Patti responding to questions on masturcizing...
I don't blame you for wanting to get some of these kind of results, they are fun and exciting. Used the right way, orgasm control can be an incredible behavior modifier.
Here is my advice. The most effective method, and the most extreme, is complete orgasm control via a chastity device. It is quick and easy to set standards of behavior when all sexual release depends on it. I am guessing you are not ready for this yet, and I could go on for quite awhile, so I will skip too much detail here. Suffice to say all guys get it pretty quick whey you say "Do this or you don't get off." One huge advantage of chastity devices is that a guy is EXTREMELY grateful when you allow him to jerk off, and that allows you to reserve actual man/woman release of any kind as a very special treat.
An "entry level" way to modify behavior that is a favorite is a point system game. Set every Saturday night aside to tally plus and minus points, and set point standards for his favorite ways to get off. Because there is no chastity device, he will jack off all week, but if he wants you to come to the party he has to earn it. This can be fun. The points can be based on household chores, or favorite forms of attention, like a massage. A personal favorite, and a big point getter for me, is if he gives you and orgasm with no reciprocation. My ex-boyfriend used to get maximum points if he gave me an oral orgasm while he was naked, and he had to have a full erection. That demonstrated his willingness to sacrafice. I secretly enjoyed knowing for the rest of the day how horny he was. Not everyone get's the same thrill I do from getting men really turned on, but not giving them any sexual release. This approach could be good for you as it can start as a fun game, and you can increase the "intensity" as he is ready. You will be amazed at how a guy will actually enjoy tallying his points. To add to the fun, deduct points for bad behavior.
Finally, and I doubt this is for you, there is the opposite of the point system. This can be described as "You can have anything you want, but you have to pay the price." This can be done with or without a chastity device. If he wants to see your breasts, or even touch them, he has to pay a penalty. If he wants a blowjob, huge penalty points.
Penalties can be humiliation (make him wear a bra for a day or three), corporal punishment, or even cash depending on how you manage your money.
Hope this helps, and for best results negotiate with him for your new rules when he is, shall we say, most interested.