@ice-covered-water
Just a young man from Michigan...
Posts
1350
Last update
2022-12-20 08:08:14

    Announcer: in this corner jaune arc and his opponent yang xiao long

    Reporter: ms xiao long are you worried about your opponent

    Yang: ha me worried? I'll have him on his ass

    Announcer: fight!

    Later

    Announcer: winner jaune arc

    Reporter: ms xiao long how do you feel about losing to jaune arc

    Yang: (heart eyes staring at jaune) im in love

    *Pyrrha is on a celebrity edition of family feud*

    Heve Stervy: We Ask one hundred married women to name something your husband isn’t good at despite how much he tries.

    Pyrrha: *Presses button*

    Heve Stervy: Pyrrha.

    Pyrrha, slightly panicked while trying to think of an answer: P-pulling out. *gasps and covers mouth*

    The audience: *Goes into chaos*

    Heve Stervy: *Stares into the camera as humanity leaves his eyes*

    Pyrrha, uncontrollably laughing: Wait no. I didn’t mean to— *snorts*

    Heve Stervy, teasingly: Miss Nikos, I thought you were better than this.

    Pyrrha, still laughing: I know.

    Heve Stervy: Youre Mistral’s sweetheart.

    Pyrrha: I know.

    Heve Stervy: Can’t believe you.

    Pyrrha, coughing from laughter: I didn’t mean that. I meant—

    Heve Stervy: You didn’t even hesitate.

    Pyrrha, laughing louder: I was panicking. I swear.

    Heve Stervy, sassily: Hmm Hmm. Whatever you say. Do we have ‘pulling out’?

    *A ding is heard and ‘pulling out’ appears on the board, being the second one*

    The audience: *Explodes into cheers loudly*

    Heve Stervy, staring into nothing while humanity leaves his eyes again:............*nods his head in acceptance*

    Pyrrha: *Tearing up from laughter*

    Heve Stervy: Isn’t your husband in the crowd by the way?

    Pyrrha, high pitched from laughter: Maybe.

    *The camera pans to Jaune, who is nearly dying from laughter, sitting next to their kids, who look confused from the answer*

    Heve Stervy: And look at that. Your 5 kids are here too. That explains a lot.

    Pyrrha, out of breath from laughter: I panicked, I swear.

    fried-egg-the-13th

    Reasonable person: I’m getting treatment for my mental illness because I hate what it has done to my life

    Some cunt on tumblr: sounds ableist :/

    my-little-overwatch-universe

    Cause it is ….

    If you’re privileged enough to get treatment shut the fuck up about it or use your privilege to fund other people …

    Also recovery as a concept is ableist ?? You can’t fully recover and expecting people to is horse shit

    ice-covered-water

    My god. Humanity is trash

    Kitsune Pyrrha AU

    Jaune, on the phone: Hey, am I talking to Blake Belladonna?

    Blake: Yes, who is this?

    Jaune: I’m Jaune, one of Ruby’s friends. She told me that you’re some sort of animal expert or something.

    Blake: I’m studying to be a veterinarian.

    Jaune: Yeah, that’s the word. Do you know anything about foxes?

    Blake: Partially, what do you need to know?

    Jaune: Well I found this red fox in the woods that had an injured paw, so I took it in to treat it but the thing refuses to eat anything I give it.

    Blake: What are you feeding it?

    Jaune: Cat food, I’ve read somewhere that foxes will actually eat that stuff. Although, the thing refuses to eat any of it. It actually looked somewhat offended when tried to feed it that. Is that unusual?

    Blake: No, not really. It could be just that the fox just doesn’t like that particular brand of cat food. I would suggest getting a new brand or just feeding it actual meat, perhaps with some vegetables mixed in there too; foxes are omnivores.

    Jaune: Really? Thought they were carnivores. Anything else that’ll might help?

    Blake: Where is it?

    Jaune: In my apartment’s living room. It was getting late and it fell asleep on a pillow. Why?

    Blake: Send me a picture of it, different species of foxes are different from one of the other. It could help me figure out what to do with it.

    Jaune, walking out of his bedroom: Alrighty then, I’ll send you a text once I-……….

    Blake: Jaune? Hello?

    *Jaune walks out of his room to find a redheaded woman with fox ears and a large tail in a yukata rummaging through his fridge*

    Jaune:……………….

    Woman:……………….

    Blake: Jaune? Hello?

    Jaune:………..I’m…….I gotta call you back, something just came up. *Hangs up*

    Woman, awkwardly: Uh………..I thought you were asleep.

    Jaune: Nope, I was awake………..

    *Awkward silence*

    Jaune: I’m calling the police now.

    Woman: Wait wait wait! There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this!

    Jaune: Really? Mind telling me why th- wait a minute.

    *Jaune notices that one of the woman’s feet were bandaged*

    Jaune, looking at her fox ears and bandaged foot:…………hold up! *Looks into his living room to find the fox missing*……..WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!

    Woman: Okay, just breath and relax, okay? Just breath and relax.

    Jaune: A-are you….you…you…ARE YOU THE FOX?!

    Woman:…….well……..

    Jaune, stubbornly shaking his head: Nope! This isnt real! I’m not talking to a fox woman right now! Nope! I’m dreaming, this is a fever dream! Yep! A FEVER DREAM!

    Woman: Uhm……..you’re not really dreaming, I-I’m sorry. Uh…….hello, I’m Pyrrha by the way.

    Jaune, still shaking his head: No you aren’t! You’re not real! My brain made that name up just now! I’m going to wake and find the fox on that pillow over there and laugh all about this. Yep!……..any second now………just………any……..m-moment………n-now?

    Pyrrha: I’m sorry, but this isn’t a dream. This is real. I’m a kitsune.

    Jaune: Thats a made up word that my brain just made for this very moment in an attempt fool me to believe I’m awake, but I won’t get fooled so easily.

    Pyrrha, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder: I assure you, this is real.

    Jaune, looking at the hand with complete terror: I-I can actually feel this! I CAN ACTUALLY FEEL THIS! THIS IS REAL! VERY REAL!

    Pyrrha, soothingly: Hey hey hey, what did I say about breathing? Take a deep breath, okay? Can you do that for me?

    Jaune, taking a deep breath: O-okay, I think I’m calming down. *Takes another deep breath* I’m getting somewhat settled. *Takes another deep breath* The panic attack is dying inside me.

    *Jaune looks her in the eyes before looking away with a small blush*

    Jaune, swallowing: Uh…….what were you doing in my fridge?

    Pyrrha: Huh? Oh, sorry about that. I was kinda hungry since I hadn’t eaten anything all day. The cat food you tried to give me smelt horrendous and I couldn’t stomach the thought of eating it.

    Jaune: Wait, I see that you’re walking perfectly fine right now. Why didnt you just leave since your injury seems healed. Were you faking to be injured after a while?

    Pyrrha, averting her eyes: Well……uh……I wouldnt say that……hehehe.

    Jaune: If you could have left then why didn’t you? Especially after I tried to feed you cat food. I would imagine you would have wanted to leave after that.

    Pyrrha, slightly blushing: Because I liked the………the way you petted me.

    Jaune, slightly blushing: What?

    Pyrrha: I-it’s just that you’re very gentle and comforting and…….I dont know, perhaps wanted you to……you know, continue petting me.

    Jaune, blushing more: W-what?!

    Pyrrha: I-I’m sorry if I made this weird.

    Beach time

    Yang: aaaahhhh beach time

    Ruby: yang did you get my floaties?

    Yang: right here sis

    Blake: how come you never learned to swim?

    Weiss: because she doesnt like getting her skirt wet.

    Ruby: i told you that in confidnce

    Yang: hey it jaune nora and ren.

    Jaune: why did you drag me out here

    Ren: cause we could all use a break especualiiy you.

    Nora: oooh what should we do first? Sand castles, lullao? Oooh firw limbo.

    Jaune: well might as well (takes off his shirt)

    Yang: oh my.

    Weiss: oh dear.

    Ruby: hey jaune isnt wearing sun block. Hes gonna get sunburned

    Blake: somethings burning.

    Jaune: whats with them?

    Ren: who knows?

    Nora:(has a crab pinching her ear) yeah those guys are weird.

    Yang: hey jauney boy. I like what.i see

    Jaune:???

    Weiss: hey arc beem working out?

    Jaune: uh yeah?

    Ruby: hey are nice sandwich. Can i have it?

    Blake: mama likey

    Jaune: i hate the beach

    Yang: wow jaune you're so talented!

    Jaune: ???

    Nora: you're so cool jaune!

    Jaune: (red face) shut up!

    Weiss: why cant more guys be like you?

    Jaune: stop it!

    Blake: im happy to have a friend like you

    Jaune: stop saying that!

    Ren: im happy to be your friend

    Jaune: ren please!

    Ruby: you're so awesome jaune

    Jaune: (so overcome with emotions he starts crying)

    Jaune, tied up: For the last time. You got the wrong blond. I'm not dating Weiss. My friend Yang is.

    White Fang Member, smirking: Hmm hmm, whatever you say, buddy. Lying won't help you though. Weiss is apparently dating a dumb blond, and you fit the picture perfectly.

    Jaune, groaning: Do you know how many dumb blonds I know!? An alarming amount. Now let me go or you are going to regret it when my actual girlfriend, Pyrrha Nikos, finds me and kicks your guys' asses!

    White Fang Member:........*bursts out laughing* You and Pyrrha Nikos!? Now I know you're lying! Now shut up while I make my ransom call. *Goes into the other room*

    White Fang Member, in the other room: *muffled* Miss Schnee! We have somebody of yours that is mighty important to you......no, not her. We got your boyfriend......you don't have a boyfriend? Lying isn't going to help you miss Schnee........Jaune Arc! We got Jaune Arc! He's a dumb blond!..........huh?..........wait, are you serious? You aren't dating him?.........but my sources said tha-........*terrified* w-what!?.........HE'S ACTUALLY DATING PYRRHA NIKOS!? THE PYRRHA NIKOS!! OH MY FUCKING GOD! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!......WAIT WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE TRACING MY CALL!?.......SHE'S ON HER WAY RIGHT NOW!? OH SHIT!!!!

    *The White Fang Member bursts through the door*

    White Fang Member, panicky: OH MY GOD! RELEASE HIM RIGHT NOW BEFORE SHE GETS HE-

    *loud explosion is heard in the background, follow by multiple screams of White Fang Members*

    White Fang Member, crying: OH MY GOD! WE FUCKED UP SO BAD! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!!

    Pyrrha, awkwardly: Sorry kiddos, but dinner’s going to have to wait a little longer. Daddy accidentally burnt the meal.

    Perseus: What! But we’re hungry!

    Pyrrha: Im sorry sweetheart, I am too.

    Percy: How did daddy burn the food?

    Pyrrha, awkwardly: Uh....well, he was distracted.

    Perseus: By What?

    Pyrrha: N-nothing. Nothing at all.

    Athena: Mommy and Daddy were play wrestling in the kitchen.

    Pyrrha, blushing: W-what!?

    Athena: I saw you pushing daddy against the wall before biting his neck earlier.

    Pyrrha: Oh my gosh! You saw that!?

    Athena: Yeah.

    Percy: People aren’t suppose to bite when they wrestle though.

    Athena: Then why was mommy biting daddy?

    Perseus: Was mommy cheating?

    Athena: Why would mommy cheat at wrestling though?

    *The triplets all look at Pyrrha for answers*

    Pyrrha:.......You know what? L-let’s just order pizza instead! We don’t need to have meatloaf tonight.

    Athena/Percy/Perseus: Really!?

    Pyrrha: Yep! Totally! Let’s just forget all about how daddy burnt the food! It’s not important!

    Athena: But-

    Pyrrha: Not important!

    Yang:(holding jaune) dont you quit on me vomit boy. You'll be fine

    Jaune: yang i-i have to tell y-you

    Yang: what is it?

    Jaune: i-i i l-lo lo lov

    Yang: just say it!

    Jaune:...

    Yang: jaune? Jaune? SAY IT PLEASE! PLEASE! WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME!?

    Jaune:...

    Salem: ahahahah my my how unfortunate. I wonder what he wanted say. What did you think it was?

    Yang: y-you you YOU BITCH! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!

    Beach time

    Yang: aaaahhhh beach time

    Ruby: yang did you get my floaties?

    Yang: right here sis

    Blake: how come you never learned to swim?

    Weiss: because she doesnt like getting her skirt wet.

    Ruby: i told you that in confidnce

    Yang: hey it jaune nora and ren.

    Jaune: why did you drag me out here

    Ren: cause we could all use a break especualiiy you.

    Nora: oooh what should we do first? Sand castles, lullao? Oooh firw limbo.

    Jaune: well might as well (takes off his shirt)

    Yang: oh my.

    Weiss: oh dear.

    Ruby: hey jaune isnt wearing sun block. Hes gonna get sunburned

    Blake: somethings burning.

    Jaune: whats with them?

    Ren: who knows?

    Nora:(has a crab pinching her ear) yeah those guys are weird.

    Yang: hey jauney boy. I like what.i see

    Jaune:???

    Weiss: hey arc beem working out?

    Jaune: uh yeah?

    Ruby: hey are nice sandwich. Can i have it?

    Blake: mama likey

    Jaune: i hate the beach