Harry: Will you marry me?

    Draco: No

    Harry: What? Why?

    Draco: Because first, we’ve been married for five years, second, just because today is your birthday doesn’t mean you’ll get away this time. Now go change our baby’s diaper!

    Harry *pouts*: Okay

    Blaise: Is that sausage in your trousers or are you just excited to see me?

    Ron *pulls out sausage from pockets*: Woah! How do you know?

    Blaise: ...so you actually have it in your trousers?

    Ron: Yeah!

    Blaise: Can I have some then?

    Ron: Oh...no

    Blaise: ...

    Harry: Thank you for the meal, Draco

    Draco: You’re welcome

    Ron: It’s 11pm, did you guys just have dinner now?

    Draco: Oh no, Harry likes eating his midnight meal

    Ron: Ah, I see

    Harry & Draco: ...

    Ron: Wait a minute—

    Pansy: Hey, you got any chocolate syrup left?

    Ron: Yeah, it’s in my...bedroom

    Draco: Oh were you eating it?

    Ron: Nah, Blaise was

    Draco: Is that chocolate syrup on your neck?

    Ron: ...

    Pansy: Wait a minute—

    Draco: Wow you two are wild

    Draco: So, Harry and I are going to sing “Silent Night” for this Christmas party

    Ron: That’s ironic considering how both of you never let me get a bloody silent night living in the next room with you guys. I’m looking at you, Draco

    Draco: ...

    Pansy: I like you

    Hermione: Why?

    Pansy: You’re so disciplined, so organised, you’re the definition of everything good in this world

    Hermione: I set Snape on fire once

    Pansy: ...I love you

    Hermione: ...

    Blaise: Do you think Weasley looks beautiful right now?

    Pansy: You mean Ron, who has sauce all over his mouth and choking on a piece of chicken right now?

    Blaise *sighs happily*: Yeah

    Pansy: ...you have a problem

    Ron: Some people might think I married Blaise just because he’s handsome and rich and he spoils me

    Pansy: But?

    Ron: But what? That’s it

    Hermione: This shirt is 350 Galleons?

    Pansy: Down from 700 Galleons. You’re saving like...200 Galleons

    Hermione: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today

    Draco: I just had the most amazing bath

    Harry: Really? I don’t like baths

    Draco: Wait, you like them with me

    Harry: Honey, it’s not the bath I enjoy, it’s the wet, naked husband of mine

    Ron: Blaise, this is enough, you can’t buy me anymore stuff, this is too much

    Blaise: But I want to

    Ron: Then why don’t you buy me the whole bloody shop then?

    Blaise: Okay

    Ron: No wait! Stop! I was joking!!

    Pansy: Draco, have you filled in the qualities you want in a man in this parchment?

    Draco: Yeah

    Pansy: Okay—this just says “Harry Potter”

    Draco: And?

    Ron: You know, every person has a tough and scary friend, who’s always there to protect you

    Pansy: Is Harry your protector?

    Harry: Oh no, Hermione’s our protector

    Pansy: ...right

    Draco: I’m so mad at you, I can’t even talk to you right now, Harry!

    Harry: Then should I leav—

    Draco: Don’t you dare leave the bloody room!

    Harry: What am I suppose to do?? I’m confused!

    Draco: Ugh, my hips hurt

    Ron: Oh, is it because...*winks* you and Harry have some...*winks* business in the bedroom? *winks* Was he good?

    Draco: What are you—stop winking, Ron!You’re freaking me out!

    Ron: What? You told me to be supportive of you and my best friend

    Draco: Not like that!

    Pansy: How was your date with Harry?

    Draco: He whispered in my ear and I was moister than an oyster

    Ron: ...well, there goes my seafood dinner

    Harry: Draco...

    Draco: Don’t talk to me

    Pansy: What happened here?

    Ron: He’s mad because Teddy likes Harry more

    Draco: I’m his uncle! Blood related uncle!

    Pansy: Who’s the cheesy one between you two?

    Draco: Harry, definitely. You know, one time he literally stood outside of my Manor singing a song to me. It was so cheesy

    Harry: You cried

    Draco: ...still

    Neville: Hey, you know what I was thinking? When we get married, are you gonna change your last name to Longbottom?

    Theodore: ...No

    Neville: Why not?

    Theodore: ...Longbottom’s weird

    Ron: Come on, Pansy. I mean, you can't even eat alone in a restaurant

    Pansy: I can too eat by myself!

    Ron: When have you ever?

    Pansy: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!

    Ron: Well, certain other people take 2 hours to eat a bowl of soup!

    Pansy: Oh, please, you INHALE your food!

    Ron: I grew up with Ginny and 5 brothers. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!