James: Party rockers in the house!
Regulus: It’s “party rock is”
James: I’m in love with you
Sirius: WOULD YOU STOP THAT?
Ron: Hey remember when I used to nap on your lap and you dropped a whole remote on my face one time?
Blaise: You want cake, don’t you?
Ron: That’s appalling. Why would you think that I only remind you of that because I want food?
Blaise: And chocolate
Ron: I would never do anything like that-
Blaise: And sweets
Ron: I can’t believe you have the audacity-
Blaise: I’ll cook you a 3 course meal
Ron: Well, since you insist so strongly…okay!
Ron: And snacks please!!
Blaise: Of course
*1985, Black-Potter residence*
Harry: Uncle Sirius, uncle Remus, can I tell you a secret?
Sirius: Oh, what is it, Harry?
Harry: Daddy almost killed papa last night
Harry: I woke up, and papa was screaming. He was calling for Merlin!
Remus: Like “Oh, Merlin”, sweetheart?
Harry: Yes! And I go into their room to save papa! And daddy’s hands were on papa’s neck, and papa couldn’t breathe!
Harry: I told daddy to stop it! And both daddy and papa screamed when they saw me. And they told me not to tell anyone
Remus: Wow, they…huh, they really did that
Harry: What does that mean, uncle Moony?
Remus: Oh, well, okay…it’s…your papa and daddy were…your daddy wasn’t killing your papa, okay?
Harry: What were they doing?
Remus: …That’s…that’s a very nice question, Harry. Maybe uncle Pads might—where’s your uncle Pads?
James, running in the yard as Sirius chases him: SIRIUS! I’M SORRY! I SAID I’M SORRY!
Sirius: Why? Why, Reg?
Regulus, sighs: Why am I sleeping with James?
Sirius: Is it a pity thing? Do you pity my best friend?
Sirius: Is he sick? Is Prongs dying?
Sirius: Are you working for the dark side?
Sirius: Damn it, he's holding you against your will, isn't he?
Sirius: If he is holding you against your will, blink twice
Sirius, blows at Regulus’s eyes: Blink twice, Reggie
Regulus: Really, Sirius?
Sirius: Is this revenge? When I pushed you into the lake when we were kids?
Sirius: You have a thing for glasses?
Regulus: I’m leaving the room, Sirius
Sirius: Is it huge?
Regulus: Sirius! Really?
Sirius: I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that
Sirius: Is it huge?
Sirius: Guys, this is my baby brother, Regulus
Remus & Peter: Hi
James: What is it? Regulus? Reggie? Regulius?
James: Tell me what are your hopes and dreams?
James: Are you warm? I'm a little, uh, I'm a little warm right now *takes off his shirt*
Remus: Don't, Prongs-
Sirius: What the hell are you doing?
James, flexing: Oh yeah, there it is
Regulus: Please put your shirt back on. Please don't make me laugh at you.
James: Can I hit you up with some tea? A little herb tea? Merlin. How good is that, for real, what? A little herbal tea? Yum, right? Hot, sweet, a little teabag action. And I wasn't talking about—
Sirius: IF YOU DON’T STOP, JAMES-
Sirius, opens door: Hey Prongs wha—what…
James: PADS! Okay! It’s not what it looks like!
Sirius: What are you doing on top of my brother?
Regulus: Sirius, calm down first
Sirius: I’m calm! I’m so calm *laughs* Now tell me what’s happening, Prongs, before I shove this wand so far up your—
James: WE’RE DATING!
James: What? He saw us
Regulus: All right, fine, James and I are dating
James: For six months
Sirius: You—you-you’re dating my brother?
Sirius: Without telling me?
Regulus: We were hoping you wouldn’t notice that
Sirius: Oh I can’t believe this! And to catch you guys on my own bed! What the hell is wrong with you two?
Regulus: We thought it was James’s bed!
James: And we weren’t doing anything, Pads
Sirius: YOU WERE SHOVING YOUR TONGUE DOWN MY BROTHER’S THROAT!
James: Oh...okay, we were doing one thing. At least you didn’t walk in on us when I first deflowered Reg
Regulus: James! Why would you tell him that?
James: …I don’t know
Sirius: You—you...you deflowered my brother? MY BROTHER? DEFLOWERED?
Regulus: It’s not that big of a deal, Sirius!
Sirius: Oh my god I cannot believe this! First I found my best friend fondling my baby brother on my own bed—
Regulus: Don’t say fondle, Sirius
Sirius: And now I know you took my brother, my precious brother’s flower! How could you? We’re supposed to be best friends!
James: We’re still best friends!
Sirius: YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY HIM!
Sirius: That’s right. You have to take responsibility and you have to marry my baby brother! Get on your knees, Prongs. I will make this wedding happen right now!
Regulus: Sirius, are you insane? What are you talki—James, stand up! Do not kneel down!
James: I’M SO CONFUSED!
Sirius: What’s your resolution for New Year, guys? You start first, Reggie
Regulus: I don’t got one
Regulus: Well, I’d like to be invited less to your lame parties with your friends
Sirius: Impossible. And my parties are cool. Prongs?
James: I wanna ask someone I like out
Sirius: Oh, really? You’re finally asking Lily out?
James: No, no, not her
Sirius: Well who is it then? Do I know them?
James: …that’s a very tricky question you’re asking, Pads
Sirius: Come on, what? Who is it? Moony, you know who Prongs is talking about?
Remus: …why don’t you talk about your resolution, Wormtail?
Peter: Oh, yeah, sure, I’d like to eat more vegetables, if I can
Sirius: That’s very healthy, Peter. Why don’t you tell me who it is, Prongs?
James: Pads, it’s no big deal
Sirius: You’re hiding something, aren’t you? You’re all pink
James: I’m not!
Sirius: Who is it? Is it some—oh Merlin, is it one of us? Is that why you can’t say it? You have a crush on someone here?
Sirius: Oh, no, is it—is it me?
James: What? No! No! Not you, I swear
Sirius: Okay, okay good, I’m slightly offended, but good. Who is it?
James: I’m not gonna tell you, Pads
Sirius: This is so unfair, it’s New Year, we gotta let go of all the secrets, Prongs. Who do you got a crush on?
Sirius: It isn’t me. So Moony?
Sirius: My Reggie?
Sirius: Oh God, it’s Reg? You-you got a crush on my little brother? Regulus? My BROTHER? REGGIE?
Remus: James, run!
Sirius: Reggie, are you dating someone?
Sirius: You’ve been sneaking out every night, giggling while reading your letters. Are you?
Regulus: …okay, yeah, I’m dating someone
Sirius: Why haven’t I met him yet? I wanna see the guy who manages to get my brother! Surely I’m going to like him!
Regulus: Yeah, no doubt you will
Sirius: Really? Who is this guy? Do I know him?
Regulus: Some would say even better than I do
Sirius: That’s brilliant...but, you’re not dating Moony right?
Regulus: Oh, no, don’t worry about that
Sirius: Oh, okay
Regulus: I’m dating James
Sirius: I’m sorry, what?
Regulus: I’m dating James
Sirius: No, I heard you the first time. James…as in James Potter? James Potter, my best friend? That James?
Regulus: Yes, we’ve been going out for six months now
Sirius: WITHOUT TELLING ME?
Regulus: Sirius, it’s not that big of a deal—
Sirius: Did he deflower you?
Regulus: What? Sirius—
Sirius: Did my best friend in the whole wide world deflower my dear younger brother or did he not, Regulus?
Regulus: I...okay, yes, we did—wait! Where are you going? No—put your wand down! Sirius—stop!