Harry: Will you marry me?

Draco: No

Harry: What? Why?

Draco: Because first, we’ve been married for five years, second, just because today is your birthday doesn’t mean you’ll get away this time. Now go change our baby’s diaper!

Harry *pouts*: Okay

Blaise: Is that sausage in your trousers or are you just excited to see me?

Ron *pulls out sausage from pockets*: Woah! How do you know?

Blaise: ...so you actually have it in your trousers?

Ron: Yeah!

Blaise: Can I have some then?

Ron: Oh...no

Blaise: ...

Harry: Thank you for the meal, Draco

Draco: You’re welcome

Ron: It’s 11pm, did you guys just have dinner now?

Draco: Oh no, Harry likes eating his midnight meal

Ron: Ah, I see

Harry & Draco: ...

Ron: Wait a minute—

Pansy: Hey, you got any chocolate syrup left?

Ron: Yeah, it’s in my...bedroom

Draco: Oh were you eating it?

Ron: Nah, Blaise was

Draco: Is that chocolate syrup on your neck?

Ron: ...

Pansy: Wait a minute—

Draco: Wow you two are wild

Draco: So, Harry and I are going to sing “Silent Night” for this Christmas party

Ron: That’s ironic considering how both of you never let me get a bloody silent night living in the next room with you guys. I’m looking at you, Draco

Draco: ...

Pansy: I like you

Hermione: Why?

Pansy: You’re so disciplined, so organised, you’re the definition of everything good in this world

Hermione: I set Snape on fire once

Pansy: ...I love you

Hermione: ...

Blaise: Do you think Weasley looks beautiful right now?

Pansy: You mean Ron, who has sauce all over his mouth and choking on a piece of chicken right now?

Blaise *sighs happily*: Yeah

Pansy: ...you have a problem

Ron: Some people might think I married Blaise just because he’s handsome and rich and he spoils me

Pansy: But?

Ron: But what? That’s it

Hermione: This shirt is 350 Galleons?

Pansy: Down from 700 Galleons. You’re saving like...200 Galleons

Hermione: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today

Draco: I just had the most amazing bath

Harry: Really? I don’t like baths

Draco: Wait, you like them with me

Harry: Honey, it’s not the bath I enjoy, it’s the wet, naked husband of mine

Ron: Blaise, this is enough, you can’t buy me anymore stuff, this is too much

Blaise: But I want to

Ron: Then why don’t you buy me the whole bloody shop then?

Blaise: Okay

Ron: No wait! Stop! I was joking!!

Pansy: Draco, have you filled in the qualities you want in a man in this parchment?

Draco: Yeah

Pansy: Okay—this just says “Harry Potter”

Draco: And?

Ron: You know, every person has a tough and scary friend, who’s always there to protect you

Pansy: Is Harry your protector?

Harry: Oh no, Hermione’s our protector

Pansy: ...right

Draco: I’m so mad at you, I can’t even talk to you right now, Harry!

Harry: Then should I leav—

Draco: Don’t you dare leave the bloody room!

Harry: What am I suppose to do?? I’m confused!

Draco: Ugh, my hips hurt

Ron: Oh, is it because...*winks* you and Harry have some...*winks* business in the bedroom? *winks* Was he good?

Draco: What are you—stop winking, Ron!You’re freaking me out!

Ron: What? You told me to be supportive of you and my best friend

Draco: Not like that!

Pansy: How was your date with Harry?

Draco: He whispered in my ear and I was moister than an oyster

Ron: ...well, there goes my seafood dinner

Harry: Draco...

Draco: Don’t talk to me

Pansy: What happened here?

Ron: He’s mad because Teddy likes Harry more

Draco: I’m his uncle! Blood related uncle!

Pansy: Who’s the cheesy one between you two?

Draco: Harry, definitely. You know, one time he literally stood outside of my Manor singing a song to me. It was so cheesy

Harry: You cried

Draco: ...still

Neville: Hey, you know what I was thinking? When we get married, are you gonna change your last name to Longbottom?

Theodore: ...No

Neville: Why not?

Theodore: ...Longbottom’s weird

Ron: Come on, Pansy. I mean, you can't even eat alone in a restaurant

Pansy: I can too eat by myself!

Ron: When have you ever?

Pansy: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!

Ron: Well, certain other people take 2 hours to eat a bowl of soup!

Pansy: Oh, please, you INHALE your food!

Ron: I grew up with Ginny and 5 brothers. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!