wrow according to the surveys i took im most compatible with aries sun, leo moon, and taurus venus
I got Aries sun, Aquarius venus and Virgo moon
Scorpio sun Gemini moon and Scorpio venus š³š¤
I just wonāt understand. I donāt get it seriously. At the end of the day, I will always be the one whoās at fault; whoās always wrong. Iām getting tired of being the bigger person and taking the blame for everything. Itās slowly fucking killing me and my mental state. Itās because I care too much honestly. Iām just so mad and upset at myself that I canāt really cry anymore. I just really hate myself. I just wish people would understand me for once. Why is it so hard for someone, anyone, to just do that? I always try my best for everyone but nothing ever gets reciprocated back. Iām just so tired and drained and the more this shit happens to me, I feel my true self fading away. Itās like the more I put other before me, the more I cater to peopleās feelings than mine, I just start losing myself and start putting up this faĆ§ade. I just came to the conclusion as to why I will never be able to fully love myself and itās because of things like this that just tear me down. There has never been a peak for my confidence and I donāt think Iāll ever reach it. I just wish someone would put in the same effort of understanding that I give to them, to me. Itās always this reoccurring problem that I find myself in: Nobody ever understanding me. Nobody ever seeing things from my point of view. God, and I thought I was narrow minded. Tragically, there are worse people out there than me. I guess I just have to do what I do best and what I have and been doing, and thatās just to suppress whatever the fuck I feel and move on. Because thatās what bigger people do right? I saw this tweet that said something like, āwhy is the pressure to ābe the bigger personā always placed on the person who was wronged?ā and I will never understand that, truly. People love blaming the victim and love telling them how to respond. Sometimes I just want out, I just want to leave. Call me weak, but I feel like I will reach a breaking point and Iām just gonna end it all. All this suppressed hurt and pain is eating me up and I canāt wait until the day where it completely consumes me. That day, will most likely be the best day to ever happen to me and I can finally be at peace, whether that be in Heaven or Hell.
nobody ever cares to think about how i feel. everybody is always so quick to defend themselves and their feelings and always forget how i feel. when will people start considering how i feel. when will people stop being so selfish and think about other people. these are the same people who tell me that i should and shouldnāt feel a certain way; that i donāt have a right to be hurt and upset and sad. i hate you. i wish for once you didnāt make things about you and catered to me and reassured me and told me that you were sorry for what you did rather than guilt tripping me into feeling bad For You. i wish you could simply apologize and just be there to comfort me and make me feel better. but thatās too much to ask.
i hate myself more and more each day
i haven't been truly happy the past few days. it's so tiring putting up a front, pretending that i'm okay. i feel like i don't have anyone anymore and it's probably my fault for closing myself off and cutting everyone off but it's more like: i don't want to burden anyone with my problems. because i know everyone has their own problems that they're dealing with. i don't know. i just Feel like a burden. i Am one. but everyday i lay in bed and i just beat myself up so much and life genuinely gets harder for me. sometimes i wonder how different things would be if i wasn't here. i'm sure a lot of people would be much more happier and content.