Pansy: Seduce me with your knowledge

    Hermione: Hogwarts is established around the 10th century

    Pansy: Yeeeeees!


    Pansy: My mother told me to stay away from boys when I was young, and if they come close, I just have to back away

    Pansy: Ten years later, I’m a lesbian

    Pansy: So it turns out pretty good actually

    Hermione: Is this how you flirt?

    Pansy: Is it working?

    Pansy: Oh, that seems heavy, can I give you a hand?

    Hermione: You’re pointing at my boobs

    Pansy: ...your point being?

    Pansy: You ever laugh so hard you grab your boobs?

    Hermione: No, and it also doesn’t explain why your hands are on mine

    Pansy: Hermione, come on, don’t be mad

    Ginny: What’s wrong?

    Hermione: Pansy didn’t know we were going on a date last night

    Ginny: You didn’t know you were on a date?

    Pansy: I did not—okay, I did not know! But who knows if you just wanna have dinner with me as friends or more?

    Hermione: We kissed in front of my door!

    Pansy: It could have been a friendly kiss between girls! I didn’t realise!

    Hermione: I invited you inside, Pansy

    Pansy: I’m a lesbian, it gets really confusing sometimes!

    Hermione: ...

    Hermione: Pansy, I told you, that is not the correct way to cast a spell

    Pansy: I don’t see why “Wingardium Levioslay” isn’t right

    Hermione: ...

    Ships with “I’m stupid” + “I’m with stupid” dynamic:

    Pansy: I broke my neck yesterday

    Ron: Are you alright?

    Pansy: Yeah, I’m fine now, it was at midnight and Hermione healed it immediately

    Draco: broke your neck at midnight? How did that happen?

    Hermione *blushing*: Well, it’s my fault actually

    Draco: ...oh wow

    Ron: Wow what?

    Draco: ...

    Ron: ...

    Draco: ...

    Ron: ...oh wow

    Pansy: ...I mean look at Hermione, my wife is so beautiful, I just love her so much, she’s intelligent, kind—

    Hermione: Pansy, this is Harry and Draco’s wedding, you’re supposed to say your Maid of Honour’s speech!

    Pansy: Well I’m getting into it!

    Call Me Darling - Theville (Neville x Theodore)


    “Hello,” the low voice said after a while. He couldn’t help but noticed the shuddering breath over the phone, he could tell the other man was nervous and clearly, this was his first time doing this. “Er, I…I—this is silly, er, I’m not sure why I’m even doing this. It’s not something I’d normally do. My friend, she…she talked me into doing this, said it’d help relieve the pent up I have, I just…I don’t know.”

    Theo hummed, a smile forming at the corner of his lips. “It’s okay, darling. You can tell me the story.”


    “How your friend talked you into doing this, of course. Do you have a secret crush, perhaps? Someone you’d like me to pretend to be?”

    “Yes, yes, I do."

    “Okay, tell me about them, darling."

    Theo worked as a phone sex operator, but he had never encountered such an odd guy before, and he definitely didn't know one call from a stranger would affect his life so profoundly.

    Word count: 42365

    Chapter: 10/10

    Tags: Phone Sex; phone sex operator Theodore Nott; Post-Hogwarts; Dirty Talk; Pet Names; Secret Crush; Pining; Flirting; Explicit Sexual Content; Tooth-Rotting Fluff; Auror Neville Longbottom; more tags


    Hermione: Look, I got another O on the test!

    Pansy: Why do you have to be on top of the class when you can be on top of me?

    McGonagall: Miss Parkinson, we’re still in class

    Pansy: ...right, sorry Professor

    Pansy: I know why you don’t like riding brooms

    Hermione: Why?

    Pansy: Because you’re a lesbian

    Hermione: We’re married

    Pansy: I know!

    Ron, Thongs and Perfect Snogging - Blairon

    Summary: Ron had no idea how he ended up in the lap of Blaise Zabini, a charming former Slytherin, and he certainly didn't picture himself on his bed, being snogged the hell out of him. But life was full of surprises like that.

    Word count: 18000

    Chapter: 2/2

    Tags: Post-Hogwarts; Auror Ron Weasley; Drinking Games; Fluff and Smut; Explicit Sexual Content; Asphyxiation; Edgeplay; Collars; Ice Play; Dirty Talk; Dom/sub; Aftercare; Thongs (many other tags)


    Pansy: You know why I don’t like wands?

    Hermione: Is this one of those times you’d make a lame joke?

    Pansy: No

    Hermione: Okay, why don’t you like wands?

    Pansy *laughs*: Because I’m a lesbian. Get it?

    Hermione *sighs*: You’re lucky I married you

    Ron: I just made an LGB sandwich

    Harry: You mean a BLT?

    Ron: No, an LGB. Look!

    Harry: You’re just standing next to Pansy and Draco—oh, okay, I get it. That’s funny!

    Hermione: It’s really not

    Underwater Love - Drarry

    Summary: When Harry learns that he must save Malfoy in the Second Task of the Triwizard Tournament, his future is completely altered. From there, things quickly get out of hand, in ways he never imagined.

    Word count: 26826

    Tags: Hogwarts Fourth Year; Triwizard Tournament; Second Task of the Triwizard Tournament (Harry Potter); Fix-It; Secret Relationship; Developing Relationship; Professor Harry Potter; Professor Draco Malfoy; Explicit Sexual Content; Duelling; Draco Malfoy Has Long Hair; Praise Kink; Body Worship