Ron: Are you staying for the party?

Draco: I can’t, I’m leaving early to see a Quidditch match later. Kings versus Blackhawks

Ron: Wow, they can call a team that? I’ve never heard of them. Is Blaise playing?

Draco: Black HAWKS!

Ron: …oh

Fleur: You need to learn how to stand up for yourself

Draco: Do you know how easy that is for you to say?

Fleur: No, nothing in English is easy for me to say

Fleur: You need to learn how to stand up for yourself

Draco: Do you know how easy that is for you to say?

Fleur: No, nothing in English is easy for me to say

Draco *picking out clothes*: Hmm, okay Harry, assuming our house is on fire, I only have time to grab one shirt. Which one do I take?

Harry: The correct answer is “Take our kids”

Draco *picking out clothes*: Hmm, okay Harry, assuming our house is on fire, I only have time to grab one shirt. Which one do I take?

Harry: The correct answer is “Take our kids”

Draco: There’s nothing gays hate more than when people treat us like women

Draco: We are not. We don’t want to go to your baby showers. We don’t have a time of the month. We don’t love pink

Harry: Well, you love pink

Draco: No, pink loves me

Draco: There’s nothing gays hate more than when people treat us like women

Draco: We are not. We don’t want to go to your baby showers. We don’t have a time of the month. We don’t love pink

Harry: Well, you love pink

Draco: No, pink loves me

Draco: Every new generation thinks they have cracked the code on child rearing. What's the latest theory that Pansy and Hermione are using to teach their kids? Never say "no”

Draco: I say "no" every day in this house, the kids always listen

Harry *winks*: But at night, he’s a "yes" machine

Draco: No

Harry: ...

Harry: You’re probably one of those beautiful men who doesn’t even know it

Draco: No, I know it

Draco: Every new generation thinks they have cracked the code on child rearing. What's the latest theory that Pansy and Hermione are using to teach their kids? Never say "no”

Draco: I say "no" every day in this house, the kids always listen

Harry *winks*: But at night, he’s a "yes" machine

Draco: No

Harry: ...

Pansy: So how was the meeting with Draco’s parents?

Harry: Well, halfway through dinner, I told Draco that whenever he had the urge to lash out at his father, he should just squeeze my hand instead

Harry: Ron had to cut the wedding ring off me, Pansy, off

Pansy: Oh...

Harry: You’re probably one of those beautiful men who doesn’t even know it

Draco: No, I know it

Pansy: So how was the meeting with Draco’s parents?

Harry: Well, halfway through dinner, I told Draco that whenever he had the urge to lash out at his father, he should just squeeze my hand instead

Harry: Ron had to cut the wedding ring off me, Pansy, off

Pansy: Oh...

Hermione: What am I most afraid of? Hmm. Let’s see. Global warming…and getting an “E” in exams

Luna: The Floo flaring up in the middle of the night

Ginny: That I’m too much of a perfectionist

Luna: Honey, this isn’t a job interview

Ginny: Oh…Job interviews

Ron: Nothing

Blaise: Yeah, right. What about the spiders?

Ron: Oh, I don’t like them. They’re shifty

Blaise *smirk*: Okay

Pansy: Never getting my Apparition’s licence. Or getting one and the picture sucks

Neville: Dying alone

Harry: Losing Draco

Draco: Aww…

Draco: Hotel bedspreads

Harry: …

Harry, to their friends: We were called into the Headmistress’s office one week before little James’s graduation. That can mean only one of two things

Harry: Either he’s gonna be valedictorian

Harry: Or they're giving an award for sexiest dad

Draco: ...

Draco: We're very proud of James

Harry, to their friends: We were called into the Headmistress’s office one week before little James’s graduation. That can mean only one of two things

Harry: Either he’s gonna be valedictorian

Harry: Or they're giving an award for sexiest dad

Draco: ...

Draco: We're very proud of James

*while playing Poker*

Harry, *to Lily Luna*: Okay, do you have any queens?

Lily *looks at her dads*: Yeah, two big ones

Draco: Okay, you know what? It was funny the first time. Now it's just getting mean

*while playing Poker*

Harry, *to Lily Luna*: Okay, do you have any queens?

Lily *looks at her dads*: Yeah, two big ones

Draco: Okay, you know what? It was funny the first time. Now it's just getting mean

Harry: *lean in and kiss Draco*

Draco: *avoid him*

Harry: What's all that about? Are mad at me or something?

Draco: I don't know. Did you do something to make me mad? Because then I am. But if you didn't, then I am not

Harry: I didn't do anything

Draco: Then I am not mad

Harry: You want to tell me what I did?

Draco: Do you want to tell me what you did?

Harry: I don't know what I did

Draco: Then I don't know what you did

Harry: ...

Scorpius: Do we really need to do this?

James: It’s our parents’ anniversary, of course we’re surprising them with breakfast in bed

Lily: Yeah and it’s because they’re impossible to buy for

Scorpius: Well…We’ve never really tried

James: Okay, ready? One, two, three *opens the bedroom door* Surprise *sees Draco and Harry doing it under the blanket*

James & Scorpius & Lily *screaming: NO NO NO NO!

Draco: NO! I’M SORRY!

Harry: NOTHING IS HAPPENING!

Draco: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Harry: It’s okay. Maybe they didn’t see anything

Draco: Sweetie, they screamed. They dropped a tray of dishes and they ran out of here like they were on fire

Harry: You were on fire, honey

Draco: Really? You’re still going?

Harry: Forgive me for thinking your zesty performance deserves some praise

Draco: Harry, our children are downstairs right now, and they’re probably traumatized

Harry: Oh, come on. I’m sure it’s not that bad

*meanwhile*

Scorpius: *throw water at his face*

James: I can still see it!

Scorpius: I can’t believe that just happened

Lily: What were they doing?

James: Nothing

Lily: Whatever it was, it looked like Dad was winning

Scorpius: IT! They were doing “it”!

James: She has no idea what you’re talking about

Lily: Sex?

Scorpius: Yes!

Lily: I know what sex is, Scorp. It’s when two people take off their underpants and then get into the bed

James: Oh god STOP talking!