Ron: Are you staying for the party?

    Draco: I can’t, I’m leaving early to see a Quidditch match later. Kings versus Blackhawks

    Ron: Wow, they can call a team that? I’ve never heard of them. Is Blaise playing?

    Draco: Black HAWKS!

    Ron: …oh

    Fleur: You need to learn how to stand up for yourself

    Draco: Do you know how easy that is for you to say?

    Fleur: No, nothing in English is easy for me to say

    Draco *picking out clothes*: Hmm, okay Harry, assuming our house is on fire, I only have time to grab one shirt. Which one do I take?

    Harry: The correct answer is “Take our kids”

    Draco *picking out clothes*: Hmm, okay Harry, assuming our house is on fire, I only have time to grab one shirt. Which one do I take?

    Harry: The correct answer is “Take our kids”

    Draco: There’s nothing gays hate more than when people treat us like women

    Draco: We are not. We don’t want to go to your baby showers. We don’t have a time of the month. We don’t love pink

    Harry: Well, you love pink

    Draco: No, pink loves me

    Draco: There’s nothing gays hate more than when people treat us like women

    Draco: We are not. We don’t want to go to your baby showers. We don’t have a time of the month. We don’t love pink

    Harry: Well, you love pink

    Draco: No, pink loves me

    Draco: Every new generation thinks they have cracked the code on child rearing. What's the latest theory that Pansy and Hermione are using to teach their kids? Never say "no”

    Draco: I say "no" every day in this house, the kids always listen

    Harry *winks*: But at night, he’s a "yes" machine

    Draco: No

    Harry: ...

    Draco: Every new generation thinks they have cracked the code on child rearing. What's the latest theory that Pansy and Hermione are using to teach their kids? Never say "no”

    Draco: I say "no" every day in this house, the kids always listen

    Harry *winks*: But at night, he’s a "yes" machine

    Draco: No

    Harry: ...

    Pansy: So how was the meeting with Draco’s parents?

    Harry: Well, halfway through dinner, I told Draco that whenever he had the urge to lash out at his father, he should just squeeze my hand instead

    Harry: Ron had to cut the wedding ring off me, Pansy, off

    Pansy: Oh...

    Pansy: So how was the meeting with Draco’s parents?

    Harry: Well, halfway through dinner, I told Draco that whenever he had the urge to lash out at his father, he should just squeeze my hand instead

    Harry: Ron had to cut the wedding ring off me, Pansy, off

    Pansy: Oh...

    Hermione: What am I most afraid of? Hmm. Let’s see. Global warming…and getting an “E” in exams

    Luna: The Floo flaring up in the middle of the night

    Ginny: That I’m too much of a perfectionist

    Luna: Honey, this isn’t a job interview

    Ginny: Oh…Job interviews

    Ron: Nothing

    Blaise: Yeah, right. What about the spiders?

    Ron: Oh, I don’t like them. They’re shifty

    Blaise *smirk*: Okay

    Pansy: Never getting my Apparition’s licence. Or getting one and the picture sucks

    Neville: Dying alone

    Harry: Losing Draco

    Draco: Aww…

    Draco: Hotel bedspreads

    Harry:

    Harry, to their friends: We were called into the Headmistress’s office one week before little James’s graduation. That can mean only one of two things

    Harry: Either he’s gonna be valedictorian

    Harry: Or they're giving an award for sexiest dad

    Draco: ...

    Draco: We're very proud of James

    Harry, to their friends: We were called into the Headmistress’s office one week before little James’s graduation. That can mean only one of two things

    Harry: Either he’s gonna be valedictorian

    Harry: Or they're giving an award for sexiest dad

    Draco: ...

    Draco: We're very proud of James

    Harry: *lean in and kiss Draco*

    Draco: *avoid him*

    Harry: What's all that about? Are mad at me or something?

    Draco: I don't know. Did you do something to make me mad? Because then I am. But if you didn't, then I am not

    Harry: I didn't do anything

    Draco: Then I am not mad

    Harry: You want to tell me what I did?

    Draco: Do you want to tell me what you did?

    Harry: I don't know what I did

    Draco: Then I don't know what you did

    Harry: ...

    Scorpius: Do we really need to do this?

    James: It’s our parents’ anniversary, of course we’re surprising them with breakfast in bed

    Lily: Yeah and it’s because they’re impossible to buy for

    Scorpius: Well…We’ve never really tried

    James: Okay, ready? One, two, three *opens the bedroom door* Surprise *sees Draco and Harry doing it under the blanket*

    James & Scorpius & Lily *screaming: NO NO NO NO!

    Draco: NO! I’M SORRY!

    Harry: NOTHING IS HAPPENING!

    Draco: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

    Harry: It’s okay. Maybe they didn’t see anything

    Draco: Sweetie, they screamed. They dropped a tray of dishes and they ran out of here like they were on fire

    Harry: You were on fire, honey

    Draco: Really? You’re still going?

    Harry: Forgive me for thinking your zesty performance deserves some praise

    Draco: Harry, our children are downstairs right now, and they’re probably traumatized

    Harry: Oh, come on. I’m sure it’s not that bad

    *meanwhile*

    Scorpius: *throw water at his face*

    James: I can still see it!

    Scorpius: I can’t believe that just happened

    Lily: What were they doing?

    James: Nothing

    Lily: Whatever it was, it looked like Dad was winning

    Scorpius: IT! They were doing “it”!

    James: She has no idea what you’re talking about

    Lily: Sex?

    Scorpius: Yes!

    Lily: I know what sex is, Scorp. It’s when two people take off their underpants and then get into the bed

    James: Oh god STOP talking!