Pansy: Seduce me with your knowledge
Hermione: Hogwarts is established around the 10th century
Pansy: Yeeeeees!
Hermione: …
Pansy: My mother told me to stay away from boys when I was young, and if they come close, I just have to back away
Pansy: Ten years later, I’m a lesbian
Pansy: So it turns out pretty good actually
Hermione: Is this how you flirt?
Pansy: Is it working?
Pansy: Oh, that seems heavy, can I give you a hand?
Hermione: You’re pointing at my boobs
Pansy: ...your point being?
Pansy: You ever laugh so hard you grab your boobs?
Hermione: No, and it also doesn’t explain why your hands are on mine
Pansy: Hermione, come on, don’t be mad
Ginny: What’s wrong?
Hermione: Pansy didn’t know we were going on a date last night
Ginny: You didn’t know you were on a date?
Pansy: I did not—okay, I did not know! But who knows if you just wanna have dinner with me as friends or more?
Hermione: We kissed in front of my door!
Pansy: It could have been a friendly kiss between girls! I didn’t realise!
Hermione: I invited you inside, Pansy
Pansy: I’m a lesbian, it gets really confusing sometimes!
Hermione: ...
Pansy: Is that glasses you have on?
Hermione: Yeah, I need one to read
Pansy: You look...nice in it
Hermione: Oh, really?
Pansy: Yeah
Ron: ...
Ron: So should I leave or—okay you’re already kissing, I’m just gonna go
Hermione: Pansy, I told you, that is not the correct way to cast a spell
Pansy: I don’t see why “Wingardium Levioslay” isn’t right
Hermione: ...
Ships with “I’m stupid” + “I’m with stupid” dynamic:
Pansy: I broke my neck yesterday
Ron: Are you alright?
Pansy: Yeah, I’m fine now, it was at midnight and Hermione healed it immediately
Draco: So...you broke your neck at midnight? How did that happen?
Hermione *blushing*: Well, it’s my fault actually
Draco: ...oh wow
Ron: Wow what?
Draco: ...
Ron: ...
Draco: ...
Ron: ...oh wow
Pansy: ...I mean look at Hermione, my wife is so beautiful, I just love her so much, she’s intelligent, kind—
Hermione: Pansy, this is Harry and Draco’s wedding, you’re supposed to say your Maid of Honour’s speech!
Pansy: Well I’m getting into it!
Pansy: I like you
Hermione: Why?
Pansy: You’re so disciplined, so organised, you’re the definition of everything good in this world
Hermione: I set Snape on fire once
Pansy: ...I love you
Hermione: ...
Call Me Darling - Theville (Neville x Theodore)
Summary:
“Hello,” the low voice said after a while. He couldn’t help but noticed the shuddering breath over the phone, he could tell the other man was nervous and clearly, this was his first time doing this. “Er, I…I—this is silly, er, I’m not sure why I’m even doing this. It’s not something I’d normally do. My friend, she…she talked me into doing this, said it’d help relieve the pent up I have, I just…I don’t know.”
Theo hummed, a smile forming at the corner of his lips. “It’s okay, darling. You can tell me the story.”
“St-story?”
“How your friend talked you into doing this, of course. Do you have a secret crush, perhaps? Someone you’d like me to pretend to be?”
“Yes, yes, I do."
“Okay, tell me about them, darling."
Theo worked as a phone sex operator, but he had never encountered such an odd guy before, and he definitely didn't know one call from a stranger would affect his life so profoundly.
Word count: 42365
Chapter: 10/10
Tags: Phone Sex; phone sex operator Theodore Nott; Post-Hogwarts; Dirty Talk; Pet Names; Secret Crush; Pining; Flirting; Explicit Sexual Content; Tooth-Rotting Fluff; Auror Neville Longbottom; more tags
Hermione: Look, I got another O on the test!
Pansy: Why do you have to be on top of the class when you can be on top of me?
McGonagall: Miss Parkinson, we’re still in class
Pansy: ...right, sorry Professor
Pansy: I know why you don’t like riding brooms
Hermione: Why?
Pansy: Because you’re a lesbian
Hermione: We’re married
Pansy: I know!
Ron, Thongs and Perfect Snogging - Blairon
Summary: Ron had no idea how he ended up in the lap of Blaise Zabini, a charming former Slytherin, and he certainly didn't picture himself on his bed, being snogged the hell out of him. But life was full of surprises like that.
Word count: 18000
Chapter: 2/2
Tags: Post-Hogwarts; Auror Ron Weasley; Drinking Games; Fluff and Smut; Explicit Sexual Content; Asphyxiation; Edgeplay; Collars; Ice Play; Dirty Talk; Dom/sub; Aftercare; Thongs (many other tags)
Pansy: You know why I don’t like wands?
Hermione: Is this one of those times you’d make a lame joke?
Pansy: No
Hermione: Okay, why don’t you like wands?
Pansy *laughs*: Because I’m a lesbian. Get it?
Hermione *sighs*: You’re lucky I married you
Hermione: This shirt is 350 Galleons?
Pansy: Down from 700 Galleons. You’re saving like...200 Galleons
Hermione: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today
Lesbians united!
Ron: I just made an LGB sandwich
Harry: You mean a BLT?
Ron: No, an LGB. Look!
Harry: You’re just standing next to Pansy and Draco—oh, okay, I get it. That’s funny!
Hermione: It’s really not
Underwater Love - Drarry
Summary: When Harry learns that he must save Malfoy in the Second Task of the Triwizard Tournament, his future is completely altered. From there, things quickly get out of hand, in ways he never imagined.
Word count: 26826
Tags: Hogwarts Fourth Year; Triwizard Tournament; Second Task of the Triwizard Tournament (Harry Potter); Fix-It; Secret Relationship; Developing Relationship; Professor Harry Potter; Professor Draco Malfoy; Explicit Sexual Content; Duelling; Draco Malfoy Has Long Hair; Praise Kink; Body Worship