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BEAUTIFUL MAN ASS SATURDAY
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Fictional account of scene conversation between actor Jack Weston and first time director Burt Reynolds. Jack Weston is Federal Agent sitting in smashed speed boat after Gator has outmaneuvered his team in the swamps.
Burt: Okay everybody looks good where you are. Jack, loosen your tie and unbutton your shirt.
Burt: Just do it. Your team just got humiliated by Gator. You’re hot, sweaty, frustrated and now you wrecked an expensive rental. You’re shirt is sticking to you and it is uncomfortable.
Jack: (loosens tie, unbuttons halfway down) How’s that?
Burt: All the way. Untie the tie and pull your shirt out of your pants.
Jack: Come on Burt. That isn’t realistic. We just crashed. When did I have time to unbutton my shirt?
Burt: This is an action movie. Since when did you care about realistic. Did you care about realistic when you did that TV show with the monkeys?
Burt: Whatever. Now pull the shirt back some. We want to see your big belly.
Jack: Come on Burt. Nobody wants to see my fat belly.
Burt: That’s critics. Regular people like naked fat men. (Jack complies grudgingly) A little more. Show me a nipple.
Jack: Why? You think the mosquitoes aren’t getting enough to eat. (Jack pulls his shirt back to reveal his man tits.) You’re fucking with me Burt.
Burt: (decides this might be too much) Turns his head and barely audibly says, Yeah. I’m fucking with you. (calls over) Lower your pants a little. Let’s see your belly button.
Jack: This is where I wear my pants. If I lower them any more, I won’t be able to keep them up. I can’t do the scene holding my pants up.
Burt: Okay, you’re good then. Let’s do the scene. Just don’t be hiding your belly. Let’s get this done in one scene, the mosquitoes are killing me.