James: Party rockers in the house!

    Regulus: It’s “party rock is”

    James: I’m in love with you

    Sirius: WOULD YOU STOP THAT?

    James: Being married to a Black is great

    Remus: The best

    Harry: So great, even if they’re half Black

    James: But they can be a tad judgmental

    Remus: They’re monsters

    Harry: Almost punitive

    Pansy: My mother told me to stay away from boys when I was young, and if they come close, I just have to back away

    Pansy: Ten years later, I’m a lesbian

    Pansy: So it turns out pretty good actually

    Hermione: Is this how you flirt?

    Pansy: Is it working?

    Draco: You wanna go to the library?

    Pansy: Again?

    Draco: I want to get some books for our exam

    Pansy: Yeah, sure, look at us, a couple of gay best friends going there to flirt with our crushes

    Draco: What?

    Pansy: What?

    Draco: I’m not gay

    Pansy: You’re not? Then why the hell have you been dragging me there so you can woo Potter?

    Draco: I didn’t woo him, are you out of your mind, Pansy?

    Pansy: You stared at each other for twenty seconds without saying a word!

    Draco: HE WAS BLOCKING ME FROM MY BOOK!

    Pansy: …sure

    Pansy: Gay

    Ron: Hey remember when I used to nap on your lap and you dropped a whole remote on my face one time?

    Blaise: You want cake, don’t you?

    Ron: That’s appalling. Why would you think that I only remind you of that because I want food?

    Blaise: And chocolate

    Ron: I would never do anything like that-

    Blaise: And sweets

    Ron: I can’t believe you have the audacity-

    Blaise: I’ll cook you a 3 course meal

    Ron:

    Ron: Well, since you insist so strongly…okay!

    Ron: And snacks please!!

    Blaise:

    Blaise: Of course

    *1985, Black-Potter residence*

    Harry: Uncle Sirius, uncle Remus, can I tell you a secret?

    Sirius: Oh, what is it, Harry?

    Harry: Daddy almost killed papa last night

    Remus: Harry…what?

    Harry: I woke up, and papa was screaming. He was calling for Merlin!

    Sirius: …Merlin?

    Remus: Like “Oh, Merlin”, sweetheart?

    Harry: Yes! And I go into their room to save papa! And daddy’s hands were on papa’s neck, and papa couldn’t breathe!

    Harry: I told daddy to stop it! And both daddy and papa screamed when they saw me. And they told me not to tell anyone

    Remus: Wow, they…huh, they really did that

    Harry: What does that mean, uncle Moony?

    Remus: Oh, well, okay…it’s…your papa and daddy were…your daddy wasn’t killing your papa, okay?

    Harry: What were they doing?

    Remus: …That’s…that’s a very nice question, Harry. Maybe uncle Pads might—where’s your uncle Pads?

    James, running in the yard as Sirius chases him: SIRIUS! I’M SORRY! I SAID I’M SORRY!

    Draco: Ugh, I can’t stand Potter

    Pansy: Then kneel

    Draco: I wish

    Pansy:

    Draco: I—I mean you wish! Shut up Pansy

    Pansy after she walked in on Harry and Draco “duelling” with each other and not actually duelling with each other

    Sirius: Why? Why, Reg?

    Regulus, sighs: Why am I sleeping with James?

    Sirius: Is it a pity thing? Do you pity my best friend?

    Regulus:

    Sirius: Is he sick? Is Prongs dying?

    Regulus:

    Sirius: Are you working for the dark side?

    Regulus:

    Sirius: Damn it, he's holding you against your will, isn't he?

    Regulus: Sirius-

    Sirius: If he is holding you against your will, blink twice

    Regulus:

    Sirius, blows at Regulus’s eyes: Blink twice, Reggie

    Regulus: Really, Sirius?

    Sirius: Is this revenge? When I pushed you into the lake when we were kids?

    Sirius: You have a thing for glasses?

    Regulus: I’m leaving the room, Sirius

    Sirius: Is it huge?

    Regulus: Sirius! Really?

    Sirius: I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that

    Sirius: Is it huge?

    Harry, drunk: You’re the hottest boyfriend I’ve ever had, Draco

    Draco: I’m your husband, Harry

    Harry, gasp: Oh my god that’s awesome!

    *Triwizard Tournament, 1994*

    Draco: I’d really like it if the badges are green, because Potter stinks and I hate him

    Pansy: Why can’t it be red?

    Draco: Because I want it to be green

    Pansy: Okay, gay

    Draco: …okay, so it’s gonna be green and says “Potter stinks”

    Blaise: Why can’t it say “Potter sucks”?

    Draco: It’s not—no, it doesn’t make sense that way

    Theodore: I think it makes sense. Maybe we can add a bit of—

    Draco: Alright you know what? Get out. All of you, I’m doing this myself. Everything, I’m going to do it. Don’t touch anything!

    Blaise, Pansy, Theodore:

    Pansy: Yeah sounds good

    Blaise: Let’s go

    Draco: Wait! You’re all leaving?

    Theodore: You told us to leave

    Draco: Yeah…but I kinda need help

    Pansy: We might paint it yellow

    Draco:

    Draco: Yeah see you tomorrow

    Sirius: Guys, this is my baby brother, Regulus

    Remus & Peter: Hi

    James: What is it? Regulus? Reggie? Regulius?

    Regulus:

    James: Tell me what are your hopes and dreams?

    Regulus:

    James: Are you warm? I'm a little, uh, I'm a little warm right now *takes off his shirt*

    Remus: Don't, Prongs-

    Sirius: What the hell are you doing?

    James, flexing: Oh yeah, there it is

    Regulus: Please put your shirt back on. Please don't make me laugh at you.

    James: Can I hit you up with some tea? A little herb tea? Merlin. How good is that, for real, what? A little herbal tea? Yum, right? Hot, sweet, a little teabag action. And I wasn't talking about—

    Sirius: IF YOU DON’T STOP, JAMES-

    Harry: Go with me, Ron. Draco’s standing with Blaise and we can flirt with them both!

    Ron: Are you trying to get everybody rejected? I haven’t even talked to Blaise, ever! It’s gonna ruin my chance with him!

    Harry: You don't have to do anything. It will just be easier if it is the two of us, like when we had Yule Ball, remember? You break the ice with some kind of jokes so that they know you're the funny one and I swoop in with some interesting conversation, so they'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding, sexy one

    Ron: I thought I got to make the jokes!

    Harry: Come on, help me, Ron, I don’t know how else I can flirt with Draco

    Ron: Fine, all right, let’s go

    Ron: Hey! Hello, um, my name is Ron, here's Harry, you know him, and we were wondering you know if you're up for it. We only need six more people for a human pyramid…

    Draco & Blaise:

    Ron: Swoop! Swoop!

    Harry: So! Um, oh, hey, Draco, I noticed you were reading The Daily Prophet...another flood in Europe? Here’s a question, would you rather drown or be burnt alive?

    Draco & Blaise:

    Draco: I beg your pardon?

    Blaise: We’re gonna leave now

    Harry:

    Ron: We still got it!

    *on Harry and Draco’s wedding day*

    Draco: I’m so nervous. How do I look?

    Ron: It’s okay, and you look great. Harry’s definitely gonna cry when he sees you

    Draco: What if he doesn’t?

    Ron: Oh he will, I put onions in his pockets

    Draco: Is this why Blaise cried uncontrollably at your wedding?

    Ron: ...perhaps

    Sirius, opens door: Hey Prongs wha—what…

    James: PADS! Okay! It’s not what it looks like!

    Sirius: What are you doing on top of my brother?

    Regulus: Sirius, calm down first

    Sirius: I’m calm! I’m so calm *laughs* Now tell me what’s happening, Prongs, before I shove this wand so far up your—

    James: WE’RE DATING!

    Regulus: James!

    James: What? He saw us

    Regulus: All right, fine, James and I are dating

    James: For six months

    Sirius:

    Sirius: You—you-you’re dating my brother?

    James: Yeah

    Sirius: Without telling me?

    Regulus: We were hoping you wouldn’t notice that

    Sirius: Oh I can’t believe this! And to catch you guys on my own bed! What the hell is wrong with you two?

    Regulus: We thought it was James’s bed!

    James: And we weren’t doing anything, Pads

    Sirius: YOU WERE SHOVING YOUR TONGUE DOWN MY BROTHER’S THROAT!

    James: Oh...okay, we were doing one thing. At least you didn’t walk in on us when I first deflowered Reg

    Regulus: James! Why would you tell him that?

    James: …I don’t know

    Sirius: You—you...you deflowered my brother? MY BROTHER? DEFLOWERED?

    Regulus: It’s not that big of a deal, Sirius!

    Sirius: Oh my god I cannot believe this! First I found my best friend fondling my baby brother on my own bed—

    Regulus: Don’t say fondle, Sirius

    Sirius: And now I know you took my brother, my precious brother’s flower! How could you? We’re supposed to be best friends!

    James: We’re still best friends!

    Sirius: YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY HIM!

    Regulus: What?

    Sirius: That’s right. You have to take responsibility and you have to marry my baby brother! Get on your knees, Prongs. I will make this wedding happen right now!

    Regulus: Sirius, are you insane? What are you talki—James, stand up! Do not kneel down!

    James: I’M SO CONFUSED!

    Draco: Stay still, Harry, you lost a lot of blood

    Harry: I didn’t “lose” my blood, Draco, I know exactly where it is

    Harry, pointing to the large puddle of blood: Right there