Ron: Hey remember when I used to nap on your lap and you dropped a whole remote on my face one time?

    Blaise: You want cake, don’t you?

    Ron: That’s appalling. Why would you think that I only remind you of that because I want food?

    Blaise: And chocolate

    Ron: I would never do anything like that-

    Blaise: And sweets

    Ron: I can’t believe you have the audacity-

    Blaise: I’ll cook you a 3 course meal

    Ron:

    Ron: Well, since you insist so strongly…okay!

    Ron: And snacks please!!

    Blaise:

    Blaise: Of course

    *1985, Black-Potter residence*

    Harry: Uncle Sirius, uncle Remus, can I tell you a secret?

    Sirius: Oh, what is it, Harry?

    Harry: Daddy almost killed papa last night

    Remus: Harry…what?

    Harry: I woke up, and papa was screaming. He was calling for Merlin!

    Sirius: …Merlin?

    Remus: Like “Oh, Merlin”, sweetheart?

    Harry: Yes! And I go into their room to save papa! And daddy’s hands were on papa’s neck, and papa couldn’t breathe!

    Harry: I told daddy to stop it! And both daddy and papa screamed when they saw me. And they told me not to tell anyone

    Remus: Wow, they…huh, they really did that

    Harry: What does that mean, uncle Moony?

    Remus: Oh, well, okay…it’s…your papa and daddy were…your daddy wasn’t killing your papa, okay?

    Harry: What were they doing?

    Remus: …That’s…that’s a very nice question, Harry. Maybe uncle Pads might—where’s your uncle Pads?

    James, running in the yard as Sirius chases him: SIRIUS! I’M SORRY! I SAID I’M SORRY!

    Draco: Ugh, I can’t stand Potter

    Pansy: Then kneel

    Draco: I wish

    Pansy:

    Draco: I—I mean you wish! Shut up Pansy

    Pansy after she walked in on Harry and Draco “duelling” with each other and not actually duelling with each other

    Sirius: Why? Why, Reg?

    Regulus, sighs: Why am I sleeping with James?

    Sirius: Is it a pity thing? Do you pity my best friend?

    Regulus:

    Sirius: Is he sick? Is Prongs dying?

    Regulus:

    Sirius: Are you working for the dark side?

    Regulus:

    Sirius: Damn it, he's holding you against your will, isn't he?

    Regulus: Sirius-

    Sirius: If he is holding you against your will, blink twice

    Regulus:

    Sirius, blows at Regulus’s eyes: Blink twice, Reggie

    Regulus: Really, Sirius?

    Sirius: Is this revenge? When I pushed you into the lake when we were kids?

    Sirius: You have a thing for glasses?

    Regulus: I’m leaving the room, Sirius

    Sirius: Is it huge?

    Regulus: Sirius! Really?

    Sirius: I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that

    Sirius: Is it huge?

    Harry, drunk: You’re the hottest boyfriend I’ve ever had, Draco

    Draco: I’m your husband, Harry

    Harry, gasp: Oh my god that’s awesome!

    *Triwizard Tournament, 1994*

    Draco: I’d really like it if the badges are green, because Potter stinks and I hate him

    Pansy: Why can’t it be red?

    Draco: Because I want it to be green

    Pansy: Okay, gay

    Draco: …okay, so it’s gonna be green and says “Potter stinks”

    Blaise: Why can’t it say “Potter sucks”?

    Draco: It’s not—no, it doesn’t make sense that way

    Theodore: I think it makes sense. Maybe we can add a bit of—

    Draco: Alright you know what? Get out. All of you, I’m doing this myself. Everything, I’m going to do it. Don’t touch anything!

    Blaise, Pansy, Theodore:

    Pansy: Yeah sounds good

    Blaise: Let’s go

    Draco: Wait! You’re all leaving?

    Theodore: You told us to leave

    Draco: Yeah…but I kinda need help

    Pansy: We might paint it yellow

    Draco:

    Draco: Yeah see you tomorrow