Sirius, opens door: Hey Prongs wha—what…
James: PADS! Okay! It’s not what it looks like!
Sirius: What are you doing on top of my brother?
Regulus: Sirius, calm down first
Sirius: I’m calm! I’m so calm *laughs* Now tell me what’s happening, Prongs, before I shove this wand so far up your—
James: WE’RE DATING!
James: What? He saw us
Regulus: All right, fine, James and I are dating
James: For six months
Sirius: You—you-you’re dating my brother?
Sirius: Without telling me?
Regulus: We were hoping you wouldn’t notice that
Sirius: Oh I can’t believe this! And to catch you guys on my own bed! What the hell is wrong with you two?
Regulus: We thought it was James’s bed!
James: And we weren’t doing anything, Pads
Sirius: YOU WERE SHOVING YOUR TONGUE DOWN MY BROTHER’S THROAT!
James: Oh...okay, we were doing one thing. At least you didn’t walk in on us when I first deflowered Reg
Regulus: James! Why would you tell him that?
James: …I don’t know
Sirius: You—you...you deflowered my brother? MY BROTHER? DEFLOWERED?
Regulus: It’s not that big of a deal, Sirius!
Sirius: Oh my god I cannot believe this! First I found my best friend fondling my baby brother on my own bed—
Regulus: Don’t say fondle, Sirius
Sirius: And now I know you took my brother, my precious brother’s flower! How could you? We’re supposed to be best friends!
James: We’re still best friends!
Sirius: YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY HIM!
Sirius: That’s right. You have to take responsibility and you have to marry my baby brother! Get on your knees, Prongs. I will make this wedding happen right now!
Regulus: Sirius, are you insane? What are you talki—James, stand up! Do not kneel down!
James: I’M SO CONFUSED!