Bitty Breaks the Internet
Summary: The AC in Jack and Bitty’s apartment is broken. So what better way to beat the heat than go out on the water? Bitty wears a new swimsuit, Jack takes his picture, and the picture ends up online. (Cross posted to AO3.)
It all started with that blasted weather. Simply put, it was stifling. Bitty was used to dry Southern summers and slight humidity. But he wasn’t prepared for this years incredibly humid Eastern summer. It made it worse that the AC in his and Jack’s apartment was broken and wouldn’t be fixed until next week.
So, while the two of them were boiling in their apartment, Bitty got a text from his mama.
Mama: Dicky, why don’t y’all just rent a boat and stay near the water for a few days?
That’s a great idea! Thanks Mama!
“Jack, honey,” Bitty said, adopting his extra thick accent. He knew it meant Jack would give him anything he wanted because he was sweet on his Southern side.
“Yeah, bud? What’s up?”
Bitty sat up, allowing the washcloth soaked in ice water to fall to his lap. He looked to his fiancé across the couch from him. It was so hot that the only parts of them that had been touching were their feet and ankles. There were at least 10 fans angled towards them.
“How about we rent a boat for the weekend? It’s the off season for you, and my deadline isn’t until next week.”
Jack lowered his phone, revealing the hair plastered to his forehead. Bitty’s heart squeezed with love for his man.
“I don’t know how to drive a boat.”
Bitty smacked Jack gently on the thigh.
“I do, honey! I spent I don’t know how many hours on boats in Georgia. Good Lord, the sunburns I’ve gotten. The point is that I know how to drive and I could teach you.”
“Do we want to invite other people or just have it be us?”
Bitty thought. As much as he loved every one of their shared friends, it would be nice to be just the two of them. Quiet.
“I think just us for this first time would be nice. Just the two of us?”
Bitty heaved himself forward to slide between Jack’s open legs. Jack’s eyes widened, but he covered Bitty’s hands where he’d placed them on his chest. Jack hummed.
“I like the sound of that. Want me to see if I can find any boat rental places?”
“How about we look together, huh handsome?”
The week came and went, and on Friday afternoon, Jack and Bitty took to the water at Providence Marina. Turns out, Marty had a boat docked there and gave Jack the keys to use it. The cooler that was clutched in each of their hands contained beer, soda, chips, sandwich fixings, fruit, and lemon blueberry mini pies.
After everything had been situated on the boat, and they’d had an awkward conversation with one of Marty’s dock neighbors, Bitty pulled them out to sea. They didn’t go very far, just out of view of the docks, and dropped the anchor.
Bitty turned on his portable speaker to some soft pop music, stripped off his clothes, and began making house on the boat. He could hear Jack snapping pictures with his camera. A quick look revealed that the subject was him.
“Well, now, Mr. Zimmermann. Who said you could take pictures of me just before I was about to fix you a sandwich,” Bitty sassed, planting his hands on his hips.
Jack took the camera away from his face, a love struck smile on his lips. He was also shirtless, and had laid himself on the deck of the boat to get a good angle.
“Sorry, Bits, you’re just so gorgeous I couldn’t help it. That swim suit is definitely doing you a favor.”
Bitty felt his cheeks warm, and a smile cross his own mouth. He’d bought the suit as soon as the boat was secured. It was almost a Speedo with just a bit more length. The print on them was white with light and dark blue sail boats.
“Oh hush now.”
“Jack Laurent Zimmermann!”
The afternoon passed with Bitty alternating between sunning himself on the deck and taking dips in the water. Jack kept mostly on the boat, occasionally dipping his legs in when Bitty swam. By the time they pulled into the dock, his shoulders were bright pink and he winced when he lifted the cooler.
“I told you to put on some more sunscreen, honey. There’s some aloe at home, but it’s gonna take more than that.”
“Bits, bud, don’t feel too bad. I’ll wear sunscreen tomorrow and bring a shirt too.”
“You still want to go out tomorrow?”
The couple buckled themselves into Jack’s car.
“Of course, Bits. You looked like you were loving it out there. As long as it makes you happy.”
Bitty leaned across the center console and planted a kiss on the underside of Jack’s jaw.
“You’re so sweet, honey. As long as you’re up for it.”
By the end of the weekend, Jack had taken over 100 pictures. At least 50 of them were Bitty. There was a handful of scenery, other boats and the ocean. And then a few were of the two of them. One for each day. They had gotten progressively pinker as the days went on.
Sunday night, the couple went to a nice seafood just off the water before heading home to fall into bed for a restful night sleep.
Wednesday rolled around quietly, and Bitty woke to about a thousand notifications on his phone. Some were texts. Some were notifications on Twitter. By far the most notifications came from Instagram. Even though he’d made an account, Bitty barely posted to Instagram except to promote his cookbook.
Deciding to look at the texts first, he was greeted with no context chirps from his Samwell friends. All of them were about him in a swimsuit?
Bitty continued to flick through his messages. There were individual messages from everyone on his former team, but also in the big “Haus 4.0” group chat.
Holster (Adam Birkholtz): dUDE BITTY MY GOD HOW HAVE YOU STAYED SO HOT????
Ransom (Justin Oluransi): Jack’s lucky that nobody saw your ass or the internet would be broken brah
Lardo (Larissa ajsksk): bro, bitty DID break the internet have you seen his insta and twitter??
Shitty (BS Knight): I swear on the gods above if Bitty was not single and I was not straight, I would sweep him off his feet
Nursey (Derek Nurse): chill. was truly a kim k moment for Bitty
Dex (Will Pointdexter): Love the confidence my dude. Was really a monumental picture tbh
Honey 💞: Can we not talk about Bitty like a piece of meat?
ERB: What on earth are y’all talking about?
Lardo (Larissa Duan): bits, you gotta check jacks insta first before you come in here and ask questions
So that’s exactly what Bitty did. Goodness knows where Jack was because he was not currently in bed with him. The last text he sent was at 8:45 am and it was now 9.
Instagram proved to be a tough navigator. Not because Bitty was media illiterate, but because the sheer amount of new followers he got prevented the app from running properly. After three app crashes, Bitty grew frustrated. He logged out of his public account and into his private one.
Once on his smaller scale Instagram, he searched Jack’s name. The most recent post was of their weekend relaxation trip. It was one of those collections of images. The first three were of the ocean, some seagulls, and the view from the front of Marty’s ship. The next six were of Bitty and Jack in various stages of couple poses. Somehow Jack had even managed to capture Bitty feeding him some grapes. But the last image was what set a fire under Bitty.
The picture was of that first day. Bitty was wearing his, now scandalous in his eyes, swim suit. His sunglasses were perched on the edge of his nose. You could see the heat he held in his eyes for Jack, who had been behind the camera. Admittedly, Bitty had not been thinking of his body image at the time of wearing that swimsuit. But now that he had attracted so much attention to himself due to his body, he figured a once over couldn’t hurt.
The Bitty in the picture had a firm stomach, no defined abs to speak of. What was the need for them? He was perfectly healthy. The cut of the swimsuit allowed the camera to see the faint lines that traveled down from Bitty’s hips past the line of his swimsuit. His hair was shining in the sun. The skin of the Bitty in the picture looked a little pale, but he had no qualms otherwise.
He looked good.
Putting the praise of his body aside, Bitty knew he needed to find Jack.
ERB: Thank y’all for your kind words. It means the world to me. Now I have to find Jack and have a word with him
Shitty (BS Knight): AAH SHIT JACKS IN TROUBLE WITH BITTY AHAHAHAHA
Lardo (Larissa Duan): pls don’t kill jack
Bitty locked his phone and went out into the living room. No Jack. The entire open concept apartment was empty. Bitty knew the bathrooms and home office were empty. The doors always stayed open unless there was someone in there.
As Bitty pondered how to find his fiancé, the door unlocked with a small click. Jack emerged with several bags of groceries in hand. Bitty assumed position with his fists on his hips, but this time around, it was not nearly as tempting.
“Jack Laurent Zimmermann.”
“Bits! Uh, hey.”
Bitty tapped a foot on the floor.
“Euh, I didn’t know that post would go viral. I tried to soften the blow by bringing home everything you’d need to stress bake.”
Bitty came forward, taking the bags from Jack and going to the kitchen.
“Crisse,” Jack muttered before following Bitty.
“Bittle? I’m really sorry.”
“I know,” Bitty replied, his tone light. “I’m not mad, Jack. I only wish you’d told me you were going to post that where my mother could see it.”
Jack made a groan of displeasure as he approached Bitty from behind. Firm, warm hands pressed themselves into Bitty’s hips.
“Stop apologizing, honey! I’m just gonna have to field a call from my mama. I don’t think this’ll be worse than the cup, but I guarantee my family will chirp her for the rest of time.”
Jack buried his nose in the crook between Bitty’s neck and shoulder.
“George said the PR was good. We didn’t really need any more positive additions, but it doesn’t hurt.”
“Well I certainly hope not,” Bitty said with a scoff. “You didn’t post a picture of me nearly naked on the Internet for nothing!”
Jack laughed, and Bitty followed not long after. Together the couple baked breakfast pastries and Bitty got his own revenge.
Jack’s picture was also shirtless, but he was wearing his sweatpants reserved for lounging at home. His arms and stomach were so much more than Bitty’s. He had a workout routine to keep up with.
Once again, the Internet broke because of Eric Richard Bittle.