smut, but reprehensible smut.

    yes, fanfiction is historically significant.

    yes, all of it.


    My goblin self wants to save all the little paper fragments and scraps of weird smut on curling pages and stacks of folders with half-completed sketches of characters in compromising positions.

    Wait. They’re… not so much paper anymore, are they.

    Fine. Save the pixels. Save HTML files with names I won’t recognize next year. Save txt files with fanfic by authors whose contact info I lost in the early LJ days. Wayback the AO3 fic. Bookmark everything I ever liked even a little bit, with notes like “this is the one where blorbo has zero refractory period” or “the one where they met on a train” and like that.

    Never know what I’m gonna want to reread in another five years.

    …Never know what someone is going to ask about in fifteen years, “I heard there used to be a thing with soulmate words on the wrists? Has anyone seen that in Fandom X?”

    I have no idea what the literary analysts of 2050 are going to think about AO3. I know that the literary analysts of 2000 were very interested in K/S zines, which were handed around under tables and you had to know someone who knew someone to even find out they existed, because, as mentioned, they were describing immoral crimes and pretending those were healthy relationships.

    AO3 is not so obscure as all that. But. We don’t know what search engines will do in the future.

    And a lot of people only put “the good stuff” on AO3 and we are going to LOSE all the 300-word comment fics written in the middle of a tumblr chain. We’re going to lose the “Incorrect Quotes” things. (They are fanworks! Every single one of them can be a fic at AO3! There is no “must have at least 100 words and be a proper drabble” requirement. You can have three-sentence fanworks!)


    Culture is not limited to the stuff written in the style of professionally published novels.


    @pharaonicwolf, your tags have passed peer review. Thank you for this notable contribution!


    Is Aro insane? Because he seems sane but a little off at times, especially considering his gift. Is part of it an act?

    You must remember that movie Aro is not book Aro. Aro is energetic and has a lot of zeal, but he never comes across as manic the way movie Aro does.

    His gift is trippy, I’ll give it that. Aro’s brain contains more thoughts than any other brain has ever contained. He has the history of mankind stored in that noggin.

    If anything I’d say that the man is an example of the Charlie Kelly trope. (This is a trope @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin and I made up, so don’t bother looking it up)

    The Charlie Kelly trope is inspired by the show “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. It’s a character who at first glance appears completely insane, a societal misfit who does weird shit all the time for no apparent reason, but upon closer examination it is discovered Charlie’s apparent insanity is in fact a survival method. His bizarre actions make perfect sense in context. He is in fact shockingly well-adjusted given the insanity that is his life. The problem is his life, which is completely weird and fringe.

    Aro can read every single thought you’ve ever had with a touch upon your hand, and he touches everybody who comes into Volterra, every guard, every person he comes into contact with. In spite of this, he has a sense of self and is in fact shockingly well-adjusted.

    Carlisle is another Charlie Kelly. His principles have led him to becoming a vampire monk doctor, and weird shit keeps happening to him. He moved into Volterra for a few decades because why wouldn’t he, met Garrett when Garrett’s cross-dressing human sister needed medical attention, one day a psychic and her newborn veteran gone pacifist showed up do join his coven, and we have everything that happens in the Twilight saga. Carlisle’s life is bizarre, and he doesn’t appear to realize as much. In spite of all this he seems very well adjusted, easily able to socialize with normal vampires.

    There’s also the matter of his insane family, which fits the Charlie Kelly bill as the Charlie Kelly is often surrounded by people who make it that much harder to get a more normal life.

    Back to Aro, though, and madness. 

    There’s probably a conversation to be had about what sanity even is, especially when it comes to timeless rock people with psychic abilities, but that’s not for this meta. Aro shows no sign of madness in canon, is in fact one of the most reasonable characters in the series, so to answer your question, no, I don’t think he’s insane.


    I do love that we’re admitting to coining our own internal tropes now.

    To actually add some substance to this though I’ll say, purge the movie from your mind, and focus only on the books.

    When we first meet Aro in New Moon, he’s very energetic, oddly so for the context but it’s a really weird context. Edward, progeny of his best friend, has shown up in Volterra insisting the Volturi assist his suicide.

    Aro says no, attempts to call Carlisle, not a few hours later Edward is attempting to goad the Volturi into murdering him by breaking the law in their city.

    Bella’s alive, praise Jesus, Edward’s no longer suicidal. But then Edward refuses to turn her into a vampire, despite having wanted to kill himself not twenty minutes ago because Bella was presumably dead. Something mortals do.

    Now, remember Aro has read Midnight Sun. He didn’t just read it, he read the 100-year-long extended edition. To those who have not read Midnight Sun, it’s a lot like reading a weirdly hilarious version of Lolita. It is a trip like nothing else in this world.

    So, Aro has gotten up close and personal with the insanity that is Edward and knows exactly why Edward won’t change her. Aro’s now dying, he’s going to have to murder Carlisle’s progeny and forcibly change this teenage girl.

    Alice ends up giving him an out, which he gleefully takes.

    Meanwhile, during all of this, Edward is accusing him of increasingly ridiculous things.

    Reading the thing’s an emotional rollercoaster, I can’t imagine actually being Aro and living it (with Midnight Sun rattling around in the back of your head no less). It’s no shock the guy comes off a little erratic, it was a very weird moment.

    Similar with the Breaking Dawn incident. Aro steeled himself to murder Carlisle and the Cullens, he was going to war, he gets there and it turns out “Oopsie, it was a fake immortal child!” Aro did not see this one coming and, given the circumstances, weasels out of the situation as best he can.

    So, basically, we catch Aro in the weirdest situations in the books and he still comes off very polite, refined, intelligent, and genial. He just has all the world’s energy. The man is go go go.

    The movie Aro...

    Well, he tries to kill Edward, Alice, and Bella multiple times in their first meeting only to decide to let them go. He lets them go as part of his master plan to somehow recruit them back to Volterra, when he had them right there, two seconds ago. He then plots the Cullen destruction from afar, attempting to save some face while doing it, when everyone thinks he’s corrupt in this universe anyway and if he wanted to crush the Cullens he could just go do it.

    Movie Aro is kind of dumb and a little nuts.

    But the movies also just make no damn sense. 


    This is what I get for writing meta at 4 AM, you step right up and write it for me.

    Excellent addition though, I second all of this.


    Also, this has been surprisingly absent from the policy discourse, and I wouldn't have known about it had someone not linked to it from somewhere else

    (basically they're being forced to revise their algorithms and processes, which TBF they didn't seem unwilling to do)



    And guess what!? I WAS RIGHT!


    That was the intent. Because the old white men who are behind so many business decisions are not LGBTQ+-friendly... and have come from a long history of hating queer culture.


    No, actually, it wasn’t the intent. It was a side-effect.

    The point was to adhere to Apple’s iOS App Guidelines and help remove the massive porn bot spam.

    Queer people just got caught in the crossfire, as we usually do.


    Using tumblr is like living in a low class apartment building. You just get used to the landlord not fixing things, and then someone new moves in and you're helpfully like "oh yeah don't drink the tap water, it's got stuff in it that makes you sick" and then your neighbor you've had forever goes "oh they took the stuff out actually" and you're like "what? when was this?"

    "like two years ago"

    "you mean i could've been drinking the tap water all this time?"

    "yeah. they gave us individual mailboxes too finally, you don't have to dig through the communal bin anymore"

    "are you for real right now?? i just redirected my mail, i didnt know"

    and the new tennant is like "why did you guys even live here if it was so bad"

    "we like it."

    "I kinda miss the communal mail bin tho"


    "the perpetually naked guy got evicted though"

    "i know, so sad. he was really gross"

    "i mean, his cousin streaks through the commons sometimes and knocks on all the doors"

    "oh yeah, hate that guy"


    New Person: I just saw this weird guy in the lobby in a really creepy anthropomorphic Pikachu costume??????

    Old Resident: yeah we have no idea where that guy came from. We've left messages with maintenance 'bout 'im but-

    Other Old Resident: just don't make eye contact and you should be fine.


    "what are these strange markings in the paint?"

    "Oh! Thats from the crab infestation!"

    "The crab infestation?! Wow, glad they got that under control before I moved in."

    "Oh, no no, it was an intentional infestation."


    "Yeah, we're hoping they bring the crabs back next year. A lot of us made friends with those crabs."


    No, I'm not joking, he doesnt just look like him, I swear to God neil gaiman lives across the hall.


    NO FEAR.  The actors who played Long John Silver and Captain Flint in Black Sails FULLY ACKOWLEDGE that the Muppet adaptation was the best



    Okay, so fun thing - our friends taped it from Sky for us when it premiered there way back in the 90s before we had the VHS. I have no idea why, but there was a little 10-15 minute behind the scenes thing (that may or may not be on the DVD. Would need to go hunting) but basically, they were “interviewing the cast”, so Piggy and Kermit and Tim were all there being filmed separately in talking heads sections.

    The interviewer raised speculation of an on-set romance between Piggy and Tim Curry. Kermit flailed, Piggy tried to be coy and Tim frigging Curry gave the most wickedly mischievous look straight into the camera and said “Well I do love a bacon roll”

    20+ years ago, I saw that and I cackle every time I think of it.


    Wading through native plant gardening resources and trying to inform other people, both through posts and in real life, has shifted my point of view on what misinformation is and does.

    I don't really know what to do with it yet. But I've realized that it's often impossible to be accurate when teaching people who know very little about a subject. You have to simplify incredibly complex, nuanced things to the point where it feels like a total hack job. If you specify every complexity of the thing you're explaining, the people you're talking to don't absorb the core principle.

    Various posts i've made about ecology and gardening stuff have been called "misinformation" and I'm just like. Think of it as a highschool textbook. Half of what it says is wrong but you must understand the "wrong" model to move beyond it.


    This problem is. everywhere. in communities focused on rewilding, ecology, nature, native plant gardening, and permaculture

    It's like

    Person 1: [presents a simplified model of how something works that demonstrates an important principle that most people are ignorant to]

    Person 2: No, this is WRONG and MISINFORMATION, because [list of nuances and caveats to the model person 1 presented]. By teaching people this, you are promoting [the most simplistic possible understanding of the thing].

    Person 3: [reads what both Person 1 and Person 2 have to say] Well, it seems like the model is not really completely true. There are some useful points, but for the most part, [almost completely wrong idea]

    This happens over and over and over again.


    We've created a society where, relative to other knowledge, nearly everyone has an elementary-school-child-level understanding of ecology and gardening.

    The first step here is to accept that we fucked up and that there's no quick or easy way to unfuck.

    It's like. I'm sorry but the general public wasn't told what atoms were, and we're stuck with the pictures of little clusters of marbles with little electron marbles orbiting around them until something clicks.