I had short hair when I met him.

    Then lockdown happened, and my hair grew. For the first time in years, I let it grow past my shoulders. Over my tits. Every month maintaining it becomes harder. I buy more expensive shampoo. I get a sleep turban to protect it from breaking.

    Mg choice of self harm has always been my hair. Pulling it out, leaving bald spots behind my ears, leaving me without eyelashes. When my mother died, I nearly pulled out all of my hair.

    These days, my OCD is still triggered sometimes, but I try to choose edges over pulling. Ask him to spank me when I want to feel pain. Focus on the ache between my legs to distract my body from the desire to hurt itself.

    When I take care of my hair, I am taking care of me. It’s a symbol more than anything. I cut it all off when I’m sad. I dyed it blonde once, after a breakup.

    But now, it’s growing. Longer than I have let it grow since I was in my teens. First because of lockdown, then because of the wedding.

    Last night, while we were cuddling I said, ‘I think I might cut it short again, now that hairdressers are open.’

    ‘No.’

    ‘But…’

    ‘No. You’re not allowed to cut it short. I like your long hair.’

    He knows, I think, that letting my hair grow long, nurturing it, taking care of it, watching the bald spots grow hair again, is a symbol of healing that I need.

    That, and he likes pulling it while he fucks me.

    I look up at him with a slight pout. Not necessarily unhappy with his instructions, but trying to find the limit. ‘What if I did it anyway?’

    He smiles, hugs me tighter, kisses my forehead. ‘I wouldn’t let you cum until it grew back.’

    I whimper and hide my face in his chest.

    ‘How long has it been? A year, right? That should be enough to teach you not to disobey me. You can have a year with short hair, if you want a year without orgasms.’

    ‘You are, very, very mean.’

    ‘You knew that when you married me.’

    I blush and smile at him. He knows how wet he makes me. I am tempted to point out that we changed the vows so I never promised to obey him, but my last orgasm was long enough ago to stop me from being too cheeky.

    ‘Maybe if you were really bad, I’d cut it off myself. Maybe only a few inches the first time. That might only take a month or two to grow back. But you’d always know that I could shave you, and you wouldn’t be able to cum again until your hair touched your shoulders.’

    I close my eyes, slightly overwhelmed by the fantasy. I can’t say anything so I just whimper. He kisses me again and I moan.

    I remember the vows we took, the words we spoke. With my body I honour you. All that I am I give to you.

    How true they have been for us. How fully he owns me. I have never been loved like this.

    I have never loved like this.

    anonymous

    Hello! I have been a huge fan of your blog for years and I love participating in all the tasks and games you post. Recently, I have been using the Wheel of Denial and I was wondering if you would ever consider making a Wheel of No Touch with tasks specifically for people not allowed to touch but who would still like to do some deliciously torturous tasks

    I like the sound of that! I’ve been experimenting with a couple of apps that are just a bit more interactive than the ‘Wheel Decide’ site but we had trouble getting them importing the wheels into Apple phones. 

    anonymous

    Hey James,

    Before your blog perhaps gets erased, I wanted to go ahead and send a message.

    I’ve legitimately been following your page for a couple of years… you genuinely unlocked a lot for that I didn’t know I enjoyed or could do.

    I’ve always been too nervous to reach out, say anything, or interact in any sorts of ways… so perhaps one day I’ll work up the courage to do something more. I figured I’d shoot this shot just in case I never got to again.

    Just wanted to thank you for the blog, for the genuine good content and information. Your books are wonderful.

    Maybe you’ll see me again, in a private message or another anonymous one.

    -L (some people call me Alex)

    Hi Alex, that’s really sweet of you, I’m glad the recent blog mess helped you reach out. I REALLY hope it won’t get deleted, I’m only going to ask for it to not be marked explicit, but as I said, my wife did the same last year and it didn’t go well! So fingers crossed.

    Either way, definitely add me on my main @jameshardcourt, and you can find me on Twitter or more recently Instagram. But it’d be great to hear from you, reach out and say hello.

    James

    female-orgasm-denial

    female-orgasm-denial might be about to get deleted - here's what you can do

    18 months ago, I deleted thousands of posts on this blog so I could use Tumblr unrestricted. I've had maybe three posts flagged since then – I've deleted those immediately.

    But as you may have noticed, because of some random post that had a screenshot that I'd edited all nipples etc from, and posted over a year ago, Tumblr has restricted this blog again.

    This has happened before, and I've got the functionality back. But the last time I requested a blog to be derestricted it, it was my wife's, and Tumblr deleted it without giving any reason or any chance to appeal.

    I'm going to be asking for this blog to be removed from restrictions next week, but who knows what will happen.

    So if you'd like to keep in contact I suggest you do any of these three things:

  • Follow me on my main @jameshardcourt
  • Follow me on Twitter - edgingspace
  • Sign up to my publishing newsletter
  • Thanks for your support. I hardly ever ask this but please reblog so others might get a chance to see this on their dash.

    With love and the bad type of frustration,

    James

    female-orgasm-denial

    A reminder about this. I went through all my posts and found two that had been flagged (but not listed in the 'flagged posts page... wtf) so have deleted them. But I'll be asking staff to remove my explicit tag soon. So please follow the instructions above, and wish me luck!

    Well this is something new!

    The One-Bar Prison has been promoted on 'Shameless Book Deals' (love the name). If you're on Twitter then do have a look and even retweet if you're brave. It's down to 99c/99p this week if you want it from Amazon.

    (But remember, you can get it free by signing up to my mailing list).

    Also, I should add, this is a new edition! I updated it last week so that this book has discussion points at the end like the rest of the Kink by the Numbers series.

    anonymous

    hey james, i got very very wet and fingered myself for the first time ever just 5 minutes ago, but i could only get one finger in. now i know that's normal bc im a virgin and have had nothing in me before this but just one finger made the ache inside so much worse. so i tried to get two in but it hurt. not inside my vag but the opening hurt when it stretched. the inside was actually hungry for more, but im afraid of tearing so i pulled out my second finger (which was only a little bit in). how do i get two or more in comfortably? i should also mention that i absolutely can't buy toys or make any. hope you understand, lots of love, a long time lurker

    Hi long term lurker!

    Well done on exploring, that’s brilliant, and I’m glad it was such a positive experience.

    There are two elements to exploring yourself without it hurting. Lubricant and patience. But before we get onto those (see, practising patience already...) let’s talk about vaginas and hymens.

    Actually, I’m going to let Laci Green talk to you about hymens, because she’s awesome: https://youtu.be/9qFojO8WkpA

    Go hunt for her talking about vaginas too but the major thing to note is that your vagina is unlike any other orifice, it’s designed to stretch. The inside of it is more like scrunched up material than a smooth hole. 

    It’s the ‘unscrunching’ of that lining that is usually what hurts a bit as you explore. You know how when you buy clothes online and they’re all sealed up and you have to almost tease them apart to get them to look right? That’s your vagina right now. So the pain you’re feeling is probably (I’m not a doctor, if it keeps hurting talk to one...) that first time those folds are opening up. It’s actually your pelvic muscles that keep you tight once that’s happened, and those are more about just feeling sexy and relaxed rather than anything you have to do physically.

    So, that’s the patience part, taking your time, getting yourself horny and relaxed, and not rushing as you explore and stretch and go deeper.

    Now, lubricant doesn’t have to be something you buy. As you describe, you’ve been doing well making it yourself, and that is a good sign. BUT it can be surprisingly helpful to add a bit of extra lube. A water based one will mix with your natural lube to make you extra slippery and that can help you open up. Oil or silicone based ones can work too but water-based is easiest for internal exploration and usually the cheapest.

    If you can’t get hold of lube then while water itself isn’t a great lubricant being in a warm bath can help relax  you enough and also make the opening up easier. so again if you’re struggling try that and gently explore. Minimise the amount of stuff you put in the bath, we don’t want soap or bath oils irritating you.

    Also try something sized between a finger and two. The classic is a hairbrush handle. It should be COMPLETELY smooth and ideally rounded. Don’t use ridge ones or ones with holes in at this point, not while you’re starting out. 

    Hopefully that’ll give you some pointers to start with and maybe some followers with vagina’s can pitch in with their experience.

    James

    anonymous

    Dear James, I have started reading your free book Entrapped and while I’m enjoying your writing male orgasm denial is not my kink. Can you recommend a book of yours which has a cuckquean element in it? It is hard to find well-written and subtle material on this kink ( outside of manga/anime). Thank you for the female orgasm denial inspiration, it is proving to be a very usefull tool in the D/s dynamic between my Hb and I, yours sincerely Kiki

    Hi there,

    Firstly, keep going with that series, while chastity is a key plot element in Entrapped, the next book in the series, Enticed, gets much more into female denial. There’s hints of cuckqueaning in the third book with a young couple I introduce in book 2, but it’s not been a major focus yet.

    (I’m about to publish them as a bundle and a paperback, so keep an eyeout for that!)

    It’s a really interesting a complex kink, and something I’d like to explore more deeply in a book focused on it in future. I’m beginning to build up some ‘pure fantasy’ plots that don’t go in for educating the way my Kink by the Numbers series does, so it might fit in well there.

    Cuckolding/cuckqueaning are such complex kinks though. The emotions involved in them can be overwhelming, and so easily tipped from highs to lows. Part of that is the fact much of it involves another person and that multiplies the complexity of anything by a long way. For male chastity the idea of the partner using toys instead of the man’s cock is a big theme.

    With Jane I’ve messed with that a little, although it wasn’t with a cuckquean frame of reference, just where she was edged and we had ‘femoral’ sex (between the thighs) and I teased her about how good it would feel in her. 

    I wonder if your Hb and you could have fun exploring around that too, perhaps with something like a fleshlight between your thighs if you really want to ramp it up?

    anonymous

    Hi James, I don’t know if you’re answering questions atm but I was wondering if you’ve ever heard of this- it’s like my mind and body have learned that orgasms aren’t as fun as edging so now they have a fake orgasm if I push too far? It doesn’t feel like a ruin, more like the shadow of an orgasm, just the tiniest pretence of one. (I haven’t tried having a full orgasm and don’t intend to.) Anyway I’m very okay with it, just curious if you’ve heard of anything like it before.

    Hi Anon,

    It’s a phenomenon I’ve heard of happening more with men than women but I’ve definitely had reports of both. From what I know it’s different from a ruined orgasm because it does give your libido a hit as though you had cum, but you don’t get the pleasure associated with a full orgasm.

    As long as you’re okay with it, nothing to worry about. If that changes then I’d expect a few full orgasms would reset you and get you back to what you’re used to.

    I hope that helps,

    James

    female-orgasm-denial

    What happens when Amy tells her best friend, Dylan, her deepest secrets?

    You can find out in Friends with Kinky Benefits!

    Or you can even watch the trailer video:

    I’m really going for it with this one!

    female-orgasm-denial

    My homemade promo video's got over 800 views on YouTube!

    Do you think these are helpful? Is it worth me doing one for my Kink by the Numbers series with Brandon and Natalie?

    female-orgasm-denial might be about to get deleted - here's what you can do

    18 months ago, I deleted thousands of posts on this blog so I could use Tumblr unrestricted. I've had maybe three posts flagged since then – I've deleted those immediately.

    But as you may have noticed, because of some random post that had a screenshot that I'd edited all nipples etc from, and posted over a year ago, Tumblr has restricted this blog again.

    This has happened before, and I've got the functionality back. But the last time I requested a blog to be derestricted it, it was my wife's, and Tumblr deleted it without giving any reason or any chance to appeal.

    I'm going to be asking for this blog to be removed from restrictions next week, but who knows what will happen.

    So if you'd like to keep in contact I suggest you do any of these three things:

  • Follow me on my main @jameshardcourt
  • Follow me on Twitter - edgingspace
  • Sign up to my publishing newsletter
  • Thanks for your support. I hardly ever ask this but please reblog so others might get a chance to see this on their dash.

    With love and the bad type of frustration,

    James

    My book, Entrapped, is the #1 erotic suspense on Amazon right now... get it while it's still free! (It is all about tease and denial)

    A huge thanks to everyone who has downloaded it over the weekend.

    It's only free until the end of today, so don't miss out!

    Get Entrapped by me, on Amazon for free

    If you've read it and enjoyed it then book two in the series is discounted today too - Enticed, The Chastity Contract Book 2

    This second book has far more of a female orgasm denial focus.

    And gloryholes. LOTS of gloryholes :D

    anonymous

    You know, in some ways I’d really given up on the kink community and any D/s type of relationships/relationship aspects because as a woman, it can be very hard to find someone who’s interested in being dominant but also serious about the responsibilities that come with it or even in their own partner’s pleasure. But looking at your blog has sort of shown me that there can be those good, healthy, sexy connections. There’s being a dom and there’s being a misogynist and some people really confuse the two but the wording of your posts and the real thoughts and care for a partner behind them have sort of made me re-open myself a bit to the idea of kink. So thank you :)

    That is so lovely to hear, thank you. Really that means so much to me.

    I don’t want this to be a book promo at all but if you haven’t read them then all my books have that attitude at the heart of them too, and you might really enjoy them. And they are designed (at least the Kink by the Numbers ones) to model what good, loving D/s can look like.

    The first in both series is free today, just look back some posts. And if you can’t get hold of them for whatever reason let me know and I’ll get copies to you if you’d like them.

    Thanks again, I really appreciate the encouragement.

    James

    anonymous

    I’m sorry to bother, I’m just wondering what’s the difference between a hard edge and a ruined orgasm, and how I can do it?? I’m used to edging a lot but I don’t know how to ruin, and the wheel of denial told me to ruin (after ten minutes of breast play and two sections of ten smacks to my clit...)

    A hard edge is when you get close to cumming, to the ‘point of no return’ but don’t go over it. (A soft edge is where you don’t get so close that you could cum).

    A ruined orgasm is when you go over that point of no return, and actually begin to orgasm, but then stop all stimulation. It’s where it would feel best if you actually kept rubbing or vibing. 

    There’s a few reasons to do it. It’s a real mindfuck, when your body expects the most pleasure it gets little or none and so it ‘ruins’ the orgasm. But also many report that if you ruin it rather than rub and have a full orgasm, you feel horny much faster, ten to twenty minutes, and sometimes even hornier than you were before.

    Try it out and let us know how you get on!

    titslaave

    I love my lush 🥰

    female-orgasm-denial

    You should try the Lush inside, combined with the new Ferri in your panties. Both can be put on different loops from the same app, so switching vibrations back and forth, or up and down together… hiding it will be so much harder…

    www.lovense.com/magnetic-panty-vibrator

    seductive-arts

    The ferris magnetic bluetooth panty vibe looks like a great idea

    female-orgasm-denial

    It's really clever isn't it! It means you can turn pretty much any underwear into vibrating panties.

    I usually recommend Lovehoney for sex toys but Lovense are one of those companies who are cheaper to buy from direct (we got our Lush 3 straight from them and it came really quickly).

    I'm going WIDE with my Chastity Contract books, and that means you can get the first one for free this weekend!

    (This weekend being, right damn NOW and through to Monday as it's a bank holiday here in England so we can go dance around maypoles or something)

    Alongside all the love I get for my books (seriously, you guys are a delight) the next most common comment is 'Can I buy it somewhere besides Amazon?'

    I get it; I have a love hate relationship with Amazon. They've made it possible for me to publish my books and actually make some money from them, but they're also super restrictive in what I can publish and their tactics are killing my beloved bookshops all over the world. Not cool.

    I'm not a fan of monopolies, so as much as possible I want to try selling my books in as many places as possible. I'm not allowed to do that if I'm part of Kindle Unlimited, I can only sell them on Amazon. So, I'm pulling out my first series, the Chastity Contract, from KU and I'm going to try publishing it 'wide' as they call it. It'll still be for sale on Amazon but will go out on places like Apple Books, Kobo, Nook, Barnes and Noble, Google Play Books and more. It should mean they are available in more places too, which is a bonus.

    This probably means an immediate 20% loss of sales, and honestly I'm not sure if that'll be made up by having it in those other places. But it's worth a go, right?

    I'm freeeeeeee

    I'm freeeeeeee

    ANYWAY, the point is that Entrapped has five days left as a part of Kindle Unlimited. So for those who DO have a KU subscription, you have five days to add it to your library and it'll stay there until you read it, even though I take it out.

    For those of you who don't, Amazon lets me make my book free for five days! So as a big leaving celebration, I'm giving it away!

    Just click the link at the bottom and it's all yours. You can get the sequels on Amazon, and soon in lots of other places too.

    Exciting stuff!

    Entrapped - Book One of the Chastity Contract by James Hardcourt

    anonymous

    I’m a dom but never tried keeping my sub denied for long periods of time. Why do you think it’s important for her to be denied and keep edging her?

    Any tips/advices? I’d really appreciate them, thanks!!

    Hi, thanks for asking. Even the fact you’re asking questions like this raises you above 90% of ‘doms’ out there, so good work.

    First, it’s only important if it works for her, and for your dynamic. So don’t jump in with long-term denial as the expectation, but DO experiment with tease and denial as part of your normal sessions and scenes and see how she reacts, and if you like it start to build it from there.

    Denial is a very powerful tool in the dom’s toolbox because it impacts your sub in a few different ways, and in most cases that leads to good things.

    One advantage is that it’s very simple. No equipment required, no health implications (short term anyway, longer term mental health needs to be considered). It’s simply, and easy, and despite that very powerful.

    I describe orgasm denial as the ‘gateway’ of kink because it helps many to be bold enough to push deeper into their desires. But in a D/s dynamic it’s more like building a foundation. If done right, it is a simple way to keep her in a low-key submissive headspace, all day long. That constant ache between her legs reminding her that she’s submitting her orgasms to your control. I’ve described it as being ‘collared by your cunt’ and some subs love that idea.

    Another factor is that if she reacts well to edging and denial, she’ll be horny! When someone is horny they are more outgoing, she’ll be more excited about sex with you, she’ll often feel more confident about herself, and trying new things too.

    This goes even further if you start exploring denial periods of a few days and longer where a general sense of well-being called the ‘denial high’ is often experienced. This is her own body’s response to being aroused and teased, it just keeps putting out those feel good hormones without ‘flushing them away’ in an orgasm.

    You want to know why some people are so into it? Combine feeling controlled, with feeling sexy, and feeling happy, and damn, why wouldn’t you want it?

    From your perspective it gives you a whole new set of tools to tease and explore degradation with, in one of the safest ways possible. Talking about how wet she is, making her admit how horny she is, making her do things to be allowed to touch, to edge, to cum. It’s a powerful element to bring into your dynamic and is certainly worth trying.

    In terms of ideas try reading my Kink by the Numbers series - it’s about a dom who is learning about orgasm denial, so is full of tease ideas that I hope will inspire you. You can get the first book free but if you can’t access the others in the set you can just email me and I’ll send you copies.

    I hope that helps,

    James

    jameshardcourt

    This Year, Let Go Of The People Who Aren’t Ready To Love You - Brianna Wiest

    I read this remarkable post on Reddit today, mis-attributed to Anthony Hopkins (who quoted it sometime). My emphases added.

    It is the hardest thing you will ever have to do, and it will also be the most important: stop giving your love to those who aren’t ready to love you.

    Stop having hard conversations with people who don’t want to change. Stop showing up for people who are indifferent about your presence. Stop prioritizing people who make you an option. Stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you.

    I know that your instinct is to do whatever you can to earn the good graces of everyone you can, but that is also the impulse that will rob you of your time, your energy and your sanity.

    When you start showing up to your life wholly and completely, with joy and interest and commitment, not everyone is going to be ready to meet you there.

    It doesn’t mean you need to change who you are. It means you need to stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you.

    If you’re left out, subtly insulted, mindlessly forgotten about or easily disregarded by the people you spend the most time with, you’re doing yourself an incredible disservice by continuing to offer your energy and life to them.

    The truth is that you are not for everyone, and everyone is not for you. That’s what makes it so special when you do find the few people with whom you have a genuine friendship, love or relationship: you’ll know how precious it is because you’ve experienced what it isn’t.

    But the longer you spend trying to force someone to love you when they aren’t capable, the longer you’re robbing yourself of that very connection. It is waiting for you. There are billions of people on this planet, and so many of them are going to meet you at your level, vibe where you are, connect with where you’re going.

    … But the longer you stay small, tucked into the familiarity of the people who use you as a cushion, a back burner option, a therapist and a ploy for their emotional labor, the longer you keep yourself out of the community you crave.

    Maybe if you stop showing up, you’ll be less liked.

    Maybe you’ll be forgotten about altogether.

    Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will cease.

    Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for days and weeks.

    Maybe if you stop loving someone, the love between you will dissolve.

    That doesn’t mean you ruined a relationship. It means that the only thing sustaining a relationship was the energy you and you alone were putting into it.

    That’s not love. That’s attachment.

    The most precious, important thing that you have in your life is your energy. It is not your time that is limited, it is your energy. What you give it to each day is what you will create more and more of in your life. What you give your time to is what will define your existence.

    When you realize this, you’ll begin to understand why you’re so anxious when you spend your time with people who are wrong for you, and in jobs or places or cities that are wrong, too.

    You’ll begin to realize that the foremost important thing you can do for your life and yourself and everyone you know is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.

    Make your life a safe haven in which only people that can care and listen and connect are allowed.

    You are not responsible for saving people.

    You are not responsible for convincing them they want to be saved.

    It is not your job to show up for people and give away your life to them, little by little, moment by moment, because you pity them, because you feel bad, because you “should,” because you’re obligated, because, at the root of it all, you’re afraid to not be liked back.

    It is your job to realize that you are the master of your fate, and that you are accepting the love you think you’re worthy of.

    Decide you’re deserving of real friendship, true commitment and complete love with people who are healthy and thriving.

    Then wait in the darkness, just for a little bit…

    … And watch how quickly everything begins to change.

    Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2018/12/next-year-let-go-of-the-people-who-arent-ready-to-love-you/

    Powerful stuff. I hope it speaks to you and helps you. I'm not sure I agree with everything in it, I think there is a place for loving those who can't reciprocate, but that has to be a choice, not a trap you find
    yourself in. And it's most of all true for your central and most important relationships. Sometimes it's okay to try and save people, but that should come out of strength and love we draw from others who truly love us.

    You can read more of Brianna's thoughts here: https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/

    female-orgasm-denial

    me getting deep on my main...