23 / germany / 9-1-1 sideblog: tarloss

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2020-07-11 21:47:54

    “Do you ever get to the point where the thoughts don’t bother you anymore? It’s like all the suicidal thoughts and the panic attacks are normal at this point. Like all these things have just become part of you and you’re no longer surprised when they come.”

    — I’m at this point and I don’t know whether it’s better or worse

    "People don't like you when you're sad. People don't like when you're breaking down and asking for help. People don't like it when you cry and say you've had enough. People don't want to be around people that are sad and I guess that's just the nature of people. So if you ever find someone that cares about you enough to stay during the bad times, keep them. They're rare, and a lot of us are searching for these kind of people right now."

    — A reminder to appreciate those who stuck by you during your lowest moments.

    At 19, I read a sentence that re-terraformed my head: “The level of matter in the universe has been constant since the Big Bang.” In all the aeons we have lost nothing, we have gained nothing - not a speck, not a grain, not a breath. The universe is simply a sealed, twisting kaleidoscope that has reordered itself a trillion trillion trillion times over. Each baby, then, is a unique collision - a cocktail, a remix - of all that has come before: made from molecules of Napoleon and stardust and comets and whale tooth; colloidal mercury and Cleopatra’s breath: and with the same darkness that is between the stars between, and inside, our own atoms. When you know this, you suddenly see the crowded top deck of the bus, in the rain, as a miracle: this collection of people is by way of a starburst constellation. Families are bright, irregular-shaped nebulae. Finding a person you love is like galaxies colliding. We are all peculiar, unrepeatable, perambulating micro-universes - we have never been before and we will never be again. Oh God, the sheer exuberant, unlikely face of our existences. The honour of being alive. They will never be able to make you again. Don’t you dare waste a second of it thinking something better will happen when it ends. Don’t you dare.”⁣ ⁣ — Caitlin Moran ⁣