@inspirationalgoodvibes
Inspiration and Hope

Just some nice memes and such to give you a lift and help you through the day. Virtual hugs available 24/7/365.

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2021-06-24 12:00:50
    osddifficult

    A lot of people with childhood trauma (and, from my experience, especially attachment trauma) find themselves yearning for a parent figure. A mother, a savior - someone to hold you and love you in all the ways you needed when you were a child. Someone to hold you while you break into a million pieces.

    At some point in recovery/therapy you will have to face the harsh reality: there will never be anyone. Not like that, not anymore. And mourning that? That’s too much, that feels like a pain that cannot be survived. A pain that will swallow you whole, a pain that will drown you.

    Therapists can offer a lot of support, but not like that. So maybe you want to switch therapists in hopes of finding someone who can (even though, if they are a good therapist, they can’t), or you would rather be without therapists because then at least they won’t have to suffer the pain of “someone’s here but they’re not enough”. 

    Getting a little support, a little of everything we missed, a little of everything we want… Getting a little is worse, in some ways. Because getting a little bit activates the pain; it triggers the feelings of what we miss. Dripping a couple drops of water in an empty bucket makes you feel how devastatingly empty that bucket is.

    Getting nothing and being absolutely alone is dull. It’s a drag of depression and darkness. But getting a little bit but not everything? That’s sharp and flashing pain, it’s dry heaving from the heavy crying. It’s intrusive thoughts and self-destructive thoughts. It’s breaking apart again and again and again.

    jhscdood

    liSTEN my therapist warned me about this and then she told me THERE IS A SOLUTION

    you DO NOT HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY FOREVER

    the solution is reparenting yourself

    YOU be the parent you wish you’d had. 

    YOU give yourself comfort and love and acceptance (and ice cream and stuffed animals).

    YOU talk to yourself the way a good parent would – tell yourself “it’s okay” and “everybody makes mistakes” and “you will feel better soon”. 

    YOU can change the voices in your head. listen to those thoughts and hear whose voice they’re speaking with. your parents programmed those intrusive thoughts. and then ARGUE with them the way you were never allowed to before. tell yourself “YOU DESERVE NICE THINGS” and “YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY” until someday someday someday with enough time you CHANGE your programming into something BETTER.

    It’s a process. it’s a looooooooooong process. I’m still going at it. BUT. it can really really help to know that the way you feel right now is not forever, and that you can re-parent yourself and start to feel better. that you have power now that you didn’t have before, and you can use that power to reinforce your programming and you can use that power to change that programming, and it’s all up to you.

    OP is right that no one else can do it for you. you can’t get adopted by a new perfect family. your therapist / partner / BFF can’t do it.

    but YOU CAN.

    (p.s. https://www.outofthestorm.website/ is a really really great resource from anyone suffering from complex ptsd due to relational trauma, A++ highly recommend)

    God Is Not A Man: Julian of Norwich

    Almost nothing is known about Julian of Norwich, a fourteenth-century woman mystic who lived in isolation in Norwich, England.  All we know about her life is that she experienced visions, which she wrote about in her only written work, Revelations of Divine Love.  The really earthshaking thing about this book, though, is that in Julian’s theology, God is not male.  Instead, God contains and expresses all genders.  These days, many liberal churches are moving towards gender-neutral or gender-inclusive language when they talk about God, but keep in mind that this work wasn’t written in the present day: Julian lived in a time when accepted Christian theology held that women were temptresses, were inferior to men, and held little or no authority when speaking about God.  So, in a word…she was a badass.

    image

    In one of the Revelations, God tells Julian,

    “It is I who am the strength and goodness of fatherhood; I who am the wisdom of motherhood; I who am light and grace and blessed love; I who am Trinity; I who am Unity; I who am the sovereign goodness of every living thing; I who enable you to love; I who enable you to long.  It is I, the eternal satisfaction of every genuine desire.”

    In case you need to hear it from someone: you have my full permission to enjoy works of media that are not considered “good”.

    Not everything we love has to be of the highest quality. If that low-budget, slapped-together, hot mess of a story/show/etc. hits home with you? Love it. Talk about it. Be unapologetically thankful for it! 

    And for us creators? May we remember that even our worst works can still be beloved by someone who needed them.